Safe Place Series

by Shani Greene-Dowdell

  I worked myself to death cleaning so that he wouldn’t find any reason to call me a bad mother. However, it was to no avail since Rodney was the type of person to complain about the fertilizer in a rose garden.

  The rumbling sound of Kevin’s footsteps hurried into the living room as I turned off the vacuum. “Did you bring your bag down so I can check it?” I asked.

  My cute as a button six-year-old, whose fluffy, brown cheeks were hard not to kiss, said, “I’m still looking for my baseball glove because Dad said that he’s going to take us to a game, and I want to take my glove.”

  “Whoopee! Dad is taking Kevin to another baseball game.” Eva feigned enthusiasm as she stood at the top of the staircase with her arms crossed over her chest. Her sarcastically negative tone said all that needed to be said about how she felt about what her father had planned for their weekend. “Mom, do I have to go? I’m pretty sure he won’t know if I’m not there,” she said.

  I knew it was coming. It came every time it was her father’s weekend. The ‘do I have to go’ question. I wished I could tell her no, since going over there bothered her so much, but Rodney was her father, and according to our family court judge, I couldn’t keep her away from him.

  “You have to go, darling. But it’s just a weekend, so try to make the best of it,” I said with an encouraging smile.

  “That’s what you always say, but it’s not just a weekend. It’s every other weekend. Why do I have to keep going over there when he treats me like I’m invisible?” she pouted, even stomped her foot at the end of her statement to get her point across.

  “Eva, we can’t go through this every weekend. You’re going to have to put on your good attitude and wear it for Mama, okay?” I asserted.

  We’d had the talk about abuse, of any form, and she’d assured me nothing of the sort was happening at her father’s home. Her disdain for her father’s actions, particularly him upgrading his cheat chick to the position of their fake stepmother, was the thing that ate at her the most.

  Eva huffed and went back to her room, stomping and pouting the entire way. I felt like a failure for having to make her go with her father. At ten years old, the last thing she needed to do was to sit around and watch her father fawn over his barely twenty-five-year-old girlfriend, who happened to be his mistress at the time of our divorce.

  I’d made a promise to myself that I would not talk to my children about their father in a negative way. Instead, I encouraged them to have a healthy relationship with him and his young girlfriend. But how could a ten-year-old give a grown man a healthy relationship that he doesn’t know how to receive or reciprocate?

  It took everything in me for me not to tell them how full of shit Rodney indeed was, or how I thought he would never be a good father based on his past behavior during our marriage. It took mountains upon mountains of prayer to step back and let God handle it, but I wasn’t a saint. I wanted my children to form their own opinions about him, and hopefully, the courts would be on our side the next time I petitioned them for full custody. Knowing Rodney, that petition was coming soon.

  After watching my daughter storm into her bedroom and slam the door, I sighed and turned to Kevin who was staring at me.

  “Well, do you know where it is, Mom?” he asked, ignoring his sister’s antics. Kevin gave his father a pass for all of his misgivings and loved him immensely for the good times they shared. In his six-year-old mind, his father was a superhero who showed up on weekends with marvelous plans, a game system in Kevin’s room at his house, and lots of talk about how he’s going to do so many things with him and make his life so much better. Mostly lies, but who was I to shatter his hope of what his father could be to him?

  “Baby, go look in your closet next to your red tennis shoes,” I said before Kevin bolted up the stairs to his bedroom.

  A minute later, he yelled, “Found it!”

  I started the vacuum once again. Keeping everyone satisfied was a hard job, but I did my best when it came to my family. Rodney was and had always been a handful; his affairs and poor treatment had made me a single mother. Then, he had the audacity to give me strife every time I saw him as if I were the one that told him lies, played with his feelings, and left him for someone else.

  I thought I had done everything right. I waited for the right man to come along to sweep me off my feet, and oh, did Rodney put his best foot forward before we got married. The man wined and dined me up until one year into our marriage, and then the games began, and there were many. I had waited until I was married to have kids because I wanted stability, but I guess nothing is certain in life.

  I moved into the foyer and then hallway with the hum of the vacuum cleaner moving along with me. Just as I was putting it away, my cellphone chimed.

  “What is it now?” I muttered as I fished my phone from my pocket and saw Rodney’s number on my screen. It was never good news when he called at the time he was supposed to be there to get the kids. Earlier, he’d texted and said he was twenty minutes away from my house, so I picked up the phone unsuspecting of the news he was about to give me. “Hello?”

  “Hey, it’s me,” he said.

  “Hey, what’s up? I was expecting you about ten minutes ago. Did you make a stop or something?” I asked as I opened the closet door and shoved the vacuum inside the tight space.

  “No, well it’s—I’m not able to get the kids. I won’t make it today,” he blurted out, causing me to look upstairs where at least one child had an exorbitant amount of joy about spending time with a man who would so quickly let him down. Eva would be okay with this change in plans, but Kevin would be crushed.

  “What do you mean? All Kevin has been talking about is you taking him to this game. Why did you tell him about it, if you were just going to flake out again? What am I supposed to tell him now?” I asked the barrage of questions as tension flared and raged through my body. “Wait, why the hell won’t you be here? And this had better be good!”

  “Melody has something she wants me to do with her, and I have to be there for her,” he said with his deep voice cracking a little. “It’s not something the kids can come to, so it won’t work out this weekend. I’m sorry.”

  Wow, what a crockpot full of uncooked bull.

  “This is the second time you’ve brushed them off on your weekend in the past month. If you can’t get them on your weekends, why don’t you just give up custody so I can plan things for them that won’t leave them hurt and disappointed? Besides, that would free you up to take your young girlfriend to all of her debutante balls and pizza parties that you need to,” I said, fully aware that it was an extremely petty thing to say, but I was tired of both Rodney and Melody toying with my children’s feelings.

  “I’m not going to go there with you today, Tameka. I got shit to do,” he said.

  “What am I supposed to tell your kids? That you’re sorry that you choose your skanky girlfriend instead of them?” I grated out through clenched teeth as I was trying hard to whisper-talk so Eva and especially Kevin wouldn’t come out of their rooms. But It was hard not to lose all civility with Rodney.

  “Tameka, it’s not like that. And stop calling her names.”

  “So that’s the only part of this you’re willing to defend? That your whore you left me for, and thankfully so, isn’t a skank? How about you prove it and tell her to be an adult for once and go to her event alone because you have to be there for your children? Tell her that and see what she says. I bet she says something a skank would say.” I felt the urge to toss my phone, but held my composure enough to tell him off.

  “Tameka, for once, don’t give me grief. That’s all you do,” his deep voice bellowed through the phone with condemnation. There was a time when the crisp boom of his voice would have me climbing walls, and now the sound was like nails on a chalkboard, severely annoying.

  “How am I giving you grief when you’re the one that just called and said you were on your way? Now, the kids are packed, and you call back and say y
ou’re not coming to get them. They’re going to be disappointed, especially Kevin. Did you ever stop and think about him, for once?” I asked, and a slight thumping on the back of my head let me know I had to end this call soon because Rodney was driving up my blood pressure.

  “Just tell them I had something come up. You’ll think of something. You always do,” he said nonchalantly before there was a long pause on the line.

  I took a deep breath, deciding what I would tell our children about their father being MIA this weekend.

  “I’m not covering you this time, Rodney. I’m done doing that for you. Today, you will tell them that you can’t make it because Melody had something come up, and she’s first on your list of priorities. Either you will tell them, or I will.”

  “You’re blowing this out of proportion, Tameka. Half the time Eva doesn’t even want to come over here, and you know Kevin will be over it in an hour, but what more should I expect from you than all of this drama?” he asked indignantly. “That’s why I started seeing Melody in the first place if you want to know the truth.”

  Good God Almighty, please help me not to lose the last piece of my mind. This man is a true test to everything decent, I prayed silently.

  “Rodney, let me tell you what is out of proportion. You call to say you’re “on your way” and to have your children ready for you, only for your girlfriend to decide she has a need that needs to be met, and you forget all about your kids. It’s also out of proportion that your son thinks the world of his father who’s told him he’s going to a baseball game, but he’s not because ‘Melody has something to do!’” I mocked the way his voice trembled when he said Melody had something she wanted him to do with her.

  “Just tell the kids I won’t be there, Tameka.”

  “No, you tell them! I spend day-in and day-out taking care of our kids, and you barely keep your weekend obligations because of your teenage girlfriend, and now you—”

  Rodney blew out a harsh breath and growled, “She’s not a teenager. You know what, I don’t have time for this. I’ll get them next weekend.”

  “You’re not about to keep getting their hopes up, so next weekend is out,” I yelled. “Don’t even think about showing up here or I will call the police.”

  “Tameka, don’t be stupid,” he said. “I’m sorry being stuck with the kids is messing up your plans for the weekend, but you don’t need to take it out on me for next weekend.”

  “First of all, I’m never stuck with our children. They are mine, and I take care of them without anyone telling me to do so. Second, next weekend is not your weekend; this one is so Don’t. Show. Up. Here. Next. Weekend. Period,” I said with finality and disconnected the call feeling angry that I let him get me so upset.

  How dare he say I felt stuck with my own children? I never complained about having to be there with our children. My only complaint was them being stuck with a deadbeat dad that I propped up for far too long as my equal as a parent.

  I turned to go upstairs to my bedroom, and that’s when I saw Eva standing at the bottom of the stairs looking just as upset as I was.

  “He’s not coming, is he?” she asked, her tiny voice cracking a bit.

  I shook my head. “No, he’s not.”

  Explaining to my daughter the type of person Rodney was, was on the tip of my tongue, but what would that do to Eva’s already fragile relationship with him?

  “Turns out, he’s sick,” I lied, and it came out effortlessly to shield my little girl from her father’s negligence.

  She rolled her eyes and mumbled, “Good thing he’s sick then. I didn’t want to go over there anyway.”

  “Sweetheart—”

  “No, Mom. It’s good that he’s sick. Maybe he’ll stay sick the rest of his life and miss all of his weekends.” Eva ran up the steps to her bedroom and slammed the door.

  Deep down, I knew that she knew her father wasn’t ill. Her feelings towards her father were similar to mine. We desperately wanted to rely on him to be there for us, but we couldn’t. The wall Eva had put up was simply for protection against his letdowns that he delivered more and more often these days. Breaking the news to Kevin was going to be tougher, so I headed upstairs and knocked on his door. It swung open as soon as I touched it.

  He jumped off the bed and picked up his overnight bag. “Is Dad here?”

  I leaned against the doorsill and looked at my excited son who’d cleaned his room to near perfection, not one toy was out of place, his books were on his bookcase, and his bed was made up with his black and gold Shazam blanket set. He did all of that so that he could go with his father.

  “No, Kevin, he’s not here, and he’s not coming. Your dad is sick, so he won’t be able to pick you guys up this weekend,” I said in a soft tone as I watched the joy drain from Kevin’s face.

  “Really?” he asked unbelievingly.

  “I know you were looking forward to it, but I promise we’ll have fun, just the three of us,” I assured him with a smile. “Maybe we’ll go to the movies.”

  “Alright,” he mumbled, sitting down on his bed with a pensive look stretching across his young, stressed features. “It’s okay, Mom,” he said as if he had to comfort me.

  I walked over and sat down on his full-sized bed with him.

  “Are you sure you’re okay with it? I know you were looking forward to going to the game with your father,” I said.

  A tear appeared in the corner of his eye. “I should be used to it, right?” he asked, and the cracking of his tiny voice and seeing that tear sent a twinge of pain to my chest.

  My son shouldn’t be used to anything like this. It wasn’t right how Rodney used our kids to show off at family affairs, and then let them down when he felt more benefit in doing something or someone else, like Melody, and her so-called event.

  “I love you, bud,” I said, pulling Kevin into a hug.

  “I love you, too, Mom. Thank you for always being here for us,” Kevin said and pulled away from me and started to unpack his bag.

  The frustration from Rodney’s neglect was palpable in the room. We all deserved more than empty promises, and the kids shouldn’t have to suffer because their father was playing a dangerous yo-yo game with their heart. I did the only thing I could think of doing. I picked up the phone and called my mother. She would know the right thing to say to get me through yet another Rodney-induced heartache.

  ***

  The next day, I’d taken Eva and Kevin to spend time with their friends for the day. I planned an outing with Kemara since we hadn’t chatted in what seemed like forever. Since Kemara got married, the newlyweds had been inseparable, and I missed talking to my sister. I gave them enough time to enjoy their first few months in peace, now I needed my sister back for a few hours.

  I spotted her walking into the Havana restaurant, and man, she looked radiant. We hugged rocking back and forth as if it had been years and not months since we last saw each other. Finally, we took a seat in our favorite booth.

  “Girl, I’m so glad to see you. I missed you so much!” I said in a high pitch.

  “I was beginning to think Channing wouldn’t let you up for air. How is the married life treating you?”

  Kemara’s smile from ear to ear answered that question, but I wanted to hear from her how the past few months had been.

  “Everything is wonderful, Tameka. I truly couldn’t have asked for a better husband, and have it turn out this good. Channing is a blessing to me in every way.” She paused for dramatics. “I was just telling him I couldn’t wait for us to get together for lunch because I missed you. How have you been, Tameka? And, my babies, how are they?”

  “Oh, Kevin and Eva are doing great. I do all I can to make sure they’re happy, but they have missed their auntie.” I flipped through the menu as I talked. “Although…” I paused, looking at my sister. “I’m about ready to kill Rodney, but what else is new?”

  Kemara groaned. “What has my ex-brother in law done this time, Tameka?” she asked but
looked almost hesitant to know what he was up to now.

  “What is it that he hasn’t done would be a better question? For one, in ten years, he hasn’t stepped up to the plate to help father these kids. I’m so tired of that man I want to move and not tell anyone where I’m going.”

  “What happened this time?” Kemara asked, her tone a little lower than before as she steadied herself for another episode of Rodney’s nonending saga.

  “Well, Kevin was heartbroken last weekend when Rodney at the very last minute called and said he wasn’t coming to get them because Melody had somewhere she wanted him to go with her. Of course, he’d promised to take Kevin to a baseball game and everything, then he called and said he was twenty minutes away from our house only to call back thirty minutes later and say he wasn’t coming. Eva couldn’t care less because Rodney hasn’t shown her an example of a good man. Instead, he has her feeling like her father will always choose Melody over her.” Kemara sighed and closed her menu to give me her full attention. “I wish I could say this doesn’t hurt, but it’s heartbreaking the way he treats them.”

  “Tameka, he’ll never change. I hate it, but that’s a harsh reality you and the kids will have to live with. He’s either starting unnecessary arguments, or he’s ghost. Don’t do this to yourself any longer, Tameka. Maybe it’s time to take his visitation with the kids away,” Kemara suggested.

  “I’ve gone that route before, and it didn’t work. My lawyer threatened to take away his visitation, and his lawyer countered with a threat of Rodney getting full custody. My lawyer couldn’t guarantee me a judge wouldn’t agree with Rodney, which has me scared of risking losing my children. That would break me faster than anything Rodney is doing,” I admitted.

  “Man, he’s such an A-hole. He has to be the devil reincarnated.”

  “And that’s to say the least about it,” I agreed. “The hardest part is having to lie to them about why he’s such an A-hole.”

  “Tell them the truth about him. They can handle it. If he wants a better story told about him, he should write it with his actions. Stop covering for his foolishness and let him take the hit for the way he’s treating them,” Kemara said as the waitress approached our table; she took our orders and left.