Cadence Untouched: A Dahlia Project Novel

by Dakota Willink

  Sorrow clenched down on my chest, the feeling of hopelessness overwhelming. When we met, a relationship or a summer fling was the furthest thing from my mind. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would fall in love, nor did I think he’d be the one to claim my virginity.

  But I did. And he did. And now he was leaving in less than two days. Tomorrow was the last day at camp. Tonight would be our last night. I couldn’t even bear the thought of never seeing him again. He was the keeper of my heart, and I was prepared to make any sacrifice needed if it meant I didn’t lose him.

  A lone tear tumbled down my cheek and I hastily brushed it away. No good would come from my tears now, especially once I found Fitz. As I trudged along the winding paths of Camp Riley, I vowed to make the most of every last minute I had with him.

  After forty-five minutes of searching, I finally found Fitz just outside the bathhouse. His shirt was off and tossed over one shoulder, sweat gleaming from his body as he hauled a large cart of supplies toward the main entrance. His back was to me, so he didn’t see me approaching, but I saw the moment he sensed my presence. Energy seemed to race across the ground, and his spine jerked in awareness.

  When he turned to face me, I saw the longing in his eyes flash, before he seemed to visibly deflate. It was an expression that surely mirrored my own. He looked beaten, and just as exhausted and hopeless as I felt. All the anger I clung to over the past few days instantly vanished.

  He watched me as I closed the distance between us, not saying a word, his expression unreadable. An uneasy feeling settled into my gut as I stepped up to him.

  “I’ve missed you these past few days,” I told him quietly with a forced smile.

  Pain flickered in his eyes, but he quickly masked it by grabbing his shirt and putting it back on. After he pulled his head through the hole, I stepped up to him. Not caring if anyone saw us, I wrapped my arms around his waist. I knew I shouldn’t, but I needed to feel his warmth. It was the only thing that would ease my fears and make me feel safe. Any consequence I’d have to endure would be worth it if I could just feel him holding me.

  But he didn’t return the embrace like I wanted him to. Instead, he stiffened.

  “Cadence, no,” he stated gruffly. As he removed my arms from around his hips, his movements seemed tense, almost as if he had to pry himself free. He stepped away, leaving a cold and vacant space in front of me.

  He seemed more than just a little off. It was as if there was a wall standing between us, separating us into two completely different worlds.

  “Fitz, what’s wrong? Why haven’t you been to the lake?”

  He took a deep breath and paused. His broad shoulders heaved, and he seemed to have to force himself to look at me. Sadness crested his features, before turning into something hard. I didn’t like it. It was almost like he was psyching himself up to tell me something. I looked into his eyes, only to see a million problems flitting across them. My insides began to churn. Panic rushed my chest, a crushing force of dread against my heart that had begun to race. Before he even opened his mouth to speak, I knew I was going to hate whatever it was I was about to hear.

  22

  FITZ

  I hesitated, then took another step back from her. I may as well have been weighed down by quicksand, my movements were that heavy and slow. I should have known better. I should have realized what was between us was too strong, and she’d never be able to stay away. Hell, I had barely managed it myself. Even now, as she stood there with those wide, emerald eyes brimming with hurt, I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms. I wanted to return the embrace she tried to give and tell her everything would be alright.

  But then I’d just have to chalk it up as another mistake. It would be more false hope.

  “Cadence, I thought it would be better if we put some distance between us.”

  She nodded her head, understanding prevalent in her eyes.

  “I knew that’s what you were doing, but it’s okay. That’s why I came to find you. I completely get it, but we can figure this out. Screw your father. We’ll find a way to stay together.”

  She reached for me again, brushing her fingers along the side of my arm. I swore I could see the air spark from the connection. Quickly, I pulled away.

  “Fuck, Cadence. What don’t you get? We can’t. Sneaking around and having an affair? Come on now. You don’t want to cheapen yourself that way.”

  She lifted her chin in stubborn defiance.

  “It would be a temporary solution. But if it means I get to be with you, I’ll do whatever it takes.”

  That’s not what I wanted her to say–but that was Cadence. She was always so worried about me and what my father was forcing me into. She had been understanding yet optimistic maybe something would change. That optimism would keep her blind to the reality.

  Changing her mind and extinguishing her hopes would need a deliberate act of cruelty. Simply avoiding her wouldn’t be enough. I had to make sure she’d never want to speak to me again. I was good at that after all. I’d had years of practice, never wanting to be bothered with the latch-on kind of girl. The words had always come easy. But then again, I never loved any of those other girls. Hurting Cadence would kill me.

  I looked into her eyes, memorizing every fleck of brown and yellow in the bright emerald green. I never wanted to forget the tiniest detail. In her, I found everything I’d ever wanted. A hole slashed through the center of me and I tore my eyes from hers. I stared at the ground, knowing what I was about to do would break her. After what seemed like a long, agonizing moment, I forced myself to look back up and steeled myself for what needed to be done.

  “Cadence, let’s stop pretending,” I began, trying to come off as detached as possible. “There’s no need for some long, drawn-out goodbye tomorrow. Let’s just call it like it is. We had a summer fling, and it was fun while it lasted.”

  Her expression was guarded.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Look, I like you. I like you a lot. But there’s no use hanging onto a hope that things will be different. It is what it is. Besides, I’m used to a certain kind of girl–girls with money and status. You know, the blue blood types. And quite frankly, you’re just not it.”

  A million emotions seemed to flash across her face. Disbelief. Confusion. Hurt.

  “I don’t believe you. You’ve spent the last three months convincing me of how much you enjoyed being with me, and how much you liked that I was different from the rest. You haven’t suddenly had a change of heart.”

  I shrugged and leaned against the side wall of the bathhouse.

  “Sorry, sweetheart. Me and you, it’s just not working for me anymore.”

  She sucked in a sharp breath at my cool tone. Then she shook her head as if she didn’t believe a word coming out of my mouth and glanced down at her watch.

  “You get off in a few hours. Let’s meet at the lake, just like we normally do. Tonight’s our last night, Fitz. Things will be chaotic tomorrow once all the parents start arriving for the final performance, then you’re supposed to leave right afterward. Let’s make the most of the time we have tonight. I’ll even pack dinner so we can get to the lake a little earlier than usual. We can talk more about all of this then.”

  She reached for me again, but I shrugged her hand off.

  “Why bother?” I scoffed.

  Just then, I saw Rachel approaching us on the path leading to the bathhouse. I prayed like hell she’d turn off in another direction, but she continued to walk straight toward us. Absently, I wondered why she wasn’t on set rehearsing with everyone else but didn’t bother to ask as she tossed me a wink and a flirty wave.

  “Hey, Fitz,” she drawled.

  Cadence’s face pinched up with jealousy, but she didn’t say anything as Rachel continued on through the main door of the bathhouse. That jealousy caused an idea to form in my head, one that I wasn’t sure I could follow through with. However, I knew I needed to nurture the seed of dou
bt I had already planted in her head, and this might be the only way to help it grow.

  Willoughby. Remember Willoughby.

  I clenched my fists, knowing my next words would be the most heinous of all.

  “It’s over between us, Cadence. No more lake. No more late-night swims. Leave me alone. I just want to enjoy my last night here.”

  Cadence, whose eyes had followed Rachel into the bathhouse, now turned back to me. She looked annoyed, but not angry or hurt. She still wasn’t falling for any of my bullshit.

  “No. Just stop this nonsense. It isn’t you talking. You’re just trying to end it now to make tomorrow easier. You don’t need to run from me, Fitz.”

  I shrugged.

  “Who said I’m running? Maybe I just want to spend the night with someone else for a change.”

  Her head jerked back.

  “Like who?” she demanded, her voice laden with skepticism.

  I looked at her, preparing myself to deliver the final blow.

  “Rachel. From what I hear, she’s always up for company.”

  I watched as her creamy skin turned ghostly white. She blinked several times as if not trusting what she was hearing. I stared at her hard, careful not to reveal any sort of emotion. If she had even an inkling about how much this was tearing me apart, my plan wouldn’t work.

  She brought her hand to her lips and shook her head, still not wanting to believe me. However, I saw it the minute my words began to sink in, when all the hurt and betrayal took root. Tears began to gloss her eyes. I couldn’t bear to see them but forced myself to hold my cool gaze steady. Slowly, they started to fall, one by one, grazing the heart-shaped lips I knew I’d never get to kiss again.

  “But we…” she trailed off in a whisper. “We…”

  “We what? Fucked? So what?”

  She lurched back as if I’d stabbed her yet I don’t know who felt more pain–her or me. Agony spread through my body, radiating over me like heat waves held to the hot summer air. Doing this to her was utterly destroying me, but I had to keep my resolve.

  Her hurt expression began to morph into something else. Anger and outrage flashed brightly. She looked ready to tear into me.

  “You’re a bastard!” she hissed.

  Before I could react, Cadence’s palm landed square across my cheek. It stung, but not nearly as bad as the sting in my heart. Looking at her pained expression, it was as if she felt I was tearing her heart from her chest with my bare hands. I wanted to comfort her, to tell her everything I was saying was just an act designed to protect her. But I couldn’t. She needed to hate me so she could move on.

  And I just did a damn good job of making sure she would.

  Turning swiftly, she ran. Away from me. Away from my cruel words. I watched as she ran, breaking into a million pieces inside, the connection pulling with each of her steps until my soul ripped from the strain of it.

  I hated myself.

  My knees felt weak, and I thought they might buckle. Giving in, I bent at the waist and braced my hands on my thighs. Cadence had been the only warmth I’d felt since before my mother died. She was the light that had been missing all of these years. Now that I had deliberately and hurtfully pushed her away, I knew nothing but darkness would be in my future.

  And I deserved it.

  23

  CADENCE

  I always wondered how many broken hearts one person could withstand–broken hearts from unexpected tragedy or broken hearts delivered by the ones who were supposed to love a person the most. I had just experienced my first, and I knew I never wanted to feel this way again.

  Fitz had crushed me. I’d allowed myself to love him so freely and so openly. I fell for the good I saw inside him. I should have seen it the moment he sidled up next to me that first day at Camp Riley, all arrogance and chaos. My instincts had been right, but not necessarily about him, per se. I was only right thinking he’d be nothing but a broken heart.

  Now all I felt was a hollow emptiness.

  I was still grappling to understand everything. I didn’t know how, in just a few short months, I could come to feel like this. Every time I closed my eyes, Fitz was there. In the silence, I heard his voice. In the darkness, I saw his face. There was no escaping it. Images flickered from the affectionate and protective person I fell in love with to the hurtful and spiteful creature he turned in to. I remembered all the arrogance and swagger he presented on day one. That side of him seemed to vanish after that first initial day, yet reappeared with a vengeance as we stood next to the bathhouse. Only this time, there was calculated cruelty in his eyes. A part of me wondered if that was the true version of him all along, that I had simply been seeing things with my eyes wide shut.

  Unable to stomach the idea of running into him today, I left the cottage I shared with my parents just as the sun began to peek over the horizon and had been at the lake ever since. I was certain my parents were probably wrought with concern over finding me gone that morning. For the first time ever, I would miss the final performance. But at least I thought to leave them a note, even if it was a lie. I told them I still had homework to finish, and I needed someplace quiet to complete it. I said I would be at the lake, but I’d be back in time to see the guests off.

  It was so unlike me, but I didn’t particularly care. In fact, I didn’t really care about much of anything at that moment. I only cared about being alone and away from the crowds of people who were set to arrive that morning. Now, as the sun rose higher in the sky, I was reminded of the day I first realized I loved Fitz.

  I picked up my sketchpad and flipped through the pages until I found the drawing I had started of Fitz. It wasn’t complete, but that was okay. My plan today was to finish it, forever capturing the moment in time when I discovered I was in love.

  As I hunched over the pad and moved the pencil over the page, a tranquil feeling settled around me. The calmness allowed me time to reflect on my own actions over the summer. Yes, Fitz had made mistakes. He lied by omitting the truth, but I also made mistakes of my own. He had obligations and a reality that was outside of his control. He was scheduled to marry another woman. I didn’t know this when I gave him my heart, but I did know it when I gave him my body. I ignored all the signs, choosing to stay ignorant to the inevitable end.

  A small part of me had clung to the idea he’d somehow choose me over his fate. Or even that he’d agree to see me on the side, separate from his convoluted marriage. I knew it was a foolish notion, but still, if it meant I got to keep him, so be it. I was never the sort of person to settle for second best, yet what I had proposed to Fitz was equivalent to that.

  I realized now that was my mistake. He was faced with a future I couldn’t even begin to fathom. I promised him no regrets, yet I hadn’t followed through with that promise. His words to me yesterday, while hurtful and unkind, were empty. I knew he didn’t mean them, and I was the one to push him to that point. That’s why I slapped him. That’s why I ran away. I wasn’t truly angry at him but more at myself for hanging onto that misguided measure of hope.

  The sun lowered further in the sky. The final performance was most likely over, but I had no intention of heading back into camp to see the students off. I may have told my parents I would, but I knew I wasn’t really needed there now. Staff members would be saying their final farewells. Students would be making plans for dinner in town with their family members. My parents would be heading back to the cottage to recap the summer and start discussing plans for next year. We would stay at the camp for another week, so packing for us wouldn’t start for another few days.

  Then there was Fitz. I knew from the camp schedule a car was due to arrive for Devon and him at eight. They were probably packing at this very moment. They’d make the walk up Watercolor Way to the main entrance of the camp. Then they’d be off–Devon to wherever his life would take him, and Fitz to meet his bride at the altar.

  No, there was no need for me to hurry back to the camp. I didn’t need to see Fitz. I didn�
�t need one final reminder of what would be forever lost. At that moment, as I stared down at the pencil lines and shading that shaped the man I loved, I had no regrets, and I wanted to keep it that way.

  24

  FITZ

  “You’re going to wear out the floor if you keep pacing in that same spot,” Devon said.

  I paused, not realizing I’d even been doing it. I was fucking exhausted, barely sleeping a wink last night. The minutes leading up to the early dawn had seemed like endless hours. I was filled with self-doubt, wondering what I should have done differently. Despite my exhausted state, I was also restless. I knew why, but I had to face facts. I was leaving Camp Riley in a matter of hours. When I did, I would leave behind the girl who meant more to me than any sunset or every single breath I took.

  Devon and I were supposed to be packing, but evidently, he thought he was finished. He was lounging on his mattress, flipping through the pages of a magazine. I tossed the remaining few belongings that I’d brought with me into my navy duffel bag. Looking around the loft, I made sure nothing else was left.

  “I think that’s your t-shirt,” I said to him and pointed over to the orange ball of material tossed haphazardly in the corner.

  He glanced at it, then lazily got up from his perch to retrieve it.