Envious Deception

by Katie Keller-Nieman

  “Took you long enough to get here,” Tony complained.

  Todd expected a sarcastic remark to fly out of his mouth, but nothing did. He was too damn tired to be witty. Instead, he followed Tony inside wordlessly, and the door clicked locked behind them.

  The entry area was tiled with marble and had a lofted ceiling with a giant crystal chandelier hanging overhead. Straight ahead were two shiny steel elevators surrounded by ornate moldings. There was no stale crack smell here. No cigarette butt stink. Smoking wasn’t even permitted in the building. So not his home. He actually smelled pine. And not pine cleaner, but tree. He turned to face a large sitting area with a row of windows viewing the sidewalk. Beside a sofa and two sitting chairs was an actual real Christmas tree. It looked like something out of a magazine, decorated with white lights and silver ribbon. Hanging on the walls were modern art paintings and large mirrors. Bouquets adorned rich wooden tables, along with a few Hanukkah decorations.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” he muttered. One thing was certain. This place would never feel like home.

  “Quit being so uptight,” Tony complained.

  “I’m uptight? You live in the friggin’ Ritz, man.”

  “And now you do too,” Tony countered.

  Damn. If Todd’s mom ever got wind of this, she’d have a coronary. Probably start shoveling drugs down his throat with a backhoe. She’d thought him being a student at Yale was embarrassing. This was fucking ridiculous.

  He followed Tony past the elevators to the stairwell, then up to the second floor and down a long hall lit by modern sconces. Tony stepped up to a door and slid his key into the lock.

  The door to his new residence swung wide, and Todd strode in like he owned the place. Somehow the apartment was bigger and smaller than what he expected, as if that made any sense. Bigger than he felt comfortable with and smaller than he had expected after seeing the building’s entry.

  The apartment opened up to an eating area, complete with a table and four chairs. He was ready to drop to his knees and thank any god he could think of that the table was cheap, something you might find at Walmart on clearance. Maybe there was hope for him here.

  Past the table was an open kitchen with two bar stools lined up along a high counter that separated the kitchen from the living area. Tony had furnished the living room with a beige sofa Todd recognized from the Pascarellis’ basement, a gray recliner, and a TV. Beside the large television was a bookcase packed tight with CD cases and a shiny stereo that put his own to shame.

  The kitchen appliances—toaster, microwave, and espresso/coffee maker—were all shining stainless steel. They sparkled with newness, and Todd could hear a whisper of warning in his head to not touch any of it. If he started to use a toaster that he didn’t have to bang on the counter three times to give his toast back, he might get used to having nice things. Then maybe he’d want to have nice things. Once that happened, he’d be screwed.

  Mimi seemed perfectly content to stay in his arms, so he kept her there as he ventured further into the apartment.

  “Your room’s this one,” Tony said, pointing to a white door directly off of the living room. Next to it was another door housing the bathroom, then a very short hall leading to a final door, Tony’s bedroom. Todd took a brief glance inside each room, starting with Tony’s. It was decently sized with a large window overlooking the city. The bathroom was kinda normal. Nothing alarmingly fancy. Then he tracked back to his room. At least Tony saw fit to give him the smaller of the two bedrooms. It wouldn’t feel so empty with his minimal belongings.

  Sunlight poured in through the large window, bright and inviting. Todd grimaced upon sight of the bed. Tony had supplied him with a new frame and mattress. Dammit. He hated owing anyone, and he owed Tony way too fuckin’ much. The Pascarelli kindness made him uncomfortable. He couldn’t believe that there was a time when he had almost gotten used to it. They were too fucking generous.

  “Thanks,” he muttered. He hadn’t said that when Tony let him know what was waiting for him here, that he could toss his dumpster-revival mattress and have one that had never spent a night outside. He should have. He should say thanks for every single day that Tony saw fit to speak to him. Dammit, he really hated nice people.

  “You ready to start moving in?” Tony asked. From the look on his face, he thought Todd might still back out. It wasn’t as if Tony was depending on the chunk of cash he was going to put toward rent every month. His parents didn’t mind paying the full amount. Todd could still leave.

  “Yeah, let’s get this over with,” he said.

  He set Mimi down on his new bed. She looked expectantly at him, as if worried that once he turned away, he wouldn’t be coming back. Just like Sandy. Just like Tony. Fuck, he hated that. How and when did he become so damn important?

  CHAPTER 20

  LITTLE BIG THINGS

  I stared fiercely at my econ book, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not focus. I was giving myself a headache, and that made everything so much worse, because Eric was currently visiting a doctor about his headaches.

  I anxiously chewed on my fingernail, chipping the red polish I’d applied earlier. I hopped up from my desk chair and moved to the window. The parking lot below appeared desolate. Brown leaves were scattered between cars in the wind. I scanned the view for a black Pontiac Sunfire. He still wasn’t back yet. I checked the clock. His appointment was for over an hour ago. I wished I had just gone with him, but he’d dug his heels in, refusing to let me come.

  While I was worried for him, he was equally worried about what this could mean for me. If he had somehow grown a tumor like mine, did that mean that mine was back? I was due for another routine head scan in April, but spring suddenly seemed so far away. I’d had an MRI a few months ago, but that was before I’d started drawing memories from Eric. If the tumor was linked to my memories before, maybe it was now.

  It was an attack, Sandy, I reminded myself. The tumor was Aurora’s way of making me suffer. She’s not capable of hurting Eric that way.

  Well that was just complete nonsense. Of course she could! She’d locked him in a wine cellar, for God’s sake! She tortured him, killed our child, and raped in the name of love. What was a little life-threatening brain tumor in comparison to all that?

  I pushed away from the window, growling in frustration. I wanted to hit something. My hands curled into fists as I paced my dorm room. I felt like a wild animal prowling my cage. I checked the window again. Nothing.

  Ashley came inside. I ignored her as she settled onto her bed with a stack of books.

  “Has Bailey convinced you to move in with her yet?”

  I turned slightly to her. “How d-”

  “Mandy, her roommate, told me.” Ashley looked gravely disappointed.

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Really. I thought she’d have turned you against me by now.”

  “You’re doing a fine job of that on your own,” I muttered.

  “I said I was sorry.”

  I watched a black car pull in the lot. Not Eric’s.

  “How can you be friends with her and mad at me? She’s a backstabber, Sandy.”

  “So you two should get along nicely.”

  “I’m serious. She made my freshmen year hell.”

  Was she still talking? “Because you slept with her boyfriend.” I glanced back at her briefly. “Big surprise.”

  “She told you,” Ashley said angrily. “Well, did she tell you that the jerk never told me he was taken? Or that she kept dating him afterward anyway?”

  “Ashley, I really don’t care,” I sighed.

  “But she was telling everyone that I was some heartless slut! She ruined my-”

  I gasped as Eric’s car pulled into a parking space. “I don’t have time for this,” I said hurriedly.

  I grabbed my keys and ran from the room. I almost stumbled on the stairs but caught the banister and kept going until I was jogging across pavement. Eric was only ju
st getting out of his car. He shut his door and noticed me rushing to him in a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.

  “Cassandra, it’s freezing out,” he snapped.

  I didn’t hesitate at his anger. I stepped into his arms and slid mine around his waist. He folded his coat around me, blocking me from the wind.

  “What happened? How’d it go?” I asked quickly.

  “It didn’t. Nothing happened.”

  I drew back from his arms. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean they wouldn’t do the freaking test,” he snarled.

  “Why not?”

  He slid his coat off and hung it around my shoulders. “Because they didn’t believe me.”

  My arms slipped inside. It was warm from his body. Too warm. “What did you tell them?”

  “That I’ve been having headaches and needed a scan to have it checked out. They told me that I’m probably just dehydrated from too much partying,” he scoffed angrily.

  “And that’s it?”

  “No. Then I told them I haven’t been drinking and that I never get headaches. They told me it’s probably the early stages of the flu.” He threw his arms up in exasperated finality.

  “So you just left?”

  “What was I supposed to do? Tell them I’m hallucinating past-life visions? How fucking crazy does that sound, Cassandra?” he exclaimed wildly. “You want me to get locked up in Reid-Pearce? With Aurora? Cuz I bet you, that’s my ticket in!”

  I exhaled a hard breath and shoved my hands through my tangled hair in frustration. “So how are we supposed to know?”

  His expression hardened. “We do know. I had a headache. It’s no big deal. End of story.”

  “But, Eric-”

  “No!” he yelled. “If I have a tumor, it means you probably have one too! And I can’t live through that again.” He tensed his jaw, fighting back emotions that tugged to break his hard expression. “I can’t lose you,” he said.

  I hated to see him upset like this. Happiness was a mirage on the horizon, as out of reach as it was fictitious. I wrapped my arms around him but he shuffled out of my hold, as if by ignoring me, we could ignore the entire situation.

  “It’s alright, Eric. I’m fine. We’re both fine.”

  “Maybe we shouldn’t try to remember anything else,” he said, staring at the pavement.

  I said nothing. How could I agree to that? How could I object? We’d be lost without those visions, and there was still so much we didn’t know, keeping us buried in danger. Yet, they could be killing us. Maybe that’s why Aurora had seemed so frightened over the fact that Eric was having memories. Maybe she knew the price was slowly killing him.

  “I’m going to the gym,” he muttered, walking away from me. I watched him leave, frozen in place by my crippling doubts.

  CHAPTER 21

  LIES, SECRETS, AND BETRAYAL

  Lucas was going out of town for a robotics competition, promising me and Eric two days of complete and total privacy. In the week since Lucas told me about Eric’s nightmares, he’d look expectantly to me whenever I passed him in the hall, as if wondering when I was going to act. He seemed sincerely freaked, but what was I supposed to say to him? That Eric was fine? He wasn’t. That I had a handle on it? I didn’t. I had no clue what to do.

  I crammed as much classwork as I could into Friday night. I planned on spending every second by Eric’s side. This would be our weekend, the one where we reconnect like couples should and find a safe feeling again, even if just for a moment.

  Our past lives had shown us the vast depth of how connected we were and simultaneously ripped a giant hole in our budding relationship. Mending was a slow process we’d started by reliving the most terrifying parts of our past. And now, it was time we stopped it all. We had the books, and that was enough. We needed to put it aside and forget.

  Sex was a great way to forget. It was so easy for me to lose myself in his arms and his kiss. It was something both of us could completely delve into without distraction. Lucas left early Saturday, and we spent the hours that followed tangled in Eric’s sheets. Granola bars and love were our only sustenance. It proved impossible to drag ourselves out for actual meals. Every time we tried to put our clothes back on, one of us would start taking them off again. It was an unending cycle of pleasure.

  I collapsed on Eric’s chest, exhausted from our sex marathon and breathing heavily. His hammering heart thumped against my body, vibrating steadily. My chest stuck to his with sweat. My head had gone fuzzy. Thoughts were incoherent mysteries as I slid from his chest and lowered myself to the mattress at his side. I wrapped the thin sheet to my bare body, covering myself quickly. I was still shy afterward, that probably wouldn’t change anytime soon.

  Eric pulled me close, drawing me flush to his body. My knee slipped between his legs as I folded comfortably into him. I was going to fall asleep, I just knew it. I’d pass out, naked and drooling on him. I refused to humiliate myself like that. I tugged out of Eric’s arms and sat up, dizzily searching the rumpled blankets for my bra.

  “Aww, where’re you going?” he protested.

  “If I don’t get dressed now, I won’t at all.”

  “And how is that a bad thing?”

  I heard Eric reach for something on the dresser beside his bed, then I heard the click of a shutter. I glanced back over my shoulder. Eric held his camera and took another shot.

  “You’re taking my photo now?” I asked.

  “You look stunning with your hair all wild and your cheeks so pink. I can’t help but reach for my camera.”

  “No porn shots,” I grumbled.

  “On my life. When I develop these, you’ll understand,” he promised, setting his camera aside.

  Instead of grabbing my clothes, I leaned over him and snatched his camera. “Let’s see how you like it.” I swirled the blankets around my body, dragging them mostly off of him, and I quickly snapped a photo. “Your nakedness is too sexy to not take a photo,” I mocked smugly.

  He laughed and reached for his camera, but I kept it just out of his range.

  “Nuh-uh, it’s my turn.” I brought the old camera to my eye and rotated the lens barrel, making sure to get every detail of his skin in perfect focus. I tugged the blankets a little further down his abs, nearly revealing everything, and snapped a couple more photos. He pulled his arms up, lacing his hands behind his head, grinning. Eric was clearly not a shy model. The guy was hot, and he knew it.

  I lay back beside him and continued to fiddle with his camera. “I want to see how they turned out. You should get a digital instead. That way I won’t have to wait for you to develop them to see how awesomely talented I am. It’s not too late to change my major, right?” I joked.

  “You really want me to develop those?” he asked with a questioning laugh.

  I giggled. “Yes. Separating from you at winter break will be so much better with those in hand,” I cooed. I reached over him to set the camera down on his desk, then settled back into his waiting arms. “But don’t you dare show anyone the ones of me.”

  “How about I show you first? I think you’ll see the art in them.”

  I grumbled under my breath. “I guess. Being your muse is so demanding,” I teased.

  He laughed and rubbed my back softly. I curled a leg around him and sighed heavily into his bare chest. Winter break wasn’t far off. I wished we wouldn’t have to separate. Christmas was going to be depressing without him.

  My mind slowly started to slither back from his tender clutches, wandering and fixating on the many things wrong in our lives.

  Any remaining trace of smile died on my face as I realized how quickly the trade with Aurora would be happening. On the one hand, I was looking forward to it. Yes, she’d have all those spells again and she’d tie Mike permanently into our futures. But Eric and I wouldn’t have to worry about when she might attack next. We’d have the rest of our lives together to live out in safety. Maybe we’d get married. Maybe we’d have that child we lost in
lives past. Maybe we’d learn what it felt like to live without fear.

  But those lives afterward still hung in my mind, the ones that would follow our free life. We had a future of blindly befriending Aurora and most likely losing our lives again and again because of it. We’d learned so much truth in this life. Could we really just drop it, knowing that we’d forget it all and be stuck in Aurora’s custom-made hell for centuries to come?

  I absently drew circles on Eric’s skin with my finger. From the way he squeezed me, he knew that I was growing restless and tense once again. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Aurora had said. What could Eric possibly know that could be so dangerous to her?

  Eric’s hand moved along the length of my arm until he grasped my hand. “Is this what you want?” he asked.

  I was confused for a moment before I felt the pulse of a memory, like a warm shot of electricity traveling up my arm from our interlaced fingers.

  “No,” I said firmly. I didn’t want that, not when it could cost us everything. I snuggled deeper into his arms, closing my eyes. Eric gathered me closer with a relieved sigh. His heart thumped steadily against my ear. Strong. Alive. It soothed away my worries and pulled me into sleep.

  1204, ERIC

  I sat outside the sleeping castle’s line of sight. The slope of land descended in long, moonlit shadows down to waves of long grasses that slowly became forest. A doe hid in the grass, occasionally glancing up the slope, unable to spot me where I sat. I watched with a small grin until she leapt into the trees. This was the same forest that spanned to the edge of Cassandra’s home, but I could never make it there and back in one night on foot. Heodred would be coming for me and the others in the early hours, and we would be leaving this place. Setting out for war.