Torque

by Gillian Archer

  “Oh.” Hope’s gaze bounced between Nathan and I like the tension between the two of us was visible. “Well, that’s nice.”

  “That’s Nathan,” Ryan said with a wide smile. “The nice brother. Maybe you can take a look at my pickup if you get a chance. I’d appreciate it, bro.”

  Nathan’s eyebrows flicked in a clearly unimpressed way. “Sure, Ry. When I get a chance.”

  The two exchanged another long, hard look as Ryan’s lips twitched and Nathan did his alpha dog, not impressed silent routine. Awkward. Maybe I wasn’t as good of a liar as I thought. Clearly Ryan knew something was up.

  Hope’s brow wrinkled as she turned to me. I shrugged back.

  “Okay,” Hope muttered, clearly not in on the joke. “Are we going on that walk, Ry, or are you gonna spend the evening making eyes at your brother?”

  Ryan snorted a laugh. “Let’s walk. You two want to join us?”

  “I gotta secure her oil pan,” Nathan replied, deadpanned.

  “Right.” Ryan lifted his eyebrows. “Her oil pan.”

  “Oh my god.” Hope shoved Ryan as she pushed the stroller forward. “I have no idea how you can make something like that sound nasty, but you just did. This is Maddie and Nathan. You’re ridiculous, Ryan. Bye, guys!”

  “Bye.” Nathan and I echoed as Ryan’s laughter washed over the parking lot followed by Hope’s muttering and Fliss’s squawks.

  We watched them in silence, and when they turned the corner out of sight, Nathan turned to me.

  “So that’s the way it’s gonna be? Still?”

  Heart prickled my scalp. Nathan was mad. And disappointed in me. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, I just want to know. What’s it gonna take? When’s the point that you’ll feel comfortable telling my family about us? Because you had no problem telling your parents.”

  “That’s not the same, and you know it. I didn’t want to tell my mom, but she came over and found out all on her own.”

  “And the world didn’t end.” Nathan shook his head, disappointment etched on his face. “I don’t get it, Maddie. What’s the issue? Why can’t we tell them already? You’re practically living with me. I’m sick of having to lie to them and sneak around like we’re fucking teenagers.”

  “I know, Nathan. I’m sorry.” I kneeled down next to him and put my hand on his thigh. “How about we tell them tomorrow during Sunday dinner at Wendy’s?”

  The last two Sunday dinners had been torture. Well, actually the first had been fun, like the two of us had a naughty secret. There’d been a few flirty looks and maybe a scorching kiss in the bathroom. But the strain was visible the second dinner. Nathan was over keeping our secret. And I didn’t blame him. It was hard.

  “Dammit,” Nathan muttered, looking down at his clenched fists. He relaxed his hands and shook them out before he raised his head. “I don’t want you to do it because I’m asking you to. I want you to do it because you want to.”

  “I know,” I whispered. I still felt like I was disappointing him. But then I didn’t want that feeling amplified when Wendy and Sabrina and Hope found out about us. I was still scared.

  “Just promise me you’ll think about it?”

  I nodded. “I will. Um, can I get you anything? Some water or a rag?”

  “Nah. I’m good.” Nathan rolled under my car again. “I’ll be in in a minute.”

  And that was my dismissal. I felt like crap as I walked back toward the building. I knew Nathan expected me to meet him in his place, but I needed a minute to myself.

  Not that I had a place to myself. And this was a helluva time for Dylan to be home.

  “Where’ve you been?” Dylan asked from his couch as I walked into his condo.

  I blinked. If I hadn’t seen him with my own eyes, I would’ve sworn he was an apparition. “Seriously? Where have you been?”

  He was never here when I come back from work. He wasn’t here when I woke up in the morning. He was more ghost than man.

  Dylan hitched a shoulder. “I’ve been busy. Maybe like you have been because you haven’t been here when I have. What’s going on? Anything new with your apartment?”

  “No.” I groaned. “The landlord is still dodging me. I sent another certified letter and he refused it again. I’m going to have to hire a process server, maybe a lawyer, to get out of my lease, and I can’t afford that.”

  “That sucks, Mads. I’m sorry.” Dylan took a drink of his beer then plonked his heels on the coffee table. “Wait, if your apartment is still all screwed up, where have you been sleeping? Fuck, don’t tell me you’re going back to your old place. It’s not safe.”

  “No, I’m not sleeping there.” I fidgeted and looked away.

  “So…” Dylan raised his eyebrows. “What’s his name? How’d you meet him?”

  “Oh my god. You sound as bad as Sabrina and Hope.”

  “You told them but not me?”

  “You haven’t been here. How could I have told you?”

  “Touché. So what’s going on? It’s gotta be serious if you’re doing so many sleepovers.”

  “It is. I think I’m falling in love with him.”

  “Wow.” Dylan picked at the label on his beer bottle. “I uh, I guess that means you might want to move in with him instead of your own place?”

  “I don’t know. We haven’t talked about that.”

  “But he’s okay with you staying at another guy’s place?”

  “Nathan knows there’s nothing going on with you and me.”

  The words fell out of my mouth before I had a chance to even consciously think them. Did I really say that?

  Judging by the shocked expression on Dylan’s face, the answer was yes.

  Shit.

  “Nathan?” He asked as he stood up, his eyes wide. “My brother, Nathan?”

  “Um… Yes.”

  “My brother, Nathan. The one who usually goes out with the calendar pin-up girls is dating you?”

  I blinked. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “Come on. You’re not exactly his type. You’re not blonde; you don’t have…you know.” He gestured vaguely.

  “What? What are you trying to say? That I need a certain bra cup size to date your brother?”

  He inclined his head and shrugged. “Honestly, I thought it was a requirement with Nathan. He has a type and you’re not it.” Dylan watched me flinch then rushed ahead like he was trying to make it better. “But I mean come on. He’s never had a serious relationship in his life. Why would he have one with you?”

  I felt his words like a physical blow. They were words I said to myself so often before. But to hear them from Dylan, to hear his amazement that Nathan and I were together and how he thought we’d never have a chance… It fucking hurt.

  My voice was a whisper when I finally could speak. “That’s really what you think?”

  “You know I’m right. You guys together would be a huge fucking mistake. You’ll never be able to stand up to him. He’ll just bulldoze his way through your life until you’re agreeing to everything he says. It’s what he does. He’s trying to do it with me—giving me all kinds of shit about my life. He just pushes and pushes until he gets his way.”

  “Come on, that’s not fair.”

  “Which part?” Dylan raised an eyebrow.

  “All of it. Any of it.” Who was this stranger standing in front of me? He sure as hell wasn’t my best friend, the boy I grew up with. “Nathan’s not the same angry man from the start of your show.”

  “Come on, Maddie. You know what I’m talking about. He’s gonna walk all over you. You’re too weak to stand up to him!”

  “Wow, Dylan. Thanks. It’s nice to know what you really think of me. And Nathan has every right to give you shit about your life right now. You made some seriously bad decisions. Of course he’s going to have some not-so-nice opinions about it.”

  Dylan shook his head and looked away. Much the way my childhood dog, Ella, used to when we caught her doing
something she wasn’t supposed to. Guilt. It was written all over Dylan’s face.

  “Because you told him about the Kings, right? You promised me you were going to.”

  “You’re the one fucking my brother! I thought you were smarter than that!”

  I flinched. His words echoed around the condo. It felt like he’d just slapped me.

  Dylan shook his head. “He’ll crush you and you know it. He’ll take over everything, like he always does. Slowly, inch by inch, until you don’t know who you are.”

  “This. This right here is why I waited so long to tell you.” I walked to the door and ripped it open. “You’re a shitty friend, but hey, now I know, right? I’ll come get my stuff later.”

  “Maddie, wait!”

  “I’m leaving before I say something I might regret, but I’ll tell you what. Nathan has never made me feel as bad as you have right now.”

  I slammed the door shut behind me and almost ran into Ryan.

  A beat later, Fliss screamed from inside the stroller.

  And just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse.

  Hope bent down and pulled a crying Felicity from the stroller. Ryan sighed and turned to me with tired eyes. “Really?”

  “I’m sorry. But your brother is an asshole.”

  “Which one?” Ryan asked with a slight smile.

  Hope frowned, her attention torn between me and Fliss. “Everything okay, Maddie?”

  “Dylan is pissed off that I’m dating Nathan, and I’m pissed off that Dylan is an asshole.” I blurted it all out because I had zero fucks left to give.

  “Right.” Ryan sighed. “Well, he’ll come around.”

  “Seriously?” Hope all but squealed, slapping her fiancé’s shoulder. “That’s all you have to say? How long has this been going on?”

  Ryan shrugged. “A few weeks.”

  “You’ve known a few weeks?” I boggled.

  “And you didn’t tell me?” Hope cut in. “Either of you?”

  “You two aren’t as stealthy as you seem to think you are.” Ryan gave me an apologetic shrug before he turned to Hope and took the baby from her arms. “And Nathan asked me not to say anything. He wanted you to be the one to make the decision to tell us.”

  “Still. I’m your fiancé. You should’ve told me.” Hope said with a frown. “And you.”

  I raised my palms. “After the way you and Sabrina went after me at our last book club? It didn’t make me want to confide in you guys.”

  Hope winced. “Yeah. I’m sorry about that.”

  “Sorry you said something you didn’t mean or sorry you had to tell me the truth?”

  “Right.” Ryan stepped between us with a hiccupping Fliss in his arms. “I’m just gonna let the two of you duke this out and take our daughter inside. I’m happy for you and Nathan, by the way. Mostly so you can stop sneaking around and slamming doors maybe. Although it has been fun watching Nathan try to be stealthy. Aunt Wendy knows too, by the way.”

  “What?” I blinked at him in confusion. “How’d she find out?”

  “Something about going into the wrong bathroom last weekend?” Ryan laughed. “Maybe lock the door next time. Take your time, Hope. I’ll put Fliss down. See you inside, beautiful.”

  I closed my eyes in mortification. The bathroom. At least we’d kept our clothes on. I was just shocked that Wendy knew and hadn’t said anything.

  “So,” Hope said.

  “So.” I raised my eyebrows.

  “I really am sorry, Maddie. For what I said and the way I said it. I was just… It’s no excuse, but Sabrina came over an hour before you and we drank a whole bottle of wine. We were commiserating over some of our shit. I mean, don’t get me wrong—I love Fliss and Ryan to bits. It’s just hard. And so different. And Sabrina’s going through stuff with grad school and her volunteer hours and money.”

  “Why wasn’t I invited to the pity party? Out of anyone I have the most to whine about: no apartment, and my job is probably disappearing. Why didn’t you guys call me?”

  “We meant to and then we started drinking and talking, and we just forgot. I’m so sorry. Being a mom and holding down a part time job is hard. So I guess I kinda took my bad mood out on you.”

  “Does that mean you don’t think I’m a doormat?”

  “I…”

  “Right.” I rolled my eyes and started for Nathan’s condo.

  “Maddie, wait! It’s not that you’re a doormat. I didn’t say it in the most eloquent way. I blame the wine.”

  I paused but didn’t turn around. “There’s no wine here and now. You think I’m a weak, people-pleasing fool.”

  “No! I’d never say that.”

  I turned around and shook my head. “But you’d say something similar but nicer than that? But still essentially the same thing.”

  Hope sighed. “When we were talking about it, it was all supposition. Nathan is a really forceful kinda guy and you’re more of a go-with-the-flow girl. It didn’t sound like the best of matches. But what I think doesn’t matter. Clearly, if you two have been together for weeks now, it’s working. You’re happy. Maybe you’re not happy with me now—because of Dylan. But we all could see that you were—are—happy. So obviously, we were wrong.”

  It wasn’t as bad as one of those I’m-sorry-if-you-feel-that-way kind of apologies, but it was close. Did everyone in my life think I had a weak, walk-all-over-me personality? That I couldn’t stand up for myself?

  Tears stung my eyes. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

  “Say you’ll forgive me? I swear I don’t ever want to hurt you. You’re happy, and I’m happy for you.”

  She said it with so much heartfelt honesty, I had to forgive her. She was one of my best friends.

  “Thanks, Hope.” I pulled her in for a hug. “That means a lot.”

  “Thanks for being so understanding.” Hope pulled back and smiled at me. “And I swear next time we have a pity party you are totally invited.”

  “Who’s having a party?” Nathan asked as he walked toward us from the parking lot, his jeans and hands stained with grease.

  I waved a hand. “It’s nothing. A girl thing.”

  “Okay.” Nathan paused a few feet away from us and gave me a concerned frown. “Everything okay?”

  The fact that even now, after our little scene in the parking lot, he was concerned about me and careful to keep up appearances meant so much to me.

  He was all kinds of wonderful.

  I closed the distance and wrapped my arms around him. “Thank you.”

  “Um, okay.” Nathan’s arms came around me as he hugged me back. Platonically.

  That wasn’t good enough for me.

  I pulled back slightly and tugged his head down to me. And I kissed him. With lips and tongue and all the love I was feeling for him. He didn’t miss a beat and kissed me back. It didn’t take very long for me to get lost in a haze of lust. I didn’t care where we were, or who was standing next to us. Nathan was there and that was all that mattered.

  In the distance I heard Hope murmur, “Well okay then. G’night, guys.”

  Minutes or hours later Nathan pulled back and looked down at me. “I take it we’re out then?”

  “Yup.” I smiled back at him. “You ready to deal with the fallout?”

  “You’re crazy. There’s not going to be any fallout.”

  I sighed. “Dylan wasn’t very happy. And I said some things, so I kinda need a place to stay tonight.”

  “You’ve always got a place to stay with me. Come on, let me make you dinner, and you can tell me all about it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Still Maddie

  Nathan grabbed a few steaks out of the fridge and set them on the counter. I pulled up a barstool and watched as he pulled out spices and grinders and got to work prepping dinner. Over the past few weeks, this was a common occurrence. Nathan had asked me my favorite meals, and one by one, he cooked them for me. Swoon.

  “So wha
t’s going on with Dylan?” Nathan asked as he set the steaks aside.

  I sighed. I really didn’t want to talk about it. The nasty words Dylan said still singed my nerves. “He was worried that I was staying at my old apartment since I still haven’t been able to get out of my lease. I guess he noticed I haven’t been sleeping there very often. Then he guessed I had a new guy in my life and asked how my new guy felt about me staying at another guy’s apartment. So I slipped and said you knew there wasn’t anything going on between us. And that’s when the fireworks started. I don’t need to tell you that he’s not your biggest fan right now. He said some things that pissed me off, and I left before I said anything else that would fry our friendship more than he already had.”

  Nathan had stayed quiet during my whole regurgitated history, his eyes soft and understanding. He grabbed the kitchen towel off the counter and gently wiped at the tear that escaped. “I’m sorry my brother is being such an asshole.”

  I gurgled a sad laugh. “That’s exactly what I said when I bumped into Hope and Ryan out front.”

  Nathan smiled back at me and shook his head. “And Ryan blew the secret and asked ‘what did Nathan do now?’”

  “No, actually he asked ‘which brother?’” I sighed. “How long has Ryan known?”

  “About a week before Aunt Wendy walked in on us last Sunday at dinner.”

  “You knew about that?” I all but shrieked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Nathan shrugged. “You seemed to have some issues about my family knowing, so I asked her to give us some time before we told everyone. She seemed to understand.”

  “She didn’t give you a hard time about us being together?”

  “I didn’t say that.” Nathan laughed. “It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. Wendy said pretty much the same stuff you did about what the two of us together would mean for family gatherings and whatever. So you were right.”

  I sighed. “Those are magic words. Guaranteed to make me happy.”