Hole in the Middle

by Coco Simon

  We packed up all the donuts for the order and stacked the boxes into bags.

  “All set?” asked Dad, glancing in.

  “Yep,” I said. “Ready to go.”

  “Okay, I need someone to run these over to the high school,” Dad said, looking around.

  “I’ll go!” said Lily.

  Uncle Charlie, Dad, and Aunt Melissa all said, “No!” at the same time, and Lily stomped off, looking hurt.

  “Jenna!” Uncle Charlie called. “Delivery!” He tossed her his keys. “And hide the keys from your cousin!”

  Nans came out of the kitchen.

  “What did you say to Lily to upset her?” she asked Uncle Charlie.

  Kelsey and I saw our opening. She grinned at me and nodded, and I skittered into the kitchen to grab the fresh donuts from the rack.

  Lily was sitting on a stool in the corner, her lip quivering.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  She sighed. “I don’t think I am cut out for waitressing,” she said, shaking her head.

  Nans strode back in.

  “Lily,” she said, “we’re going to put you up front at the host station today. Do you have your regular clothes instead of your uniform?”

  “Well, I have clothes to change into for after work,” said Lily, grabbing a skirt and a top out of her locker and holding them up. She showed us a pretty pink top and a black skirt.

  “That’ll do,” said Nans. “Change and then up front you go!”

  Lily didn’t need to be asked twice. Rich subbed in as a waiter, and Lily managed the podium up front.

  She was really friendly and so chatty that people didn’t even mind waiting for a table during the lunch rush. Plus, she knew exactly where everyone liked to sit. She even helped Mr. and Mrs. Block load their son Preston into his high chair.

  “He never goes in without a fight!” Mrs. Block said. “You have the magic touch!”

  “There’s a place at the Park for everyone,” said Grandpa, giving Lily a hug on her way back to the podium. “We just needed to find the right one.”

  Then he spun around at me and squinted. “Lindsay Cooper, you have powdered sugar on your nose, young lady!”

  I looked at Kelsey, and she started laughing. “You got caught, Linds!”

  “Eating the profits!” said Grandpa, pretending to yell. He acted as if he was mad at us, but he was just kidding.

  * * *

  Dad dropped me off at Casey’s house after my shift ended. We had a few days left before school started. Casey’s mom was at school, helping to get everything ready.

  “She’s in a crazed place,” said Casey. “Back to school is always nuts in my house. Dad is busy too, with everyone’s back-to-school visits.”

  Casey’s dad is a doctor, and he takes care of just about everyone in town. My aunt Sabrina is a nurse in his office. She met Casey’s dad when they both worked in the same hospital, and she invited him and his wife to a birthday party she was having for Uncle Charlie. That was how Casey’s parents met.

  Aunt Sabrina likes to say, “It’s a good thing they came to my party!”

  Casey led me up to her room, which is generally pretty neat, unless you open her closet or look under her bed. I looked around, and either I hadn’t noticed it last week or she just put it up, but there was a picture of a boy on the bulletin board above her desk.

  Usually she just had pictures of the two of us goofing around, and there were a couple cute family photos from when she was little.

  But the boy photo was a new addition.

  “Who’s that?” I asked.

  “Oh… ,” she said. “That’s my friend Matt.”

  “Your friend?” I asked.

  “Well, I guess… I don’t know.”

  “Is he your boyfriend?”

  “Mom won’t let me have a boyfriend yet,” Casey said. “We’re just pals.”

  I nodded, but I was a little confused as to why she had his picture up. I decided to let it go for now.

  “Kelsey keeps asking me what I’m wearing on the first day of school,” I said.

  “Why?” Casey said. “What’s the big deal?”

  “Exactly!” I said, relieved.

  I feel like Casey is the one person who really sees things the same way I do.

  “I’ll probably wear these pants,” said Casey, pulling a pair out of her closet. “They’re light cotton, so they’ll be okay even if it’s still hot out. And that top… now where is it…” She was pulling things out from under her bed. “Oh, here it is!”

  It looked like a regular outfit to me.

  “Do you think middle school is going to be different?” I asked.

  “Well, everyone says it is,” she said. “It’s a different building, and we walk around to our classes and have lockers, so in that way it will be different. And we get split up into different classes, so there’s that.”

  “But I mean, we won’t be different, right?”

  “You and me?” she asked. “Like, am I going to change overnight?”

  I laughed. “No, well… maybe? It’s just that everyone is making such a big deal about it and I think it’s just… school starting.”

  “Well, I guess there’s only one way to find out,” said Casey.

  I nodded, and we heard the front door open.

  “Casey?” Mrs. Peters called upstairs.

  “Up here with Lindsay!” Casey called down.

  Mrs. Peters came upstairs. She looked tired.

  “Well, we are set,” she said. “School is ready for you. Now are you ready for school?”

  Casey laughed. “No! I need more summer!”

  “You know what?” said Mrs. Peters. “After today, so do I.”

  We followed her back downstairs and she made us a snack, just like she did when we were in first grade: sliced grapes, cheese on crackers, and what she calls banana boats, which are sliced bananas with peanut butter on top.

  “Mom, how is middle school going to be different?” Casey asked, her mouth full of crackers.

  “From your old school?” Mrs. Peters asked. “Well, it’s a different building and a different schedule, moving around from class to class, and that takes some getting used to.”

  Casey looked at me. Just as we’d thought.

  “But at this age kids are trying new things and changing, too. You might find your friends going off in new directions,” Mrs. Peters said.

  Casey and I thought about that for a moment.

  “You mean like Brett Carr will suddenly start playing soccer instead of being a piano genius?” I asked.

  “Maybe,” said Mrs. Peters. “That’s why it’s so exciting. You can really start figuring out who you are and what you like.”

  “What if we already know what we like?” asked Casey.

  “Well, some kids do,” said Mrs. Peters, “Brett is probably still going to be a piano genius. He’s been playing since he was three. But it’s always good to be open to new things too. You may not even be aware that you’d love being on the volleyball team until you try it.”

  I looked at Casey and giggled. She broke two fingers playing volleyball last summer, and she hates it.

  “Okay, maybe volleyball is a bad example,” said Mrs. Peters, laughing.

  I guess I looked a little worried, because Mrs. Peters put her arm around me and said, “But whatever changes, I know you and Casey will always be friends.”

  “What? Of course we’ll be friends always!” yelped Casey. She slid over and threw her arms around me. “Don’t try on any new BFFs!”

  I laughed and hugged her back. “I won’t. You are stuck with me!”

  Later that night, I thought about what we’d talked about. I usually fell asleep really fast, but I was tossing and turning, thinking about what Mrs. Peters had said.

  What would I decide to do that was different? What if I didn’t want to try anything different? I tried to stop my mind from spinning so I could get to sleep.

  Finally I decided that even if m
iddle school was different, if Casey was around, it would all be okay. Plus, I had my dreams, and I knew those would never change. The next thing I knew, it was morning.

  Chapter Eight Dress Party or Pity Party?

  Mimi had talked about a “dress party” for me since she’d arrived, and even though it made me feel a little squirmy, I figured it would be fun. I don’t really like being the center of attention, but I would be with my family and friends. It wasn’t like I’d be strutting down a runway.

  “It’s party day!” Mimi trilled as she came into my room in the morning. “So much fun awaits! But first, work!”

  I groaned. A day off would be nice, but the plan was for me to go to work in the morning.

  Kelsey beat me to the Donut Dreams counter and was bouncing up and down, she was so excited.

  “Do you think your grandma will let me keep one of the dresses that you don’t like?” she asked.

  “Uhhhh,” I said, unsure.

  “I mean if Mom pays for it!” said Kelsey. “Oh, I’m so excited I just can’t wait. Aren’t you so excited to see what she picked out?”

  I started to answer, but Kelsey cut me off.

  “I mean, what if you hate everything?” she asked, her eyes getting wide. “That would be a disaster!”

  “Well, a flood or a tornado would be a disaster,” I said. “Not liking a dress is not a disaster.”

  Kelsey rolled her eyes at me.

  “Okay, okay,” she said. “But, like, everyone is going to be staring at you and expecting you to just go crazy over one of them!”

  “Kelsey, no one who knows me expects me to go crazy over a dress!” I said, starting to get exasperated. “It’s just a dress, and Mimi thought it would be a fun thing because—”

  “Because you don’t have a mom to take you shopping,” Kelsey said.

  I stopped stacking the napkins on the counter. “What?” I asked, a little shocked.

  Kelsey looked at me. “Well, I mean, that’s why we’re all making a big deal about it, right? Everyone’s mom takes them for their Fall Fling dress, and they thought this would kind of make up for the fact that you can’t do that. We’re trying to fill in for your mom.”

  I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. “Um, I have to go to the ladies’ room.” I said, and bolted, practically running across the restaurant.

  I closed the door to the stall and took a deep breath. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that this wasn’t a dress party—it was a pity party. I felt my cheeks get hot, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. My hands were shaking too, and I crossed my arms over my chest to kind of hold myself together.

  The door to the bathroom swung open.

  “Lindsay?” It was Kelsey. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I think that came out wrong.”

  I gulped. “It’s okay,” I said, but my voice was shaking and the tears were starting to come.

  “Lindsay, can you come out? We both left the counter, and I’m afraid Grandpa is going to notice,” Kelsey said.

  She waited a second and I gulped again.

  “I need…,” I said. “I need a second, okay? Can you cover for me?”

  “Of course,” Kelsey said. I heard the door shut and then suddenly swing open again, and then she paused. “It’s not because we feel sorry for you. It’s because we want to help in case you’re sad about things.”

  I nodded, but then realized Kelsey couldn’t see me. I quickly wiped my eyes.

  The door shut and I heard voices outside. A few minutes later Aunt Melissa came in.

  “Lindsay?” she called. “Honey, are you okay?”

  “I just have a stomachache,” I said.

  Aunt Melissa stood right outside the stall. “Sweetie, can you please come out?”

  The bathroom door opened again and I heard Jenna and Lily whispering. Goodness, there was nowhere at the Park I could go and be alone!

  Aunt Melissa tried again. “Honey, sometimes we all say that Kelsey has no filter, but in truth it affects the whole family. Sometimes things come out really awkwardly or wrong. I’d like to set the record straight.”

  “Is she all right?” It was Nans, squeezing in.

  I sighed. “Please, please can I have a minute alone?” I sniffed. “I just… I just need a minute.”

  “The girl needs some alone time!” declared Jenna. “Everybody out.” They all filed out.

  I just needed some air to think a little bit. But how was I going to walk out of the bathroom and look like everything was fine? Or leave my shift?

  There was a knock on the door. Again.

  “Lindsay, it’s Daddy.” Wow, he hadn’t called himself Daddy in a long time.

  “Um, this is awkward, because I can’t actually come into the ladies’ room, but I’d like to talk to you and not through the door.”

  I sighed. There was no way I could just slip back to work. I pushed open the door to the stall and looked at my puffy face in the mirror. I threw some cold water on it and patted it dry, which felt good.

  When I came out of the bathroom, Nans, Jenna, Lily, and Aunt Melissa were all standing there with Dad, looking anxiously at me.

  “This way,” said Dad, taking my hand and leading me back through the kitchen.

  He opened the back door and a breeze hit my face. Finally, I could breathe. Dad sat down and patted the step next to him. I sat there for a few minutes, just thinking. It was nice not to have to say anything.

  “The thing about family,” Dad finally said, “is that they always mean well, but sometimes they don’t say exactly the right things. I’m sorry you got upset.”

  “So are they having a dress party because they feel sorry for me?” I asked.

  “No!” Dad almost yelled. “They are having a party because Mimi wants so badly to make shopping for this dress a special experience. She knows how much Mom would care about taking time to make sure you had a dress you loved, and she’s trying really hard to make it a memorable thing for you.”

  “So why didn’t Mimi just take me dress shopping?” I wailed.

  Dad looked across to the trees at the end of the lot. “I think she’s trying to make it a happy occasion. But in truth, it’s a sad occasion for her. She feels terrible that Mom didn’t get to experience this. And she feels even more terrible that you don’t get to have Mom here. So her idea was to have a fun party to distract from the plain fact that everyone is missing Mom.”

  I was quiet for a few minutes, thinking about that. “So it’s actually Mimi who feels sorry for me?”

  “Well, not exactly,” said Dad. “This isn’t a pity party. And it’s not even just about one person. It’s about feeling bad that someone we love can’t be here. Yes, we all feel bad about that. And we feel bad that you’re missing Mom. But that’s compassion. It’s different from just feeling sorry for you. When you’re in a family and someone is struggling or feeling bad, your family does everything they can to try to make it better. That’s really what this party is about.”

  “Well, now I feel bad that I just made a scene,” I said. “I’m really sorry.”

  “You didn’t make a scene,” said Dad. “If you want to do that, just drop a full tray at lunch like your cousin Lily.”

  I giggled. “Daaaad!”

  “I know,” said Dad. “It’s not nice. And Lily is so kind, so it’s especially not nice. But speaking of being nice, you should apologize to Kelsey.”

  “Why would I apologize to her?” I asked. “She made me feel awful!”

  “She didn’t mean to,” said Dad. “You have to understand that no one has ever really dealt with something like this before in our family. There’s no guidebook to say, ‘When someone feels like this, you should do that.’ People are trying and doing the best they can. Your cousin Kelsey did a lot of the organizing for the party, and she’s the one who helped Mimi choose the dresses. She’s been working on this for the past month. She really wants it to be a special day for you.”

  “She has?” I asked.

&n
bsp; Dad nodded. “She managed to keep that a secret, which is a pretty big deal.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Especially in this family.”

  Dad laughed. “You’re right. You can’t hide anything in this family, that’s for sure. Speaking of hiding, what do you say we get back to work before Grandpa sends out a search party for us?”

  I sighed. It was nice just sitting outside.

  Dad reached over and pushed my hair off my face. “You okay?”

  I nodded and stood up.

  When we went back inside, Nans looked up from where she was in the kitchen. I saw Dad nod to her and she nodded back. She didn’t say anything, but she watched me walk to the floor. I passed Jenna, who blew me a kiss. Lily tugged on my apron bow as she passed by.

  I looked at Grandpa, who was reading something at the podium. He wiggled his finger at me, and I thought he was going to give me the business for leaving the counter. Instead he gave me a giant hug.

  “Remember how loved you are,” he whispered. Then he went back to reading. “And now get back to work!” he said, without looking up.

  Kelsey was reaching for a glazed donut when I got to the counter.

  “Hi, Mrs. Lee,” I said. “Kelsey is getting you a freshly made one up there!”

  Kelsey held a donut, and I opened a paper bag for her to put it in before I rang it up.

  “Oh, it’s so nice that you girls get to work together,” said Mrs. Lee.

  “It really is,” I said, looking at Kelsey.

  Kelsey looked relieved. “Yep,” she said. “Because you get to work with people who love you.”

  “Oh, aren’t you girls just the sweetest?” Mrs. Lee said. “You are sweeter than the donuts!”

  I giggled as she left. “Kelsey, we are sweeter than the donuts,” I said.

  “Hmm,” said Kelsey. “Like, sweeter than the chocolate ones or the plain ones?”

  “Oh, definitely the ones with sprinkles,” I said, laughing.

  “How about the crème-filled ones?” she asked.

  “Yeah, those too,” I said. “And absolutely the jelly-filled.”

  “Ugh, I hate the jelly-filled,” Kelsey said. After a minute she asked, “So you aren’t mad at me?”

  “I’m not mad,” I said.