Adventures of Bindle

by Herbert George Jenkins

  CHAPTER XIV

  MR. HEARTY YIELDS

  "Gawd started makin' a man, an' then, sort o' losin' interest, 'E made'Earty. That's wot I think o' your brother-in-law, Mrs. B."

  Mrs. Bindle paused in the operation of lifting an iron from the stoveand holding its face to her cheek to judge as to its degree of heat.There was a note of contemptuous disgust in Bindle's voice that wasnew to her.

  "You always was jealous of him," she remarked, rubbing a piece of soapon the face of the iron and polishing it vigorously upon a smallsquare of well-worn carpet kept for that purpose. "'E's got on and youhaven't, and there's an end of it;" and she brought down the ironfiercely upon a pillow-case.

  "Wot d'you think 'e's done now?" demanded Bindle, as he went to thesink and filled a basin for his evening "rinse." Plunging his faceinto the water, with much puffing and blowing he began to lather itwith soapy hands. He had apparently entirely forgotten his question.

  "Well, what is it?" enquired Mrs. Bindle at length, too curious longerto remain quiet.

  Bindle turned from the sink, soap-suds forming a rim round his faceand filling his tightly-shut eyes. He groped with hands extendedtowards the door behind which hung the roller-towel. Having polishedhis face to his entire satisfaction, he walked towards the doorleading into the passage.

  "Well, what's he done now?" demanded Mrs. Bindle again with asperity.

  "'E says Millikins ain't goin' to marry Charlie Dixon." There wasanger in Bindle's voice.

  "You're a nice one," commented Mrs. Bindle, "Always sneerin' atmarriage, an' now you're blaming Mr. Hearty because he won't----"

  "Well, I'm blowed!" Bindle wheeled round, his good-humour re-assertingitself, "I 'adn't thought o' that."

  Having cleared away her ironing, Mrs. Bindle threw the whitetablecloth over the table with an angry flourish.

  "Now ain't that funny!" continued Bindle, as if highly amused at Mrs.Bindle's discovery. "Now ain't that funny!" he repeated.

  "Seems to amuse you," she retorted acidly.

  "It does, Mrs. B.; you've jest 'it it. One o' the funniest things Iever come across. 'Ere's me a-tellin' everybody about this chamber of'orrors wot we call marriage, an' blest if I ain't a-tryin' to shovepoor ole Charlie Dixon in an' shut the door on 'im." Bindle grinnedexpansively.

  "Supper'll be ready in five minutes," said Mrs. Bindle with indrawnlips.

  "Right-o!" cried Bindle as he made for the door. "I'm goin' to getinto my uniform before I 'ops around to see 'Earty. It's wonderful wota bit o' blue cloth and a peak cap'll do with a cove like 'Earty,specially when I 'appens to be inside. Yes! Mrs. B.," he repeated ashe opened the door, "you're right; it does amuse me," and he closedthe door softly behind him. Mrs. Bindle expressed her thoughts uponthe long-suffering table-appointments.

  When Bindle returned in his uniform, supper was ready. For some timethe meal proceeded in silence.

  "Funny thing," he remarked at length, "I can swallow most things fromstewed-steak to 'alf-cooked 'ymns, but 'Earty jest sticks in mygizzard."

  "You're jealous, that's what you are," remarked Mrs. Bindle withconviction.

  "A man wot could be jealous of 'Earty," said Bindle, "ain't safe to belet out, only on a chain. Why don't 'e try an' bring a little'appiness down 'ere instead o' sayin' it's all in 'eaven, with you an''im a-sittin' on the lid. Makes life like an 'addock wot's beenrejooced in price, it does."

  "What are you goin' to say to Mr. Hearty?" enquired Mrs. Bindlesuspiciously.

  "Well," remarked Bindle, "that depends rather on wot 'Earty's goin' tosay to me."

  "You've no right to interfere in his affairs."

  "You're quite right, Mrs. B.," remarked Bindle, "that's wot makes itso pleasant. I 'aven't no right to punch 'Earty's 'ead; but one ofthese days I know I shall do it. Never see an 'ead in all my life wotlooked so invitin' as 'Earty's. Seems to be crying-out to be punched,it does."

  "You didn't ought to go round upsetting him," said Mrs. Bindleaggressively. "He's got enough troubles."

  "'E's goin' to 'ave another to-night, Mrs. B.; an' if 'e ain'tcareful, 'e'll probably 'ave another to-morrow night."

  Mrs. Bindle banged the lid on a dish.

  "You ain't against them kids a-gettin' married, are you?" Bindledemanded. "You used to be sort of fond of Millikins."

  "No! I'm not against it; but I'm not goin' to interfere in Mr.Hearty's affairs," said Mrs. Bindle virtuously.

  "Well, I _am_," said Bindle grimly, as he rose and reached for hiscap. A moment later he left the room, whistling cheerily.

  At the Heartys' house Millie opened the door.

  "Oh, Uncle Joe!" she cried, "I wondered whether you would come."

  "Course I'd come, Millikins," said Bindle. "Now you jest run and tellyour father that I want to 'ave a little talk with 'im in thedrawing-room, then you'll turn on the light an' be'ave as if I was areal lemonade-swell."

  Millie smiled tremulously and led the way upstairs. Ushering Bindleinto the drawing-room, she switched on the light and went out, gentlyclosing the door behind her.

  Five minutes later Mr. Hearty entered. From the movement of hisfingers, it was obvious that he was ill at ease.

  "'Ullo, 'Earty!" said Bindle genially.

  "Good evening, Joseph," responded Mr. Hearty.

  "Trade good?" enquired Bindle conversationally.

  "Quite good, thank you, Joseph," was the response.

  "Goin' to open any more shops?" was the next question.

  Mr. Hearty shook his head.

  Bindle sucked contentedly at his pipe.

  "Won't you sit down, 'Earty?" he asked solicitously.

  Mr. Hearty sat down mechanically, then, a moment later, rose to hisfeet.

  "Now, 'Earty," said Bindle, "you and me are goin' to 'ave a littletalk about Millikins."

  Mr. Hearty stiffened visibly.

  "I--I don't understand," he said.

  "You jest wait a minute, 'Earty, an' you'll understand a rare lot. Noware you, or are you not, goin' to let them kids get married?"

  "Most emphatically not," said Mr. Hearty with decision. "Millie is tooyoung; she's not twenty yet."

  "Now ain't you jest tiresome, 'Earty. 'Ere 'ave I been arrangin' forthe weddin' for next Toosday, and you go and say it ain't comin' orf;you should 'ave told me this before."

  "But Millie only asked me this morning," protested Mr. Hearty, whoseliteralness always placed him at a disadvantage with Bindle.

  "Did she really?" remarked Bindle. "Dear me! an' she knew she wasgoin' to get married last night. Never could understand women," heremarked, shaking his head hopelessly.

  Mr. Hearty was at a loss. He had been prepared for unpleasantness; butthis geniality on the part of his brother-in-law he found disarming.

  "I have been forced to tell you before, Joseph," he said with someasperity, "that I cannot permit you to interfere in my privateaffairs."

  "Quite right, 'Earty," agreed Bindle genially, "quite right, you saidit in them very words." Bindle's imperturbability caused Mr. Hearty tolook at him anxiously.

  "Then why do you come here to-night and--and----?" He broke offnervously.

  "I was always like that, 'Earty. Never seemed able to take no for ananswer. Now wot are you goin' to give 'em for a weddin'-breakfast?" heenquired. "An' 'ave we got to bring our own meat-tickets?"

  "I have just told you, Joseph," remarked Mr. Hearty angrily, "thatthey are not going to be married."

  "Now ain't that a pity," remarked Bindle, as, having re-filled hispipe, he proceeded to light it. "Now ain't that a pity. I been andfixed it all up with Charlie Dixon, and now 'ere are you a-upsettin'of my plans. I don't like my plans upset, 'Earty; I don't really."

  Mr. Hearty looked at Bindle in amazement. This was to him a newBindle. He had been prepared for anything but this attitude, whichseemed to take everything for granted.

  "I shouldn't make it a big weddin', 'Earty. There ain't time for that,and jest a nice pleasant little weddin'-breakfast. A cake, of course;you must 'ave a cak
e. No woman don't feel she's married without acake. She'd sooner 'ave a cake than an 'usband."

  "I tell you, Joseph, that I shall not allow Millie to marry this youngman on Tuesday. I am very busy and I must----"

  "I shouldn't go, 'Earty, if I was you. I shouldn't really; I shouldjest stop 'ere and listen to wot I 'ave to say."

  "I have been very patient with you for some years past, Joseph," beganMr. Hearty, "and I must confess----"

  "You 'ave, 'Earty," interrupted Bindle quietly, looking at him over aflaming match, "you 'ave. If you wasn't wanted in the greengroceryline, you'd 'ave been on a monument, you're that patient. 'As it everstruck you, 'Earty,"--there was a sterner note in Bindle'svoice,--"'as it ever struck you that sometimes coves is patientbecause they're afraid to knock the other cove down?"

  "I refuse to discuss such matters, Joseph," said Mr. Hearty withdignity.

  "Well, well, 'Earty! p'raps you're right," responded Bindle. "Leastsaid, soonest mended. So them kids ain't goin' to get married onToosday, you say," he continued calmly.

  "I thought I had made that clear." Mr. Hearty's hands shook withnervousness.

  "You 'ave, 'Earty, you 'ave," said Bindle mournfully.

  "What right have you to--to interfere in--in such matters?" demandedMr. Hearty, deliberately endeavouring to work himself up into a stateof indignation. "Millie shall marry when I please, and her husbandshall be of my choosing."

  Bindle looked at Mr. Hearty in surprise. He had never known him sodetermined.

  "You think because you're Martha's brother-in-law,"--Mr. Hearty wasmeticulously accurate in describing the exact relationship existingbetween them,--"that gives you a right to--to order me about," heconcluded rather lamely.

  "Look 'ere, 'Earty!" said Bindle calmly, "if you goes on like that,you'll be ill."

  "I have been meaning to speak to you for some time past," continuedMr. Hearty, gaining courage. "Once and for all you must cease tointerfere in my affairs, if we are to--to continue--er----"

  "Brothers in the Lord," suggested Bindle.

  "There is another thing, Joseph," proceeded Mr. Hearty. "I--Ihave more than a suspicion that you know something aboutthose--that--the----" Mr. Hearty paused.

  "Spit it out, 'Earty," said Bindle encouragingly. "There ain't noladies present."

  "If--if there are any more disturbances in--in my neighbourhood,"continued Mr. Hearty, "I shall put the matter in the hands of thepolice. I--I have taken legal advice." As he uttered the last sentenceMr. Hearty looked at Bindle as if expecting him to quail under theimplied threat.

  "'Ave you really!" was Bindle's sole comment.

  "I have a clue!" There was woolly triumph in Mr. Hearty's voice.

  "You don't say so!" said Bindle with unruffled calm. "You better seethe panel doctor, an' 'ave it taken out."

  Mr. Hearty was disappointed at the effect of what he had hoped wouldprove a bombshell.

  "Now, Joseph, I must be going," said Mr. Hearty, "I am very busy." Mr.Hearty looked about him as if seeking something with which to be busy.

  "So Millikins ain't goin' to be allowed to marry Charlie Dixon?" saidBindle with gloomy resignation as he rose.

  "Certainly not," said Mr. Hearty. "My mind is made up."

  "Nothink wouldn't make you change it, I suppose?" enquired Bindle.

  "Nothing, Joseph." There was no trace of indecision in Mr. Hearty'svoice now.

  "Pore little Millikins!" said Bindle sadly as he moved towards thedoor, "I done my best. Pore little Millikins!" he repeated as hereached for the door-handle.

  Mr. Hearty's spirits rose. He wondered why he had not asserted himselfbefore. He had been very weak, lamentably weak. Still he now knew howto act should further difficulties arise through Bindle's unpardonableinterference in his affairs.

  Bindle opened the door, then closed it again, as if he had justremembered something. "You was sayin' that you been to your lawyer,'Earty," he said.

  "I have consulted my solicitor." Mr. Hearty looked swiftly at Bindle,at a loss to understand the reason for the question.

  "Useful sometimes knowin' a lawyer," remarked Bindle, looking intentlyinto the bowl of his pipe. Suddenly he looked up into Mr. Hearty'sface. "You'll be wantin' 'im soon, 'Earty."

  "What do you mean?" There was ill-disguised alarm in Mr. Hearty'svoice.

  "I see an ole pal o' yours yesterday, 'Earty," said Bindle as heopened the door again. "Ratty she was with you. She's goin' to maketrouble, I'm afraid. Well, s'long 'Earty! I must be orf;" and Bindlewent out into the passage.

  "Joseph," called out Mr. Hearty, "I want to speak to you."

  Bindle re-entered. Mr. Hearty walked round him and shut the doorstealthily.

  "What do you mean, Joseph?" There was fear in Mr. Hearty's voice andeyes.

  Bindle walked up to him and whispered something in his ear.

  "I--I----" Mr. Hearty stuttered and paled. "My God!"

  "You see, 'Earty, she told me all about it at the time," said Bindlecalmly.

  "It's a lie, a damned lie!" shouted Mr. Hearty.

  "'Ush, 'Earty, 'ush!" said Bindle gently. "Such language from you! Oh,naughty! 'Earty, naughty!"

  "It's a lie, I tell you." Mr. Hearty's voice was almost tearful. "It'sa wicked endeavour to ruin me."

  "All you got to do, 'Earty," said Bindle, "is to go to oleSix-an'-Eightpence an' 'ave 'er up."

  "It's a lie, I tell you," said Mr. Hearty weakly as he sank down uponthe couch.

  "So you jest said," remarked Bindle calmly. "I thought I better letyou know she was goin' up to tell the Ole Bird on the 'Ill. Women isfunny things, 'Earty, when you gets their goat. She asked me if I'dmind 'er goin'. Says she wouldn't do anythink I didn't want 'er to,because I was the only one wot stood by 'er. Made a rare fuss, shedid, though it wasn't much I done. Well, 'Earty, you're busy, an' Imust be orf." Bindle made a movement towards the door.

  "Joseph, you must stop her!" Mr. Hearty sprang up, his eyes dilatedwith fear.

  "Me!" exclaimed Bindle in surprise. "It ain't nothink to do with me.You jest been tellin' me I'm always a-buttin' in where I ain't wanted,and now----"

  "But--but you must, Joseph," pleaded Mr. Hearty. "If this was to getabout, it would ruin me."

  "Now ain't you funny, 'Earty," said Bindle. "'Ere are you a-wantin' meto do wot you said 'urt your feelin's."

  "If you do this, Joseph, I'll--I'll----"

  Bindle looked at Mr. Hearty steadily. "I'll try," he said, "an' now Imust be 'oppin'. Toosday I think was the date. I suppose you'll be'avin' it at the chapel? I'd like to 'ave a word with Millikins beforeI go. I'll come into the parlour with you, 'Earty."

  "You will see----" began Mr. Hearty.

  "Right-o!" replied Bindle cheerfully. "You leave it to me."

  Mr. Hearty turned meekly and walked downstairs to the parlour, whereMrs. Hearty and Millie were seated.

  "It's all right, Millikins, your father says 'e don't object. Ipersuaded 'im that you're old enough to know your own mind."

  Millie jumped up and ran to Bindle.

  "Oh, Uncle Joe, you darling!" she cried.

  "Yes, ain't I? that's wot all the ladies tell me, Millikins. Makesyour Aunt Lizzie so cross, it does."

  "'Ullo, Martha!" he cried. "'Ope you got a pretty dress for nextToosday. A weddin', wot'o! Now I must be orf. There's a rare lot o'burglars in Fulham, an' when they 'ears I'm out, Lord! they runs 'omelike bunnies to their 'utches. Good night, 'Earty; cheer-o, Martha!Give us a kiss, Millikins;" and Bindle went out, shown to the door byMillie.

  "Oh, Uncle Joe, you're absolutely wonderful! I think you could doanything in the world," she said.

  "I wonder," muttered Bindle, as he walked off, "if they'll charge meup with that little fairy tale I told 'Earty."