In Pursuit of Happiness

by Freya Kennedy

  ‘I imagine you have to be great friends to work together,’ Lorcan said.

  ‘Yeah. I mean, we have our moments, but I know he’s only ever looking out for me. He’s very protective.’

  Lorcan nodded. ‘I’ll keep that in mind. Must make sure not to get on the wrong side of Noah. I think my grandad probably sees him as a bit of surrogate grandson, if I’m honest. He’s always talking about him – how selfless he is and successful and how he’s met this great girl and they’re going to be very happy.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I should let you know that Noah is very protective of Harry too. We all are. He means a lot to us. I know it might sound a bit twee, but the lane is more than a street. It’s more than a community even. We’re like a quirky family and we all watch out for each other.’

  ‘Grandad said he didn’t know how he’d have gotten through his illness without you all,’ Lorcan said.

  While it was nice to feel that she was appreciated, she needed Lorcan to know how much Harry would’ve appreciated his visit. Perhaps it wasn’t her place to be cross about it all, but nonetheless she was. Harry asked for so little from the world. ‘He needed us and we did what we had to do. And we did it because we wanted to,’ she told him.

  ‘I should’ve come over then,’ Lorcan said and he had the decency to blush.

  ‘He would have loved that,’ Jo said. ‘Your grandad idolises you. He always has. Always boasting about your achievements. It would’ve have given him such a lift to see you then.’

  Lorcan couldn’t meet her gaze. She couldn’t help but notice he was becoming fidgety – her words had clearly rattled him. Maybe she’d said too much. It wasn’t her place to make Lorcan Gallagher feel guilty. She shouldn’t have upset him. But no, she wouldn’t apologise for telling him the truth. He needed to know how important it was, even if it did make him feel uncomfortable.

  ‘It was complicated,’ Lorcan said, his voice almost a whisper. ‘I know that’s not much of an excuse. But I had a lot going on back then.’

  Jo wanted to probe deeper, but she was interrupted by the arrival of Kate, one of the bar staff, with a tray laden with food. If she wasn’t wrong, Lorcan seemed absolutely delighted at the distraction. He was more than happy to change the topic of conversation.

  ‘Let’s tuck in,’ he said. ‘This smells amazing.’

  Paddy was only too delighted to have someone new to drag along the quay and to chase after him when the notion took him to chase some birds. Jo could only surmise that Scraps, Lorcan’s dog now living with his ex-girlfriend, was both smaller and better behaved than Paddy.

  The look of abject panic on Lorcan’s face the first time Paddy pulled at the lead and tried to set off at pace along the riverside walk was priceless, and Jo couldn’t help but laugh. She was glad they’d fallen back into an easy way of talking to each other. In fact, she was happy that Lorcan had changed the topic of conversation when their food had arrived. She’d made her point and there no value in labouring. Besides, instinctively she knew that the selfish Lorcan who didn’t come to Derry when his grandad had a heart attack was not the real Lorcan. She felt in her bones that he was a good person.

  She grinned as she watched him run for a few metres behind Paddy before he finally managed to persuade the overexcited dog to walk to heel. She wasn’t sure if it was joy or relief, or a combination of both, that prompted the grin on Lorcan’s face when he looked at her.

  Jo had known, of course, that Paddy would behave himself after a few minutes. He was a big softie who just got excited for the first few minutes of his walk, as if he could sniff freedom in the air. But he would always, always settle down and walk obediently eventually. Admittedly, it did sometimes feel as if he was walking Jo and not the other way round, but Paddy was still one of the great loves of her life.

  The three walked contentedly over the pedestrian Peace Bridge, towards the Waterside and the beauty of St Columb’s Park, which ran along the banks of the Foyle. When they stopped to watch how the river forged a path through the heart of the city, Lorcan spoke.

  ‘I need you to know, I love my grandad very much,’ Lorcan said sincerely. ‘He has always been a hero of mine. I’ve so many happy memories of visiting him when I was smaller. When he got sick, that time, I… I wasn’t in a good place, you know.’

  ‘Look,’ Jo said, not wanting him to feel as if he owed her an explanation. She’d made her point earlier and she didn’t want to drag it out. ‘You don’t have to justify yourself to me. I just care about him too, you know. We all do.’

  ‘And I’m so grateful for that,’ Lorcan said. ‘We all are. It’s not easy being away from him. Dad tried to talk him into moving over to us in Cheshire, you know, after Granny died. Dad had plans drawn up to build him his own annexe at the back of the house because we all know Grandad likes his independence. But he wouldn’t go for it. Said his home was here and his memories of Granny were here and he couldn’t, and didn’t want to, leave either. Dad has a business to run, you know. He couldn’t move back and, well, I…’

  ‘I get it, you all have lives.’ Jo had the grace to feel admonished for her earlier honesty. ‘And I could’ve told your dad there was no way Harry would leave the lane. He’s forever telling us the only way he’ll leave is in a coffin.’

  Lorcan blanched at the words.

  ‘It makes him happy, Lorcan. He could’ve retired and spent his days reading the paper by the fire in the Ivy with Noah and I minding him. We made that offer, you know. But he wants to live his life and that involves that shop and being lord of all he surveys. Even the on-the-turn bargain basket.’

  The colour came back into Lorcan’s face, but his expression was solemn all the same and it wasn’t just because of the wind that was starting to whip around them as they crossed the bridge. ‘Yeah. I can see that. My plan when I came here was to help out as much as possible, but he says he can’t stand having me under his feet, or reorganising the shelves. And he’d definitely not trust me with the pricing gun.’ Lorcan gave a small laugh and then looked ahead. ‘I just want you to know I’m not heartless and it wasn’t that I didn’t care. I need you to believe that.’

  Jo turned to look at Lorcan. She was jolted by the expression on his face, one which told her that he really did need her to believe him. It wasn’t a line, or a throwaway statement. It was a deep need. Her heart contracted. ‘I believe you,’ she said, softly. In fact, it was so softly that her words were carried on the breeze and he looked at her a little baffled.

  ‘Sorry?’ he said.

  ‘I believe you!’ she said, loudly and clearly, causing not only Paddy but several fellow walkers to look directly at them, wondering what drama was playing out between this young couple.

  Lorcan just nodded. ‘That’s good,’ he said. ‘Thank you.’ There was a pause while they held each other’s gaze and then Lorcan broke the silence. ‘So, this park you were talking about. Lead the way!’

  It probably took a beat too long for Jo to break her gaze with his, and it was a beat that was loaded with all the things she desperately wanted to push down. Pointing towards the left of the bridge, she turned her gaze towards to the expanse of trees that led into St Columb’s Park. ‘This way!’ she said. ‘But, believe me, Paddy knows where he is going. He’ll make sure you don’t turn off in the wrong direction. We usually do a circuit of the park. Paddy likes to chase the squirrels.’

  Paddy, of course, took this as his cue to set off again, with another stiff pull of the lead that once more caught Lorcan unawares.

  Jo stood for a moment and watched them. She felt her heart thump in her chest. ‘Not now,’ she whispered to herself. ‘Not now.’ Then, before she drew attention for talking to herself in a public place, she followed after Lorcan and Paddy and walked on towards the park.

  16

  It Could Happen To You

  Paddy was lolling on the grass, having given both the squirrels and the birds a run for their money. The sun was warm and they’d taken advantage of the dry weather
to sit on the grass overlooking the river. Jo and Lorcan sipped from the water bottles they’d picked up in the café at the centre of the park as they listened to the noise of the children playing in the nearby playground carried on the wind.

  ‘He likes to run,’ Lorcan said, stating perhaps the most obvious thing that had ever been stated. ‘And he can get up to some speeds.’

  ‘He does. I don’t need a gym membership when I get to walk Paddy most days. He keeps me fit. Does Scraps not enjoy a good run through the park?’ Jo asked.

  ‘Erm, he’s more a gentle stroll, completely pampered kind of a dog. I swear Sophie would’ve bought him one of those dog buggies if she could’ve gotten away with it. She might have now, for all I know,’ he said, and Jo couldn’t help but notice the sadness in his eyes.

  ‘A dog buggy?’ she asked, as she tried to lighten the mood.

  ‘Yeah,’ Lorcan said. ‘It’s a pram for dogs. There’s a dog carrier thing instead of the seat.’

  ‘You’re having a laugh!’ Jo replied.

  ‘I’m really not!’ Lorcan protested. He took his phone from his pocket and Jo clocked that his screen saver was a picture of a rather attractive blonde woman holding a small, rather tatty dog, who looked as if he would rather be anywhere else in the world. Sophie and Scraps, she assumed. But she didn’t speak or mention that he still had his ex’s picture on his phone. Maybe he just wasn’t ready to move on yet. She could understand that, she thought, as she averted her gaze as quickly as possible.

  A few seconds later, Lorcan was waving his phone under her nose with a picture of a small dog in a pram-like contraption.

  She shook her head and laughed. ‘I can’t imagine we’d get Paddy here to fit in one of those.’

  ‘No, I don’t think you would and I don’t think he’d let you,’ Lorcan said, as Paddy looked up, eagerly wagging his tail. Having heard his name mentioned, he was determined to get as much attention as he could.

  Jo reached out to pet him just as Lorcan did the same, their hands brushing momentarily. She pulled back as if she had been shocked.

  Another moment passed, a moment in which she wondered if Lorcan had felt it too, but then he spoke as if nothing had happened.

  ‘So,’ Lorcan said, ‘have you come up with any other ideas for us, during your time off and the hours of the day when Grandad says I should be getting out and about? I swear any day now he’ll be asking me to call round to see the lads I used to play football with when I was ten and ask them if they are coming out to the street for a game.’

  Jo laughed, and the intensity of a few moments before passed. ‘I have a few ideas. You might regret asking that question!’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ he said. ‘But please, if I’m taking up too much of your time just say. Don’t feel you have to be nice to me just because of Harry. I know you must have a lot going on in your own life.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ she told him. ‘Believe me, if I didn’t want to spend time with you, I’d find a way to avoid you completely. Which reminds me, I’ll be avoiding you tomorrow. I’ve previous arrangements.’

  She swallowed at the thought of getting all dolled up in her finery and having to talk with Ewan McLachlan as if she knew what she was doing.

  ‘I’m a man and not necessarily the most perceptive of creatures,’ Noah said. ‘But you don’t sound overly excited at the thought?’

  Jo stretched her legs in front of her and took a deep breath. ‘I’m nervous. Sometimes that feels like excitement. Sometimes it’s just horror. It’s something I’ve never done before and it kind of came about by accident so, you know…’

  ‘What is it?’ Lorcan asked. ‘Fire walking? Skydiving? Roller skating?’

  ‘I’ll have you know I’m very good on roller skates.’ Jo laughed. ‘Or I was. In about 1999. But I’m sure it’s like riding a bike. You never forget, et cetera. I mean, I don’t want to test that theory, but let’s just say, for argument’s sake, that I’m good at it.’ She paused. ‘No, this is a bit scarier.’ She felt a bit cringey telling him, and worried what his reaction would be. Would he think she was chasing some unattainable dream? ‘There’s an author coming to Once Upon A Book tomorrow,’ she said, eyes cast downward so she didn’t see the look on his face. ‘For a reading.’

  ‘Ah, Ewan McLachlan. I saw the poster in the window. I love his books. I did try and get a ticket, but it’s all booked up.’

  ‘I might be able to pull some strings,’ Jo said. She was sure Libby could slip an extra chair in somewhere. Although the thought of him being there for her potential gut-wrenching humiliation made her feel a little nauseous.

  ‘I wasn’t hinting,’ Lorcan said.

  ‘I know, I’m just saying,’ Jo replied.

  ‘So you’re going to it?’ Lorcan asked.

  She realised she didn’t have to tell him exactly what she was doing. That way when Ewan inevitably told her that her writing wasn’t up to scratch, she wouldn’t have to face the embarrassment of telling him that too. But she found she wanted to tell him.

  ‘Yes. Well, I’m helping out at it. It’s going to be very busy. But, well, that’s not all. I’ve been trying my hand at writing, and actually I’ve written a book which I was keeping to myself. But Libby read it and decided she really wanted Ewan to see it. She sent it to him without my knowledge and, last night, he emailed me to ask if we could meet and chat about my work.’

  ‘Jo!’ Lorcan exclaimed. ‘That’s amazing. Wow, how exciting for you. Tell me you’re excited?’

  She turned to face him. ‘Not so much excited as terrified.’

  ‘But maybe a little bit excited?’ Lorcan said as he raised an eyebrow.

  ‘A tiny bit,’ Jo admitted with a small smile.

  ‘Well, then. Here’s my advice, for what it’s worth. But please bear in mind that my advice mightn’t be great considering I’m in my late twenties and have run away to Ireland to escape the collapse of my existing life in England. Hang on to the excited bit. Ignore the terrified. Terrified is only good if you’re in actual physical danger, which you’re not. I’d assume that Libby wouldn’t have sent your work on to Ewan if she didn’t think it was good enough for him to read.’

  ‘I suppose,’ she said, picking a daisy from the grass and starting to pull its delicate white petals off one by one. Jo didn’t know if that made her feel worse or better about the situation, but she did like what he’d said about holding on to the excited part. Maybe she could try that.

  Lorcan lifted his water bottle and took a long drink.

  ‘Will we get back?’ she asked, hauling herself up to standing and brushing the grass from her leggings.

  Paddy jumped up, ready to spring into action for round two of their walk.

  ‘I suppose I can’t sit here all day,’ Lorcan said. ‘I’ve the lads in the street to call round for and get a game of football in before dinner.’ He laughed, and Jo felt a rush of warmth towards him. And maybe, just maybe, a little hint of terror that she couldn’t seem to dampen down her fondness for him even though they’d only known each other five minutes.

  Terrified is only good if you are in actual physical danger, she told herself. And you’re not. So breathe!

  ‘Let’s go,’ she said, ‘before my legs seize up and I need a me-sized buggy, never mind one for the dog.’

  Lorcan hauled himself to standing and they started to make their way out of the park, along the river and back towards Peace Bridge.

  ‘So, tell me more about you,’ Jo said. ‘I’m not prying. You don’t have to tell me the personal stuff. Not unless you need to talk about it.’

  He shook his head. ‘Well, I probably do need to talk about it, but for the moment I don’t feel able. I’m still processing everything.’ He pointed his index finger at his temple and tapped it against his head.

  ‘Fair enough,’ she said. ‘But you should know I’m a good listener if you ever want to.’

  ‘Noted,’ he said.

  ‘But for now, will we stick w
ith the non-contentious stuff? You still haven’t told me what you do for a living?’

  Lorcan laughed. ‘Well, if you remember Friends and Chandler Bing?’

  ‘I love that show!’ Jo grinned.

  ‘Yeah, well I’m a bit of Chandler Bing. I work in IT. I’d give you the full rundown, but, honestly, your eyes would glaze over and you wouldn’t take it in at all. I don’t think even Sophie ever truly understood what I did and she was with me from the day I got the job.’

  ‘Okay. I shall forever think of you as Chandler Bing.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I wish it could be something cooler. Maybe a Ross Geller? But I’m a nerdy guy, and I do enjoy the work. I’m not sure I’ll do it forever, but it suits me for now. I have learned, however, that most people really don’t find the intricacies of IT interesting. I think it would seriously make you run screaming, or fall asleep, or generally just decide that you don’t want to spend more time with me. And I think,’ he said, as he looked ahead, ‘that you’re a pretty cool person to spend time with.’ Jo felt something tug at her heartstrings, and this time she was pretty sure it wasn’t just Paddy reminding her to keep walking.

  17

  My Fair Lady

  Clara sat, cross-legged, on top of Jo’s bed, with a curious expression on her face. Her little button nose wrinkled, her eyes squinting and her lips in a pensive pout as she watched Jo slather a creamy green goo all over her face.

  The face mask was just one step in Jo’s plan to have her feeling her best when she met Ewan so that she would exude a confidence she most certainly didn’t feel. She’d already had a long soak in the bath, defuzzed a significant amount of hair from her body (not quite porn-star levels of hair removal, but early-days-in-a-passionate-relationship levels for definite). She had rubbed her most luxurious body cream into her skin, and her hair was currently deep conditioning and wrapped in a towel. It wasn’t quite the full-on pampering she had planned, but she’d had to cut her cloth after overspending on the new outfit to wear.