Out to Canaan

by Jan Karon

  “I’d kill Gene Bolick if I could catch him, that’s how it’s goin’!”

  “What now?”

  “Haven’t I been bakin’ since the bloomin’ Boer War, tryin’ to get ready for Friday? And didn’t I tell him, I said, ‘Gene, don’t you mess with these cookies, there’s three hundred cookies I just baked, and I’m puttin’ ’em in these two-gallon freezer bags this minute, so you’ll keep your paws off.’ Well, I zipped up those bags and stacked ’em in th’ freezer and first thing you know, I came home last night and who was sittin’ at the table with his head stuck in one of those two-gallon bags, goin’ at it like a fox in a henhouse? I ask you!”

  “You don’t mean it!”

  “Frozen hard as bricks and him hammerin’ down on those cookies like they’d just come out of th’ oven.”

  “Aha.”

  “It’s a desperate man who’ll do a trick like that.”

  “I agree. But try to forgive him,” he said, knowing that Gene Bolick had not had a cookie to call his own since this whole event began brewing several months ago.

  He rang off, assuring her that he’d do his part on Friday, down in the trenches with the rest of the troops.

  He flipped quickly through the Muse, looking for another batch of Stickin’ ads.

  “Looks like Esther’s pullin’ ahead,” said J.C., totally convinced that his small-space ad idea had done the trick. It was generally agreed that the full page of Mack Stroupe’s face had been a dire mistake by the other camp. It was one thing to look at Mack’s mug on a billboard, but somehow seeing it right under your nose had been a definite turnoff, according to the buzz around town.

  Along with a growing number of others, the rector was beginning to feel upbeat about the outcome of the election just one month away. The wife of a deacon at First Baptist had planned a preelection Stickin’ With Esther tea, and the mayor would also be riding down Main Street in a fire truck during a parade for Fire Awareness Day.

  Things were definitely looking up.

  Coming into the kitchen to make a pot of tea, he noted that Violet had descended from her penthouse atop the refrigerator and was curled up on his dog’s bed under the table.

  Thank God Barnabas was coming home on Saturday, the day after the Bane. Hal had kept him at Meadowgate nearly a month, just in case.

  He’d still have the splint on for a couple of weeks, but the chest wrap had come off. The job of healing could be finished up neatly by close confinement for five or six months, with no running, chasing, or stick-fetching.

  “There’s certainly a lot of hilarity going on in my house,” said Cynthia. She stood at the kitchen door, her head cocked to one side.

  “What do you mean?”

  She listened intently, as if to the music of the spheres. “Somebody’s laughing!”

  “What’s wrong with laughter?”

  She didn’t answer, but came and stood by the stove, her brow furrowed, as he put the kettle on.

  “Elton used six blocks t’ build a model of a staircase that has three steps . . .” Harley’s voice drifted up to the kitchen.

  “Poor Harley,” said Cynthia. “I hope he makes an A this time.”

  “That B-minus cut him to the quick.”

  “I think Lace is too hard on him.”

  “And you’re too soft! Delivering his breakfast downstairs on a tray, for Pete’s sake.”

  “You’re jealous because I don’t deliver yours, much less on a tray, but then, dear fellow, you have never, ever once cleaned out and organized my attic so that it looks better than my studio!”

  “True.”

  “Nor have you ever hauled the detritus from said cleanup to the Bane, and brought me back a form which makes it all tax deductible.” She turned and went quickly to the door.

  “Good Lord, Timothy! Listen!”

  He heard a woman’s hysterical laughter coming from the little house next door.

  They went out to the back stoop. The high-pitched laughter continued, followed by a crash that sounded like breaking glass.

  “What on earth?” she asked. Her alarm was evident.

  “I’ll go and see.” He didn’t want to go and see; he didn’t want anything out of the ordinary to be going on next door.

  He darted through the hedge and up the dark steps to the screen door. He looked into Cynthia’s kitchen and saw Pauline Barlowe standing at the sink. She was throwing up.

  “Pauline,” he said.

  She retched into the sink again, then turned and stared toward the door, her eyes swollen, wiping her mouth.

  “What?” she said. Her voice was cold, coarse; the stench of warm bile and alcohol permeated the room.

  He opened the door and went in. “What’s going on?” He tried to keep his voice free of anger, tried to make it a simple question, but failed.

  “Ask y’r big high an’ mighty in there what’s goin’ on, and if you find out, let me know, that’s what I’ve been tryin’ to do, is figure out what’s goin’ on.”

  She laughed suddenly and sank to the floor, leaning against the cabinets.

  He walked down the hall and into the living room, where Buck Leeper sat in a Queen Anne chair, asleep and snoring, an empty vodka bottle on the lamp table and a glass on the floor at his feet.

  He cleaned the kitchen and swept up a broken glass on the back stoop, while Pauline sat in a chair with her head in her hands. He sensed that she was crying, though she made no sound. Then he turned off the downstairs lights, except for the lamp in the living room and the light in the hallway. Buck didn’t stir and he didn’t wake him. He would deal with this tomorrow.

  He drove Pauline home and they sat in the car in front of the house where her father, son, and daughter were sleeping.

  The hilarity and weeping had passed; she was silent as a stone, her face turned away from him.

  “We need to talk,” he said.

  She nodded.

  “Sunday afternoon, if you can.”

  She nodded again. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

  He got out of the car and opened her door and helped her up the sidewalk. The temperature had dropped considerably and she was shivering in a sleeveless dress. “Will you wake anyone?”

  “Don’t worry,” she said, still avoiding his gaze. “I won’t let nobody see me like this.”

  When he came in from the garage, Cynthia met him in the hallway.

  “It’s Esther!” she said. “She had an accident, and they say it looks bad. They want you to come to the hospital at once!”

  Esther! He raced to the bathroom, splashed water on his face, took his jacket off the hook in the kitchen, and once again backed the Buick out of the garage, tires screeching.

  There were many ways to lose an election. He prayed to God this wasn’t one of them.

  “What happened?” he asked Nurse Kennedy in the hospital corridor.

  “She fell off a ladder, broke her left wrist, broke the right elbow, and . . .” Nurse Kennedy shook her head.

  “And what?”

  “Fractured her jaw. Dr. Harper is wiring her mouth shut as we speak.”

  “Good Lord!”

  “But she’ll be fine.”

  “Be fine? How could anybody be fine with two broken limbs and her mouth wired shut?”

  “It happens, Father.” Nurse Kennedy sighed and continued down the hall.

  He wound his way along the corridor to the waiting room, where Gene Bolick sat on a Danish modern sofa in shock.

  “Where’s Ray?” he asked Gene. Why wasn’t Ray Cunningham here? Didn’t he know his wife had had a terrible accident?

  “Ray who?” queried Gene, looking stupefied.

  “Esther’s husband!”

  “I’m Esther’s husband,” said Gene, as plainly as he knew how.

  “You mean . . . you mean, the mayor didn’t fall off a ladder?”

  “I don’t know about th’ mayor, but Esther sure did, and it busted her up pretty bad.” He appeared disconsolate.


  “Good heavens, Gene, I’m sorry. Terribly sorry.” He sat beside his parishioner on the sofa. “How is she?”

  “Not so good, if you ask me. She was down at th’ parish hall on a ladder, puttin’ up signs—you know, Kitchen Goods, Clothing Items, such as that, and went to step down and . . .” Gene lifted his hands.

  “And crashed.”

  “Where is everybody?” Usually, when someone was rushed to the hospital in Mitford, a whole gaggle of friends and family showed up to pray, make a run on the vending machines, and rip recipes from outdated issues of Southern Living.

  “They’re down at th’ parish hall, I reckon, where they’ve been for th’ last forty-eight hours.”

  “I’ll get the prayer chain going,” said the rector. He sped along the hall to the phone, where he called his wife to put the chain in motion.

  “How bad is it?” asked Cynthia.

  “There’s a break in both arms, and they’re wiring her jaws shut.”

  She gasped. “Good heavens!”

  “I’ll be here for a while.”

  “Poor Esther. How awful. Please tell Gene I’m sorry, I’ll go see Esther tomorrow, and I’ll call the chain right now. Love you, dearest.”

  “Love you. Keep my place warm.”

  Hurrying down the hall, he stopped briefly at a vending machine for a pack of Nabs and a Sprite.

  He’d just finished praying with Gene for Esther to be knit back together as good as new when Hessie Mayhew rushed into the waiting room. He looked at his watch. Eleven o’clock. Hardly anyone in this town stayed up ’til eleven o’clock.

  “How is she?” asked Hessie.

  “Doped up,” said Gene.

  “I’ve got to see her,” insisted the Bane co-chair. Given her wide eyes and frazzled hair, Hessie looked as if she’d been plugged into an electrical outlet.

  “You can’t see ’er,” said Gene. “Just me an’ th’ Father can go in.”

  “Do you realize that at seven in the morning, the Food Committee’s gettin’ together at my house to bake twelve two-layer orange marmalades, and we don’t even have th’ recipe?”

  Gene slapped his forehead. “Oh, Lord help!”

  “I’m sure it’s written down somewhere,” suggested the rector.

  “Nope, it’s not,” said Gene.

  “That’s right. It’s not.” Hessie pursed her lips. “If I’ve told her once, I’ve told her a thousand times to write her recipes down, especially the orange marmalade, for heaven’s sake.”

  “It’s in her head,” said Gene, defending his wife.

  “Well,” announced the co-chair, looking determined, “we’ll have to find a way to get it out!”

  He arrived at the office the next morning, feeling the exhaustion of half a night at the hospital.

  At two a.m., he’d left Esther resting, one arm in a cast, the other in a cast and a sling, and unable to speak a word even if she wanted to. Gene slept by her bed on a hospital cot.

  How on earth anybody was going to get a cake recipe out of Esther Bolick was beyond him. In any case, Hessie had postponed the baking session until Thursday afternoon, which meant the cakes would be squeaking in under the wire—if at all.

  “We have to have Esther’s orange marmalades,” she had said flatly. “People expect Esther’s marmalades. At twenty dollars per cake times twelve, that’s two hundred and forty dollars, which is nothing to sneeze at.”

  He yawned and sat wearily at his desk.

  He was rubbing his eyes as Buck Leeper opened the door and walked in, taking off his hard hat.

  “Good morning,” said the rector.

  Buck stood in the doorway, uneasy. “I need to talk.”

  “Sit down.”

  “I can’t stay. I came to tell you I’m . . .” Buck looked at the floor, then met the rector’s gaze. “I’m sorry. That was bad, what happened. I took a drink, I offered her one, and it went from there.”

  “Did you know she’s an alcoholic? An addict?”

  “Yes.” Buck’s voice was hoarse. “I got to tell you, I talked her into it, I shouldn’t have done it, I’m sick to my gut about it.”

  “There’s help, Buck.”

  The superintendent scraped his work boot on the floor, looking down. “No. I can beat this, I’ve been beatin’ it, this is th’ first time in . . . in a while. I wanted to tell you I’m movin’ out, one of the crew knows a house for sale, but thinks they’ll rent.”

  “Before we talk about that, let’s name the problem. It has a name. It’s your alcoholism. Your addiction.”

  Buck stiffened and turned away, but didn’t walk to the door.

  “How long have you been drinking, seriously drinking?”

  “I was thirteen when my old man started pourin’ it down my gullet. The first time, he made me drink ’til I puked.” He faced the rector. “Bourbon. Sour mash. He liked it when I got to where I could drink him under the table, not many people could. When he died, I swore I’d never touch th’ stuff again.”

  “But you did, and now you’re suffering on your own account as well as Pauline’s. Do you care for Pauline?”

  “Yeah. I care for her.”

  “Why?”

  “I respect what she’s been able to do, to come back like that, out of her hell, and find faith. God, I hate what I did.”

  “You did it together. It takes two.”

  “And her kids. They’re great kids. Who deserves kids like that? Nobody, not even people who have it all together, who never took a drink! I thought that maybe I could . . . maybe we could . . .”

  “You can.”

  “No.” His voice was hard. “It’s too late for me.”

  “What if you had somebody in this thing with you, somebody who’d stick closer than a brother, somebody who’d go to bat for you, help you through it—help you over it?”

  “Oh, Jesus Christ!” Buck said with disgust, moving toward the door.

  “That’s who I had in mind, actually.”

  Buck’s face colored. “That crap don’t work for me.”

  “How long have you hauled the pain of your dead brother in your gut? And how much longer do you want to haul it? Stop, friend. Stop and look at this thing that cheats you out of all that’s valuable, all that’s precious.”

  The superintendent turned and stared out the window, his back to the rector.

  “You can’t beat this alone, Buck. You’ve tried for years and it never worked. Bottom line, we’re not created to go it alone, we’re made to hammer out our lives with God as our defender. Going it alone may work for a while, but it never has and never will go the mile.”

  Buck shrugged his shoulders, still looking out the window. “Pauline knows about God and she couldn’t make it.”

  “No, but she’s going to. In any case, we don’t come to God to attain perfection, we come to be saved.”

  “You remember my grandaddy was a preacher. There’s no way I could be good enough to get saved or whatever you call it. No way.”

  “It isn’t about being good enough.”

  Buck turned to him, furious. “So what is it about, for Christ’s sake?”

  “It’s about letting Him into our lives in a personal way. You can do that with a simple prayer you can repeat with me. When we let Him in, He guarantees that we become new creatures.”

  “New creatures?” Buck laughed bitterly. “Who wants to be a new creature when you can’t even get the old one to work?”

  “New creatures make mistakes, too, they stumble around and fall in a ditch. But once the commitment is made with the heart, He takes it from there.”

  “It always sounded like a lot of bull to me.”

  Father Tim got up and stood beside his desk. “I could tell you all day what you’d gain by making that commitment—but look at it another way: What do you have to lose?”

  For a time, the only sound was the ticking of the clock on the bookshelf.

  “Listen,” said Buck, “I’ll be out of the house in a couple of days.
”

  He moved suddenly to the door and opened it, then went down the walk to his truck, not looking back.

  “The fields are white . . .”

  “Buck!” said the rector. “Wait . . .”

  But he didn’t wait.

  “They want to buy me out and let me run it,” said Winnie, looking anxious. “What do you think?”

  If he ever had to mess with another real estate deal . . .

  “What do you think?” he asked.

  “It sounds like a good idea. I mean, I do the work and get a regular paycheck, and they have all th’ headaches.” She sighed. “That might be refreshin’.”

  “Weren’t you going to wait ’til after the cruise to make a decision?”

  “They want an answer right away. Soon.” She wrung her hands. “At once!”

  He didn’t feel he had the credentials to counsel Winnie on what amounted to the next few years of her life. “What’s God saying to you about all this?”

  “I still have that stuck feelin’, like I don’t know which way to turn.”

  Definitely not a good sign, but what more could he say?

  “Your hair . . .” said Emma.

  “What about it?” he snapped.

  “Dearest,” said Cynthia, “about your hair . . .”

  “Don’t touch it!” he said. So what if he had hacked on it himself? At least it wasn’t draping over his collar like so much seaweed.

  “Man!” exclaimed Mule, eyeing him with interest.

  “You don’t like it?” he asked. “I never say anything about your hair, I never even notice your hair, why you can’t do the same for me is beyond all imagining—”

  “Gee whiz,” said Mule, looking perplexed. “I was just goin’ to ask where you got that blue shirt.”

  When he walked into Esther’s hospital room on Thursday morning, her bed was surrounded by Bane volunteers. One of them held a notepad at the ready, and he felt a definite tension in the air.

  They didn’t even look up as he came in.

  Hessie leaned over Esther, speaking as if the patient’s hearing had been severely impaired by the fall.