My Super-Hot Fake Wedding Date

by Leigh James

  “What’s the matter?” I asked again, keeping my tone nonchalant. “You wish you went with a different caterer?”

  “No—it’s not the dumb caterers!” She blew her nose. “I mean, at least I hope not.”

  “Why’re you calling me, Katie?” I checked my watch. “You’re supposed to be getting married in a couple of hours.”

  “Did Marta tell you she’s going to be at the ceremony? Did she tell you it was at St. Christopher’s at four o’clock sharp?”

  “Um, yeah. She did.” I felt the dull throb of a headache.

  “Do you care?” she drama-whispered.

  “Do I care what?”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “You know, I’m busy. I have to go. I already gave you my blessing. Not sure what you want from me except for some ego-stroking.”

  “Are you with her right now?” She’d stopped crying, and she sounded pissed.

  “You have got to be kidding me. Goodbye, Katie. Have a nice life. Take it easy on my sister—and on Dave, too, the poor bastard.” I hung up and shook my head. I had to give it to Katie. She had the biggest balls of them all. Calling me on her wedding day. As if I’d ever even once thought about taking her back.

  I added another two miles to my run, trying to put as much distance between me and that phone call as possible. By the time I was done, I was sweaty and spent. Mrs. Delaney was busy barking orders at her gardeners when I got back to the house.

  She motioned toward me. “A word, Roberto.”

  I wiped the sweat from my face as I followed her to the far side of the lawn, away from the workers. “You’re using my proper name now?” I used a joking tone, but Aileen did not look amused. Her face was so immobile that I couldn’t be sure, but she might have been scowling at me.

  “Pryce has brought me up to date on everything about you and your family, Roberto Palmieri of the South Shore Palmieris.”

  “Ah, I see.” Her pit bull of a butler had completed his investigation of me.

  “I also happen to like Italian names. They are so much more elegante than their English counterparts,” Aileen continued. “In any event, I am not here to flatter you. I am here to interrogate you.”

  “Okay.” But I had a sinking feeling it was not okay at all.

  “I know you just received a call from your ex-girlfriend, Katherine. What was the purpose of this call?”

  My jaw dropped open. “How did you know that? How do you know her name?”

  “I had Pryce put a trace on your phone. We don’t fanculo around here, Roberto. I am the head of a multibillion-dollar venture, and I do not take my job lightly. Now tell me why your ex is calling you while you’re here with my daughter.”

  I felt violated, but a teeny piece of me was glad that she at least cared enough about Madison to snoop. “My ex is getting married today. She wanted to know if I was going to show up and object.” The truth, ridiculous and ugly, sat between us.

  “I see. And why would she expect you to do something like that? Are you still involved with her?”

  “Not at all, ma’am.” I coughed. “I mean, Aileen. We’ve been broken up for a long time. She’s just someone who loves drama.” I eyed Aileen. I had a feeling she could relate.

  “What was your response?” she asked coldly.

  “I told her to have a nice life.”

  She crossed her arms against her chest. “If you are having a relationship with my daughter, I expect you to cut all ties with former girlfriends. Do you understand, Roberto?”

  “Of course I understand. But you need to understand that I am not on your payroll and that Roberto Palmieri doesn’t take orders from anyone.”

  Her eyebrow creeped up as far as it could go, a tiny fraction, but enough to register surprise. “Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?”

  I puffed out my chest. “Yes. I tend to do that when I’m angry.”

  She leaned closer. “Do you know what I tend to do when I’m angry?”

  “No, ma’am.” I was going to call this bitch ma’am for the rest of my life.

  “I ruin people’s lives, relationships, and reputations.” She lifted the edges of her plump, chemically enhanced lips with what looked like great effort until they formed a gruesome smile. “Do not mess with my family. You’ll pay for it dearly.”

  “Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit?” We’d gone from dramedy to just plain old scary pretty quickly.

  “My daughter hasn’t brought a man home since she was in high school. I’ve been waiting for her to meet someone. It’s been years. Do not disappoint her, or me.” She took a step back. “By the way, I’m not saying I approve of you. I’m merely saying that if you mess with my daughter, you’re going to be sorry.”

  “Got it…ma’am.” I stormed back to the house before I started referring to myself in the third person again or worse, went off on Aileen Delaney.

  She’d had my phone tapped? She was threatening me?

  I remembered wondering why everyone seemed so scared of Mrs. Delaney and if Maddy’s parents could really be as bad as she’d made them sound.

  The answer was yes. The answer was worse than yes.

  I glimpsed Madison in the hall. “Hey!” she called. “How was your day?”

  “It was…good.” I forced myself to smile. “What about you?”

  “Same.”

  I could tell just by looking at her that she didn’t mean it.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

  She wrinkled her nose. “Hell to the no. You?”

  “Nope.”

  “Do you want to sneak a drink before the wedding?” she asked. “It has to be super quick because then I’m back to bridesmaid purgatory.”

  “Hell to the yes.” I grinned. “If that’s even an expression.”

  “It is now.” She giggled. “I have wine in my room. Want to come in?”

  Before I could stop myself, I nodded. She looked so pretty in her white cotton dress, her hair flowing over her shoulders.

  Her mother was crazy.

  My ex-girlfriend was crazy.

  We were surrounded by crazy.

  Maddy and I kept grinning at each other. I felt as if I were digging myself into a nice, deep ditch.

  Dig, dig, dig.

  “Absofreakinglutely.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  MADISON

  I kicked my flip-flops off and poured us each a glass of wine. “I’d go for the hard stuff, but you saw what happened to me last night.”

  Bob accepted the glass and smiled. “It wasn’t so bad.”

  “It was pretty bad…what I remember, which really isn’t all that much.” I giggled. “I won’t do a repeat performance tonight. I promise.”

  “I’m sure you won’t. And if you do”—he tilted his glass in my direction—“you’ll be in good company. No worries.”

  I took a sip of wine. “So, I can tell you didn’t have a great day. Was it the golf?”

  “No. Golf was good. Actually, golf was terrible—I was terrible—but it was still fun. Tim’s a nice guy.”

  I perked up. “I’m so glad you like him. He’s sort of an acquired taste.”

  “I’d like to get to know him better.”

  A hot flush of happiness spread through my chest. “I’d like that.”

  Bob nodded, but then his expression darkened. “Maddy, um…”

  I waited, but the way he was looking at his wine glass made me tense.

  Bob frowned. “Remember how I said my ex was getting married this weekend?”

  My heart started thudding. “Yes.”

  “She called me just now.” He raised his gaze to meet mine. “And your mother knows about it.”

  “Um.” I felt myself gaping. “Okay.” Neither of those things were okay, but words were not my strong suit at the moment.

  “So Katie called me because she—I don’t know—was having some sort of emotional thing.”

  I gulped my wine. “On her
wedding day? That prompted her to call you?”

  He gulped some wine, too. “Yeah. You can kind of guess what it was about.”

  “Wait—how did my mother know?” My brow furrowed. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know the answer.

  “She said Pryce tapped my phone.”

  “Why am I not surprised?” I laughed, but it sounded bitter. “Wow. My mother’s getting militant about this. What did she say?”

  He raked his hand through his hair, making its thick waves stand up in spikes. “Nothing good.”

  I waited and poured more wine.

  Bob sighed. “She wanted to know why Katie called me, first of all. Then she said that I’m not to have contact with my ex-girlfriends while I’m dating her daughter.”

  “I told you you have my standing apology, right?” I poured him more wine, too. So much for not getting buzzed before the ceremony.

  “Don’t worry about it.” He shook his head. “The good news is your mom seems to think we’re legit.”

  I nodded then clinked my glass against his. “Cheers to that.” That had been so important to me only yesterday, but today it seemed insignificant.

  He clinked back, but his eyes were still stormy.

  “So why did she call? Katie?” I braced myself.

  “Because she loves drama. She wanted to know if I was going to show up at the ceremony and object.”

  “Whoa. Wow. So what did you say?” I realized I was holding my breath.

  “I told her she was crazy. Do you know why?”

  I shook my head.

  “Because she’s crazy!”

  A knock on the door interrupted us. Totally slutty Mia stuck her face in and narrowed her eyes at me. “Wine o’clock is over. Time to get going!” She noticed Bob and perked up. “Hey there, Bob!” She tossed her hair prettily.

  “Have you seen Claire yet this morning?” I guzzled the rest of my wine. “She said she was sore. Something to do with last night.”

  “Haven’t seen her.” But two hectic spots of color bloomed on her cheeks.

  “Les be serious.” I winked at her. “She was looking for you.”

  “Your sister needs you.” She sniffed. “So wrap it up.” With a hair toss, she hustled off.

  I sighed and got up. “Duty calls. See you out there?”

  He nodded. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, of course. You?”

  “Totally.” He scrubbed a hand across his face. “My phone’s getting tapped, and my crazy ex-girlfriend’s calling. Did I tell you that before you asked me out, my life was pretty quiet? Things are looking up.”

  I patted him on the shoulder. “Thanks for being a good sport about my psychotic mom. Twenty-four hours, big guy. That’s all there is to go. And sorry about Katie. I’m sure that was hard.”

  “It was more awkward than anything else. I mean, who calls their ex-boyfriend on their wedding day? Sheesh!” He squeezed my hand then headed out. “See you on the battlefield.”

  “Yeah, see you.” But as he closed the door, my heart sank.

  I knew who called their ex-boyfriends on their wedding day. Women who knew they’d made a terrible mistake.

  I sighed as I hurried to get to the bridal salon. At least I knew one bride who was happy today. The other one—the one who’d called Bob—worried me.

  But maybe it was him I was worried about.

  “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Sienna Siobhan Delaney to Timothy Towne MacGregor,” the pastor said.

  Sienna tossed her hair, which hung in tousled waves beneath her veil. My sister was always beautiful, but she was heart-stoppingly so in her strapless, flowing wedding gown. My mother sat in the front row, her back perfectly erect, but I could see the tears in her eyes. Her baby was getting married.

  I wondered if she would cry at my wedding. Maybe she would shed tears of joy that I wasn’t going to be an old maid.

  I sought out Bob, who was sitting a few rows back. Easy, Maddy. But I wasn’t looking at him because I was thinking about marrying him. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. I mean, getting called by his ex on her wedding day was sort of a big deal. Then there was my mother, who’d been all over him like Jason Bourne as soon as it had happened. The poor guy needed a break.

  Maybe he does need a little something, a wicked voice said inside my head. I felt my cheeks heating. I wanted to give him something, all right, but not if he was still thinking about someone else.

  Claire nudged me as the pastor continued. I jerked my head toward the ceremony and tried to pay attention. But paying attention was hard when I was hungover plus a little bit drunk—we’d had Prosecco in the bridal salon.

  I felt eyes on me and found Bob staring.

  I turned back to watch my sister as she married the man of her dreams, the guy she truly depended on to be by her side. They were committing to each other for the rest of their lives. This was it.

  I felt Bob still staring, so I stuck my chest out. I had to start somewhere. I had to start sometime.

  But I still worried. What if, like Claire had said, Bob wasn’t right for me? It would propel me back to square one. And while square one wasn’t terrible, it wasn’t good either.

  Sienna wrapped her arms around Tim. He gazed down at her, the love plain on his face.

  Suddenly, in that moment, my happy little confine was no longer good enough. I didn’t want square one anymore.

  I wanted more.

  Bob passed me the butter. “So how was it?”

  “Long.” The pictures had taken over an hour, during which time we’d had more champagne. I buttered two slices of bread, vowing to stay happily buzzed and not get sloppy drunk. “But I’m sure they’ll come out beautiful.”

  “Speaking of beautiful”—he leaned closer to me, making me shiver—“you look amazing tonight. You’re the prettiest girl here. Actually, you’re the prettiest girl anywhere.”

  “Oh…” My cheeks heated in pleasure, and I felt desire zip through me. “Thank you. You look very handsome in a tuxedo.”

  “Thanks.” He grinned. “I’ve no idea how people breathe in these things, but if you like it, I’ll happily suffer.” He brought his face closer to mine, close enough to kiss me. “So I’m pretty psyched you’re my date tonight, you being the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen and all.”

  I couldn’t speak. I hastily put the bread down.

  Just as he was leaning in closer, my dad slapped him on the back. “Son? I need a word with you.” He smiled, but it wasn’t a particularly friendly smile.

  “Dad?” I sat bolt upright. “Is there a problem?”

  “Nah, just need some man-to-man time with your fella.”

  Bob raised his eyebrows but dutifully got up to follow my father. “Anything for you, Art.” His gaze skipped back over to me. “See you in a minute?”

  “I hope so.” I really, really did. Not only had he been on the verge of kissing me, but I was worried. I had no idea what my father wanted.

  “There you are, dear.” My mother swooped in as soon as the men were gone. Her mother-of-the-bride dress was striking and elegant. The floor-length, form-fitting pale-pink gown was covered with crystals.

  “The wedding is beautiful, Mother.” Before she started in on me about Bob, I had to at least get out what I wanted to say. “Sienna is the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen. She seems really happy. This is the nicest wedding I’ve ever been to.” It was the truth. The tent was another whole universe, filled with dazzling white lights and bursting with fresh flowers. “How did you get chandeliers in a tent?”

  “I have no idea.” She waved her hand dismissively. “But now that your sister’s married, let’s concentrate on the next item on my to-do list.”

  “Ooh, becoming a better human being?” I clapped my hands together. “I’ve been waiting for this one for a while.”

  “Ha, ha, ha.” But she didn’t look amused. “Did you know that Roberto’s ex-girlfriend called him today?”


  “Yes, Mother. He told me. He also said that you’d tapped his phone. Isn’t that a federal offense?” I had another bite of bread and smiled as I chewed. My mother loathed carbohydrates.

  “Pryce just informed me that she didn’t go through with the wedding.”

  “Who?” I asked, but the sinking feeling in my stomach told me I already knew who.

  “Katie. The ex-girlfriend, darling. Try to keep up.”

  I stuffed some more bread into my mouth.

  “She’s tried to call Roberto twenty-six times this afternoon. He hasn’t answered, but it’s got to be bothering him.”

  I finished chewing. “Mother, what do you want from me? I brought a guy home. I thought it would make you happy. But all you’ve done is—well, that’s been sort of hard to keep track of. You came on to him. Then you cut him down because he doesn’t make enough money. You didn’t believe that I was really dating him, but once you did, you started spying on him. Am I missing anything?”

  Aileen smoothed her dress. “I don’t think so.”

  I frowned. “Oh yeah, you also threatened to disinherit me if I don’t get married. But I’m finally dating someone, someone nice, and you’re trying to blow it up. Do I have that right?”

  She shrugged. “I’m protecting you. That’s a mother’s job.”

  “You are a lot of things, but a good mother has never been one of them.” I stood up, grabbing some more bread and the freshly opened bottle of wine that had been left on the table. “Excuse me. I need to go rescue Bob.”

  “You’ll do no such thing.” My mother straightened her shoulders. “Your father is talking to him, man to man. Let him do something for once.” Plastering on a fake smile, she sashayed over to the next guest at our table and started talking about whatever crazy-rich cougars talked about when they wanted to start an innocuous conversation after a difficult one.

  I stalked off with the wine. I didn’t care what she had to say.

  “Hey.” Josie caught up to me as I made it outside. “What’s the matter?”

  “What do you mean?” I took a swig of wine right from the bottle.

  “Um.” She took it from me, wiped the edge and took a sip, too. “It’s not because I think you have cooties. My lipstick is paler than yours, is all.”