Envious Deception

by Katie Keller-Nieman

  “What do you know?” he asked, reaching out to stop her from turning away again. His hand brushed her sleeve, and he felt a shock from her sweater. Her glance slowly slid to his face, her eyes filled with nerves.

  “These aren’t normal questions you have. They are dangerous.”

  “Please. I’m desperate here.”

  She glanced around nervously, then leaned over the counter, dropping her voice. “If you know someone who can control reincarnation, you need to run. Your entire family needs to change their names, and you need to run as far as you can.”

  “Why?”

  “Knowledge like that isn’t natural. It isn’t safe. It brings nothing but death. They will find you every time.” She backed away through a small door to the office, slamming it shut in his face.

  CHAPTER 23

  FORGOTTEN GHOSTS

  Eric flipped a page, reading the oldest spell book for the millionth time. Cheerful Christmas music filtered softly through the speakers of his car, and I warmed my hands by the heat vents.

  The road was dark where we had pulled off to read and research, but the velvet night got me wondering. I watched the navy glow of the night contrast with the soft warm glow of Eric’s flashlight, accenting the masculine line of his jaw. When was the last time we’d even kissed? I couldn’t remember. Every moment we spent together, his nose was in one of those books.

  I wasn’t even sure if I believed those last visions anymore. But Eric did. He was chasing memories that refused to surface. The harder he fought for them, the more I began to realize that there weren’t any to find. And honestly, I didn’t know if I wanted him to. I loved the current Eric, not the possible witch version I never truly knew. Despite remembering nothing more, the guy I loved was growing distant, slipping further from me with this obsession. I felt like I was losing him to her all over again.

  I had made a horrible mistake in giving him his memories. He’d changed so drastically. I was losing him and had no idea how to get him back.

  Eric’s eyes narrowed. He studied the pages, inspecting them closer, and I set aside my book.

  “Find anything new?” I asked without really caring.

  He sounded confused when he answered. “There’s a page missing. Was it always missing?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He tipped the photocopied book so I could see the shadow of a torn edge close to the binding.

  “Maybe it fell out.”

  “Before or after we got them?”

  “It must have been before. They didn’t leave our sight before the copies were made.”

  “Don’t you think it’s odd?”

  “It’s an old book,” I answered with an unconcerned shrug. “And the night is beautiful. Do you see those stars?” I asked, pointing through the windshield.

  He glanced quickly. “It’s very pretty,” he mumbled.

  “You barely looked.”

  He continued to read.

  “That’s it!” I exclaimed, throwing my door open.

  My boots crunched over frosty gravel as I passed in front of the silver stream of headlights. Eric glanced up, watching me as I set my palms on the hood of his car. I curled my finger, beckoning to him. He lowered his brow and lifted the book in argument, but I shook my head.

  With an aggravated huff, he dragged himself out of the car and shut his door with more force than necessary. He walked toward me. The slow, angry swagger of his shoulders made my stomach flip in delight, and I leaned back on the hood, soaking him in.

  “Look at the stars,” I said.

  “We’re wasting time,” he grumbled.

  “No, you’re wasting time.”

  “I’m reading. I’m trying to find our answers,” he argued. Starlight glinted like sparks in his eyes.

  I shook my head remorsefully. “There are no answers, Eric. There is no miracle within those pages.”

  “We still have two weeks until January. That’s enough time if we stay focused,” he argued.

  I held out my arm, offering him my hand, and waited. He reluctantly stepped closer and laced his fingers with mine. My scarf gently batted my arm in a soft, wintry breeze, and a shiver rocked my shoulders.

  “We have four days until the semester ends and we say goodbye until the next. I don’t want to waste them on something that won’t do anything for us. This is only upsetting you.”

  I expected him to argue, to yell and scream about my safety, but he didn’t. He sat on the hood of his car and I followed, leaning in close. “I don’t know what else to do,” he said helplessly.

  “We have a deal. Aurora will hold to it,” I told him, clutching his arm softly.

  “You don’t know that.”

  “I do. I’ve known her for a long time. I can tell when she’s lying. When she made her promise she was being honest. I trust that she means it.” Eric shook his head. “Trust me,” I said emphatically. Vulnerable eyes met mine. “Do you?” I inquired.

  “Of course I do, but what about next time? What if I-”

  “Trust in us. We’ve grown stronger, haven’t we? We’ve learned so much this past year-gotten closer to the truth than in any other life. Todd will help us.”

  Eric turned away, so I cupped his jaw and drew his face back to mine. Pain swirled in the depths of his eyes. My breath fell on his lips, and his on mine, warming the winter air between us. “We can make sure that we have warnings in our next life. But it’s not worth making the trade unless we enjoy the time we have now.”

  My thumb stroked his soft lower lip; I leaned in and kissed him gently. My lip gloss was sticky. Warmed by our faces, it filled the air with the scent of raspberries. He nibbled at my bottom lip, rolling it into his mouth, tasting my sweetened lips. Butterflies swarmed inside me at his small response to my kiss. It felt so good to have his attention back, even if only for a moment. I had felt like I was losing him. Maybe not to Aurora, but to fear. This kiss gave me hope again.

  He leaned in and drew me closer. A strong hand brushed along my thigh, fingertips scraping softly at the denim I wore. My puffy winter coat released a breath, sighing as Eric pressed in. He braced my neck, stroking my throat and jaw with his thumb as he leaned me back. My hair swept over the car, just barely out of reach, and I hovered there, caught between dream and reality. He affected me so profoundly. Every touch, every kiss, tangled me further in love.

  Eric’s hand brushed down the length of my body in a long, sensual stroke. I was putty. I was his, in every way. Did he know that? Did he understand how he owned every part of my body and soul? I’d given him everything, and lately I felt as if I held only a small piece of him in return—like the rest was withheld, locked away where I couldn’t go. It hadn’t been this way before, not in the beginning.

  A cold wind whipped through the trees, and Eric’s lips parted from mine. Our moment was over. He stood and I followed. I was losing him again. Already, he could barely look at me as he led me to the door.

  “Not yet,” I whispered.

  When he had been under Aurora’s control, the only times he’d called me Cassandra and felt free were when we kissed or he drank. Our kissing on the car had done something for his mood. It didn’t last, but I knew what might.

  I gripped his hand tighter, guided him to the back door of his Pontiac, and pulled him into the back seat with me.

  He settled against the closed door and surveyed the compact space uneasily. His body swallowed up any free room in his small car, and I truly appreciated his stature. His wide shoulders barely fit the width of the window. His legs sprawled on either side of me, and still he appeared crammed in. He looked unhappy about it and shifted around trying to get comfortable. I edged out of his way, and he cursed under his breath. “I’m too big for this,” he muttered.

  I lifted a brow. “Mmmm hmmm,” I said with a sly smirk.

  He caught my innuendo and glared at me. “I meant tall.”

  “Lighten up. Relax a little, would you?” I said with a small grin.

/>   “I am relaxed,” he stated.

  I apprehensively set my fingers on his chest. “Then… give it a try?”

  He shifted again. “This is stupid.” He reached for the door handle.

  “Don’t you want me?” I pleaded desperately.

  I swallowed down a lump in my throat. Oh God, I felt pitiful. Really, Sandy? Begging your boyfriend for sex? Lame. But my plea stopped him from opening the door. He gazed at me with a look in his eyes that I couldn’t read. His thoughts were as cryptic to me as those books he was so focused on. But he wasn’t leaving. He was willing to try… or at least to let me attempt to win his attention for myself.

  He worked his jaw and narrowed his eyes. He appeared so unhappy, uncomfortable, and unyielding.

  My lips suddenly seemed so dry. I licked them nervously, unsure of my approach. How would this even work? He was right. The space was too little for the both of us. He was too tall. A small part of my mind was busy thinking of turning back, but if I did that, he would return to those books and we’d continue to drift apart. I couldn’t bear to lose him. Not again. Not like this.

  I shrugged off my coat and tossed it and my scarf to the front seat. My fingers curled around the hem of my sweater. With that small action, Eric looked deeply at me… and I mean deeply. I held his attention captive, and I blushed from head to toe like the pathetic seductress I was. My cheeks burned. I felt faint, like I might pass out on his chest. I lost the ability to feel the hem of my shirt bunched in my fingers. Dreamy numbness swept through me, setting my world off balance.

  Eric was my anchor.

  I gazed into his intense eyes and slowly tugged my sweater up over my head. He stared transfixed at my lacy red bra. It was the underwire, cleavage-boosting water bra I’d been gifted by Aurora. Though entirely artificial, I knew I looked amazing in it. Busty, even. I had worn it for that sole reason. I was sure that this would snag Eric’s interest away from those books. And if it didn’t, I was out of ideas.

  I slowly trailed my fingertips across my chest, trying to lead his gaze to my forced curves, but my confidence plummeted to a new low. Eric stared at me with a look of disgust on his face. His mouth closed tight, and his jaw wound hard. Did he think I was pathetic for wearing it? Did he think I was ugly?

  He slowly reached a hand out and thumbed the fabric. His face paled a pasty shade of green, and my stomach roiled with acid. Did he know where this bra had come from? That Aurora gave it to me? Oh God, was he thinking about her and all that she’d put him through?

  He warily leaned in and reached behind me for the hook. I winced as the clasp came apart and shivered as the lace and satin slipped from my shoulders. Eric caught my bra by the strap and held it away from him like a piece of trash.

  He leaned forward quickly. His chest pressed firmly against mine as he reached for the door latch behind me. I was an obstacle in his way. I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt, and my heart nearly leapt out of my naked chest. A whip of cold wind stung at my bare back as he tossed the bra to the snow outside, then closed the door again.

  He didn’t back away. I trembled with uncertainty, sandwiched between his chest and the door. His hand clutched my waist and brushed up my body. My heart pounded, and the armrest bit into my back. Eric cupped my bare breast in his hand, and I swallowed hard.

  A pink glow had returned to his cheeks. I met his piercing blue eyes. His eyes trapped and held my gaze hostage. Eyes so unfamiliar. Grave. He pulled me close, drawing me forward until I was straddling his lap. His mouth met my skin, and his tongue traced circles around my breast. I trembled, but not from the cold. I trembled like I’d never been touched before, like he’d never looked at me, never tasted me. Like he was a stranger.

  Eric was not the same person. It had been only weeks since our first time… a week since our last time, but he was different anyway.

  “Eric?” I asked softly. “Do you still love me?”

  “A doll like you? I’d be crazy not to.”

  “Eric,” I urged, pushing him back to look in his eyes. “That’s not an answer.”

  He captured a lock of my hair, examining its color and texture. He let the loose curl slide softly between his fingers and gazed into my eyes. “Cassandra, my love, I will be yours until the end of time.”

  His words startled my heart and tickled my mind with memories. They begged to take over, to show me more of our past, but I was sick of it all. I didn’t want the past. I wanted now. “Really?” I asked.

  The bridge of his nose brushed along my neck. “You are my heart and soul. My love and my reason.”

  His words took my breath away. His hands clasped mine, and he stared at our fingers. “Do you still love me?” he asked hesitantly.

  “Yes,” I uttered. “Of course I do.”

  He gave me a shy, crooked grin laced with disbelief. “Then kiss me, Cassandra,” he said.

  I leaned in slowly, combing my hair aside as I dipped down and brushed my lips against his. My confidence wavered. “Eric, I-”

  “Kiss me?” he repeated softly.

  My lips washed over his like water, unsure where to run, meeting obstacles, and rerouting. For the first time, kissing him wasn’t easy. It was work, like I’d forgotten how… or forgotten him. Was it all in my head?

  My hands slowly found the edge of his coat. I pushed it open and slid my hands under his shirt. His skin was gloriously warm. My tongue slipped into his mouth, and his hands climbed my hips. They grabbed me, pulled at me. One plunged into my hair, skimming my scars without hesitation, while the other groped my chest greedily. “Sandy, you’re gorgeous,” he moaned against my lips.

  Something clicked in my head. Familiarity sparked. I knew this man, too. This Eric. I had to, because something about him drew me in and emboldened me.

  I shimmied closer, and Eric groaned into my mouth. I tugged his thick coat down his arms, and he shrugged it off the rest of the way without breaking lip contact.

  I steadied myself, pressing my hand against the window behind his head. The glass was thick with fog now and left a streak of my handprint. I grinned against his mouth; I couldn’t help it. The scene from Titanic had crossed my mind. He glanced back at the window and released a laugh too, as if reading my thoughts. Wasn’t this so cliché? But it was exactly what we needed, to laugh together. And I couldn’t stop. I giggled so hard, my face hurt, but my laughter made him laugh more, and the tension that surrounded us popped as easily as a soap bubble. And whatever memories we’d been lifting vanished.

  I traced our initials into the foggy window and surrounded them with a heart. I looked into his adoring eyes, and he hugged me closer, touching his forehead to mine, still grinning.

  We were us again. Eric Jansen and Cassandra Whitmer. Cassandra Jansen. I rolled the name around in my head. It was juvenile, but so was what we were doing. And I wasn’t about to stop either because of that. I was going to enjoy it for once.

  TODD:

  He shoved the door to his apartment open with a frustrated huff. Mimi was at the door instantly. She wove around his legs excitedly until he picked her up and carried her with him into the kitchen. Her purr hummed like a little motor, and she nuzzled into his neck. He dropped his keys to the table, under a small Christmas tree Tony had picked up somewhere.

  “You’re back!” Tony exclaimed as he entered the room.

  Todd noticed suitcases piled in the living room. “And you’re leaving?”

  “Winter break,” he answered.

  Todd struggled to keep his jaw from dropping. “You’re going to be in New Jersey all month?”

  “No,” he answered. “Just for Christmas. So, like a week.”

  “Then why the hell do you have so much shit?”

  “Presents,” he answered with a grin. “I’ve got a mega-huge family to buy for.”

  Todd nodded. Gifts. Family. Christmas. Of course. All things foreign to Todd. His aunt had included him when he lived there. She’d get him a shirt or something. He’d give them cash if he wasn’t
being a dickhead. Aside from that…

  “Good,” Todd muttered. “Then you can get rid of that on your way out,” Todd said with a low glare at the fake tree.

  “Too cool for Christmas?” Tony mocked jokingly. “It’s okay to admit that you’ll miss me,” he added with a sly grin.

  “Miss what? Your snoring?”

  “It’s not that bad,” he said, carrying the tree into his bedroom.

  “It scared Mimes so bad that first night, she about hit the ceiling.”

  Tony laughed. “You know, you can come with me.”

  “Hell no,” Todd answered, setting Mimi on the sofa. “Not when I can have some goddamn quiet around here for once.”

  “You should come,” he added, entering the living room again.

  “I should do a lot of things, but Christmas ain’t one.”

  “C’mon! We can make fun of Mark. It’ll be fun.” He grinned mischievously. Tony seemed to really hate that guy. And apparently, so did Todd. Every muscle in his body wound up tight at the mention of Amelia’s new, old boyfriend.

  “Not even slightly tempting,” Todd muttered.

  Tony settled into his recliner, kicking his feet up. “Seriously though, you can come.”

  He shook his head. “When’s your ride get here?”

  “You mean Amelia?” he corrected condescendingly. “Soon.”

  “Is she coming up?”

  “Probably for a little while.”

  Without another word, Todd snatched his keys from the counter. “See ya,” he muttered as he fled the apartment. He went down the back stairs and left by way of the loading dock. There was no way he would stick around to see her, and no way he would go with Tony. He would only cause problems in New Jersey. With Amelia there… he couldn’t go. He didn’t want to.

  CHAPTER 24

  PATIENCE, SAID THE MONSTER

  We waited until the day after Christmas. Todd was left alone for the holiday. I felt terrible about that but had no luck in convincing my parents to invite him over, not that he would actually come. They wouldn’t even let me spend more than twenty minutes on the phone with Eric. Apparently, what little consideration his mom had convinced them to give had fizzled out. My mom no longer cared for Valarie Jansen, nor anyone really, except for Aurora.