Off and on Again

by Tia Fielding

  Derek went numb. He couldn’t show his emotions to Cal, not show how much he feared what would happen if Cal left for Italy.

  There would be no going away party, as this wasn’t a joyous situation. No, it threatened everything they had managed to build, and Derek felt scared as hell.

  The email arrived sometime in the afternoon. They read it before dinner and ended up not hungry after all.

  Kit was trying to hide his feelings, but wasn’t as good at it as his parents were.

  Derek made a fire, and they just sat on the couch, staring into the fire as a family. Whenever one of them needed to use the bathroom or get a drink, the others would move into a new configuration, and they’d cuddle in a different formation once they were all on the couch again.

  Derek wasn’t sure how many hours they spent like that, all feeling different stages of numbness and fear, until they heard a car in the yard.

  Before they had time to untangle from the blankets and one another, there was a knock and Nico’s excited voice called, “My mom’s here!”

  That got them moving. In quick succession, they had ushered a petite woman who looked a lot like Nico inside and had her warming up on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hands.

  “Thank you,” she said, smiling at them. “It’s a bit chilly out there.”

  “Yeah, you got here just in time for the first really cold evenings.” Derek chuckled.

  They didn’t need introductions, they all knew what was going on and why she was there. Once her hands were less frozen, she put her mug down and reached for her fancy leather tote bag and pulled out a folder.

  The boys who now sat on the other end of the couch, glued together by excitement, were practically vibrating with it.

  Cal and Derek weren’t much better, although they weren’t as optimistic. Yet.

  “So, I went to Scotland and looked into things. It turns out all of your great-grandparents on your mother’s side were shifters,” Anna said, matter of factly.

  “W-what?” Derek gaped at her. “How—what?”

  “It’s a long story, I have it all here. But the short version is that your grandmother was half Scottish Wildcat and half something else, she was unable to shift, herself. The rumors I could find were that her father was a canine of some sort. It was very hush-hush for sure. She got pregnant by a Scottish Wildcat, and when he died suddenly in an accident, she escaped to the States, changed her name at least once, and never looked back.”

  “So my mom probably never knew she had so much shifter blood in her?” Derek asked weakly.

  “No. I found no evidence she had any idea of shifters’ existence. Your dad is hundred percent human.”

  “That’s why we can feel the mate bond, but you don’t feel like a cat,” Cal murmured. “I mean, it makes sense now that my cat always felt so comfortable with you, but with the canine blood in there, it muddles your shifter essence and means that you don’t come across as one.”

  “Yeah… There are no canine and feline hybrids, so the bloodlines cancel each other out. All this time I thought I was a human.”

  “Technically, you are only half-human, but since there’s no continuous bloodline of only Scottish Wildcats in your family tree, it means your shifter half isn’t completely one thing either, so it went dormant.”

  Derek nodded and suddenly felt like he needed a drink. “Kit, can you get me a coffee?”

  “Yeah, sure.” Kit and Nico went across the room. It seemed like they moved as one, and Derek idly wondered if Kit had gotten over his crush on Noah and had another now.

  “And here’s your paperwork,” Anna said brightly, and handed a few sheets to Cal. Then she produced a pen and handed that over too.

  Cal’s voice sounded heartbreakingly hopeful when he whispered, “Is this…?”

  “Yes. Your release papers. I’ll scan them with Mikael’s scanner and send them by email to the Council. I’ll go to town tomorrow to mail the physical copies to them as well. And copies of the physical copies in another envelope, just be sure.” She looked pissed off.

  Derek reached over to squeeze her hand. “Thank you.”

  “Of course. You two have been through enough. You deserve your freedom.”

  “What are you going to do?” Cal asked her. “You said you wouldn’t be going back to Italy.”

  “No. I’m done with that Council life,” she said, grinning, and Nico groaned.

  “Mom, trying to talk in memes isn’t cool,” he said in the same exact tone Kit used whenever he was glad about having his dad tease him but couldn’t exactly show it.

  “Yeah, yeah.” She waved a hand, then picked up her coffee mug again. “Mikael said there’s a room with my name on it, but I might go stay with the pack instead. I don’t know if I’ll stay and for how long, but I’ve missed having pups around and I know they lost their mom, so having another female wolf around for a bit will do them good.”

  Derek smiled. A regular human would’ve thought Anna was trying to take over the maternal role by insinuating herself into a delicate situation. It was different for shifters. So many of the nuances of their lives and personalities came from their animal sides. When she said her being around would be beneficial to the pups, she wasn’t trying to take Zoya’s place. She was giving the pups’ animal sides what they needed.

  Even though the three little ones wouldn’t shift until puberty, they were still kids who needed love and guidance, and a wolf pack would give them all that, even if they didn’t have any biological parent around. But they had Sean still, and he was their alpha as much as he was their dad.

  Kit brought him and Cal their coffees and they settled down to chat for a while. Cal had very pointedly signed the original release paper which stated that he was using the mate clause as the reason for resigning and expected full release from any Council operations.

  Derek hoped the Council would just roll with it. He understood that Cal was a valuable asset for them, but they had so many other enforcers who also had seniority and could do the same jobs. Frankly, Cal didn’t owe them anything, hadn’t in a long time.

  “Oh, and Derek?” Anna said. “That demotion of yours was bullshit.”

  Nico snorted and Kit giggled with surprise.

  “I’m glad you think so,” Derek replied, grinning.

  “They’re far too detached from the human world to understand human capabilities,” she mused. “I mean, you’re not that different from us. We have the enhanced senses and the animal side, but that’s about it.”

  “Losing one eye isn’t enough to be declared useless in a job someone has done for decades,” Cal added.

  “I agree. That, and all the other small things that have been piling up in the decade or so I worked as the private assistant for those assholes have just made me more certain about leaving being the best thing I can do at this point.”

  Derek huffed. “The only good thing about them is that they pay well.”

  “Oh yes, the savings are a good thing to have, I assume you two have some as well?” she asked and they both nodded. They’d be fine without having to work for a while if they chose not to. But then again, they had expertise not many did and they’d talked about doing some sort of an online consulting thing in security issues.

  “At least they’re very good at making sure everyone gets a residence permit immediately whenever they settle down somewhere. No matter where they’re from,” Derek pointed out.

  “They might be wrong about a lot of things, including that tech job of yours,” Anna said and looked at them with mischief in her eyes. “But it looks to me that some things are worth turning off and on again.”

  The boys groaned loudly, making all the adults laugh.

  Derek squeezed Cal’s hand and smiled at his mate. She wasn’t wrong with that assessment.

  The Council, mainly Anna’s father, tried to kick up a ruckus about Cal backing off the deal they’d struck. The problem with that was, that finding one’s mate was considered special. It was ra
re enough that it still ranked higher than having children—biological or not—in the grand scheme of things.

  Having a partner was the least important, because anyone could claim they had one or were in love. Having family who depended on you was second. Having a mate was the most important thing. Now that Cal had all bases covered, there was very little the Council could do, so in the end they didn’t even try.

  The three days it took them to officially come to the conclusion that Derek could indeed be Cal’s mate with all the shifter blood in him were not easy. It all felt too uncertain, right up until Cal got another call from his former superior to confirm that he was now released from service and that the paperwork would follow.

  When Lark and Shani arrived, Mikael and the others threw a Christmas party. Well, actually, it was called pikkujoulu, the traditional Finnish word for a Christmas party which translated into Little Christmas.

  Derek liked the thought of a little Christmas before the real one. It felt somehow less like a boozy workplace party, which, he was told by Mikael, was what pikkujoulu tended to be for most people.

  Oh well. Languages were weird.

  In any case, the house was packed full of people, with all of the couples, teenagers, kids, and Anna as the only single adult.

  They had agreed that this party would be their farm Christmas, and that while the presents would be exchanged on the twenty-fourth or the twenty-fifth depending on when people wanted to do that, all three houses would have their separate Christmases this year.

  Again, Derek loved the idea. It felt more intimate to save that magical time for just the families, blood or not. Besides, Mikael’s main house was crowded as hell during the pikkujoulu evening.

  Derek felt a bit overwhelmed and went to the porch to get some air. To his surprise, Shani sat there, bundled up in a large coat that definitely wasn’t hers, based on its size.

  The cheetah was a slim woman with flawless dark skin, and she seemed timid at first. She and Lark had visited the Metsala farm though, to see the results of the renovations, and that had been enough to get them over their shyness of being around Derek’s family.

  “Hey, you don’t like crowds either?” Derek asked, gesturing at the other end of the ratty couch she was sitting on.

  “Sit, sit,” she said and smiled slightly. “I love all the people in there and I’ve missed them. It’s just… a lot. The house is big, but there are so many of us now.”

  “Yeah, Mikael said it was very different from when he was young.”

  “Yes, his father founded this place and after Mikael took over, for a long time it was just Sean and Zoya and the kids and then Noah. Look at us all now.” She smiled and sighed.

  “You and Lark, Mikael and Maxim, Noah and Dallas, Rider and Sean, Derek and I, Anna, Kit, Anton, Nico, Jude, June, May, and Jamie,” Derek said, counting with his fingers. “That’s eighteen people.”

  Shani whistled. “That’s a lot.”

  “What’s a lot?” Dallas asked as he came to join them.

  “Eighteen people here, Derek did the math,” Shani explained.

  “Oh wow.”

  “Yeah.”

  The door opened again, and Noah stepped outside.

  “Did you know we have eighteen people now?” Dallas asked him, and Noah’s eyes widened.

  “I knew it was a lot, but I hadn’t counted. Jesus… no wonder it felt crowded in there!” Noah replied and went to wrap himself around Dallas.

  The chatter from inside was punctuated by quiet holiday music and the sound of the kids and teenagers exclaiming every now and then over the board game they’d been gifted as a way to keep them happy tonight.

  The night was chilly, the lake had started to freeze close to the shores already. The kids were forbidden going down there without adults, just in case, and the boys had been told the same thing, because… well, teenagers.

  They had hung Christmas lights on both of the Jarvela farm’s houses and some were strung on the barn, too.

  There was also a single motion sensor spotlight lighting the yard between the houses. It had been turned fully on for the evening in case anyone needed anything from the pack’s house, because it would easily get annoying to have the yard light up every now and then before going dark again.

  “It’s snowing,” Shani said in a breathless tone.

  Derek could see the few flakes slowly floating down from the dark sky.

  “Everyone!” Noah called out, making Derek and Shani jump. “It’s snowing!”

  People piled out of the house, some pulling on shoes as they got to the shoe rack inside the door.

  In short order, the boys and the kids were outside, catching snowflakes on their tongues. Jude had a shoeless Jamie in his arms, and when Derek glanced at Sean, he could see a wistfulness in his expression as he watched his sons.

  “Dad?” Kit called to Cal who had squeezed himself next to Derek. “Is this my first time seeing snow?”

  Cal thought for a bit. “I don’t think you have seen it before, actually.”

  “Baby’s first snow!” Nico teased and Kit shoved him, laughing.

  Cal

  It had been a long day. The cat knew something significant was going on with how Mate and kit were acting, and how exhausted its human side was by now.

  It wasn’t late enough for bedtime yet, so when the man inside had given it the reins, the cat had taken over. Now, it sprawled on the rug in front of the fireplace.

  Kit noticed it walking past, and soon enough, it was joined by a small fox with big ears that curled up against its belly.

  Mate chuckled at them as he settled on the couch nearby.

  The cat began to purr with happiness and peace.

  “I think it’s a good idea to just be like this tonight,” Mate said in a thoughtful tone. “We can always do presents tomorrow morning. Just try not to wake us up at six, Kit.” Mate chuckled, and the fox gave him a glare. “Hey, your dad has told me all about your Christmas habits, blame him!”

  Huffing, yet quite clearly pleased, the kit settled back, this time even closer.

  The cat continued to purr.

  About the Author

  Tia Fielding is a Finnish author who loves witty people, words, peppermint, sarcasm, autumn, and the tiny beautiful things in life.

  Tia identifies as genderqueer but isn’t strict about pronouns. Why? Because luckily, in her native language there aren’t gender-specific pronouns.

  These days, preferring to live in the middle of nowhere with her fur babies is as big of a part of her psyche as writing. Tia likes to recharge in nature and tends to watch where she’s going through her cell phone’s camera.

  In 2013 Tia’s novel Falling Into Place was recognized by the industry’s Rainbow Awards in the Best LGBT Erotic Romance (Bobby Michaels Award) category.

  In 2019, her novel Four (Love by Numbers #2) won a Rainbow Award in the Best Transgender Contemporary category.

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/authortiafielding

  Twitter: @tiafielding

  Email: tiafielding@gmail.com