Between Heaven and Hell

by Erin Trejo

  “Learning quickly, are you?” Her eyes blaze with fire. A heat that only wants me. A series of things run through my mind, but I push them back to the depths where they belong. Grasping my cock in my hand, I ease the tip inside of her as she gasps.

  “Hmm. That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.” Kissing my way along her jaw line, to her neck, across her shoulder. Every piece of this woman’s flesh takes my breath away. The heightened sense of need courses through my veins. I lean up slightly before focusing my gaze on those rock hard nipples that stare me in the face. Wanting nothing more than to take one in my mouth and suck them until she comes without me even sliding further into her, I do just that.

  Ava’s hands roam my shoulders as I softly flick my tongue over the pebble. When her hips begin to move on their own accord, I bite down roughly causing her to cry out. I won’t let her take me all the way into that sweet pussy of hers just yet. Not until I feel her release streaming around me once more.

  “You like this, Ava?” Kissing between the two perfectly erect tits, I move to the other one. I let my free hand wander to the first one, tweaking and plucking as I suck the other into my mouth. Her body writhes, her eyes closed tightly as the pleasure and pain collide into ecstasy.

  “Come, Ava. I need to feel it,” I urge her. Tugging at her left nipple with my fingers, I suck the right one harder and rougher as she arches. Her body shudders before her thighs lock tightly around my waist, her orgasm taking her breath away. When I see her eyes begin to open slowly, I slam my cock as far into her as I can.

  “Cord!” My name has never sounded so sexy leaving a woman’s lips before. I grip her hips in my hands knowing that she will have the visible proof of what I’ve done to her body for days. It does nothing but excite me.

  “You’re so fucking tight, Ava,” I growl. Rolling my hips, I want to stake claim to her body. To every piece of this woman’s being. My thrusts become harder, more frantic as I feel her tightness wrapping around me. So perfect and made just for me.

  “You want to come again?” Her head thrashes before I stop all movements. “You will look at me when I speak to you!” I roar. Her eyes snap open and those perfect seas of blue lock with mine. “Answer me,” I growl as I grab her nipple and pluck it roughly, making her gasp.

  “Yes, Cord! I want to come!” I can see her so close to the edge I can barely hold on myself, but I will make her obey my every command.

  “Good girl.” Tugging her nipple one last time, I release it to grab her hips. I raise them in my hands, my nails digging into her ass.

  Hard long thrusts hit her deep within her core as she screams. The all too consuming tightness rips me over the edge at the same time I feel her let go. My hips jerk on their own accord while Ava tries to catch her breath. When the last of what I have to offer is finally within her, I pull out and remove the condom. Tossing it into the trashcan next to the bed, I drop onto the pillow to catch my breath. I reach for Ava pulling her closer to my body not wanting to let go of the feeling I have right now but knowing that it’s inevitable. Ava yawns as I grin.

  “You need to rest. Sleep, mia bella ragazza.” Pressing a kiss to the side of her head, I allow her to snuggle into me.

  If this is the only time, I can allow myself to feel something, I want to hold onto it a little longer. My life doesn’t allow for this to be a lasting effect. My world will rip her to shreds if I let. And I won’t let it.

  Chapter 12

  My mind runs a million miles a minute. Sleep is nonexistent for me anymore. I’ve always known that I had insomnia but the older I get the worse it gets. My head is throbbing as I rub the back of my neck. There’s a bit of regret in the back of my mind from leaving Ava to wake up alone the other morning. She looked so peaceful that I couldn’t bear to wake her but at the same time I couldn’t watch her walk away or worse, want more. I like to think of it as the plague that the Vitale men are cursed with. We can’t be happy or have love in our lives. I know some men in the family are married but that doesn’t mean they love.

  I learned that when your emotions show, your enemies can see it. They can look you in the eye and see what it would take to hurt you, to bring you to your knees. That is one thing that I won’t let happen to me. I won’t let them take me down. I won’t give them the option because I won’t allow myself to carry those emotions around with me. A knock on the door sounds as I shake two aspirins into my hand.

  “Entrare.” Watching as the door opens, Nikolai walks in with an envelope in his hand.

  “What’s that?” Nodding toward his hand, I grab my glass of bourbon before tossing the pills in my mouth and swallowing them down.

  “The results of the test. You want to be alone?” Setting the envelope on the desk in front of me, I shake my head. I pull the paper free and read through the fine print. There is no doubt about it, I have a sister. Crumbling the paper in my hand, I toss it on the desk.

  “Merda!”

  I’m unsure if this is good news or not. I’ve never had siblings. I wouldn’t know what to do with one.

  “She’s your sister?” Nodding my head, Nikolai sits in the chair in front of my desk.

  “What are you going to do, Cord?” Isn’t that the question? What am I going to do? How do I take care of a child? I know nothing about children other than my father never liked or wanted them. I haven’t been around children or know if I’d even like to be around them.

  “What shall I do with it, Nikolai? Love it? I don’t love. I don’t know how,” I tell him, annoyed with the results. I watch him as he sits in the chair in front of me, running his hand through his greying hair.

  “Your uncle wouldn’t want that child out in the world alone, Cordae. You know this as well as I do. She’s better off with people that are blood,” Nikolai states the facts, but they are only his facts.

  “Is she better off? Do you not know the demons that haunt me, Nikolai?”

  “Cord!” he roars cutting me off, but I’m not finished. Not by a long shot.

  “No, Nikolai! I have nothing to offer a child! I can’t love it. Is she better off here? At risk? We both know that we are never safe. There’s always that false sense of security but that can be breached at any time.” I can see it within those old worn eyes of his. He knows I can’t offer her anything more than the security that money can buy.

  “She’s family. Famiglia!” Scolding me isn’t anything new from him. In fact, I want it. I need it. I need to have that hatred beaten into me. “Your uncle would be disappointed in you if you choose to not include that child in this life.”

  He’s right. My uncle always taught me that family is everything. Regardless of what my father may have done, he was never my true family. I’ve never really understood the power of family until I took my place as the boss. Family was nothing more than an illusion when I was a child. My father made sure I didn’t have that sense of pride or love. I’ve carried that fact with me over the years and this is exactly what it’s made me into. Having a family is one thing but taking care of a child is another. I’m not cut out for that. I don’t know what to do with children, how to care for one. As I sit here and debate that in my mind, I realize that I can’t be what my father was to another. Could I? I don’t know that I’d want to beat a child to make it understand. Beat it for not listening or not following directions. I may be a monster, but I surely don’t think I’m that far gone.

  “What do I do, Nikolai?” I look up and lock eyes with him as he leans back in his seat.

  “I don’t know that you truly want that answered now do you, Cord?”

  “Yes, I do. I can’t love a child. I can’t take care of it properly.”

  “Maybe not, no but you can provide stability for that child. Your uncle didn’t do a bad job raising you from what I can tell.” I snort out a laugh.

  “Not if becoming the devil was part of the plan.”

  “I think starting out with the stability of having a home to come to every day is a start for the child, don’t
you?” If I didn’t respect the man so much, I might have killed him long ago, but Nikolai is a part of this family whether by blood or not.

  “I do suppose it’s worth a shot. Although I make no promises.”

  Chapter 13

  I pace the warehouse, considering all my options. The gun trade is a wealthy business of which I’m already involved but moving up to larger shipments has always been on the priority list with my uncle. Before he died, this wouldn’t even be up for consideration. My uncle wanted to run every aspect of New York and that included the gun trade. As we already run a majority of the trades that run through here, guns were never my strong suit. Of course I can handle my weapons like a professional thanks to my time in the Navy.

  “We bring in military grade guns. Nothing cheap,” I tell him. I won’t settle for less. Gabriel Denali eyes me with interest. He’s our usual gun dealer but since he’s attracted the attention of other families, he is looking to branch out with me. We have a history with him, and I want to keep it that way.

  “That’s doable. I can get them.” Nodding my head, I extend my hand, taking his in mine to seal the deal. I know he will play by my rules.

  “Price?” The one word that he says pisses me off. As if I don’t have enough money to buy them all if that’s what I desired.

  “I’ll give you five hundred a gun,” I tell him. Gabriel shakes his head before standing in front of me. The glare in his eyes pisses me off too. This wasn’t a negotiation. I love how some like to make it seem that way though. “It wasn’t a question, Gabriel. I told you my price and now you will oblige my wishes and deliver them to the same location. Am I understood?” Gritting my teeth, I have zero tolerance for this. Gabriel huffs slightly as he glances around the room at my men ready to shoot on my command.

  “Yes, Sir Mr. Vitale. The first shipment will be in a week.” Nodding my head, I slide my hands into my pockets as I take in the man in front of me.

  “I will advise you to never speak to me in that manner again. I don’t ask you questions, I tell you what the plan is,” I inform him leaning in. The closer I lean into his face, the more the fear resonates itself in his eyes.

  “Yes, sir.” Turning on my heel I pull back and head towards the door.

  “What a shit head.” Jordy speaks next to me as I chuckle.

  “He’s been that way for as long as I’ve known him. The asshole always wants things his way.” Jordy climbs into the limo behind me.

  “What are your plans on the little girl?” he asks. Scrubbing my hand across my face, I turn to face him.

  “As much as I’d like to say she’s not living with me, reality says she is. Nikolai was right. My uncle would be disappointed if I let someone that is blood walk away from the family. She’s blood. The least I can do for her is giving her a home and financial security; I should at least do that.” Jordy shakes his head before he speaks.

  “You can give more than that, Cord. I know you.” He thinks he does. He doesn’t know me, no one does. He knew me a long time ago.

  “You knew me. You don’t know what I’ve become. You don’t know the things that keep me awake at night.” It isn’t a lie. Jordy may be my best friend, my other hand, but he doesn’t really understand what I’ve become over the years. Something dark worked its way into my heart and took hold. There’s nothing left of the man that I used to be and that’s something that I learned to deal with a long time ago.

  “You are way too hard on yourself, Cord,” he says softly. I shrug my shoulders and look over at him.

  “Hasn’t this life changed you?” I ask, wanting to know what he thinks. I’ve seen the change in him, I felt it when it happened, but I also want his perspective on it.

  “I know it has but I can’t completely shut down my feelings the way you did. I know it’s hard for you to accept change when it comes to letting people in, but I also know that you have a heart beating in that chest.” I huff out a laugh before nodding slowly.

  “As strange as it sounds, I like that you still feel that way. I like that you think you can see something else in me when I know there isn’t anything left. I often wonder when it all happened. I know I felt a gradual change when I was with my uncle but then something just, I don’t know, snapped into place. It was like a curtain was drawn and my world stood behind it. It was glaring and blinding but I saw it for what it was,” I tell him as we ride back home.

  “I watched it happen. It wasn’t overnight, Cord. You changed slowly over time. Each kill, each drink, you changed. It was an eye opener for sure.” Nodding my head, I slowly close my eyes and lay my head back on the seat. He saw what I’d always felt. The darkness creeping its way under the surface and tarnishing everything it touched.

  Chapter 14

  Life has a way of backing you into a corner. It forces you to open your eyes and see the things that lurk in the dark. My father was just that. A thing that lurked in the dark. He was an evil man. Thoughts of him linger as I sit alone in my darkened office. The way his eyes tore through me when I stood up to him. The rage that simmered but always seemed to be there. His words will forever haunt me though.

  “You think you’re a man?”

  I may not have been a man back then but I sure as hell am now. I’ve become the man that rules others. The man that can take what isn’t even given to him. As my uncle once said, everything is now at my disposal. What use is it though when I have no one? I close my eyes as I let that settle within me. This is who I’ve become and there is no way around that. This is who I am. There is no room for someone to come in the middle.

  My life isn’t mine anymore. It belongs to the darkness that has filtered its way into my heart. It’s consumed it, made a home in it. Letting out a sigh, I stand and leave my office.

  As I wander through the halls of this house, I wonder how many men have lost themselves to this lifestyle. All the stories I was told when I was younger were about my heritage and how this family came to be. None of it was about what they became within themselves. The ways of the mafia, of this family were instilled in me long before I took over.

  My uncle never had a family of his own, but I do have other family. We aren’t close. We never have been but there are days like today that I wonder what they would be like. Would they accept me for who I am? Would they open their arms and accept that I am the devil that most have made me out to be? I stop at the room I’ve had people working on for Amelia. If she has to be here, I can at least make sure she has everything she wants. Her room is painted in a light purple. Everything in sight is either fluffy or frilly. I want her to be comfortable, it’s the least I can do for her. I want her to feel like she belongs, I just can’t emotionally be there for her. As much as I wish it was different, this is who I am. With a heavy sigh, I turn around and head back into my office. There is no use in trying to do anything else. Not long after I’ve been in here, I hear someone open the door and step inside. Dragging my eyes up from the papers in front of me, I wait.

  “You have a visitor.” Nikolai stands in the doorway of my office.

  “Who is it? I wasn’t expecting anyone.” Signing off on a few more things, I glance back up at him.

  “It’s Miss Sinclair,” he says catching my interest. I set the pen on my desk before clasping my hands together in front of me. I didn’t expect to hear from her even though she has been on my mind every waking hour of the day.

  “Send her in,” I say. I lean back in my chair, slide my hands behind my neck and wait. The door opens a few minutes later and when she steps into my personal space, my stomach clenches.

  “Hi. I didn’t know if you would mind me stopping by.” Her voice is angelic. It makes my heart speed up. I want to run to her and take her against the wall, but I also want to know what she’s doing here now and make her squirm. Motioning for Nikolai to close the door, Ava stands nervously near it.

  “Is there something you needed?” I ask, keeping my tone as neutral as possible. She doesn’t look up at me. She stands in her place. Ner
vous?

  “I just wanted to… I’m sorry, I should go,” Ava says as she turns towards the door when I stop her.

  “Stop,” I roar loudly. With her back to me, I can see the outline of her perfectly shaped ass as my eyes travel over her. I shove out of my chair and stalk towards her, needing to be closer to her, to feel her, smell her. Ava is standing so close to the door that I cage her with my arms. Leaning into her, our bodies nearly touch.

  “You came for a reason.” I inhale that heavenly scent that only Ava has. Her breathing has picked up with me being so near. I can’t say that my reaction to her isn’t the same. It is.

  “I just wanted to see how you were,” she mumbles under her breath. Sure, that’s what it was.

  “You have my phone number.” I love the sounds that she’s making. The slight panting that has my cock stirring. “Tell me the truth, Ava. Tell me you wanted me to touch you again.” Ava sucks in a breath with the words that left my mouth. I know what she wants. She isn’t unlike other women in that area. They always want to come back for more. Ava turns slowly around, her eyes locking with mine.

  “I wanted you to touch me.” Her words are almost a whisper, but I heard them.

  “Wanted? You don’t want that anymore?” The fire that ignites between us is mesmerizing. It crackles through the air like lightening.

  “I don’t know what I want.” I watch her swallow hard before lowering her head. Reaching up, I place two fingers under her chin, lifting her face to look me in the eyes.

  “You look at me when I talk to you. Now answer me.” It’s a demand. It comes out as a demand, so why are her cheek’s heating up in front of me?