Premonition

by Lisa M. James

  It’s alright. Someone had said to me, pressing their lips against my forehead. You will be alright.

  You don’t know that. I remember thinking or saying. I couldn’t be sure. It was too many days ago now.

  “You will ensure Isaac is protected.” I said softly to Titus.

  “No. You will recover and he will stay under your protection—”

  “Titus. Enough.” I was growing weary.

  He sighed heavily. “Of course, I will ensure he is protected. You know that.”

  “I will have it written that he will go to you for the remainder of his sentence. Bring me something. I will write it down. Where everyone will go. My guards, the girls, Mara—”

  “Save your strength—”

  “I will speak it to you then, and you will write it for me. We can’t delay. While I still have my wits, I must make preparations.”

  “There is time for this—”

  “There is no time!” The sobs came from me unexpectedly then. I couldn’t remember the last time I had wept. It was likely when my mother passed away but since then I had not made it a habit. Now the tears came uncontrollably from my body causing me to heave.

  Titus came around to the head of my bed and lifted me gently in his embrace. The gesture only made me weep more. My mistakes were coming to the forefront of my mind. I should have properly handled my sister and Rose. Now they would run rampant, all over my father as he grieved for me. I should have been firmer with my father and laid down my own decrees. My own laws to support my people, instead of waiting until he passed to make the changes I wished. I should have chosen a husband. I should have borne an heir.

  The things I had left undone and unsaid burned me from the inside. Fear that I would never be able to share it, overwhelmed me. I buried my head into Titus’ chest trying to steady my breathing. “I think I am in love with him.” I said almost in a whisper.

  “You only think?” Titus questioned without even asking who I was referring to. Was I really such a fool that it had become so obvious that I was in love with my slave? I had been drawn to Isaac the moment he had bowed his head to my feet in the main hall, begging me to give his people food before they departed. He continued to draw me with his innocence of the ways of the Fortress. Yet, how hard he tried to learn and be pleasing to me? In combat, in our accounts, in taking care of our cattle, there was a tenacity about the man that was uncommon. He was quick witted and seemed to know more about my people in a few encounters than I could observe in decades. Yet, though he was excelling in everything we put him through, nothing made the man arrogant. There was a humbleness in his character that always remained and a fire in his eyes. He will have fire in his eyes and bring comfort to you.

  My mother’s words from her last vision continued to pound in my head these last years that Isaac had been with me. Whether he was the answer to her vision or not, the man was a comfort to me. I cared for him. I enjoyed being in his presence and having him near me. I had fallen in love with him.

  “I have been fighting to accept it, Titus. What a hypocrite I am? I was merciless towards my father for falling in love with a slave, and then—” I closed my eyes as Titus tightened his arms around me.

  “It is not the same. Your father was a married man when he took Rose to his bed. You on the other hand, are unattached and have the freedom to love and wed whoever you wish.”

  “I can’t marry a slave.” There was no rule against it, but it would be an unforgivable insult to my people and the many men who asked for my hand if I married a slave while he still served the sentence for a crime.

  “In five years, his sentence will be served, and if you choose it you can declare him a free man. You know that. Then you can take him as your husband.”

  “In five years, I will be 33. Women half my age would fight for his hand. You see it now don’t you? The way the maidens are taking notice of him now? If he wished to wed, he will have no lack of options.” I wasn’t proud of my jealousy, but I had noticed as Isaac gained strength and prominence these last years that many maidens paid him attention. When they came to take audience with me and saw Isaac was by my side, their faces would turn crimson and they would sputter as children when they spoke.

  “Yes, I have noticed he receives some attention although I don’t think he has noticed, Kiatra. He is not mindful of those things. I don’t think the man is even able to comprehend a woman desiring him. He wouldn’t believe it and it doesn’t matter if he did. The man’s devotion is yours.”

  “Devotion?” I laughed bitterly at the word. “If I asked for his hand he would accept in obligation, wouldn’t he? As a devoted slave even as a free man. I would never ask such a thing of him. I would never consider it.” I knew the truth of it. Isaac would never view me as anything more than his master. The woman who had ripped him away from his family. The woman who commanded him to be served fifty lashes. The woman who was willing to sentence his friend to death. When he is granted the opportunity to leave my presence, he will take it. How could he not?

  “None of this matters now, does it? None of this matters unless you recover. So do not waste your strength on this anymore. Recover and then consider what you will do about this man you love.”

  “I don't want to die.” I said in a whisper. As a leader of the Fortress, I shouldn’t fear death. Death was always lurking at the doors. There was no point to let it take you captive. Yet, the reality of it had never been so close to me until now.

  “Then fight.” Titus said quietly. I am not certain what else he said as I drifted back into sleep.

  Chapter 20

  “Natalie, please! Let me see him. He has sat in a cell for three weeks!”

  “Until Kiatra, gives the command on what to do with him I cannot let him go. She wouldn't want you to see him—”

  “You are being ridiculous!”

  “You are being ridiculous! Your mistress lies in her deathbed and all you can think of is the whereabouts of your treasonous friend—”

  “You think that’s all I can think of?” Through the years Natalie and I had developed an understanding. The woman was Kiatra’s closest friend. She was sharp tongued and quick witted, but she had always shown a fondness for me over a shared protectiveness of Kiatra. The fondness brought familiarity and that familiarity often brought on fierce debates between us. “Twenty-two days. Twenty-two days since I have been able to see her. I am reminded clearly what I am every day since she fell ill. I have no right to her. No right to be with her. I have been commanded to stay away from her chambers as if I am no one of significance to her.”

  “You know that’s not true.”

  “Perhaps, but I fear the next time I will be allowed to see her she will be on a funeral pyre. I can’t think of her like this. I am going mad.”

  Natalie’s face softened. “We all are, Isaac. The whole Fortress is in distress over Kiatra.” Natalie broke her eye contact with me. “As for your friend, I assure you he is well. For your sake, I have taken good care of him. I’ve taken him out to bathe. I’ve kept him groomed. He is fed. He seems to be sleeping alright.”

  “Then what is the harm of letting me see him? What do you fear will happen? You know me well enough, Natalie. I would never do anything to hurt Kiatra. Not again.” The words were false as they left my mouth. Yet, Natalie didn’t know that the last words I had spoken to Kiatra hurt her. I pushed the thought out of my mind and the more pressing thought that the grief I had brought to her, drove her to be bedridden. “I beg you. Please. Take pity on me. Otherwise I will just go to Kiatra’s chambers and pester our Chief to let me see her!”

  It was madness. Kiatra had fallen ill suddenly and swiftly. The day she had collapsed in my arms she was taken to bed. Since then she had not risen, shifting in and out of consciousness for three weeks. Her condition turned for the worse the last few days. The woman seemed to be completely taken over by delirium. I stayed by her side the first night until I was commanded out as the Chief went to see her. Benjamin was taken
up into a cell. I was unable to see either of them. Now my days were spent in worry and anxiety. Most days I prayed for a vision. Something that would help me understand either of their fates. It was futile. Nothing had come to me. Nothing that could help them. My only solace were the past visions I had seen of Kiatra that had not yet come to fruition. Though it had been so many years since I had seen them. Could I even be certain of what I saw?

  “You will not pester our Chief unless you wish to be sent to your deathbed.” Natalie sighed in frustration. “I will take you to your friend.”

  “Thank you—”

  “—Only for a moment.” She rose her finger in warning as if I was a child needing to be scolded, before motioning me to follow her. I had not been in the cellar since those first days in the Fortress. I was not in good shape just after a few days of imprisonment. In spite of what Natalie had said on her care for Benjamin, I worried about how he was faring. Yet, when Natalie opened the door, Benjamin looked in good health just as she had stated.

  “Isaac!” He stepped toward me upon seeing us enter but stopped and stared at Natalie. “Is it alright?” She nodded at him and put a hand on my shoulder.

  “Do not linger. I don’t wish to yank you out of here.”

  “Somehow I think you would enjoy that.” She broke her stern expression, shaking her head before glancing at Benjamin.

  “It will be alright.” She said softly to me before departing.

  We waited until she shut the door as Benjamin embraced me. “I feared what happened to you!”

  “I’m sorry. They wouldn’t allow me to see you. Are you alright? Has she been treating you okay?”

  He looked toward the door where Natalie left. “She has been quite kind, actually. Surprisingly so. It seems she is preoccupied. She doesn’t wish to distress over me.”

  “The Chieftess has fallen ill.”

  “She hinted at that.” He lowered his voice. “But I feared something had happened to you. She hesitates every time I ask how you are faring.”

  I sighed. “Because she knows how I fare is closely tied to how my mistress fares.”

  “Is there any chance of a recovery?”

  It was something I did not know how to answer but as the days went on and her condition did not change, I feared for the worse. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen anything that would help me know.” Though Benjamin’s return was reason for concern, it was a relief to speak openly about my visions to someone. He was someone I knew I could trust who had always wished for the best for me. Because of our close proximity in age, Benjamin and I had been companions since we first started walking. He remained my faithful friend as my visions emerged and even as I grew into a young man who was considered a madman. Benjamin was always my defender. He stood up for me before the journey when the other men cursed me for following along. They told me I would bring along a bad omen and if what I saw came to pass, I would be the one to blame.

  If what Isaac saw comes to pass, we will be the ones to blame for not heeding his warning. Benjamin had declared boldly. And he will be the only one clever enough to get us back home.

  “I’m sorry, Isaac. I can tell this woman is of great importance to you.”

  “I know it’s difficult for you to understand—”

  “Yes, but I’ve been unfair to you. You are right, I have no idea what you have had to endure here. If this woman provided you any solace, then I am thankful to her. As you said, I owe her my life.” I cringed at the words, knowing my last conversation with Kiatra. I can’t spare his life. “Isaac.” I looked back at Benjamin realizing I broke eye contact and was staring at the floor of the cell. “I am not returning home, am I?”

  I shook my head. “No, Benjamin.”

  “Natalie said that I would likely be sentenced as a slave.” I said nothing to this, surprised that Natalie would give him this hope without Kiatra’s word. I wondered if Kiatra recovered, if Natalie could be of any influence in sparing Benjamin’s life? The man could learn to be an obedient slave. He was healthy and young and would be competent in labor. “It doesn’t matter what happens to me, Isaac. You don’t need to worry about me. I don’t regret coming back here.”

  “You should regret it! It was foolish to come here. You should have forgotten about me, Benjamin.”

  “I couldn’t. You are my closest comrade, Isaac. More than Jason. More than Helena. The thought that I had just abandoned you, with little word.” He shook his head. “Knowing you are alive has brought me,” he sighed, “a great amount of peace.” His face turned grim. “Though now I have left my family in grief and despair. There is not a chance your Chieftess will take mercy on me? You seem to have rose to someone of importance to her that could influence her.”

  I exhaled heavily, wondering what Natalie had told him to make him believe I had any true influence over Kiatra. “I suppose none of this matters unless she recovers.”

  “Isaac?” Benjamin spoke my name uneasily as if debating his next words.

  “What is it?”

  “You and this woman—the Chieftess. Are you—are you both—”

  “Are we what?” I said sharper than I intended, anticipating his next words.

  He crossed his arms around him giving me a knowing look. One I had not seen in over five years. “Is this woman more than your mistress?” He said in a whisper. “Are you lovers?”

  “Lovers?” I almost choked on the words and how ridiculous the assumption was. “Are you mad? That woman is the leader of the Fortress and I am her slave. She’s rejected every proposal she’s ever received and she has received plenty from men much worthier than me. I assure you she gives me little thought on that account.”

  “But you are in love with her?” Benjamin said with eyes that were almost sorrowful. I wanted to leave the cell. Benjamin’s words brought up thoughts I would rather not explore. I was lonely here. I could not deny that much even after five years. Most people within the Fortress, slave or free, had families to confide in. Families they were born into or families that were made, but I had no blood connection nor the freedom to build a family here. Though there were a few that had grown fond of me through the years, any true camaraderie was dependent on Kiatra’s favor on me. It could be lost easily. All I had was Kiatra. Only she stood between me and death.

  After my failed escape, I devoted my life to her to regain her trust and I grew to know her. Most of the things I knew were from simply observing her. She was a strong woman and wished to be a fierce leader, but she struggled balancing justice with compassion. Though she spoke harshly, she found no joy in administering cruelty even when a circumstance would warrant it. She mourned over the brokenness of her family and her relationship with her sister, though she would act as if her sister was no one of significance to her. She longed for a family of her own, though I could not identify what it was that was keeping her from choosing a husband. She could have any man that she wanted.

  She cared about the opinions of those in her service. Many times, she would bring up a decision she had made to me, her handmaidens or to a member of her guard, noting our reaction to the circumstances. More often than not she would encourage us to speak freely and she truly never held our words against us. She took our opinions to heart as if we were a part of her council. She treated us as if we were people of importance. She treated me as if I was someone of value to her and not a criminal, serving a sentence.

  You know you are wanted here. She had said to me once. I don’t know what prompted it, but she said the words so sincerely, willing me to believe them. It was impossible not to be captivated by her. She had a way to make me feel either at ease with her or when she wished it, incredibly unnerved. Yet, I longed for the moments that she called me to be in her presence. The woman was enthralling. I was dependent on her, had grown unknowingly protective of her and I desired her affection. I closed my eyes for a moment and brought up the image of her lips against mine that had appeared to me four years ago. I cannot be certain of what I saw, as it never appea
red to me again and now Kiatra laid on her deathbed. It was likely all a delusion.

  “Don’t look at me that way, Benjamin. I understand well how it feels to have my love unrequited, so I am not foolish enough to put myself in that position again. Not when it is so inevitable how it would end. Yes, I’ve grown to care for her but—” As the words left my mouth the room started to spin.

  Isaac. I heard Benjamin say as from a distance as a vision overtook me. Isaac! “Isaac!”

  “I’m alright. I’m alright.” I said too late as Natalie burst through the door.

  “What’s wrong? What did you do to him?” She turned her wrath on Benjamin who put his hands up in defense.

  “He did nothing. I’m—” I stopped suddenly, reconciling what I had just seen. “I need to go!” I bolted past them toward Kiatra’s chambers. Her guards stood at the entrance looking surprised to see me.

  “Isaac—”

  “Move.” I said abruptly. “I have an urgent matter to bring to the Chief.” The men could have denied me, but they simply stared at me in confusion before letting me pass. I didn’t scan the room as I entered. I only focused on Kiatra’s father and his mistress, Rose, seated by Kiatra’s bed. My exposure to Rose was limited throughout the years. As the mistress of our Chief there were few occasions where our paths would cross. The rare moments we would see each other, the woman showed little interest in even acknowledging me. Though she had no title or station and was once a slave herself, there was an arrogance about her. Her daughter was the spitting image of her. Rose shared the same porcelain skin with dark tresses as Sabrina, though this woman made great efforts to hide that she was aging.

  Rose leaned over Kiatra with a small elixir in her hand. I reacted without thought and swiped the elixir from her, almost spilling the contents.

  “What is the meaning of this?” The woman started in agitation.

  “You have been poisoning her, haven’t you? That is why she has not been recovering through your care. You wish for her death!”

  “How dare you!” The woman seethed, though her eyes at the accusation gave more away to me than my vision could have. “Will you let your daughter’s slave speak to me this way?”