Cadence Untouched: A Dahlia Project Novel

by Dakota Willink

  My stomach dropped as the momentary amusement I felt took a sledgehammer to the gut. Of course I loved her. Her touch had the ability to calm the animal raging inside me, the monster trying the break free from the binding chains. She made me a different person–a better person. But I couldn’t tell her any of that while she was still in the dark about my future.

  “Cadence…” I trailed off, the words getting stuck in my throat. I didn’t want to drag her into my sordid world, especially since I knew better than to do it all along.

  “Please, Fitz. Just give it to me straight. I need to know where we stand after the summer is over. Your father is in Highland, Maryland. My parents are in Bethesda. We’d be just over thirty minutes apart, so seeing each other shouldn’t be too much of an issue. I just need to know if you want to keep seeing me.”

  I looked into her eyes. Worry and longing filled them. It nearly shredded me. But my time was now officially up. Instinctively, I pulled her hard against me as if my embrace would somehow protect her from the crushing blow I was about to deliver.

  “I want to keep seeing you more than you know. The past eight weeks with you have been amazing, but I never expected it to happen. These nights at the lake, no matter what we’re doing, have been the best in my life. I never expected to fall–” I stopped short of finishing the sentence and took a deep breath. “Why don’t we sit down? There are things I need to tell you–things I should have told you before I ever let anything happen between us.”

  “Um, okay,” she said cautiously before slowly lowering herself to sit. We sat cross-legged across from one another, and I took her hand in mine.

  “On the day we met, you made a comment about the University of Southern California. Why did you think that’s where I was from?”

  Confusion crossed her face momentarily before her eyes grew wide. She began to giggle.

  “Oh, that! That was just me being a smart ass. I knew you weren’t from there. What I said was USC. I didn’t say anything about California. You did.”

  “So what does USC mean then?”

  I cocked a puzzled brow at her, waiting for her to elaborate.

  “What can I say? I did my research. I knew you and Devon were a couple of rich kids who got in some sort of trouble. That acronym stood for University of Spoiled Children. I’m sorry,” she said earnestly. “I assumed a lot about you back then, but I’m glad you proved me wrong.”

  “So, if you knew Devon and I were sent here because we got into trouble, why haven’t you ever asked me what happened?”

  She shrugged.

  “I never asked because it doesn’t matter. There’s no use dwelling on past mistakes. I know who you are now, and that’s all I care about.”

  Of course she would think that way. Always a positive outlook.

  “In this case, it does matter. You see, you kind of pegged me right the first time around. Devon and I do come from wealthy families. I wouldn’t say we’re spoiled, but when you combine rich with boredom, it spells trouble. And well, we got into more than our fair of it one night. It happened at a party we threw, a big one where things spiraled out of control.”

  “Having a party that got out of hand isn’t all that abnormal, Fitz.”

  “Bad shit happened that day, Cadence–on my watch. I was president of my fraternity. Devon was my VP. And yeah, we were cocky. Arrogant. We were all the above, plus I had an axe to grind against my father. If I could find a way to piss him off, I did it. Throwing a massive party, the biggest one Georgetown had ever seen, was a sure way to get the old man’s blood pressure to rise. The university had been trying to crack down on Greek hazing, so rush week was non-existent. The season as a whole was pretty boring. We were itching to do something big, so that’s exactly what we did.”

  “So you got in trouble for throwing a party, and your father sent you here as penance? That’s not that big of a deal.”

  “I wish that’s all it was, sweetheart, but no. There was this girl. She was a freshman. I don’t know when she arrived at the party. As the president of the fraternity, I was supposed to be sober and checking people at the door. Instead, I was falling down drunk, passed out on a lounge chair in the backyard by the pool of the frat house. That was typical. To this day, I couldn’t even tell you how I got there. I only remember waking up to people screaming.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the sounds in my memory. The effort was in vain. All I could see were the flashing lights of police cars behind my eyelids. I could still smell the mixed scent of weed, stale beer, and chlorine in my nostrils. And the panic. I could still feel the panic.

  “What happened?” Cadence asked. I opened my eyes, her question pulling me back to the present.

  “Do you remember the day I first found you here at the lake? I jumped in, looking for you, afraid something had happened. Have you ever asked yourself why I panicked so easily?”

  “Honestly, no. I did think it was slightly odd, but you seemed to shrug it off, so I didn’t make a big deal out of it.”

  “I remembered something–something I never wanted to see happen again. That girl I mentioned? Well, she fell into the pool and must have smacked her head. There was blood swirling in the water. So much blood. I didn’t think. My drunken mind just reacted. I jumped in, hoping to save her, but I was so damn drunk. I was lucky I didn’t drown myself. The cops arrived at the same time I dove in. Devon, not knowing what was going on in the yard, turned off the main breaker in the house. It killed the lights, silenced the loud music. That’s what we always did to warn the partygoers. The signal told them the police were there, and they had to get out. When he did that, he also turned off the lights for the inground pool. It blinded me. I couldn’t see where the girl was. I swam and swam, trying to feel for her body. When the lights finally came back on, there she was. Floating on the surface. We were too late. I was too late.”

  Cadence stared at me with wide eyes. She shook her head in disbelief.

  “That’s terrible! Such a tragic accident for someone so young!”

  “Yeah, she was young. And maybe it was just an accident, but the blame fell on me. The toxicology report showed her to be well over the legal limit for alcohol. They also found cocaine in her bloodstream, all things I knew to be going on at the party but ignored. Devon and I were stripped of our roles as officers, but being that we were only days away from graduation, the school didn’t get involved in much else. They left it to criminal court to work out.”

  “Criminal?”

  I slowly nodded my head.

  “Yes. So, I will say it again. I want to continue seeing you. I just don’t think it’s fair for me to lead you on. This summer, while it’s been the best summer of my life, is all we can have together. Nothing more.”

  “I don’t understand, Fitz. Once camp is over, and we go home, why can’t we continue to see each other? Are you going to jail or something?”

  Her tone was incredulous, and I shook my head.

  “I’m not going to jail.” I paused, a part of me still unable to believe the events that were unfolding behind the scenes even as I spoke. “When we went to court, it wasn’t looking good. Since Devon was only the fraternity vice president and wasn’t in charge of working the door the night of the party, he was looking at probation and a summer of community service. I, on the other hand, was looking at being convicted of involuntary manslaughter for gross negligence with at least a twelve-month prison sentence. I was scared out of my fucking mind.”

  “But you’re here. You didn’t get that, right?”

  “No,” I laughed bitterly. “Little did I know the judge was brokering a backdoor deal with my father.”

  “What kind of a deal?”

  “A deal that makes me wonder if a jail sentence would be better than the alternative.” I paused and took a deep breath, steeling myself before I had to tell her the worst of it. “You see, the judge has a daughter. I’ve met her a few times at political fundraisers my father dragged me to. She’s a par
ty girl who crossed the line from wild child to self-destruction practically overnight. Her father, the judge, wants to put her on the straight and narrow. Most parents would want their kid in rehab or something, right? Not this guy. He told my father if he could find her a suitable husband, that would be enough to settle her down and set her straight.”

  Cadence stilled.

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that I had to choose–marry the judge’s daughter or be sent to jail.”

  “Wait? You’re married?” she said incredulously and pulled her hand from mine. I let her, knowing I had no right to hold on any longer.

  “No, I’m not married. But the date is set for this September.”

  A gasp raked from her lungs as horror seemed to seep from her consciousness. She jumped to her feet and folded her arms across her chest. Her gorgeous eyes were wide and steely, and her face had gone ghostly pale. She was staring at me like she didn’t even know me as a civil war marched across her face.

  “So you’re engaged or betrothed–whatever! You need to explain better, Fitz! I mean, marriage is a lifelong commitment! Why would you even agree to something like that?” she demanded.

  She was angry and had every right to be. I never should have let things go this far. In her eyes, I was probably nothing more than a liar. The only defense I had was the truth.

  “When I was given my options, I didn’t know you. I didn’t have a significant other at all. I foolishly thought if it didn’t work out, I could always get a divorce down the line. I figured, what the hell did I have to lose? It was better than prison and a mark on my record that would follow me forever. But then I came here and saw you. I knew I only had three months of freedom. I didn’t know I’d end up wanting to spend every single day of those three months with you. Now everything is fucked up.”

  Her eyes widened further, and when she spoke, her voice had turned to stone.

  “I’m sorry to be such an inconvenience.”

  Anguish ripped through my soul at her words. I stood, so that I was level with her, gripping her shoulders but resisted the urge to pull her to me.

  “Damn it! You’re not a fucking inconvenience. You’re the only good thing in my life! I’m sorry for not telling you the truth sooner. I was selfish. I’ll admit, a quick summer fling was most definitely on my agenda when I first got here, but all of that changed. Before I knew it, I… we were in too deep. I decided to say to hell with my father and his plans. I wanted to feel something for once. To have it mean something. The girls I’ve encountered before meeting you, none of them had the ability to slither into my psyche the way you have. You were all I could think about! It messed with my head. I kept promising myself I’d tell you tomorrow. Then tomorrow came, and I couldn’t find the words. Things continued to progress and grow. It all happened so fast. Then I realized…” I trailed off, afraid to lead her on further. “This isn’t just a fling between us, Cadence. It’s so much more than that. My only defense is I didn’t know I’d end up feeling this way about you.”

  She shrugged out of my grasp and began to rub her arms. It was like she was warding off a chill even though the night air was just as hot and humid as it had been on the day I arrived at the camp. I knew better than to reach for her again. To kiss her. To touch her. Her eyes bore into mine with a mixed expression of confusion, hurt, and sadness.

  “You knew all of this before you kissed me. Before you…before I let you touch me. Before we…I told you I loved you! Damn you! Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” The crack in her voice stole the air from my lungs. I had no words to justify my actions. She was right, and I was an asshole.

  “I’m so sorry, Cadence.”

  She turned her back me and stayed silent for a long while. I didn’t say anything, knowing she needed a moment to process all I’d said. Lightning flashed in the distance and I could hear the rumble of far away thunder. Rain was definitely moving in, and I tried to gauge how much time we had before it came pouring down.

  When Cadence eventually turned toward me once again, her face was pained.

  “What’s her name?”

  “Whose name?”

  “The judge’s daughter, the girl you’re supposed to marry?”

  “Bethany.”

  She closed her eyes for a moment, and I knew what she was thinking. Giving a name to my future bride made it all that more real.

  “Fitz, I don’t know how to feel about all of this. It’s crazy. I mean, we’re nearing the twenty-first century. Arranged marriages–whether it be from a twisted form of blackmail or not–aren’t supposed to happen. I need to think. But before I do, I need to know exactly how you feel about me and if you plan to follow through with this archaic arrangement.”

  “I have to. My father isn’t giving me a choice. You don’t understand him. He controls everything. Dictates everything. I haven’t had a choice in anything since my mother died. And now… Fuck, I hate him! This goddamned wedding is literally being planned as we speak,” I told her, practically choking on the words.

  She stared back at me calmly, appearing almost immune to my outburst.

  “You only answered a part of my question. I need brutal honesty from you, Fitz. How do you feel about me?”

  I looked down at the ground. I knew I should lie to protect her, but I needed her to know the truth even if the outcome wasn’t what I wanted or needed it to be. When I brought my eyes back up to meet hers, I saw tears welling up in her emerald greens. Knowing I was the cause for those tears shattered me.

  “The minute I saw you, I knew there was something about you. I didn’t know what it was at first. I only knew I couldn’t get enough of you. You gave me a sense of hope I hadn’t felt in a long time. I found myself falling hard and fast. If you hate me for everything I’ve said tonight, I deserve it. I knew going in, I’d end up breaking your heart–I just didn’t know I’d break mine too. Because the truth is, I’ve fallen in love with you, Cadence, and now, I don’t know what to fucking do about it.”

  “Fitz…”

  I saw the storm roll through her emerald eyes as the tears began to spill over. Grief clutched me in its fiery hold. Incinerating. Blistering. I reached for her, but I wasn’t fast enough. In a flash, she turned. Then she ran.

  “Cadence, wait!” I yelled.

  But she was gone. Into the woods and out of sight.

  16

  CADENCE

  I moved about the kitchen on autopilot. It was Sunday, and that meant a family dinner at home with my parents rather than in the cafeteria of Creator Hall. Sunday also signified it had been nine days since I’d last spoken to Fitz. Nine very long days where I felt this deep, unaccustomed pain in my chest. However, I knew I was right to stay away from him. When I was near him, I couldn’t think. And think is what I had to do after the shock he dropped on me.

  My mother had made a pot of Brunswick stew that was normally oh-so-delicious, but today I barely tasted it. I made a good show of having an appetite though, not wanting to give my mother cause for concern. She’d been giving me sideways glances, and I knew she suspected something was up. So, I made myself force down an entire bowl. Combined with the freshly baked bread my father went into town for earlier that morning, I felt surprisingly full for the first time in over a week.

  Sated with his own full belly, my father retired to the living room to watch the local news while my mother and I took care of the dishes. However, he didn’t go without complaining. He thought since my mother did the cooking, he should do the cleanup. My mother, as usual, just shooed him away. Secretly, I liked when she did that. It meant one-on-one time with just me and her. I didn’t view the dishes as a chore when I was doing them with her. To me, it was special bonding time.

  Tonight, as I dried the dishes that she washed, I listened to her hum some random tune that was in her head.

  “What are you humming, Momma?” I asked. Instead of answering, she began to sing.

  “You were meant for me. And I was meant fo
r you,” she sang.

  “Ah, now I know,” I said, instantly recognizing the song from Singin’ In the Rain. “Was that scene being rehearsed again today?”

  “It was, and I couldn’t be happier about the performance! We’re just about ready to move into final dress rehearsals. And let me tell you, I may as well have cast Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds themselves! You should stop by the set and watch them. The pair we have this year is truly remarkable. You’d think that they were actually in love!”

  “Well, you never know.”

  My mother instantly sobered.

  “Why? Have you heard something?”

  I laughed.

  “No, I was only joking!”

  “Oh, good,” she said, pressing a wet soapy hand to her heart. “The last thing I need on my hands is a teenage love affair to ruin things before the final production. I’ve seen it too many times. They break up, then they can barely look at each other on stage. It makes for a dreadful performance.”

  I thought about her words, allowing them to mull over in my head for a bit while I put away the last of the dishes.

  “Momma, can I ask you something?”

  “What is it, honey?”

  “How did you know you loved Daddy? I mean, was it instant? Or did it take a long time for you to figure out he was the one?”

  She smiled softly, recalling a fond memory.

  “With your father, it didn’t take too long for me to know. A few days maybe,” she added almost as an afterthought.

  “A few days! That’s it?” I exclaimed. My mother laughed.

  “Well, I suppose it was a bit longer than that. I knew he had been watching me for a few weeks before he finally got up the nerve to approach me. Then… I don’t know. Perhaps it was the hurried pace of living in New York or the fast life that came with being on Broadway, but our love seemed to grow equally fast. I just always knew he was the one. We were only together for two months when he proposed, then married a month later.”