Drawn That Way

by Elissa Sussman

  I shifted, tucking my legs up underneath me. “And you don’t want to.”

  “I don’t know,” Bear said. “My dad and I, uh, we don’t have a very good relationship. I’m sure you know that my mom got custody after they got divorced.”

  I nodded, shooting a quick glance toward the photo of him in snow goggles.

  “My dad had visitation rights but he’s a workaholic, so I barely saw him when I was a kid. All my memories of him when I was little were of this guy who cared more about getting all the credit for his movie than paying attention to his family.” Bear shook his head. “He only started to show interest in me when I got older—and when he found out I could draw.”

  I was intensely curious about Bear’s artistic skills. Besides the stick figure, I’d never seen anything that he’d done. He didn’t have any drawings at all on the walls. But I knew it wasn’t the time or the place to ask him to show me his sketchbook.

  “Ever since then, he’s been trying to get me to commit to working at BB Gun Films once I graduate. ‘Think of the publicity.’ ” Bear did a passable imitation of his father’s voice. “ ‘The investors will go crazy for it!’ ”

  I hated that I felt a twinge of jealousy. Even after everything Bryan had said to me, I knew that if he offered me a job at BB Gun Films, I would probably take it. I still wanted it. You couldn’t erase a lifelong dream just like that.

  “He basically created this internship as a way to test the waters,” Bear said. “He doesn’t care about the other short films—he just cares about mine.”

  I let all of this sink in. Even if what Bear was saying was true—Bryan had still chosen the other short films for a reason. He’d still not chosen me. But I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

  “What do you want?” I asked.

  Bear shrugged. “I don’t know. To be left alone long enough to figure out if I even want to work in animation.”

  “At all?”

  “I know that no one in the program thinks I deserve this,” he said. “And that’s what it would be like if I took a job here—or even at another studio. I’ll never be anyone other than Bryan Beckett’s kid.”

  I didn’t say anything, because it was true.

  “I know I shouldn’t complain,” he said. “There are people, like, dying and I’m bitching about being an intern in my dad’s billiondollar company. The internship is bullshit,” he said. “It means nothing.”

  “That’s not true,” I said. “Even if your father did this just to give you a chance, that doesn’t mean it isn’t an opportunity for the rest of us. That doesn’t mean I want it any less.”

  We sat in silence. The conversation had gotten heavy, and it wasn’t what I’d come here for. I wanted to escape. To forget.

  “I was pretty sure I was going to hate everything about this internship,” Bear said. “I knew someone would figure out who I was, I knew everyone would be weird about it, and I knew my dad would do something totally embarrassing.”

  I didn’t bother to point out that he was right on all three counts.

  “But I didn’t know I’d meet you,” he said.

  My heart did a somersault. “You like me,” I said.

  He grinned. “I do.”

  “Cool,” I said.

  I kissed him. He kissed me. And I didn’t have to think about anything else for a long time.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  I stayed in Bear’s room the rest of the night. We kissed and talked. Not about the internship, not about animation, but about other things. We mostly kissed. And I developed a grudging respect for Shelley Cona, because distracting myself with a cute boy turned out to be exactly what I needed.

  At least I wasn’t going to have to work on Nick’s project anymore. This time I would try—really try—to be a team player. Even if I never managed to impress Bryan, I wanted Sloane to be proud of me.

  I took off my shoes before I got to my room—I didn’t want to wake Sally. But when I opened the door, I found her sitting on her bed, wide awake, chewing furiously at her fingernails. She looked tired and scared and a little bit manic, which for Sally was saying a lot.

  “Hayley, omigod!” She leapt off the bed and pinned my arms to my sides with her hug. “Are you okay? Where were you? Are you okay? I heard what happened yesterday—everyone’s been talking, and then you didn’t come back last night and you weren’t answering my texts and I was going to call Gena, but I didn’t want to get you in trouble but I was really scared. Are you okay?”

  She released me, hands on my shoulders, peering at my face like she was reading tea leaves or something.

  I felt horribly guilty. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that she would notice I wasn’t there, let alone that she would have worried this much. Pulling out my phone, I realized that I had a dozen text messages from her, each getting more and more frantic.

  “Are you okay?” she asked again.

  “I’m okay,” I said.

  She nodded and then hit me in the arm.

  “Ow,” I said.

  She hit me once more and then wrapped her arms around me.

  “I was so worried,” she said, her voice slightly muffled by my shirt.

  “I’m really sorry,” I said. “I didn’t even think. But I am okay.”

  We stood there for a while, her hugging me and me awkwardly patting her sides because she’d pinned my arms again and I could just barely move them.

  When she finally pulled back she gave me a bracing nod. “You can’t do that again, okay? You have to tell me where you are. You’re my roommate. We’re responsible for each other.”

  This was more than we’d said to each other since I’d blown up the only decent friendships I’d had in this internship.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t think you wanted… I mean, we haven’t really been speaking.” I swallowed. “Which I know is my fault. I know I messed up. I’m really sorry.”

  It wasn’t the first time I had apologized, but I hoped that this one would stick.

  “You told me something in confidence and I just… I just totally betrayed you,” I said.

  Sally nodded. “It was pretty messed up,” she said. “But betrayed is kind of over-the-top, don’t you think? It makes this whole thing sound like some Real Housewives fight. I mean, I know I kind of let it get that way because I was mad and didn’t want to talk to you, but by the time I stopped being mad, we weren’t speaking at all and it was just awkward and weird and I didn’t know how to stop it.”

  She squared her shoulders and looked at me. “You did a crummy thing,” she said.

  “I did,” I said.

  “And it won’t happen again.”

  “It won’t,” I promised.

  “Okay,” she said.

  We just stood there for a moment, looking at each other. I wasn’t sure what I should do next. “Are… we friends again?” I asked tentatively.

  Sally threw her arms around me once more. “Yes!” she said. “I hated not being friends. It was the worst.”

  A part of me—the part that had been tense ever since our fight—relaxed. I didn’t want to be on my own anymore. It was too lonely and too hard. I’d missed Sally. I’d missed the other girls, too. Even though I was still texting and talking with Julie and Samantha, this was different. This was what I had lost out on by not being a team player, I reminded myself. I didn’t want to make that mistake again.

  “Were you up all night?” I asked.

  Sally nodded. “I heard about what happened yesterday. Between you and Nick.”

  I sat down on my bed. I’d forgotten about that. For a few blissful hours, I had completely forgotten the whole reason I’d been called to Bryan’s office in the first place. Everything good that had happened last night seemed to shift backward. My emotions felt layered like a multiplane image—one on top of the other—with the embarrassment of the Nick stuff returning to the forefront.

  “Did you really throw his drawings at him and start screaming about how you w
ere a genius, and everyone should listen to you?”

  I looked at her, feeling a little queasy. “What?”

  Sally frowned. “That’s what Nick has been saying.”

  I could only imagine the kind of drawings he’d be doing of me now. With a bigger mouth and bigger hair. “You’re kidding.”

  She shook her head.

  “Ugh,” I ran my hands over my face. “That is not what happened.”

  But everyone in the internship had probably heard Nick’s version by now—mentors included. My stomach clenched. And who knew what Bryan had said about the whole thing? What he might have told the brain trust.

  “I didn’t believe it for a second,” Sally said. “You didn’t even yell, you know, that night. You were just kind of quiet and intense.”

  “I did yell at him, though,” I said. “I might have even called him a fucking liar.”

  Sally’s eyes were wide. “You didn’t! You did!? Was he? Of course, he was. You’re such a badass.”

  “No, I’m not.” I buried my head in my palms. “I did it in front of Bryan.”

  Saying it out loud made the whole thing feel surreal. Like it had happened to someone else. I felt the bed shift as Sally sat down next to me.

  “Holy. Shit.”

  “Exactly,” I said, my voice muffled.

  I could practically hear all the questions circulating in Sally’s head, but thankfully she didn’t ask any of them, rubbing my back gently instead.

  “What… what’s going to happen to you?”

  “I didn’t get kicked out of the program,” I said, leaning back. “But I did get reassigned.”

  “Reassigned?”

  “I’m on Bear’s team now. With you.” I hadn’t planned to say anything else, but when I said his name, my face got hot and I had a feeling I was flushed from my hairline to my chin.

  “You are? That’s great! It’s going to be so much fun to work together.…” Sally’s excitement slowly tapered off. “You’re really red. Omigod, are you blushing?”

  “No,” I said. Too quickly.

  “Hayley,” Sally said. I was looking everywhere but at her.

  “I should probably get dressed,” I said.

  “Where were you last night?” Sally asked.

  There was a knowing tone in her voice, and I was a terrible liar.

  “Maybe I was with Bear,” I said as quickly as possible, making it sound like “MayzebemumbleImumblebear.”

  There was a long silence, and when I dared to look over at Sally, I found that she was staring at me, her mouth wide open.

  “No,” she said.

  “Yes,” I said, feeling so, so embarrassed. I was extremely glad that I’d put my shirt on right side out before I left Bear’s room. After I had taken it off again.

  “No!” Sally said.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “With Bear?”

  I nodded.

  She let out a shriek that probably woke everyone in the dorms. “Hayley Saffitz!” Sally grabbed my hands. “You tell me everything.”

  I did, and by the time I was done, I was blushing so hard I was sweating and Sally had tucked her hands under her chin and was looking at me like she was the human version of the heart-eyes emoji.

  “Oh. My. God,” Sally said, and I could practically see those hearts floating up into the air around her and popping in a sparkly, fireworks fashion. “How was it? Was it great? Was he great? I bet he’s a great kisser. Is he?”

  “Yes,” I said. “Yes, he is.”

  Sally squealed, hands clasped to her chest. “He’s definitely the cutest guy in the program,” she said. “He smells nice and doesn’t say much.”

  “I thought he hated me,” I said.

  Sally hit me on the arm again. “You did not,” she said.

  “Ow,” I said. “Yes, I did.”

  She shook her head, looking at me in an endearing way, like I was really dumb but couldn’t help it.

  “He’s been into you since the beginning,” Sally said. “It’s so obvious. Everyone knows. I mean, everyone who’s paying attention. So, probably just me and the other girls. But like, so obvious. You didn’t know?”

  I shook my head.

  “Wait. If you didn’t know, then how did last night happen?” Sally asked.

  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get into the whole post-Nick, getting-sent-to-Bryan’s-office, slow-and-meticulous-destruction-of-my-dreams part of the story. The Bear-kissing stuff was much more fun.

  Thankfully Sally’s alarm went off. “Shit!” she said. “We have to get dressed. You’re going to have to tell me everything else later. This is the most exciting thing to happen all summer. Well, besides you yelling at Nick.”

  She yawned, and then I yawned. When I did, Sally gave me a knowing look that had me blushing again.

  “Stop it,” I said.

  She skipped off to the bathroom, leaving me alone and thinking that while the last twenty-four hours had begun in a spectacularly awful way, it had redeemed itself in the end.

  That feeling changed the minute Sally and I left the dorms. It was clear that the story Nick had been telling people had spread rapidly. Everyone on the shuttle kept eyeing me with caution and suspicion like I might start screaming and throwing things.

  “Ignore them,” Sally said, shooting death glares at anyone that was staring openly. “The only people who would actually believe what Nick said are either dumb or jealous. Or both. Totally not worth your time.”

  Unfortunately, it seemed like a large majority of the intern group wasn’t going to be worth my time.

  When we arrived at the studio, there was a large crowd in the lobby. I spotted Nick, but he did his best to avoid my gaze. I wasn’t that surprised, but I was disappointed. When this whole program started, I’d thought of him as a friend. A kindred spirit. It still hurt to know that he was anything but.

  The group gathered was mostly interns, but I saw a few mentors standing there as well.

  “Hayley!” Sloane appeared, looking concerned. “What happened?”

  She had my bag. The one I’d left in the conference room yesterday.

  “Zoe brought it to me,” Sloane said. “Are you all right?”

  Shame gathered in the pit of my stomach. I hadn’t told her what had happened either—I’d just left the studio without a word. She must have been as worried as Sally had been.

  “I’m okay,” I said, feeling selfish and guilty. I pressed my bag to my chest.

  “Bryan’s called a meeting,” Sloane said.

  “What?”

  She nodded. “We all got an e-mail this morning telling everyone involved in the program—interns and mentors—to gather in the lobby.”

  Oh no. Oh no. I felt dizzy. Maybe I hadn’t been appreciative or contrite enough during my meeting with Bryan. Maybe he wasn’t going to switch me to Bear’s team. Maybe he was just going to toss me out of the program—and make an example of me in front of everyone.

  “Come on.” Gena appeared at the front of the crowd. “We’re in the theater today.”

  “I heard about what happened with you and Nick,” Sloane said, pulling me aside as everyone began heading out of the lobby.

  “From who?” I could only imagine how many versions of the story were floating around.

  “From Zoe,” Sloane said.

  I relaxed a little. At least Zoe had actually witnessed what had happened, even if she didn’t know all the details.

  “She said you were very upset. That you yelled at Nick in front of Bryan and that you were called to his office.”

  I hung my head. “Yeah.”

  “We should talk about it,” Sloane said. “After the meeting, okay?”

  I didn’t want to. Sloane had told me that animation was all about collaboration. It wasn’t about screaming at your director, even if he had stolen your ideas. I could have handled myself better, and I didn’t.

  As we headed to the theater, I heard whispers all around me.

  “What do you
think this meeting is about?”

  “I don’t know, but I bet it has to do with what happened yesterday.”

  “Did you hear that she broke an easel?”

  “I heard that she tried to rip up Nick’s drawings.”

  I curled my shoulders forward, wishing that I wasn’t so tall, wishing I wasn’t so easy to spot in a crowd. It felt like everyone’s eyes were focused on me. I just wanted all this to be over.

  “Hey.” Bear appeared out of nowhere. I was beyond relieved to see him, and a part of me wished we were back in his room, where the only thing I had cared about was touching his chest and kissing him.

  “Hey.” I kept my head down.

  “Heard that you’re being switched to my team,” he said. He seemed completely oblivious to all the chatter around us.

  “Is that all you’ve heard?” I asked.

  He gave me a puzzled look. “I mean, I also heard that you punched Nick in the face, but I’m pretty sure he deserved it.”

  Despite myself, I laughed. Bear grinned.

  “It’s going to be fine.” He patted me on the shoulder before disappearing back into the crowd.

  Sloane caught my gaze, one eyebrow lifted. “Hmm,” she said, but didn’t pry any further.

  We moved into the theater, and the general warmth and butterflies that I’d gotten being near Bear shifted back to my previous stomach-clench of shame and embarrassment. The abrupt changes in mood were giving me a headache. This was the most emotionally complicated twenty-four hours of my life.

  I sat with Sloane on one side of me, Sally on the other. It was so similar to our first day. All of us sitting there, unsure what to expect, not knowing who would emerge from behind the curtain. This time, instead of Josh, it was Bryan.

  “Good morning,” he said.

  People shifted in their seats as they echoed his greeting. I didn’t say anything.

  “I’m sure most of you are wondering why I called this impromptu meeting,” he said. He had his hands in his pockets and was wearing a pair of gleaming white sneakers. “I just wanted to take a chance to commend all of you. This program was a brainchild of mine, but I wasn’t quite sure how it was going to work until it actually began. I want you all to give yourself a round of applause for exceeding my expectations on how smoothly this internship is going so far.”