by Devney Perry
Mom loved her job. She loved helping people, but I could see how having everyone else’s burdens and tears unloaded on you would be draining. So I spared her mine. And over the years, it had become a habit.
I’d cried more over the letters this past month than I had in years. It was another reason ending my affair with Finn had been the smart choice.
“So what’s the plan for today?” I asked Poppy after making my own latte.
“Well, I think I’m finally caught up from the celebration. The fridges are stocked again. Dora was a champ and wrapped a ton of silverware last night on her shift. She even deep cleaned the bathrooms.”
“I love her. I wish we weren’t going to lose her so soon.”
“Me too. Stupid college. Stupid dreams.”
I giggled. “Right? Why would she want to go be a successful lawyer when she could keep working here for the rest of her life? It’s selfish really.”
“Completely.” Poppy laughed. “We should ask her if she has any younger friends who want to take her spot.”
“Way ahead of you. She’s already asking around.”
“I should have known.” Poppy went back to her quiche. “You’re always ahead. I’m not actually sure how Finn managed Alcott without you.”
My smile faded. “He figured it out.”
He hadn’t really needed me there, after all.
Poppy’s phone rang and she picked it up, smiling as she answered, “Hi, Dad.”
The joy on her face disappeared two seconds later. The color drained from her cheeks, the light in her blue eyes went out.
Cole.
No. No, the universe wasn’t this cruel. It wouldn’t take one of Poppy’s loves and then steal the other too.
I went around the counter, rushing to her side as David’s voice relayed information rapid-fire. Except it wasn’t Cole’s name I kept hearing through the phone’s speaker.
It was Finn’s.
The world tilted under my feet, and I stumbled sideways, gripping the counter for balance. My free hand dove into my pocket, searching for my phone, but came out empty. My purse. My phone was in my purse.
I kept one hand on the counter as I went around to the other side, dropping to my knees as I dumped out lip gloss and sunglasses and two of Max’s Hot Wheels onto the floor, searching for my phone.
I’d missed three calls from a number I didn’t recognize. There was a voicemail, but before I could listen, Poppy caught my attention.
“Okay, Dad. We’ll be right there.”
“What?” I shot to my feet. “What happened?”
“Finn was in an accident.”
“Any news?” Bridget asked as she came back into the waiting room with a cup of coffee.
I shook my head, my eyes staring unfocused at the wall across from me. Max was in the chair to my right. Kali my left. We’d been at the hospital for six hours, waiting to hear news about Finn.
The first hour went by in a flash. Poppy and I left the restaurant in a dazed panic. As politely as possible, we asked the customers to get the hell out, taped a sign to the front door, locked everything down and raced in different directions.
Poppy came straight to the hospital where they’d brought Finn.
I went to Alcott to get my kids.
Max and Kali didn’t have a summer camp this week. It was one of the few weeks over summer vacation where they didn’t have anything planned, so they were hanging out with us at work. They preferred going to Alcott, because the loft above Finn’s office was basically play central.
It had a large television and a wide variety of movies the kids enjoyed. There was also an Xbox. When they came with me to the restaurant, they got bored. I gave them easy tasks to help out, and they did love eating there more than at Finn’s, but I couldn’t compete with video games. Even when they had to get up extra early to go in with Finn, they didn’t care. They’d fall asleep on his couch and then wake up to play.
So we’d arranged for them to spend this week at Alcott.
They’d been there for the accident. I hated that.
One of the regular crew members had called in sick, so Finn had asked them to stay inside while he went out to the yard to help load up materials for a job site.
Max and Kali had been in the office while Finn was loading up a bucketful of large landscaping rocks in a skid steer. They heard the shouts when a rock toppled out of the raised bucket and landed in the path of the machine’s wheels. They heard the screams when the loader hit the rock, lurched forward and threw Finn to the ground when the seat belt latch malfunctioned.
Even though everyone hurried to get Finn free of the equipment, his body had been crushed under its front wheels. And Max and Kali watched as the ambulance sped away, their father loaded into the back.
When I arrived, Alcott was in chaos. All of the crew members were in the yard. Five of the men had blood staining their pants.
I took one glance at them and nearly retched, but I pushed it aside to focus on finding my kids.
Most of the people were rushing around, putting things away, but a few were grouped together with shocked and stunned looks on their faces.
Bridget was there, talking with two police officers. Gerry, Finn’s favorite foreman, who’d worked at Alcott since the early years, was on the phone, pacing near the skid steer that was still in the yard.
I didn’t spare any of them more than a glance. I parked, hopped out of the Jeep and ran.
Max and Kali were standing outside, holding one another. Only one man was bothering to help with the kids. I didn’t know him, but apparently he’d been standing by Max and Kali, watching over them until I arrived.
The second they saw me, Kali and Max sprinted my way, tears running down their precious faces.
After a tight hug, I loaded them up and raced across town to the hospital to join Finn’s parents, Poppy, and Cole. He took Kali and Max to the cafeteria while the doctor explained the severity of Finn’s accident.
Then we all sat in the waiting room and . . . waited.
Finn had been stabilized and taken immediately into surgery to repair the damage done to his internal organs. They’d been at it for over five hours.
He had injuries trailing down the right side of his body. Broken arm. Broken ribs. Broken pelvis. Broken leg. From the initial intake assessment, the doctors suspected one, if not both of his lungs had been punctured and his liver lacerated. Half of his body was broken. Had he been tossed one foot in the other direction, the skid steer would have crushed his skull and he would have died instantly.
The chances he still wouldn’t survive this accident were staggering.
After that first hour in the waiting room, time slowed to a near stop. Every second was torture as we sat in a crowded room full of people I didn’t know. Full of people I didn’t want to see.
My hair felt heavy on my neck and shoulders, so I slipped my arms free of the kids and plucked a hair tie from my wrist. It was black. I piled my hair on top of my head, ready to wind it up, but when I stretched the hair tie wide, it broke.
I nearly fell off my chair. No. No, this wasn’t happening. We’d had the worst today. Hadn’t we? This could not get worse. We couldn’t lose Finn.
I took a deep breath, then another. I threw the broken band away and let my hair fall. I wouldn’t tempt fate by trying to put it up again. Then I distracted my thoughts from the worst by studying the people in the room.
Gerry and each of the other foremen from Alcott had come to the hospital, a slew of crew members filtering in after them. Bridget was here too, sitting across from the kids and me, drinking her coffee and grimacing after each sip.
“You don’t need to stay.” It was the nicest way I’d come up with in the last five hours to tell her to leave.
She met my gaze, her own narrowing. “Yes, I do.”
“Why?”
She wasn’t family. She wasn’t a friend here. She was Finn’s employee and I hated her. I hated her blond pixie cut. I hated how she
wore tank tops that fit her toned body perfectly. I hated that she made a men’s style of work pant look cute. I was woman enough to admit there’d been jealousy there at one point. She was this tiny ball of muscle with a cute face and a bright smile, and she was at Finn’s side every single day.
But that wasn’t why I hated her. I hated her because she thought it was her duty to judge me. Bridget thought she was above me, better. That despite being on the outside, she knew more about my marriage than me. I hated that Finn had told her about my one-night stand. I hated that he’d trusted her with that information, and she’d used it against me.
The last time I’d been to Alcott, right before the divorce, she’d called me a whore to my face.
I hadn’t seen Bridget since then. She looked exactly the same, though with a few more fine lines on her face. Working in the sun all the time was taking its toll.
“I’m staying. Finn is important to me,” she snapped. “So are his kids.”
My kids.
I clamped my mouth shut and went back to staring at the wall. Nothing good would come from me fighting with Bridget today. Not when I had more important things to worry about.
Like how I was going to survive if Finn didn’t. Or how I was going to keep our children afloat if their father died.
My stomach rolled, saliva filled my mouth, and I swallowed hard, forcing myself not to puke. I had to be strong. For Kali and Max, I couldn’t give in to the dread and doubt that was slowly taking over.
Why was this surgery taking so long? Was it because the doctors were struggling to fix him?
Don’t take him. Please.
The three of us were on a small loveseat. Normally, there’d barely be enough room for Kali, Max and me to fit. But since they were both lying on my lap, their bodies squished to mine as tightly as they could, there was room to spare.
Please don’t take him.
I hadn’t had a chance to pray for Jamie. He’d been stolen from us before we’d had the chance. But for Finn, I prayed. I’d been praying for hours. Praying for a miracle.
“Can I get you anything, Molly?” one of Finn’s employees asked. He was the guy who’d been standing next to the kids. He’d come to the hospital after we’d left, along with a bunch of other guys and the foremen.
“I’m sorry. What is your name?”
“Jeff, ma’am.”
“No, thank you, Jeff.”
Kali had told me after we’d arrived at the hospital that the three calls I’d missed had been from her. Jeff had let her use his phone.
He pointed to the kids, mouthing, “Anything for them?”
I shook my head.
Kali and Max both had their eyes closed. Max was asleep. The emotional stress from the day had worn him down completely. Kali wasn’t though. She looked like she was asleep, but every few minutes, her body tensed.
Each time, I held her closer.
Please don’t take him from us.
In the other corner of the room, David and Rayna sat in chairs closest to the hallway. I’d always thought David looked so young for his age. He was handsome, much like Finn. But today, he looked haggard. The white around his temples was more pronounced. The fear in his heart was seeping through his skin, turning it an ash gray.
Rayna, always beautiful like Poppy, was sitting stoically by his side. Her chin was held high. Her shoulders pinned back like she expected nothing other than her beloved son to come walking out in a few minutes and joke about how he had been wearing his seat belt.
She was trying hard, like I was, to keep the worst hidden. But her eyes betrayed her. They were full of terror because she’d heard the doctor’s warning too.
The chance of Finn surviving so much trauma was slim at best. Five percent. That’s what he’d told us the chance of him surviving surgery was. Five percent.
We were all praying for that five percent. For a miracle.
David had gotten the call first. Bridget had called him after the first responders had arrived and taken over the situation. He’d called Cole, then Poppy, because David knew that after the initial shock faded, after it sunk in, Poppy was going to get hit and hard.
It happened about three hours ago.
We’d all been sitting in the quiet waiting room—the only sounds from people shifting in their chairs and the hospital staff working in the background—when a sob escaped Poppy’s mouth.
She’d broken down, collapsing into Cole as she cried uncontrollably. He’d picked her up and carried her out of the room without a word. They hadn’t been back since.
But I wasn’t worried about her. Cole would take care of her. He’d pull her through this, no matter what happened to Finn.
I didn’t have a Cole to lean on.
Finn was my Cole.
A sharp sting hit my nose. The tears welled. I sniffled and Kali’s body flinched. The arm I had wrapped around her tightened.
Her arms were wound around my thigh and she hugged it even tighter as she whimpered, her shoulders shaking.
I bent and whispered into her hair, “Deep breaths.”
She nodded, sucking in some air. “I’m scared.”
“Me too, sweetheart. Me too.”
If I cried, she would break. So even though my throat was on fire, I forced myself to hold tight. I’d have my moment later, when I was home and alone and could drown out the sound in a hot shower.
A doctor cleared his throat as he walked into the waiting room wearing teal scrubs and matching booties over his tennis shoes. “Mr. Alcott?”
The room sprang to life, suddenly noisy and bustling with movement, even though it had been still and silent just moments ago.
Kali shot off the loveseat as I carefully set Max aside, making sure he wouldn’t fall when I stood.
I grabbed her arm before she could run to the doctor. “Kali, wait. Stay with Max.”
“Mom—”
“Please. In case he wakes up.” And in case the doctor didn’t have good news.
She would not hear it from a fifty-something-year-old doctor with a mole on his chin. If there was bad coming, my daughter would hear it from me.
Her shoulders dropped. “Fine.”
I kissed the top of her hair, then rushed across the room.
The doctor had called Finn’s dad’s name, yet everyone here had converged on him. Bridget, of course, was front and center. “Is he okay?”
“Excuse me.” I shoved past her, joining David and Rayna as they stood beside the doctor.
“Mr. Alcott.” The doctor gestured for David to follow him into the hallway. Rayna grabbed my hand, pulling me along as she followed David.
Kali and Max waited at the waiting room entrance, peering down the hallway as we eased out of earshot. Kali had probably woken him up the second I’d stepped away.
“My kids are right there,” I told the doctor. “Would you mind turning your back to them?”
He nodded once, pivoting so they wouldn’t be able to read his lips or see the expression on his face. “Finn is out of surgery and in recovery. He’s had a lot of internal damage. Right now, we’re worried about infection and swelling. But if he makes it through the next twenty-four hours, his chances improve drastically.”
“But he’s alive?” I croaked out.
The doctor nodded. “He’s alive.”
Thank you, God.
Rayna’s hand came to her mouth as she wept tears of relief. David pulled her into his side, holding her tight and turning her sideways so the kids wouldn’t see.
I wrapped my arms around myself, physically holding the emotions inside. “Can we see him?”
“I can let you in there for just a few minutes, but he’s not awake. We’re keeping him sedated for the time being.”
“You guys go,” I told Rayna and David. “I’ll tell the kids.”
“No,” Rayna said. “You should go.”
“But—”
“Molly.” David touched my arm. “Go.”
“Kali and Max—”
&
nbsp; “We’ve got them,” he said. “Go.”
“Okay.” I nodded and followed the doctor down a series of white hallways until we stepped into the ICU. When we entered Finn’s room, my thundering heartbeat drowned out the sound of his monitors.
My hand flew to my mouth, my eyes squeezed shut. A tear dripped down my cheek as I took three breaths to get myself together.
Finn, my Finn, was barely visible beneath white mounds of gauze and bandages. It was hard to see more than the tubes and wires connected to his still body.
“I’ll give you a minute.” The doctor touched my shoulder then left the room.
My shoes shuffled along the floor, the rubber soles squeaking because I didn’t have the strength to lift my feet.
Finn’s hand was cold when I took it in mine. A hundred things to say ran through my mind. Pleas for him to fight, to survive for our children. Sarcastic jokes about his inability to operate heavy machinery. Questions about why he’d kept me as his emergency medical contact after all our years apart.
But if Finn could hear me, if he didn’t make it through the next day, then there was really only one thing to say.
“I love you. I love you so much, Finn. I’ll always love you.”
Twelve
Molly
“Hey.” I smiled at Gavin as I stepped up to his porch.
He leaned against one of the posts, a glass of iced tea in his hands. “Hey.”
I bent down to pick up the glass he’d set on the top step for me. “I love your sun tea.”
Gavin chuckled and sat next to me on the stair. “This is the last batch.”
“What?” I stared at him in horror. “Why can’t you make more?”
“I ran out of tea bags.”
“I can pick some up at the grocery store later.” I was dedicated to Gavin’s tea. It had been one of my favorite things during the past six weeks. Sitting on the steps with him had become my little time-out from reality.
“I have some coming but it’s back-ordered.”
“I’m going to tell you a little secret.” I leaned in closer to whisper. “This company called Lipton is fairly famous for their tea. They actually carry it at the grocery store. Here. In this town.”
