Step Into the Wind

by Bev Prescott

  “Geez, Alex.” Zoe panted as she caught her breath. “You nearly… ripped my arm… out of the socket.” She stumbled onto the passenger seat with both arms wrapped around the eaglet. Now that the eaglet was out of the water, it struggled against her. Despite being waterlogged, it looked enormous in Zoe’s arms.

  “Are you all right?” Alex’s voice cracked with emotion. She grabbed the wheel, turned the key in the ignition, and threw the throttle into reverse. The boat jerked and bounced in the waves. She lost her footing but held onto the wheel.

  She felt it. Anxiety. Her heart pounded against her chest. No longer kept at bay, the monster slithered from her ankles up around her whole body. All the moisture in her mouth left. She couldn’t swallow. She felt faint. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Zoe struggling with the eaglet.

  Zoe raised her voice over the noise from the engine and the waves. “We have to head across the lake to Windham. Not back to the camp. I’ll have Rob meet us at the big marina over there.”

  Fear squeezed Alex’s throat closed. It had been all she could do not to melt down with Zoe in the water. She stared ahead and tried to see through the black, moonless curtain of night. Just on the other side of the island was the deepest and most dangerous part of the lake. The thought of plowing through the waves to the other side petrified her. A parade of horrible “what ifs” cemented her limbs. She could barely move, let alone breathe.

  “No,” she said, “it’s too dangerous.”

  “We don’t have a choice if we’re going to save this eaglet. There isn’t enough time to drive around the lake. We have to go to Windham and have Rob meet us there. It’ll take half the time. He can drive the eaglet the rest of the way to the rehab facility. It’s our best shot.” Zoe stood with the eaglet in her arms. It craned its head and made a strangled sound. “Grab the blanket out of my dry-bag. One way or the other, I’m taking the boat across the lake. I’m not going to let this bird die, and I need your help.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Yes, you can. Look what we’ve already accomplished. It’s only one more step.”

  “Please, Zoe.”

  “Listen to the facts, not what you’re afraid of. The boat has lights, and it’s built for a wild lake like Sebago. On top of that, you know its nooks and crannies like the back of your hand. Going across it doesn’t have to be a big deal. We’ll do it together. I promise we’ll be fine. It’s the eaglet I’m worried about.”

  That noxious, menacing voice in Alex’s head, the voice that turned even the most benign scenario into a traumatic event, rattled in her ears. It mocked her that this was where her brother had died. Where she could die. Where Zoe could die. She took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut. The chances of that happening were slim to none. She despised the mocking voice. She turned the boat toward the darkest part of the lake and throttled forward. Her hands began to shake uncontrollably, and she felt nauseous.

  Zoe stood next to her, the eaglet clutched to her chest. “Look at me.”

  Alex took a deep breath and let herself be connected to Zoe and the eaglet. Their presence pushed against her fear. Zoe’s steady determination brought her a measure of comfort.

  “We can do this. I’m going to drive,” Zoe said. “You’re going to keep the eaglet warm while you tell me how to get from here to Johnson’s Cove Marina in Windham. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Alex whispered.

  “There’s a blanket in my dry-bag.”

  Alex fumbled for the blanket.

  Zoe throttled down to slow the boat. She grabbed the wheel with her free hand while she held the eaglet tight against her body. “When you find the blanket, sit down and hold the ends of it out so we can wrap the eaglet in it.”

  Alex sat down on the seat next to Zoe. She unfolded the blanket and held it open.

  Zoe let go of the wheel and placed the eaglet into the blanket against Alex’s chest. She wrapped the ends of the blanket around the eaglet, covering its head and body.

  Alex closed her arms around the bird.

  “Hold tight, no matter what. We have to keep the eaglet warm and prevent it from moving around too much in case it’s broken a wing or leg.” Zoe retrieved her T-shirt, pulled it on, and gripped the wheel. “We’ll be okay, I promise.” She slowly maneuvered the boat against the choppy waves and farther into the murky darkness covering Sebago Lake.

  The eaglet struggled against Alex. An instinct similar to what she imagined a mother might feel for a child crowded out the fear that dominated her chest. She wanted the eaglet to live as much as she didn’t want to let Zoe down. She focused on her breathing, hoping to find calm for herself and the bird while Zoe took them across the lake. A soothing sensation settled over her. The eaglet had gone still in her embrace, its heartbeat an indication it was still very much alive.

  Zoe yanked a cell phone out of the dry-bag and dialed a number with her thumb as the boat plowed through the waves. “Rob, it’s me, Zoe. I need you to meet me at Johnson’s Cove Marina over in Windham in about a half hour. One of the eaglets ended up in the water, and we need to get it to the rehab facility as soon as possible.” She glanced at Alex and the eaglet. “I’ll be in one of the camp’s boats. If you hurry, we should arrive around the same time. I’ll explain all the details of what happened later, just meet me there.” She pushed the Off button with her thumb and tossed the phone onto the seat beside her. “You okay?”

  “I am.” Alex imagined being somewhere safe. Any place other than on the water in the dark. Breathe. She did her best to ignore the jarring of the boat as it climbed and fell into the trough of each wave. With the eaglet pressed against her, she realized it was her embrace that protected it from its vulnerability and her own. Her intuition told her the eaglet would be okay.

  If only her mother could have wrapped her brother in the same kind of maternal embrace. Maybe he’d still be alive.

  Chapter 20

  Zoe helped Rob hoist the extra-large pet carrier containing the eaglet onto the bench seat on the passenger side of his pickup truck. “Is Dr. Marks on her way to the rehab facility?”

  “Yeah, she’s probably getting there right about now. I should go so I don’t keep her waiting.” Rob shut the passenger door. “We did wake her up in the middle of the night.”

  “I’m sure she doesn’t mind. She’ll be relieved that we were able to pull the eaglet out of the water in the dark. Besides, it needs to get checked right away. I’m worried that a leg or wing may be broken. If it is, the sooner the limb is set, the better. Who knows what other injuries it might have? Thank goodness it didn’t land on the rocks.” Zoe crossed her arms and leaned against the side of the truck. For the first time, she realized how physically and emotionally tired she felt.

  She turned her attention to Alex, who was sitting on the end of the dock huddled in a blanket with her back to them. “I’m worried about her too.”

  “She doesn’t look very good.” Rob wiped a bead of sweat from the side of his face. “You sure you don’t want to put the eaglet in the back of the truck? I think it would be fine in the carrier. If we did, there’d be enough room for you two to ride with me. We could drop it off at the rehab center together. I’d give you a lift back to the camp afterward.”

  “What about the boat?”

  “It should be fine here. You could keep it moored and come back and get it in the morning once the lake settles down.”

  “If it settles down,” Zoe said. “The forecast is for these winds to last another several days. It’s really weird how hot and dry it is this time of year. And wicked windy.”

  “No wonder we’ve already had several brush fires,” Rob said. “They seem to be popping up all over.”

  Zoe studied Alex, who had her arms wrapped around her knees, shivering more than someone should on such a warm night. She seemed a million miles away in someplace icy cold. Zoe wondered what old injuries had left Alex in such a state. Rob’s offer was tempting. She’d already pushed Alex to the breaking point coming
across the lake in the dark. But…

  “No,” she said. “It’s too risky for the eaglet to ride in back. The wind and noise would be too much for it. The best thing is to keep it warm and calm. Do you happen to have a dry sweatshirt or something in your truck for Alex? I brought dry clothes for myself, but I hadn’t planned on having her with me.”

  “Yeah, I always keep a spare on hand.” Rob flipped open the heavy plastic storage box in the back of his truck and took out a dark-green fleece Wildlife and Fisheries pullover. “You could wait here for me, and I’ll take you back after I drop the eaglet off.” He handed her the pullover.

  Rob was only trying to help, but his insistence pressed on her last nerve. Maybe it was the stress of the night. More likely, it had to do with his crush on Alex. Zoe had little to no patience with him. She had her own feelings for Alex to deal with, a task made more difficult by the fact that Alex was leaving this morning. “No, I’ll take us back in the boat. But thanks. You should really go now.”

  A gust of wind rocked Rob’s truck. “Well, at least wait until the sun starts to come up so you can see more clearly. Call me if you change your mind.” He went around to the driver’s side of his truck, opened the door, and hopped inside.

  Zoe walked around the truck too.

  Rob shut the door and said through the open window, “Be careful. And good luck, Zoe. You know where to find me.”

  “Thanks, Rob. I’ll call you in a few hours.”

  “I’ll take care of the eaglet. You take care of yourself.” He turned the key in the ignition and put the truck in gear.

  Zoe waved him off. As soon as he drove away, she sat next to Alex on the dock and held out the pullover. “Why don’t you put this on?”

  “Thank you.” Alex removed the blanket from her shoulders and laid it next to her. She slipped the fleece on, pulled her knees to her chest, and wrapped her arms around them. “Do you think the eaglet will be all right?”

  Zoe scooted closer to Alex until their bodies touched, partly to keep herself warm, but mostly to savor the last opportunity to be close. “There’s a good chance. It had a lot of spunk when we put it into the carrier. That’s a decent sign it still has the will to survive.”

  “Only fifty percent of eaglets make it past a year. That’s what you said before. So the odds are against it. Aren’t they?”

  “Yes. Except that we found him before it was too late. If we hadn’t pulled him out of the water, he would’ve drowned or starved to death. Now neither is going to happen.”

  Alex rested her chin on the tops of her knees. “What are the odds he’ll be able to fly someday after this?”

  Under the circumstances, the odds of that happening weren’t great. “It depends on the extent of his injuries and how much time he has to be away before we can put him back with his parents. Being back with them will go a long way toward him learning to fly.”

  “He has to make it.”

  Zoe stretched her legs out in front of her and rested her hands in her lap. “If he does, he’ll have you to thank. I know you were afraid and didn’t want to go across the lake, but you did. Not to mention, I couldn’t have gotten the eaglet out of the water without you. It would’ve been impossible to do it from a kayak in the dark with the water as wild as it was. You’re braver than you give yourself credit for.”

  “Trust me. I’m not brave at all.”

  “What is it that makes you so afraid?” Zoe asked.

  “I’m not sure. Maybe everything.”

  Zoe took one of Alex’s hands and held it in her lap. Fear was an emotion she rarely experienced, but she recognized it now in the pit of her stomach. That nauseous feeling that came from not knowing what to do or which way to turn when it seemed like something bad was about to happen. Like the time she’d climbed the tree in the forest fire to save the eaglet. That had worked out because she was able to slow her thinking down and find a rational path out of the danger. The source of her current fear was Alex and her feelings for her. She had no idea what path to take. Alex was such a fragile mystery.

  “You never told me what happened to your brother,” she said. “How did he drown in the lake?”

  Alex turned her hand palm up and laced her fingers with Zoe’s. “He killed himself,” she said, barely above a whisper. “Sometimes, I wish I had thought of doing it first.”

  The statement slammed into Zoe, knocking her off balance. She rummaged in her mind for something to say. Nothing came. She squeezed Alex’s hand even tighter, as if to reach past her skin and into her heart. The fear that came from swimming in a wild, angry lake in the pitch-black darkness of night or climbing a tree with fire all around paled in comparison to the fear generated by Alex’s words. Somehow, she had to convince Alex to stay and get help.

  “I don’t want to think about a world without you,” she said.

  “Don’t worry, Zoe. I’m too much of a coward for even that.”

  If only she could find a way to throw herself in front of Alex to protect her from such despair, she’d do it in a second, Zoe thought. Unfortunately, the despair inside of Alex was hidden behind an impenetrable wall. Zoe had to find a way around it. “Why did he do it?”

  Alex sat quietly for several moments. “Some days, I think I understand why. I’ll have an epiphany and it all makes sense. But just as quickly, a million other reasons come to mind and I don’t know again. Was it something that was always in him, or was he driven to it?”

  “Why would he be driven to do such a thing?”

  Alex stared stone faced at the lake. “Jake and I were fraternal twins. We couldn’t have been closer. He was my best friend, and I was his. We were as alike as two people could be, including figuring out that we were both gay when we were in high school.”

  She took a deep breath and spoke quiet, measured words. “There was one big difference, though. I could hide it so much easier than he could. By the time we reached the tenth grade, the other kids started to suspect Jake. The boys, especially, brutalized him for it. Every day that he went to school was a nightmare.”

  “What did they do to him?”

  “You name it.” Alex’s voice filled with sadness. “The worst was when they locked him in the boys’ locker room closet at school. They took up a collection to pay a girl willing to be locked in with him to try to get him to turn ‘normal,’ as they put it. Jake would never hurt anyone. He wasn’t ever going to hit that girl while she molested and humiliated him, egged on by the kids outside the closet. When they finally let him out, they took him behind the school and beat him up. They knew he’d never tell. How could he?” A tear slid down her cheek. She wiped it away with her free hand. “What they didn’t count on, though, was that I would. That’s why he’s dead, because I told my parents.”

  Zoe put her arm around Alex. “You had to tell someone. I would’ve done the same thing.”

  “Except that my mother’s reaction was worse than anything those kids did to him. She flipped out worse than she ever had before.”

  “What do you mean?” Zoe asked.

  “My mother suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. Instead of getting help, she let us take the brunt of it. Finding out that my brother and I were gay pushed her over the edge. She couldn’t handle the thought, especially if it meant that people in town might look down on her and the camp. Her image has always been more important than our happiness or her own health.”

  Zoe thought about Alex’s father. Daniel Marcotte struck her as a decent man who, if push came to shove, would protect his family. He was, after all, willing to anger users of the island to protect the eaglets, in part because Alex wanted him to. Surely he’d do the same for his family. “What did your father do?”

  Alex grunted. “What he does best. He stuck his head in the sand and hoped that when he pulled it out, everything would be better. He sat back and watched while my mother dismantled the last of my brother’s self-esteem. She left Jake with no option except to find the only escape he
could.”

  Zoe observed an emotion other than fear taking over Alex. Rage. Not surprising, given that anger was what many animals, including humans, used to mask their fears. She tightened her arm around Alex to protect her as best she could.

  Alex leaned into her. “I’ll never forget the night Jake died. We all had dinner together in the silence that had come after my admission to our parents. Both Jake and I had been grounded indefinitely. We’d go to school, come home, and sit in utter silence with our parents, who had become blind and mute to us. My mother said it was to protect Jake from the kids at school, but the truth was, she did it to keep us from the world. She wanted to lock us up so no one could see what she saw, imperfection and ugliness. Maybe if people didn’t see us, they would go back to thinking we were the perfect family. After we ate, I escaped to the barn to read. When I went to my room after dark, I found a note from Jake on my bed. He said he couldn’t live with my parents’ disappointment. That he wanted to stay forever in a place that he last remembered being happy.”

  “Oh, sweetheart,” Zoe whispered.

  Alex made a sound that suggested she was choking back tears. “This time, I didn’t tell my parents. If I had, we might have been able to get to him in time. My father would’ve taken one of the powerboats to find him.” Tears tumbled from her eyes. “Instead, I went alone in the kayak. Jake had gone out in a canoe to the deepest part of the lake on the other side of the island. He took a bottle of my mother’s sleeping pills with him. They found it empty in the canoe. He probably waited until grogginess made it impossible for him to change his mind and then slipped over the edge of the canoe into the water. By the time I got there, all I could see was the empty canoe floating away. I jumped in the water to find him, but I couldn’t in the dark. They didn’t find his body until the next morning.” She spoke distantly, as if she were outside her body.

  Zoe had always considered it cruel that eagle parents could sit back and watch their offspring kill each other over food. She had to remind herself that it was an example of survival of the fittest in the animal world. Their indifference had everything to do with teaching their offspring to be survivors in a harsh world.