Kissing Lessons

by Sophie Jordan

  She nodded jerkily and choked out, “Yeah. Okay.” She waved toward the door, inviting him to leave. To take her stuff and go.

  “Good.” He huffed out a breath, but stayed where he was, glaring down at her like she somehow might go against her word and give him trouble.

  Alex appeared in her line of vision, struggling to hold up the TV by himself. “C’mon, man,” he snapped at his friend. “Let’s go. We got everything.”

  With a grunt, the guy turned away from her.

  Hayden backed up a few steps until she bumped into the wall. From there she slid down to the floor, landing on her bottom, her legs kicked out in front of her.

  She gulped back sobs and hugged herself, watching as Alex’s friend moved to the table and gathered everything up in his giant arms. She watched mutely as he took her laptop and shoebox into his hands.

  Easy come, easy go.

  Except none of it was easy. Earning money wasn’t easy, and watching him take it from her was even harder. None of it was fair, but she knew better than to mourn the unfairness of life.

  She was so close to graduating. So close to getting out on her own, and now this happened. Hayden gulped back another sob.

  She watched as he took her future into his hands and walked out the door, leaving her broken and alone against the wall.

  Lesson #35

  If you need a distraction, there’s always exercise.

  x Nolan x

  No one was home when Nolan entered his house. He assumed Savannah had a game. Junior high games were during the week, freeing up the weekends for all the high school games. Mom would have left work and gone straight there.

  He didn’t have to guess at where Emmaline was. He knew she’d probably be with Beau.

  He dropped his backpack on the kitchen table and stopped in front of the fridge, browsing Savannah’s game schedule pinned to the door. Suspicions confirmed. She had a game across town. If he didn’t have an obligation, he usually went to her games.

  Usually. Today wasn’t usual though. He didn’t feel like sitting in noisy bleachers.

  He took his phone from his pocket and set it on the counter, leaving it there as he marched up to his bedroom. He was content to leave it there for the rest of the night. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now.

  Nolan quickly shed his clothes and changed into a pair of athletic shorts and a T-shirt. He needed to let loose some energy. He grabbed a hoodie off the hook near the front door, his only acknowledgment that it was still a little cold out. They were nearing the end of January now, which meant it could be thirty degrees . . . or seventy.

  He grabbed his basketball from the garage and jogged down the street toward the neighborhood park, the slap of his shoes on the sidewalk satisfying.

  This was a good plan. Just to have something to do, somewhere to go, when he didn’t quite know what to do with himself.

  Everything had changed. Some of it from his own hand, true, but the rest . . .

  The rest had just sort of happened to him.

  Like a car crash. Unexpected and just as irreversible.

  Like waking up one day and finding out your father had less than a year to live. Life was full of the unexpected.

  He needed a release. Some way to expend his anxious energy and settle into the idea that he wasn’t going to hang out with Hayden again. Not anymore.

  She wanted to be left alone. He would leave her alone.

  You didn’t always get everything you wanted in life. He’d always known that. Now he knew that even better. It was the lesson that kept on giving.

  The basketball courts were empty when he arrived. He started shooting, settling into a rhythm, starting from afar and working his way closer in. After ten minutes he pulled his hoodie over his head and dropped it on a nearby bench.

  He dribbled and took shots until he was sweaty and out of breath. He moved to the bench and wiped his face with his hoodie and then turned and drove in a lay-up. The ball swished through the net and he caught it, but held off on another shot as a figure approached him on the court.

  “Hey,” Beau greeted, shrugging out of his jacket. He dropped it on the bench and joined Nolan, holding out his hands for the ball. “Want to play HORSE?”

  Nolan smiled. He couldn’t help it. They’d been playing HORSE since they were seven years old. Not so much lately, but it brought back memories. He glanced around, almost expecting to see his sister, but there was no sign of Emmaline. Just Beau.

  Just Nolan and Beau shooting hoops. That felt familiar.

  “Sure.” He passed Beau the ball, watching as he dribbled to his favorite shooting position in the far right corner of the court. He could always nail those corner shots.

  Beau moved into position, squaring up, narrowing his gaze before letting the ball fly through the air in a perfect arc. Of course, he made his shot. He never missed. Apparently some things hadn’t changed.

  Nolan went next. They played in silence, taking turns, and that felt good. Dribble. Shoot. Dribble. Shoot.

  At least some things stayed the same.

  Lesson #36

  If you want something to change, then change it.

  x Hayden x

  Hayden had the place mostly picked up by the time Mom got home.

  Her door, of course, was another matter. It would require a handyman. She’d have to come up with the money for that somehow . . . and that brought a fresh wave of bitterness.

  She was examining the extent of the damage when Mom sidled up next to her. “Where’d the TV go?”

  She blew out a heavy breath and motioned to her door. It was of greater concern to her than their TV. Her door meant security, safety. It meant she could close her eyes at night.

  Mom followed her gaze and whistled. “Damn. What happened?”

  Her lips worked for a moment until she found her voice. “You happened to it, Mom. Your friend Alex. He robbed us. Took our stuff. Broke into my room and stole all my money.”

  “Huh.” Mom nodded, her expression mild. Which pretty much summed her up: unmoved and unaffected by all the shit that happened to them. Obviously. Because if she cared, she’d be a different person. She wouldn’t do all the things she did that rained shit down on them.

  With a shrug, Mom went to her bedroom and closed the door.

  Hayden leaned against the hall wall and stared at that shut door.

  Her life was this. It always had been. She’d accepted it. Took these hits and kept on moving, braced for the next collision. And there would be more collisions. That was without question.

  If life was full of hits no matter what she did, she wondered why anything she did mattered. Because all she did was build walls. She erected walls to keep everyone out—and the only people she managed to keep out were the ones who cared about her. The rest, the assholes like Alex, still found the chinks in her armor. They still bulldozed through her walls and hurt her.

  She was starting to realize that she didn’t want to be alone—a tough realization, considering she had turned away the one person she wanted to be with. Nolan cared about her, and she’d pushed him out of her life.

  A knock at the door drew her attention. She stayed where she was, hoping the person would go away. It was probably for Mom anyway.

  Then the sudden possibility that it could be Nolan seized her. She jumped to her feet and launched herself to the front door. Yanking it open, hope died a swift death in her throat.

  Emmaline and Sanjana stared back at her. Not Nolan.

  “Hey!” Emmaline exclaimed. “We thought you might want to do something. We’re taking a study break and thought you might want to go get a pizza with us.”

  Hayden shook her head, ready to tell them no. That she didn’t want to do anything. That she wanted to be alone.

  Then again, being alone hadn’t always kept her safe from her feelings. It hadn’t kept her safe from anything. Here she was, miserable. Maybe she should stop obsessing over what she thought was best for her and start payi
ng attention to what felt best.

  She could use a friend right now. Friends.

  If she wanted things to change, she was going to have to step up and try changing things herself. Stop sticking her head in the sand, as Nolan had accused.

  Hayden took a deep breath, feeling some of the tension ease out of her body. “Yeah,” she said, nodding, a vague idea taking shape in her mind. “Can I borrow one of your phones to call work? I don’t feel like going in. I’d love a pizza with you guys . . . and maybe I could get your opinion.”

  “Opinion?” Emmaline exchanged a look with Sanjana. “Intriguing.”

  “Yeah.” She nodded slowly, the idea becoming less vague. “I could use your help with something.”

  Lesson #37

  It’s always better when there are genuine feelings.

  x Nolan x

  Nolan contemplated staying home the next day. He’d been absent only twice this year. The world wouldn’t stop if he missed one day.

  He was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, convinced he wasn’t going to school. He’d reached the end with Hayden and that crushed him more than he could have anticipated. It was crazy. Things had hardly even started with her, and yet he felt as though something epic had ended.

  The door to his room suddenly banged open.

  “Hey! What are you doing still in bed? Let’s go.”

  He sat up and glared at his sister. “You’re taking rides with me again?”

  “Yeah. I’m taking rides with you again. Just like you’re playing basketball with Beau again.”

  “Knew about that, huh?”

  “Of course I knew. I know everything.”

  Nolan stared at his sister. She was . . . different. Confident and assertive. It was a good thing. Their father would approve of this side of her.

  Emmaline yanked the covers off him. “So let’s go. And don’t worry. Beau will bring me home.” She winked and walked back out of his room, shouting. “C’mon. Get a move on!”

  Groaning, he climbed out of bed and got ready. At least his sister was talking to him again. There was that. In fact, she talked to him the entire drive to school. She was peppy. Perky. Happy again. Maybe even happier than before.

  Beau was waiting for them in the parking lot. Nolan schooled his features not to reflect his disgust when they hugged and kissed. Just a peck, but it was still something he was going to have to get used to seeing. A bit like exposure therapy, he’d need to ease his way in.

  “Hey, man,” Beau greeted.

  Nolan nodded and bumped fists with him. “Hey.” It was a start.

  He fell in beside them and they all walked toward the school entrance with dozens of others streaming in from the senior parking lot.

  “Hey, hold on.” Emmaline’s hand circled Nolan’s arm, stopping him on the bottom step leading up to the entrance.

  Nolan paused and looked down at her. “What?” She and Beau exchanged knowing looks. “What?” he repeated.

  Smiling, they both looked toward the front of the school. He did the same.

  His gaze swept over the building. He didn’t notice anything amid all the other students at first. But then someone—or something—was walking out of the double doors. Everyone was stopping to stare, point, and pull out their phones.

  He stared too. It wasn’t just anyone. It was a zombie. Holding a sign.

  Specifically, Hayden was the zombie holding a sign.

  He squinted like that might help him understand what he was seeing.

  She wore ripped and dirty clothes. Her eyes were red, her face pale . . . except in the places where it was gouged and bloody and rotting. She looked amazing. Incredible. Like something from one of her movies.

  A crowd formed around them, murmuring and watching raptly.

  His gaze dropped to the blood-speckled sign she held and the words written there.

  Even during a zombie apocalypse I choose you . . .

  Will you go to the winter formal with me?

  His heart seized, constricted right there in his chest. “Hayden?” he whispered, taking the steps necessary to reach her. He stopped in front of her. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m asking you to the dance.”

  He shook his head, ignoring how his heart unclenched itself and started to race. “You hate this stuff.”

  “Yeah.” She looked up at him in her red lenses. He wished he could see her real eyes right then, but he appreciated the lengths she had taken. She was making a spectacle of herself—over a dance. Over him. “But I don’t hate you, and you know. I thought it might be nice if a girl asked you for a change.” Her lips wobbled in a smile. “Like we talked about.”

  Yeah. He remembered.

  His heart swelled then, beating faster and harder in his chest. He brushed a finger against the desiccated flap of skin hanging off her cheek. It was impressively gross. “You’re kind of obsessed with me, aren’t you?”

  Her red-eyed gaze held his. “Yeah. I am.”

  “Yes, Hayden. I choose you, too.”

  A happy, broken little laugh escaped her then. He leaned down and kissed her, vaguely aware of the applause erupting around them.

  He came up slightly, his lips a scant inch from hers. “You know this is the best dance proposal in the history of dance proposals.”

  Her voice was smug. “I know.”

  “I’m going to have my work cut out for me when it’s my turn to ask you.”

  Her red eyes seemed to glow brighter. “I have faith in you.”

  Lesson #38

  Leave the horror for zombie movies, not your relationship.

  Hayden settled into the comfortable movie theater seat. She’d never been to this cinema before. It was too nice, too expensive, but Nolan insisted they go somewhere special. She’d been waiting to see this movie forever and they should watch it in style. His words.

  “Excited?” Nolan leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips. They did a lot of that. Over the last few months, she’d gotten to know the texture of his lips better than her own, and yet she didn’t think she would ever get enough of him.

  “Yeah.” She smiled.

  “I don’t like zombie movies,” Monica complained as she crossed in front of them, her fingers laced with Lia’s.

  “No one made you come,” Emmaline shouted, tossing some popcorn at Monica from the tub she shared with Beau.

  “For real,” Sanjana seconded. “Stop complaining. It’s supposed to be good.”

  Someone from several rows behind shushed them as the theater went dark and the first trailer began playing.

  In the darkness, Nolan found Hayden’s hand. His fingers wrapped around hers and she felt like she always did when he touched her.

  She felt good. Strong and full of hope. The walls were gone.

  She had Nolan. She had friends. She had so many things now. This was so much better than being alone. That was the greatest lesson of all. Better than anything she had ever tried to teach Emmaline. In the end, she was the one who needed to learn. The teacher had become the student, and she was grateful.

  As far as she was concerned, the lessons could keep on coming. She would be ready for them.

  GIRL CODE #1:

  Never date a friend’s ex or a guy your friend is really into.

  Willa

  “WHAT ever happened to girl code?” Jenna asked, sitting cross-legged in the center of my bed, nodding grimly as her teeth savagely tore at a Twizzler.

  “Yeah, well, Ava isn’t a believer,” Flor muttered as she crouched in front of my window, peering between the open blinds like this was some kind of stakeout.

  Sadly, it was not an unfamiliar scenario. Girls had been looking out my blinds to the house next door for years.

  I lived next door to my best friend’s infatuation. In fact, he was most girls’ infatuation, but at the moment I only had Flor to contend with. Trust me, she was more than enough.

  For ten plus years, I’d had a bird’s-eye view into Zach Tucker’s life—​a f
act that made me the envy of every girl at Madison High. It also made me the supreme authority on all things Zach Tucker. It wasn’t a designation I wanted, but it was mine nonetheless. Perhaps the thing I was best known for. Yeah. Not something to be proud of.

  Complete strangers—​girls, naturally—​would approach me in the halls just to ask if I really lived next door to Zach Tucker.

  I needed to move.

  “Remember when Ava moved here in seventh grade and I invited her to sit with us at lunch? Our fathers golf together.” Flor looked back at me, outrage brimming in her eyes. “I gave her a ride all last year so she didn’t have to take the bus.”

  “No loyalty,” Jenna agreed, not helping. I sent her a look. She shrugged and took another vicious bite from the long rope of red.

  I was all about not fanning the flames of Flor’s indignation, but Jenna didn’t seem to get that.

  Flor looked back out the blinds with a frustrated sigh, bending at the waist and propping her hands on shapely hips. Hours of soccer per week gave her a body I could only dream about. In fact, that was what most guys did—​dream about Flor Hidalgo’s body. Except Zach Tucker.

  Unfathomable as it seemed, he had held that dream in the palm of his hand and he didn’t want it anymore. But then he was Zach Tucker. A dream in his own right. He could have any girl he wanted.

  I opened my mouth to defend Ava, but then I didn’t know if I should . . . or could. I didn’t exactly know what was right here. I only knew that I would never make a play for Zach.

  Even if I thought I had a chance.

  Even if I hadn’t been friend-zoned since we were eight and riding our bikes around the neighborhood.

  Flor had had him first. Always and forever. He was her ex-boyfriend. Bottom line. I knew that. Ava should have known it too.