Infinity

by Jus Accardo

  Because of all the moving around we did, I’d learned to create distance. Or, in most cases, just not get involved. The few friends I’d had, the few guys I’d messed around with, had been nothing more than a distraction. A way to kill time between moves. That was all I could afford—and it’d never bothered me. Mom was my best friend. My confidant and cheerleader. I’d never wanted—never needed—more than that. Not until now. Not until seeing the depth of devotion Cade had for this girl.

  Not until realizing what I’d been missing.

  I shook it off and pushed aside the lingering feeling of loss, of something I didn’t quite understand, and forced a smile. “Well then, keeping my fingers and toes crossed. How much time do we have?”

  “Not a lot. We need to figure out what we’re going to do about Ava. Noah didn’t have any luck in town hunting down an address for the Harris family.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “But forget about all that for a minute. How you holding up?”

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed. Not an amused sound, but something dark. Riddled with the loss of hope. The stink of defeat that I hoped to God he couldn’t see. “Hanging in.” I stretched my legs out and arched my back to be rid of an annoying kink. “I’m sure we’ll figure this out.”

  He didn’t buy it, though. I could see it in his eyes. With the subtle twist of his upper lip and the slight narrowing of his left eye. “I know you think I see her when I look at you, but the more time we spend together, the more apparent it is to me that you two are nothing alike.”

  “So you’ve said—multiple times.” A streak of anger, red hot and fierce, blitzed through me. “Sorry to disappoint. We can’t all be perfect.”

  His mouth fell open, and he shook his head. “Not at all what I meant, Kori.” He sighed and straightened a little, slouching sideways against the armrest. “If my Kori would have said to me what you just did, I would have believed her. Not because she was good at hiding things—she actually sucked. The girl was the worst liar I’ve ever met.” He looked almost angry. “No. I would have believed her because she believed it.”

  He’d pretty much lost me. “Okay…”

  For the longest moment, he said nothing. Just kept looking at me with an expression filled with a mixture of awe and resentment. “What I’m saying is, she was naive. Kori saw the world through stained glass windows. Rose-colored glasses. Whatever euphemism you use in your world. She didn’t see things clearly. Everyone was good inside and all the bad shit worked itself out eventually. You just had to sit back and the universe would right its own wrongs.”

  “That doesn’t happen,” I said. “Ever.”

  “Exactly.” He leaned back. “Kori’s world was like a damn Disney movie.” The hint of resentment in his voice grew more prominent. “Picture-perfect with everything neatly wrapped up just before the ninety-minute mark.”

  I didn’t know how to take what he was saying—or how to respond—so I just sat there and listened.

  “We all babied her.” I could have sworn his breath hitched. “Put her up on a pedestal and closed her away in a house of glass. I keep thinking that maybe if the general was harder on her, if we all didn’t coddle her so much, she would still be alive. If she’d just seen things more clearly, then maybe she would have been able to fight him off.”

  I couldn’t imagine living my life the way he was describing. People falling at my feet and trying to shelter me from reality. Walking around in a haze of fluffy pink, misplaced hope. I would never admit it to a living soul, but a small part of me was jealous. She wasn’t made to feel like a screw-up. She had Cade and Noah and, from the sound of it, never had to deal with the loneliness that comes with bouncing from base to base. She’d never had to endure the loss of her mother…

  I swallowed and found my voice. It bothered me to see him so upset—especially knowing what I knew about her. “I don’t believe that.” Kicking out my feet, I set them on the floor and leaned forward. “Maybe things happened the way they needed to.”

  The change in him was instant and fierce. He stood, towering over me like a storm cloud, ready to unleash hell on Earth. “The way they needed to? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means,” I said, taking a deep breath. My heart thundered against my ribs as I rose to meet his gaze. I remembered what Noah said to me on the balcony. How Cade and his sister loved each other, but were never the right fit. How even though she loved him, she hadn’t loved him… “That maybe she was holding you back.” The instant the words left my mouth I could tell they’d hit him hard.

  The fury on his face had me continuing. I’d never had a way with words. Usually I tended to stick my foot so far down my throat, it could come out my ass in an attempt to get an eloquent point across, but tongue-tied or not, Cade needed to hear this. He needed to move on. Chasing Dylan across God knew how many versions of Earth, being tied to the cuff, wasn’t the thing that was keeping him trapped.

  He was doing it to himself.

  I’d just met the guy and I could see it, clear as day. He wore his love for her like shackles, never allowing himself the freedom to move on. He may not be my Cade, or my responsibility, but it was time someone knocked some damn sense into him.

  “Not exactly how I meant for it to come out, but pretty much the gist of it,” I said, my tone softer now. “It’s harsh, I know, but I’m not sorry, Cade.” I waggled my finger between us. “Maybe we—any and all versions of us—don’t fit. Maybe that’s why I’m as strong as I am. As independent. Because I never had a Cade. And maybe, just maybe, the universe knew you would never grow to be the person you were supposed to be, the person the world needs you to be, with her in your life.”

  “That is a fucked-up theory, Kori.” he snapped. His fingers knotted tight, arms shaking with anger. “And an incorrect one. I’ve seen it work out for us. Multiple times.”

  “In other realities? How do you know what you saw? You only get a glimpse, Cade. A few snapshots from someone else’s life. That’s not enough to assess a relationship. That’s not enough time to see the issues. For all you know, we’re dysfunctional as hell.”

  He leaned in with a truly volatile expression and said, “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

  “Sure I do,” I responded. “You need to move on with your life. Anyone with eyes can see that.”

  “Forget for a minute that Noah and I are stuck. Forced to go where Dylan goes. You’re saying I should just let it go? Turn my back so he can continue to murder people?”

  “No. I’m saying that you need to be doing this for the right reasons.”

  “Well maybe you should enlighten me. I mean, you obviously have a better handle on the situation than I do.”

  I let the dig go and focused on keeping my cool. He had every right to be annoyed with me, but I wasn’t trying to bait him. I was trying to make him see what was right in front of his face. “You want to bring him to justice? Fine. You want to prevent him from hurting anyone else? Awesome. But chasing him from here to the end of whatever Earth you end up on, so far, has been about nothing more than revenge.”

  He didn’t say a word.

  “Tell me I’m wrong,” I challenged. “Tell me that you’re not looking to get your hands on him so that you can make him pay for taking her away from you.” I moved a few inches closer. I was toeing the line, but someone had to say this out loud. “The truth is, you’re wasting your life!”

  The change in him was instant, raw and real. In that moment, it was like his entire body had been enveloped in a black cloud. Anger and pain and loss and things far darker than I could possibly comprehend spun round and round.

  “Wasting my life?” he repeated. His voice was low, but held the distinct tone of fury. If I hadn’t been so preoccupied with getting him to see my point of view, I probably would have been afraid. Very afraid. Because in that moment? He looked and sounded exactly like Dylan. “Maybe you’re just jealous. Standing here all eaten up by the fact that you
’ll never have a bond like we did. You see what she meant to me, and you know that you’ll live the rest of your life without that. No one will ever love—”

  I slapped him. I’d never slapped anyone before—it hurt like hell—but if anyone deserved a good whack in the head, it was Cade Granger at that very moment.

  He touched the tips of his fingers to his cheek as the slightest hint of a grin spread across his face. Not necessarily a happy one, but more satisfied. Like I’d justified something huge by reacting. “Hit a nerve, did I?”

  I wasn’t a spiteful person. Mom raised me better than that. And even though he was being so horrible to me—despite the fact that he was hurting, there really wasn’t any excuse—I still didn’t set out to shatter his world. “Wake up, asshole! She loved you, but she wasn’t in love with you.”

  I felt it. The palatable shift that engulfed the room. Cade looked like he’d stopped breathing altogether and was watching me, mouth agape and face pale. He swallowed several times before saying, “What did you say?”

  Open mouth, insert entire leg.

  “Answer me!”

  All I could picture was quaking dishes and broken glass at the sound of his voice. I jumped about a foot in the air, stealing a quick glance back at the door. The last thing we needed right now was an audience.

  Probably should have thought about that before you poked the lion…

  “I’m sorry,” I said. And I was. The anger in his eyes was nothing compared to the anguish. It didn’t touch the hurt I’d unintentionally inflicted. “She loved you. So much. But she knew you weren’t right for each other. She didn’t love you like you loved her. Noah told me—”

  “No,” he snapped. “Bullshit. I’ve seen us together. Everywhere. There isn’t any way we weren’t right for each other!”

  “Cade…”

  “And let’s forget for a second that Noah wouldn’t have kept that from me.”

  “He didn’t want to hurt you. What good would the truth have done?” Something inside me broke. My heart, my soul, hurt for him. I grabbed the sides of his face and tilted his head down so that we were eye to eye. “It wouldn’t have changed anything, Cade. If you’d found out the truth, would you have let Dylan go?”

  “No,” he answered softly. “I loved her.”

  His dedication to the service and to my dad. His almost blind devotion to Noah’s sister. The ferocity with which he pursued Dylan. The way his lips lifted slightly higher on the left when he smiled. In that moment, standing so close to what my dad would surely dub a truly good man, I fell victim to that pull. I couldn’t help myself.

  Pulling his face down to mine, I brushed my lips to his. Tentative at first. A part of me was afraid he’d move away. Terrified, actually. I didn’t doubt his sincerity. He’d loved her. The other Kori. His life, his heart, his kisses… They’d all been reserved for her. But in that moment, I was desperate to know what that was like. Because maybe he was right. Maybe I would never have anyone as devoted to me as he’d been to her. I wanted—no, needed—to understand why she hadn’t loved him like he’d loved her. Because from where I stood, Cade was just about as amazing as they came. Smart, sexy—complicated. I couldn’t imagine ever being bored with someone like him.

  He wrapped his arms around my waist, deepening the kiss. One hand clutching a fistful of my borrowed hoodie, the other skimming its way up my back and beneath my long hair, settling at the base of my neck. The skin under his fingers ignited, sending waves of warmth rippling through me.

  I need to stop this…

  Dangerous. This was dangerous. An experiment gone too far. This wasn’t for me. His passion and fire. It was for her. It’s why I’d stopped back at the hotel. Still, I found myself drowning in it all. Slipping beneath a haze of sensation. A wash of feeling so overwhelming that I wondered if I’d ever find my way out.

  The kiss grew more intense. Cade’s fingers around my neck tightened, his nails coming so close to pressing into my skin. There was need in his actions. Desire—but something more. Emotions that, while not quite angry, were shrouded in darkness. The hand at my waist twisted harder, gathering more of the hoodie until it pulled taut. I responded, equally enthusiastic, slipping my tongue between his lips.

  The action seemed to surprise him. He sucked in a breath, then let out a small sigh. The sound of it did amazing things to my stomach. That allover tingle that comes from standing right next to a toasty bonfire. That building excitement as you bound down the stairs on Christmas morning.

  It was equal part foolish and reckless, but I wrapped my arms around him, hooking them behind his neck, and dragged us together the rest of the way. Our bodies pressed close, Cade rolled with it without missing a beat.

  This is stupid.

  That annoying little voice inside my head kept getting louder.

  He’s using you! And why wouldn’t he? You basically just threw yourself at him—right after he was a dick to you…

  I knew I should pull away. Put an end to this before…before what? I got hurt? I wasn’t some love-struck girl who hoped Cade would see what an awesome couple we could potentially make. I didn’t think he would be sticking around when—if—we got the cuffs off Dad and me. We weren’t going to hook up and he’d suddenly realize that I—not her—was the girl of his dreams. That was fantasy. It didn’t happen in the real world. This wasn’t some romantic comedy where the unlikely matchup turns out to be true love. This was a sci-fi nightmare that couldn’t end in happily ever after.

  I didn’t love him.

  I do like him though…

  And that was, once again, the reason I pulled away. Or, the reason I would have pulled away if a loud creaking on the steps hadn’t alerted us to someone coming. We stumbled apart and, in my haste to put distance between us, I lost my footing. I ended up sprawled on the couch, breath held and face probably flushed with embarrassment as Cade struggled to get his own breathing under control.

  “Okay, let’s—” Rabbit stopped as soon as he crossed the threshold. Shit. Did we look guilty? Faces flushed and lips swollen? Was my shirt all rumpled?

  Thankfully he didn’t say anything. He recovered quickly and came to stand behind the couch. Holding up a small bronze disc, he said, “All righty then. Ready to give it a go?”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I stood, hesitant to believe he’d actually duplicated the key. The small bronze thing pressed between his thumb and pointer could be almost as dangerous as that kiss Cade and I just shared. Hope could gut you in the end. When things took a sharp turn south and landed you smack in the middle of a dark inevitable. That’s how it’d been with Mom. The doctors were so sure they could control the disease. They’d given us hope—only to crush it. It was my life that teetered on the line now. I didn’t want to be crushed. I wasn’t strong enough to withstand the aftermath.

  Cade tugged at the edge of his shirt and stepped around me to where Rabbit was. He took the bronze disc and held it up to the light. “This will unlock the cuff?”

  Rabbit shrugged. He did that a lot. “Might. Might not, though. That key was unlike anything I’ve ever played with. I’m not even close to understanding how it works.”

  I nodded to the imposter in Cade’s hand. “Then how did you make that?”

  “I faked it,” Rabbit said, frowning. “I took it apart—” He must have seen the sheer terror on my face, because he threw up his hands. “Don’t freak. The original is fine. I needed to see what made it tick in order to make a new one. Problem is, there are a lot of components that I just don’t get.”

  My chest hurt. “So then it won’t work. I mean, it can’t, right?”

  “There’s a small chance it’ll work, but I’d prepare yourself for failure. Maybe if I had more time—” His eyes sparked with interest.

  “We’re out of time,” was Cade’s sharp response. He grabbed my arm and pulled me closer, fingers hovering above the small circular indentation on my unwanted fashion accessory. “You ready?”

  No…r />
  “Yeah.” There was a nervous flutter in my stomach. This was it. The moment of truth. If it worked, all we’d need to do is find Dad and use the original to unlock his cuff. Easy peasy. If it didn’t work…

  Don’t think like that! Good soldiers don’t give up…

  I squeezed my eyes closed. “Do it.”

  Cade’s hand was warm as he angled my wrist up. A second later, his other one slipped into mine, fingers threading together and squeezing tight. There was a faint snap—assumedly as Rabbit clicked the key into the small hole—and then nothing. Seconds passed. Then minutes. When I finally dared open my eyes, I found Cade and Rabbit staring at the cuff, both wearing frowns. It was all the answer I needed.

  “Well, that—” All the air left my lungs in one single, brutal push. Intense pain unlike anything I’d ever experienced washed over my entire body, radiating at my wrist and fanning out to every other limb. “What’s—” But it was no use. Words were a lost cause.

  I crumpled to the floor between the boys as a scream tore from my throat. It ripped free, shattering the space around us, and a second later, Noah’s panicked voice filled the air. Good. That was good. Something to focus on. Cade was on the ground in front of me, but I couldn’t hear him. His lips were moving, but most of the sound seemed to have seeped from the room.

  “What the hell did you do to her?” Noah yelled. I was vaguely aware of him shoving Cade out of the way. “Kori? Can you hear me?”

  I opened my mouth to tell him that I could—that he was the only one I could hear—but another spike of pain sent me reeling.

  “Told—work—key—” I couldn’t make out who was talking, but they didn’t sound thrilled.

  “Listen to me.” It was Noah again. For some reason his voice was like a beacon, reaching out and pulling me in. Grounding me. I clung to it, trying as hard as I could to stay focused. He grabbed the sides of my face tight. “You’ll be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you.”