Premonition

by Lisa M. James

  “Are you wed?” I shifted uneasily and shook my head. “Betrothed?” I shook my head again, hoping they wouldn’t press me on the matter. My failure on this account was not something I wished to discuss. Nor was my recent heartbreak with Helena, one I wished to relive. Helena was the second woman I ever claimed to love and the second woman who had rejected my affections. The first was Judith. Judith was the daughter of a man who was once my father’s closest friend. We were promised to each other as children. We both had accepted the arrangement not wishing to disappoint our parents, but I grew fond of her. When word spread of my visions, the people started to look at me like I was cursed or possessed by a demon. Judith would tell me over and over again as the years went on that it didn’t bother her, but I could feel the girl growing distant. At 16 I had told Judith I loved her and would pursue our betrothal. The declaration only made the girl burst into tears.

  I can’t do this, Isaac. It’s just too much!

  I confused her hysterics as doubts on being wed so soon and told her that we could wait longer until she felt ready. But later that same evening her father came to our home and told my father that he was pursuing a betrothal for Judith to another man. My father was outraged. He took the words as an insult onto our whole family. He cursed the man severely, accused Judith of being a loose girl, and never spoke to the man again. Yet his anger and pain from the loss of that friendship quickly shifted to me.

  I told you not to speak of those visions! I told you to fight them and yet you feed into them! You drove the girl away!

  He was right and I had held onto that pain for years. Yet eventually I moved on. Unfortunately, to the wrong woman. Helena had been one of my closest comrades. With Jason and Benjamin, the four of us were inseparable as we grew up. I had always been fond of her but around my 20th year my care for her shifted to love. It took me months to build up the nerve to tell Helena how I felt for her. The woman didn’t understand the intention of my words. She smiled sweetly and embraced me tightly.

  And I cherish your love. You know I love you in return.

  How foolishly I thought those words meant that she wished to be my wife. As I made the ask to her, her face dropped so swiftly, and she backed away from me so quickly.

  Isaac I am so sorry, you misunderstand me. I—I spoke foolishly. I cherish your friendship, I meant. Any woman would be honored to be your wife it is just. Her eyes had welled with tears. I love Jason. He loves me in return. We’ve been courting in private for some time now. The words cut me hard, but the woman started to weep and apologize profusely, and I found myself offering her comfort though I was the rejected one. Again.

  I told her to forget what I said. She didn’t. Instead she sought comfort in the man she loved, who took it as an affront. Jason waited until we were publicly exposed before making a spectacle of me. He declared that I was no true friend of his and how foolish I was to possibly think Helena would prefer a madman over him. He took my already fragile reputation amongst my people and shattered it.

  “Who have you left behind?” Mara pounded the table in front of me, bringing me back to attention.

  “My mother and younger brother.” I hesitated and looked from Mara to Kiatra. “And my father who was the one who spoke on our behalf here.” Mara spoke to Kiatra who nodded slowly. She said nothing for a long moment before speaking again.

  “My mistress wishes for me to explain to you why you are here with her.” I sat up straighter and nodded. “Kiatra has five people under her service. Myself, her two guards, and her two handmaidens, whom you have met. She has chosen you to be the sixth in her service and her only slave. We have a home where our slaves reside together, but our mistress wishes for you to stay here with her. You will sleep on her floor by the entrance—”

  “Here? With her? On her floor?” I stammered. Mara shot me a warning look but mumbled something to Kiatra. Kiatra rose an eyebrow then smiled somewhat deviously as she leaned forward toward me and said something. Mara’s eyes went wide, and she said a word almost in scolding, but Kiatra made a gesture for her to translate.

  “If the floor is not suitable for you, my lady asks if you would rather share her bed?” I felt the heat rise up to my face as I stared down at my hands.

  “Forgive me. I meant no disrespect.” I said slowly. “It is just, in my village, men and women do not reside together unless they are married.”

  “Consider yourself less as a man and more as property.” Mara said evenly. “You should be thankful. You will have a room with only one other, instead of one with dozens of others like the slave houses where most of your kind are kept.” No one said anything for a moment as I looked back up.

  “What will I be expected to do in her service?”

  “You will take some of the responsibility off of my hand. You will take care of Kiatra’s stables with her steed as well as her father’s. Along with some of the prize cattle which are groomed and used for feasts. You have butchered animals before? You are not one with a weak stomach? Or you won’t become too friendly with them and set them free?”

  “I’ve groomed and slaughtered cattle before.”

  “Good.” She spoke quickly to Kiatra who only nodded with her eyes steady on me. “Your first year with us will mostly focus on training. Do you have any skill in defense?” She looked at me doubtfully and I confirmed that doubt as I spoke.

  “I have defended our crops from wild boar.”

  Mara rolled her eyes at this and didn’t bother translating the words to Kiatra. “She doesn’t expect you to have competent skill, but you must learn enough to defend yourself and not be an extra burden on her shoulders. Many of the guards that are sent to protect the villages are slaves.” I sat straighter at this information, but Mara quickly flattened my hope. “Do not think we would risk sending you back to your village. Lady Kiatra is unlikely to keep you far from where she is.” I sunk back into my chair poorly hiding my disappointment as Mara continued. “You must also know our language and customs otherwise you will be at a disadvantage here. I will help you on these matters and I will consider how else you can best serve her but for now you will serve her well if you can learn to be obedient.” Mara said nothing more allowing the words to sink in. Something was odd. All things considered, nothing she was telling me was outside of my ability to do or learn. I was beginning to understand why her people would be angry at her for giving me such a position. It didn’t seem like just punishment for a viewed criminal. It hardly seemed like slavery at all.

  “There are restrictions on your part, of course.”

  “Restrictions?”

  Mara looked at me somewhat sadly. “We allow our slaves to marry and to have children and families of their own. All slaves except those in the service of our leaders. As long as you are in her service you will not be wed. Nor will you be able to take a lover. Being in the Chief or Chieftess’ service you are expected to refrain from such things. Your commitment is to them alone. Kiatra will be the only woman in your life. Your allegiance and love will be hers.” I stared blankly at the elder woman trying to process her words. “None of us are wed, me, the girls, or the guards, but as paid servants it is our choice to remain in her presence for as long as we wish and continue our vow of celibacy. For you as her slave, it is a command.” I blinked hard and kept my eyes on Mara, aware of Kiatra’s eyes on me. I would never know the love of a woman. I would never be a husband. I would never be a father. I was alone here and I would remain alone here.

  “Oh.” I said flatly. I tried to block my mind from focusing on my losses. If I dwelled on it instead of focusing on surviving one step at a time, I would lose my mind.

  “I am sorry.” Mara said softly, and from her tone it seemed that she meant it. “But for your village’s foolishness, it is a just punishment.

  Kiatra will be the only woman in your life. Your allegiance and love will be hers. My mind went to the women in the bathing chamber and the thought of me sleeping in my mistress’s quarters. I felt the heat rise up to my
face again as apprehension replaced sorrow. “She—when you say—” I stammered and looked from Kiatra, who was observing me intently to Mara who looked as if she pitied me. “When you say my love will be hers alone—she will be the only woman in my life—”

  “Be at ease.” Mara said gently placing her hand over mine as if forgetting herself for a moment. She retracted it quickly before speaking again. “Our mistress does not abuse her slaves. Nor will she take advantage of your vulnerability.”

  I glanced again at Kiatra whose face masked any emotion as Mara mumbled something to her. Vulnerability. It was a kinder way of saying weakness.

  “Do you have any questions for your mistress?”

  I did have questions. The most consuming one was Why? Why did Kiatra give me this position if it was so coveted? Yet, I couldn’t force myself to voice it. A dull haze that was becoming familiar encompassed me and I just shook my head.

  Kiatra made a dismissive movement with her hand toward Mara and said a short phrase. Mara bowed and shot a glance at me before departing.

  I watched her leave before turning back to Kiatra’s steady graze. What did she expect to uncover by studying me this way? Worst, what had she already seen? Was I already displeasing her unknowingly? What was the punishment for doing such?

  Kiatra pushed the plate of food sitting on the table toward me. It wasn’t the most appealing of meals, but I didn’t wish to offend her. Anxiety overpowered hunger in my stomach but I picked up the bread. A sudden thought came to me. What if this was all a ruse? What if they had no intention of keeping me alive? I looked down at the bread wondering if they would poison me.

  As if reading my thoughts, Kiatra reached out and took the bread from me. She broke it in half and handed me one piece and bit into the other. She took a knife and cut into the meat and split that in half as well, before cutting a smaller piece and picked that straight off the knife into her mouth. She reached over to my cup of wine and sipped from it before extending it to me. I hesitantly grabbed for the cup with both hands trembling and took a sip from it. She seemed pleased by this and focused on the portions she divided for herself. I started to absently pick at the food, eating enough before I felt my stomach churn. Kiatra stood and immediately Mara walked in and cleared our meals. She looked at my plate and took something from her pocket and handed it to me.

  “You may be hungry later.” She whispered as she folded my fingers over a pear and left the room again. Kiatra had retreated to a corner of the room to a shelf which held some garments. I remained at the table as she unbraided her hair and let it fall in long, dark waves down her back and past her waist. She was an oddity compared to the women I knew in my village. We had women of darker skin tones and black hair, but Kiatra was taller, heavier and more muscularly built than any woman I knew. Her features were sharp with high cheekbones, thick eyebrows, a pointed nose and large eyes like pools of mahogany. Her hips were wide, accentuating a curved figure. I was uncertain if she would be considered beautiful in the way our village judged beauty, but there was certainly something undeniably exquisite about her.

  The oddest thing about her, was the familiarity. When I first saw her, I recognized her. There was no possibility I had seen her before. My father made it a point not to allow me to accompany him to visits to the Fortress, although it would have been opportune if he had any real intention of letting me succeed him. The familiarity must have come from a vision, but as far as I racked my mind, I could not recall what I had seen regarding the woman. But I had seen her. Somehow, I knew her.

  She combed her fingers through her dark tresses after finding a tanned, cotton sleeping gown to her liking. To my surprise, she started to remove her dress. I turned my head away, wondering if the women of this place had no sense of propriety. Or more likely, since I was considered property perhaps, I demanded no modesty from her. I turned back around after some time and found her kneeling on the floor laying a mat flat by the entrance of the bedroom. She went to her bed then and pulled a covering off of it before throwing it toward me. I caught it and stood. She motioned to the mat she had laid out on her floor, before turning away from me and blowing out the candles that lit the room. Everything went dark besides a few streams of moonlight that came through the single window of her bedroom. Kiatra climbed into her bed and stared at me one moment before turning toward the wall.

  With heavy steps I made my way to the mat she had laid out. A dizziness mixed with nauseam filled me. I laid to my side and started to aimlessly bite into the pear Mara had handed me. I forced my mind to shut down. I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to remember the week’s events. I didn’t want to grieve over the life I forfeited for slavery. Nor did I want to imagine what the next days, months and years held for me. I squeezed my eyes shut, but my mind went back to my sentencing.

  How am I to choose— My father had started before I rose heavily before Kiatra and her father. I prayed my legs would support me as I stepped forward toward them and placed both hands on my chest.

  I will stay. I had said simply hoping my voice showed a boldness I didn’t feel.

  No! Benjamin had shouted. He was the only one among the men who said one word of protest.

  Take me. I said firmly, ignoring him. The man who spoke on the Chief’s behalf looked at me quickly up and down before saying a few words to the Chief. The Chief had looked at me with uncertainty. I am his son. I said pointing to my father. It would hurt him the most for me to be taken. I looked toward Kiatra then. Her father was the Chief, but she seemed to be the person of influence. The one who would make the final decision. Take me. I said again, pointing to myself so she would understand.

  She stood and faced me. Something about her made me shrink back. I was tall. Taller than most men in my village, but this woman was of just greater height than me. She circled me, surveying me. I felt small under her scrutiny. She sat back down and spoke short words.

  Do you agree to this? The man spoke to my father. My father hesitantly looked toward me.

  Is there no other way? He had said with grief I had never seen before filling his eyes.

  No. The man said evenly. Is this the one you choose?

  This is madness! Benjamin had exclaimed. We cannot just leave him behind! We will not abandon him! We can’t! He started to rise from the floor before one of the elder men pulled him back. No. No one else would fight for me, I knew. They had grief in their eyes, but they were relieved I had volunteered, saving my father from speaking the words, and in turn saving two of their favored young men.

  Isaac. My father had said, his voice wavering. My son. He gripped my shoulders and held my gaze.

  Father— I had started. For a moment I pitied my father for having to make such a decision. For a moment I was grieved in having to say goodbye to him. For only a moment. I thought to embrace him, before I looked closely into his eyes, focusing on his expression. There was pride gleaning behind the grief in his eyes.

  Your sacrifice will not be in vain. Your bravery— He stopped his words seemingly overcome by his emotion. Your bravery will not be forgotten. The other men had nodded in agreement with the exception of Jason and Benjamin who looked in bewilderment at my father’s words.

  Bravery. I had repeated flatly. So that was it. I choked down the bitterness of betrayal I felt rising deep within me. My mind was already set on sacrificing myself to save the rest of them. The fear I had on my uncertain future was overshadowed by the knowledge that it could only be me. I was the one of least consequence. This was the only way. Yet that this would make my father more proud than grieved, that this would be the act that would finally gain his approval was more than I could bear.

  I shrugged away from him then. I want you to remember, Father. My life has become forfeit because of your pride. Because of your refusal to listen to reason. But be of cheer. You will finally get what you wanted. Timothy is now your heir. You will no longer have to contend with me. My father had looked at me in shock as I turned away from him. It was cruel word
s to be the final words that I said to my father. But I didn’t care. I turned back toward the Chief and Chieftess as they were observing me, patiently. He agrees. Take me.

  As my words were spoken the Chief nodded and the other men were suddenly lifted from the floor and started to be pulled away.

  Wait! I had said suddenly as a thought came to me. I fell to my knees before Kiatra. Please wait! She spoke a word and the men were unhanded. She looked down at me. My people still need food. I know we are undeserving, my lady, but I beg you, don’t send these men away empty handed. We will starve—They will starve. I corrected. Please don’t let all of our people suffer for our foolishness. I bowed my head to touch her sandaled feet. Please. I said before lifting my head again and meeting her eyes. There was something in the woman’s expression that made me realize that she understood my words then, but she said nothing until they were translated. She only nodded at me in response without saying a word.

  They will be given what they need. The man said simply, before my men were dragged toward the entrance.

  No! Please! Benjamin had shouted. There must be another way! Isaac! Isaac— I saw Benjamin’s face contort in grief until they were all pulled out of my sight. Then I could only hear his cries becoming more distant until they disappeared.

  That was all that I had with me now. The memory of it all. I turned to my stomach. I just needed to focus on sleep. If I took anything more than a moment at a time I would shatter inside.

  In spite of my will, my mind wandered to my mother and my brother. Heavy grief threatened to choke me. I would never see them again. My last words to my father echoed in my head. A moan escaped my throat. I buried my face against the mat to stifle my groans and prayed that I could escape to sleep.