by Katie Ashley
I nodded. “It’s like you’ve totally got your head on straight.”
She smiled. “Wow, that’s cool to hear. Thanks. I mean, something good had to come out of all this bullshit, right?”
I stared down at my hands. “I hope so—I mean, that’s what I’m trying to believe.”
“And at the end of the day, you gotta have something to believe in.”
“Yeah, you do.”
Jordan smiled. “Thanks for coming down, Melanie. This really means a lot.”
“Yeah, I know. It does to me too.”
She cocked her head at me. “What’s gonna happen next? Me and you become bff?”
I laughed. “Stranger things have happened.”
Two months later
Friday night found me working my usual shift at Fiorenza’s. But this Friday night was special because I had the next week off for Spring Break. A whole week away from the nuns and school work was going to be Heaven.
Almost two months had past since Melanie and I had made our peace. Having her on my side had really helped with Coach T out on bail awaiting his trial. We really leaned on each other, which was totally insane when you thought about it. I guess you could say we were even friends—something I never imagined in a million years.
After I took Table Nine’s order, I headed back to the kitchen. Manny glanced up at me as he shoved some plates in the window. “Jordan, after you take out these Chicken Marsalas, you can go on break.”
“Good deal, Bossman,” I muttered, grabbing up the plates.
Once I’d delivered the food and fended off a drunk customer hitting on me, I headed outside to smoke. As I dug in my pocket for my cigarettes, I missed my smoking buddy. It was never the same working without Nick. Of course, not having him around was something I was going to have to get used to. A few weeks ago he’d finally agreed to accept his uncle’s offer and move to Jersey. I hadn’t taken the news very well. Since February, Nick and I had been spending all of our free time together as friends.
Allegedly just friends.
No kissing and no touching that wasn’t purely friendly.
I had acted totally supportive when he told me about the move, but on the inside, I was dying. But what was I supposed to do? Tell him not to go? It was a no-win situation.
“Don’t you know that’s bad for you?” someone said out in the parking lot.
“Yeah and why don’t you mind your own business, asshole!” I called back. But when I peered into the darkened night, I saw the figure striding toward me was Nick.
He was outfitted in khaki pants with a white dress shirt and navy blazer. I had never seen him so dressed up. I let out a low whistle. “Wow, you look amazing!”
“Thanks,” he replied with a grin.
My chest tightened a little as I wondered the reason for his attire. “You must have some hot date tonight, huh?”
He responded by jerking me to him. “What are—” I began before he crushed his lips to mine. The moment was electric. I should have pushed him away, but I didn’t. I mean, I probably should have argued about what this would mean to his sobriety. Not to mention that we were only supposed to be friends, and most friends didn’t make out in parking lots. But I didn’t fight it. I just gave into it.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pressed myself against him. My mind spun in a dizzying frenzy. Deep, languid strokes of his exploring tongue coupled with warm, inviting lips pressed to mine. No one had ever kissed me like Nick was kissing me. And with my considerable experience, that was saying a hell of a lot.
And then I realized why it was so different—I honestly and truthfully loved him.
When he pulled away, I had to steady my wobbly legs by bracing myself against the stair railing. My chest heaved, and I fought to catch my breath. As I glanced up at Nick, he was beaming down at me. “Um, what was that about?” I asked.
“I wasn’t on a date tonight, silly. I was at an AA meeting—my celebratory sobriety meeting.”
“Okay….” I murmured, still trying to recover from our intense make-out session.
“See, I made it to my one year sobriety, so by AA standards, that means I’m officially in play again on the dating scene.”
I cocked my eyebrows at him. “I didn’t realize you were such a player.”
He laughed. “I’m not. There’s only one person I care about being with, and that’s you.”
“Really?” I squeaked.
He bobbed his head. Staring into my eyes, he said, “I-I love you, Jordan.”
“Oh wow,” I murmured.
“Was it bad to say that?” Nick ask, his brows furrowing in concern.
“No, it wasn’t. Neither was the kiss. It’s just—”
“Too soon?”
“More like bad timing strikes again, don’t you think? I mean, you’re about to move to Jersey permanently in two weeks, so it’s not the greatest time to be professing our love. I can’t make relationships work under normal circumstances, so I’m pretty sure that I’d suck ass at a long distance ones!”
Nick reached into his coat pocket and took out an envelope. He grabbed one of my hands and placed the envelope in it. My eyebrows arched in surprise. “A gift for me? But tonight is your celebratory night. I have should have something for you,” I protested with a smile.
Nick returned my smile. “No, tonight is about us.”
I felt like a kid on Christmas morning as I tore into the envelope. Inside was a plane ticket. “What’s this?”
“I want you to come with me to Jersey.”
My heartbeat accelerated in my chest. “To meet your family and all?”
Nick nodded. “Yeah, but more to decide if it’s somewhere you could live.”
I gasped. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want you to think about moving to Jersey with me. Rutgers University isn’t far from my uncle’s place. They’ve got a great Business and Finance program.” Before I could protest, he rushed on. “I know that it seems too fast since we’ve only known each other for a few months, but I’ve gotten to know you and care for you more than anyone I’ve ever known.”
“Me too,” I murmured.
“And you’ve said yourself that you wanted to get the hell out of this town when you graduated.”
“I know I did.”
“My uncle is giving me his finished basement rent free. You wouldn’t have to worry about working. I’d take care of us so you could concentrate on school.”
Tears stung my eyes. Oh God, he really did want me and love me with all my baggage. He saw a future for us—no guy had ever wanted that from me before. “It sounds wonderful.”
Nick’s brows furrowed. “Then what’s the problem?”
I forced a laugh. “That’s just it. There isn’t a problem. Everything sounds perfect.” As I stared into his hopeful eyes, I shook my head. “It’s just that being with you these past few months has been so amazing that I’m just waiting for the bad shit to catch up with me—with us.”
“Jordan, how many times do I have to tell you that our pasts don’t define who we are?”
“I want to believe that. I really do.”
Nick pulled me into his arms. His breath hovered over my ear. “Just because we both did some bad shit and made some pretty bad mistakes doesn’t mean the rest of our lives are doomed to heartache and tragedy. Sure, there will be bad things that happen, but there’s gonna be good things too.”
Deep down I knew Nick was right. I mean, so far I’d tried to right all the wrongs of my affair with Coach T. I’d admitted to the police I’d lied, and I’d even apologized to Dr. Micheltree and Mr. Sands. Of course, with the truth about Melanie’s rape, my lies didn’t seem to matter that much anymore. But they still haunted me. Maybe they always would. And maybe I would never be able to put the ghosts of the past behind me until I truly moved away and moved on.
I smiled tentatively up at him. “So, if I do come to Jersey with you, I have a few conditions.”
Nick’
s expression brightened. “Okay, what are they?”
“First, I would live in the dorms at Rutgers or whatever college I decide on. We need to keep moving slow—I need to keep moving slow. I don’t want us rushing into something we’re not completely ready for just because of distance. I think we need space if we’re going to successfully turn this friendship into something more.”
He nodded. “That sounds doable.”
“And second, I’d want to pay my own way and get a job. All my life I’ve been given everything I wanted by my mom. I don’t want her or you to take care of me.”
“Well, I could at least help by pulling a few strings and getting you a job at the restaurant,” Nick replied.
Shaking my head, I said, “But if you’re managing the restaurant for your uncle, then you’d be my boss. If I’m truly turning over a new leaf, I can’t be sleeping with the boss, now can I?”
Nick jolted back. I couldn’t help laughing at his expression. I cocked my head at him. “After that kiss you laid on me earlier, you can’t possibly be too shocked at the thought of us finally having sex sometime soon.”
He snorted. “Trust me, it’s more a shock of me being your boss than us finally getting it on.”
“Whatever, you know you were thinking about it,” I laughed.
Nick’s expression became much more serious. “I’ll wait to be with you for as long as you need.”
My mouth fell open in disbelief. “You really mean that?”
He nodded as he took my hand in his. “And then when you’re ready, we won’t have sex or hook-up. I’ll make love to you.”
His words sent a shiver of longing down my spine. I fought the urge to reach out and pinch him just to see if he was real. Surely I had to be dreaming if there was a guy standing before me who wanted me for me—the real me with all the ugliness beneath the surface—and not for my body. A guy who wanted to make love to me…that was an amazing thought.
“Jordan, your break was over five minutes ago!” Manny shouted from the doorway.
I grimaced. “The evil Boss-Man beckons.”
Nick laughed. “Hmm, wonder if you’ll call me that behind my back when you’re working for me?”
“We’ll just have to see about that,” I replied, before leaning over and kissing him.
After my confession, the weeks sped by until suddenly it was spring. And for the first time in my life, I truly appreciate all the vibrant colors of the season. Everything meant more to me now—now that I’d been to the dark side and back. I was still racking up gold stars in therapy. So much so, that Dr. Leighton agreed to let me start back to school two weeks early.
I was excited, but at the same time, scared to death. I didn’t know how people would receive me. Would I get stared at all the time in the hallway? Would people treat me like a disease? And what if there were people who didn’t believe me?
But the Saturday before I was to start back on Monday, Garrison called the house. Mom and Dad were out working in the yard, so I took the call. “Melanie, I have some good news and bad news.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. Mark Thompson has taken a plea deal by the prosecution and confessed to raping you.”
The phone slipped through my hands and clattered noisily to the kitchen floor. My lungs constricted, and I couldn’t breathe. From far off, I heard Garrison calling my name. Finally, I bent over and grabbed up the phone. In a strangled voice, I asked, “He really admitted it?”
“Yes, he did.”
I exhaled with a wheeze like a deflated tire. “Well, that’s good right? I mean, now I won’t have to testify or Jordan.”
“Right. There won’t be a trial now.”
“So what’s the bad news?”
“By taking the deal, he gets five years tops, probably only three served.”
A lump formed in my throat. “That’s all?”
“I’m sorry, Melanie, but that’s it. But at least it goes on the record as an admission of his guilt. Not to mention his teaching license has been revoked. He’ll never teach or coach again.”
I didn’t know how to feel. Part of me felt vindicated that he’d owned up to what he’d done, but the other part of me was desperate to see him rot away for years in jail. And then there was the fear of running into him after he got out. I shuddered at the thought.
The next week I saw Dr. Leighton everyday. Starting back to school and Coach T’s plea bargain had me reeling emotionally. I barely slept at night. I worried I was having a huge set back, but Dr. Leighton assured me it was just a bump in the road. But there was also something else—something much more positive that I needed to talk about with her.
Will and I were going away together to Hilton Head, South Carolina for Spring Break. Instead of Panama City, Florida or any of the other drunken party spots, we wanted somewhere quiet where we could be alone together. He made all the arrangements for us. And while we were going to tan and take it easy, there was something else we were going to tackle.
And that was sex.
We’d been together every day since I was released from the hospital, but our relationship was totally platonic except for kissing. There was a small part of me that wanted to keep it that way. But I also knew I wanted to be with him. And even though it was evident that each of us wanted more, we were afraid of what it might to do me. But I was willing to try anything to ensure what happened with Coach T wouldn’t destroy our future.
Friday afternoon before we left, I met one last time with Dr. Leighton. We talked about school and homework and graduation, and then we got around to Spring Break.
“And what are you telling your parents?” Dr. Leighton asked, a look of amusement on her face.
I blushed. “They think I’m going to the beach with Lauren and some girls from the team and that Will is going to be there with his friends.”
“Ah, I see.”
I ducked my head, staring at my newly painted toenails. “Is it wrong I’m lying to them? I mean, I worry about lying more than I ever have before. Even if it’s the tiniest thing, I lay awake at night going over and over it.”
“That’s understandable considering the circumstances. Just like with your trust, it’s going to take some time for you to be comfortable with what you lied about in the past.”
I grinned. “Hmm, sounds like you’re advocating me lying.”
“Not exactly. But we’re all human and all humans lie.”
“Do they all lie to their parents so they can sneak off with their boyfriend?”
“Well, you’re not exactly lying, are you? I mean, you will be at the beach.”
I shook my head. “Dr. Leighton, I’m ashamed!”
She laughed. The timer went off, signaling our time was up. When I rose from the couch, she handed me a slip of paper. “What’s this?” I asked.
“It’s my cell phone. In case you need me while you’re gone.”
I smiled. “Dial-A-Doctor.”
She nodded. “Yep, day or night.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it.”
Before I headed out the door, she hugged me. “Have a wonderful time, Melanie. You deserve it.”
“I’ll try. And thanks.”
***
Will was waiting for me outside. We were driving my car, so his mom had dropped him off.
“All packed?” he asked.
“Yep and ready to go.”
He nodded and headed around to the trunk to load his bags. When he popped it, he shot me a look. “We’re only going to be gone for five days, Mel. By the looks of this, you’d think we were leaving for college!”
“Oh just quit your whining, and load the car.”
He tossed his one bag in among my three and shook his head. “Women.”
I swept my hands to my hips. “And what if I need all that to be beautiful for you?”
“Mel, no one is that ugly!” he said, with a grin.
I laughed. “Whatever.”
During the drive, we talked and sang along to the radio. I
dozed off after awhile, and Will woke me up when we arrived. We grabbed a quick bite before heading back to the condo.
The first night we were so exhausted from the drive we fell asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow. The next day we woke up early and spent the day lounging around the beach and walking on the shore.
Just as it was getting dark, Will mumbled something about grabbing a quick shower before he headed back to the condo. I hung around on the beach, wanting to finish my book. When I walked through the door, I gasped. There was a trail of rose petals leading to the bedroom. I followed them, my feet sliding along their silky texture. Inside the room, candles flickered. I heard Will behind me, and I turned around. “This is beautiful,” I murmured.
He smiled. “I wanted something beautiful for you…for us.”
I wrapped my arms around him and brought my lips to his. The warmth of his tongue slid into my mouth as I ran my fingers through the silky strands of his dark hair. He held me tight in his strong embrace as all of our longing poured out in deep kisses. We moved toward the bed, each helping the other take off bits and pieces of clothing. Stripped down to our underwear, we lay back on the bed.
Staring into my eyes, Will once again brought his lips to mine as his hand tentatively came up to cup my breast. When I didn’t recoil away from him or freak out, he caressed me tenderly over my bra. I wanted the feel of his hands on my bare skin, so I reached up to pull down the straps. His mouth left mine to kiss a moist trail down my neck while he palmed my naked breasts.
Desire began to pool below my waist as I took one of Will’s hands and brought it between my legs. A warm, dizzying rush flooded me as he stroked and teased me. This was familiar—we had been here before many, many times over our relationship. Will knew just the right buttons to push to get me off, just as I did him. I was moving close to go over the edge when Will shifted his weight on top of me.
Then like flipping a switch, all the old memories came charging back. I huffed breaths of panic, rather than pleasure as I jerked away from him. This time instead of screaming and flailing around, I simply started crying.
Will eased up on his knees and stared down at me. “Mel, was I hurting you? I can go slower…softer.”
