Fuck me.
“You’re beautiful.”
I’d said the same thing to other girls before, but I knew for certain this was the first time I truly meant it. She had a body that would make any man stupid, and I wasn’t exempt. As she stared up at me, her eyes all dreamy with lust, my brain all but short-circuited. She was looking at me like I was everything she ever wanted. Her warm body soothed any hesitation I had left. I closed my eyes to savor her, wishing this feeling could last forever.
Moving to lay alongside her, I slid my hand down over her flat stomach until my hand covered her mound. Her breath hitched as her hips arched upward. Ever so slowly, I slid a finger down to circle her opening. She was tight and tiny. And wet. God was she wet. I pushed in further. One finger, then two, stretching her to hopefully make my inevitable invasion a little less painful in the end.
She gasped, and her eyes went wide. I paused, fearing I may have hurt her somehow.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, it’s okay, Fitz,” she assured. “Please don’t stop.”
Her hand reached up to pull my head down to meet her mouth. She kissed me desperately as I pressed in deeper to massage and stroke her walls, rubbing her clit softly with my thumb as I did so. My movements were tender at first, until her back arched and she tensed. Her breathing came faster. Shallower. She was close. I increased the pace, flexing my fingers with more urgency until I could feel the little tremors of her building orgasm. I wanted to give her this. I wanted her to feel good. She was trusting me with her body. And although I knew I couldn’t keep her in the end, I wanted to make sure she would compare every guy who came after to what I made her feel today.
Her eyes grew wide, then snapped closed. I was rewarded with her gasp of pleasure as she shattered under my palm. I buried my nose in her neck, allowing her a moment to catch her breath before removing my shorts and shifting over her once more. Bracing most of my weight on one arm, I covered her body with mine. She hooked a leg up over my hip and pressed her heat up against my hard length.
I was there. I was right there, positioned just outside her slick entrance. I couldn’t believe I was going to do this. Bareback. I’d never done that before, but there was no going back now. Not unless I wanted to walk funny until I was forty. She felt too good, and I couldn’t stop this even if I tried.
She was looking down at where our bodies were so close to joining. I paused and tilted her head up to look me in the eyes. I searched them, looking for fear or apprehension, but all I saw was need–and love.
“No regrets, right?”
“No regrets,” she promised.
And at that moment, I knew Cadence was the closest thing to heaven I was ever going to get.
18
CADENCE
The way Fitz looked at me, his gaze so hot, I may as well have been staring into the sun. He pressed small kisses to my lips. Once. Twice. Then a third time. My throat tightened with emotion. It was a strange combination of desire and fear of not knowing what was to come. I had read the first time was painful, but I didn’t know how painful it would be.
“I love you, Cadence,” Fitz whispered. His face was sober, telling me he understood the meaning of what he was about to do. In that moment, lost in his tender gaze, all my worry seemed to vanish.
Slowly, he pressed forward. I closed my eyes and clung to him, trying desperately to relax. It hurt, and although that was to be expected, my muscles tensed involuntarily and resisted the intrusion. Fitz was patient, pressing light kisses to my forehead and stroking my hair and shoulders as he tried to relax my body. I appreciated his willingness to be gentle even though every inch I took was a painstakingly slow process. He wrapped a strong hand around my thigh to keep it up and around his waist, then he was all the way inside.
“Sweetheart, look at me.”
I opened my eyes to meet his gaze, finding a mixture of desire and worry. The combination nearly stopped my heart. The way he looked at me made me feel as if I were the only person in the world.
“I’m okay,” I assured.
His warm breath heated the side of my face as his lips moved over my cheeks until eventually landing on my mouth. He continued to kiss me, repeatedly breaking the kiss to check on me. Unable to speak, I would simply nod my assurance.
His hips continued to pump forward slowly, allowing me time to adjust to his girth. I stroked his back, needing to memorize the feel of his warm body so close to mine. After a while, the pain seemed to subside. It was either that or I was just getting used to it. My body seemed to be buzzing with endorphins, and it was hard to tell.
Talented fingers stroked along my body, from my hip bone to the curve of my breast. He molded a small globe in his palm before reaching down between us to stroke my most sensitive area. He stayed there, teasing and flicking, but never once stopped moving inside me. Low in my belly, something constricted. Blood rushed through my veins. Every muscle in me drew tighter and tighter, the sensation coursing through me like the best rush of an analgesic drug. My body seemed to seize. I gasped. My vision blurred.
“Fitz!” I cried out as the most delicious sensation washed over me, thrilling and complete. It ran through my veins until I thought I might burst.
“Shh, sweetheart,” he said softly and stroked my head. “I hoped to make you come, but I wasn’t sure if it would be possible on your first time. While it thrills me to hear you scream my name, the night is very quiet and sound carries.”
“Oh no! You don’t think–”
He cut me off by covering my mouth with his.
“No, I don’t think anyone heard,” he murmured against my lips. “We’re far enough away, but we should still try to keep it down.”
He began to move slowly inside me again. All symptoms of pain were gone, subsiding into a tender yet sweet kind of ache. I thread my fingers through his hair, enjoying the feel of his mouth moving down my neck and shoulder.
I would never forget this moment. The feel of being held in his arms. The feel of him inside me. There have been many moments in my life I’d come to cherish, and this will forever be one of them. Just seeing him here, moving above me, so gentle and tender with his touches, eradicated every doubt I may have had about who he was inside.
Pulling back, his heated gray eyes locked on mine. His movements became jagged, faster, his body tensing as he groaned. His grip on me tightened, holding me hard against him until he slumped down on top of me.
“Are you okay?” he eventually asked in a quiet voice.
“Yeah, actually. I’m good.”
He reached up to stroke a hand over my hair to cup my face.
“You’re the most beautiful thing in the world. I love you, Cadence.”
Something broke open in my chest. The sincerity of his words nearly knocked the breath out of me. Every thought in my head disappeared. The only thing I knew was I needed him and love always found a way. We’d figure this out and find a way to stay together somehow. And if for some reason we couldn’t, if this ended up being the last night we ever had, I vowed to never regret what we shared.
Fitz shifted, carefully withdrawing from my body until he was lying next to me. We lay there quietly for a while. Soul Asylum sang about a runaway train, drowning out the sounds of our heated pants as we both came down from the most incredible kind of high. He trailed a finger lazily up and down my belly, and the most strange and marvelous feeling came over me. I’d actually just had sex for the first time. I was no longer a virgin.
And like I promised Fitz, I had no regrets. Tonight was special. He was special.
When I got home that night, I was thankful my parents were distracted by the TV in the living room. As quietly as possible, I led Dahlia to my bedroom, slipped in, and soundlessly shut the door behind me. Dahlia walked over to her pile of blankets in the corner and plopped down with a loud thud.
“Cadence, is that you?” I heard my mother call.
Shit.
“Thanks a lot,” I whispered to Dahlia
before answering my mother. “Yeah, Momma. It’s me. Just getting ready for bed.”
I waited a beat. When she didn’t knock on my door, I breathed a sigh of relief. I never lied to my parents, and I certainly didn’t want to start now. Walking over to the large mirror hanging above my dresser, I examined my reflection.
The girl in the mirror didn’t look any different. My hair was a little mussed and my cheeks were pink, but it wasn’t anything permanent. The tenderness between my legs told a different story, but even that would go away with time. On the outside, everything seemed perfectly normal, but I knew I had emotionally changed forever. Fitzgerald Quinn was my Heathcliff, my Mr. Darcy, and my Colonel Brandon.
And he had officially put his eternal stamp on my heart.
The next morning, I woke up early and took a shower. I also got dressed, ate breakfast, and tried to finish up the last of my summer class assignments. All of these extraordinary accomplishments occurred as a non-virgin. Strangely, nothing much seemed to have changed. Except for the fact I now had a chirpiness about me I struggled to suppress.
My mother eyed me strangely over her morning cup of coffee.
“You’re awfully bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning,” she observed.
I smiled but said nothing as I finished the last of my Cheerios. After clearing my bowl to the sink, I filled my water bottle with ice water from the refrigerator and grabbed a couple of granola bars from the pantry. Having all I needed to get through to the afternoon, I headed out to start the workday.
As a woman. As a non-virgin.
19
CADENCE
A storm had moved in earlier that afternoon, bringing with it winds and a much-needed soaking rain. The lights had been flickering most of the day, signaling that a possible power outage was coming. As a result of the inclement weather, my usual routine with Fitz by the lake would have to be cancelled. I couldn’t help but feel a little desolate over a lost evening with him.
The Flourish was supposed to close at seven. Joy had left at five, leaving me to close up shop. As I’d predicted, the power went out right after she left. I phoned the cottage to tell my parents I’d stay at the store until after the power came back on. That way, if any students came in needing candles or other emergency supplies, I’d be here.
Grateful I’d brought a book with me that day, I settled in behind the counter to finish rereading the Jane Austen novel that was quickly becoming my favorite book. I’d been so wrapped up in textbooks and non-fiction works as of late, I’d nearly forgotten how much I loved classic literature. Just as I got to the part where Marianne realized she misjudged the unscrupulous John Willoughby, Fitz sauntered in. He was soaked.
I quickly put my book down and rushed to the stockroom to grab him a towel.
“Here. You’re drenched,” I told him as I began to pat the towel over his face, arms, and shirt. I had to force myself not to stare at the way his rain-soaked t-shirt clung to his torso. He was like my very own, very wet Adonis. It was a challenge–ever since the night I lost my virginity, I had become acutely aware of every inch of his body. It was more than just innocent attraction now. It was a blazing, burning sexual need I didn’t completely understand.
“It’s really coming down out there,” he said, running a hand through his sopping wet hair.
I looked through the glass of the storefront windows and frowned.
“I suppose I shouldn’t complain because we really need the rain, but this kind of stinks. I’d gotten used to spending my evenings at the lake with you.”
“Nah,” he scoffed. “A little rain doesn’t have to ruin anything. We have everything we need.”
“What do you mean?”
He didn’t answer, and only flashed me a mischievous smile. I watched as he walked up and down the aisles, collecting various items. When he returned to the counter, he piled it all up.
“We have Bugles, soda, a blanket, candles, matches, Swedish Fish, Fun Dip, and Slim Jim’s. All the essentials for a picnic.”
“A picnic? But it’s pouring rain outside!”
“Who said anything about going outside? Trust me, sweetheart,” he said with a wink as he reached around to his back pocket for his wallet. “How much for all of this?”
Eyeing him curiously, I began to ring each item through the old-fashioned cash register.
“Thirty-seven dollars and twenty-two cents.”
He whistled.
“Expensive date,” he teased and tossed a few twenties on the counter.
“What in the world are you talking about?”
“I told you. Trust me.”
Coming around behind the counter, he went into the stockroom, carrying all the things he just purchased. There were no windows in the stockroom, the only light from a single bulb in the ceiling, currently without power. Curious, I watched as he set about lighting candles and placing them strategically about the small room. Then he tore open the plastic packaging from the blanket and began to spread it out on the floor. Once he had the candy, dried meat, and other snacks arranged to his apparent liking, he sat down and pat the floor next to him.
“See? A picnic.”
I laughed, but inside I was melting over how perceptive and intuitive he was. It was like he knew I would be disappointed having to cancel our evening at the lake, but he’d planned ahead. For me.
Still, I had responsibilities, none of which included consorting on the stockroom floor with Fitz. I nervously glanced at the front doors.
“Fitz, what if somebody comes in?”
“It’s a few minutes after seven. The store is supposed to be closed. Just lock the doors.”
“I have to keep them open. I told my parents I’d hang out here late just in case anyone came in for emergency supplies.”
“I doubt they will,” he waved off. “It’s like a ghost town out there. I think most everyone has hunkered down for the night. Besides, if they do, the little bells on the front door will chime to alert us.”
He was right, but that didn’t do much to suppress my nerves. Almost reluctantly, I went and sat down next to him. After planting a chaste kiss to my lips, he ripped open a package of Fun Dip and held the flat little candy stick in front of my face.
“What would you like me to do with that?”
The corners of his mouth turned up and his eyes held a playful glow. The pools of gray glinted in the candlelight.
“Lick,” he ordered.
Raising an eyebrow in amusement, I took the stick and gave a quick lick to each side. After handing it back to him, he dipped it into the packet of strawberry flavored sugar. Pulling it out, he brought it to my lips. I smirked and tried not to giggle as he slipped it into my mouth.
Once the sugar was sucked clean, he looked at me again. Gone was the playful expression, replaced by a heated gaze that took me whole. Overpowering ripples of lust vibrated in the air as his hand slowly caressed my thigh–back and forth, up and down. I absently wondered if he knew each stroke caused a little chill to skate my spine. It was overwhelmingly too much, yet somehow not nearly enough. I shivered with a slow release of breath when he leaned in.
“What homework were you working on when I came in?” The words were uttered so close to my ear, I couldn’t stop the tremble that coursed through me.
“It wasn’t homework. I was reading Sense and Sensibility,” I told him, feeling slightly breathless.
“Is that the book about Heathcliff and whatshername?”
His teeth nipped along the ridge of my ear, his tongue making slow little flicks as he went.
“Um…her name is,” I hesitated, trying to find the words to answer his question. His mouth was just so distracting, causing my mind to momentarily go completely blank. “Her name is Catherine. But, no. Catherine and Heathcliff are from Wuthering Heights. This one is about Marianne and Colonel Brandon.”
“Tell me about it.”
He threaded his fingers through mine and guided me down onto my back. Raising my arms over my head
, he pinned them there as he trailed light kisses down my neck. He brushed his lips across mine. Fire blazed everywhere as his tongue tangled with mine. It was dizzying in the candlelit room, making the very air around us seem to thrum.
“I get the distinct impression you don’t want to talk about books,” I breathed.
He pulled back, and all I saw were eyes full of wicked glee, laced with bold confidence. It was beautiful and thrilling. A shiver raced through me.
“I can listen while I work. Let’s see how good your concentration is.”
His lips curved into an adorably crooked smile as he slowly pushed my shirt up. Moving down toward my belly, he kissed his way up and over my ribcage. His hands seemed to be everywhere all at once–smooth grace with lethal power.
“Um, okay,” I hesitantly agreed, already beginning to writhe beneath him. “So, I guess I could start with the characters. Marianne is spontaneous and, in my opinion, somewhat flighty. She falls in love with John Willoughby.”
He nipped at my breast though the thin material of my bra. I arched and brought my hands to his hair, tugging at the ends to press his mouth harder against me. Pushing down the cup, he freed one nipple. My breath hitched when his tongue began to swirl.
“I thought she was with Colonel Brandon,” he murmured against my skin.
Goosebumps raised all over my body.
“Oh, not at first. But Brandon is around, biding his time, acting the gentleman until Marianne can see Willoughby for who he really is.”
Another flick.
“And who is he exactly?”
I struggled with finding the answers. My heart was working overtime, doing its best to beat a hole through my chest as his hands roamed mercilessly over me. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath.
Cadence Untouched: A Dahlia Project Novel Page 15
