Under My Skin

by Juno Dawson

  She saw her mum’s eyes glass over. Molly Sue whispered, ‘Whoa, girl, bring out the big guns.’

  Her dad relented. ‘Well, it’s your money to waste.’ He returned to the lounge with his newspaper.

  Sally so wished there was some common tongue she could speak with her mother other than the strange semaphore they were stuck with. ‘Do … do you like it?’

  Her mum sighed. ‘It’s a nice job, I suppose. You look very different.’

  ‘That’s the idea,’ she whispered to herself, and Sally swore she heard resignation in her mother, like she too had now realised they were different species. The gap between them was becoming a chasm.

  Chapter Twelve

  Sally really didn’t need a battle first thing on Monday morning. ‘I can’t wear that.’

  ‘Sure you can!’ Molly Sue urged. ‘It’ll work with the new boots.’ The dress in question was one of the ones her mother had bought her last summer – a simple white cotton summer dress. It was so … virginal. ‘That’s the point, darlin’!’ The tattoo, predictably, read her mind.

  Molly Sue had said the goal wasn’t to make her look like a hooker, but this was one extreme to the other. ‘Just try it – humour me.’

  This morning, the perfect salon waves had dropped out of her hair but the effect was effortlessly tousled, which she liked even if she didn’t look quite so much like Taryn any more.

  Huffing and puffing, Sally pulled the dress over her head. ‘I look like a human sacrifice,’ she said aloud to her reflection in the mirror.

  Molly Sue, waiting on her upper arm, did a lioness-like yawn before saying, ‘Let me tell ya something about boys. In the long-run, they don’t want some man-eater in leopard-skin and red pumps – it scares ’em. They want a Sunday School girl to go a-strollin’ through fields o’ daisies with.’

  I’m not changing who I am just for a boy.

  ‘Oh, calm down, Scarlett O’Hara! If you walk around in that camouflage, never darin’ to speak up, how is anyone gonna know you exist? You are somethin’ worth seein’, girl! You want this Todd trick or not?’

  She really did want Todd. She couldn’t wait to see his face when he saw her new look. If she was honest, although she was nervous about all the attention she’d no doubt get, she was also buzzing with the possibilities. All those people who thought she was a delicate little wallflower … eat it, suckers. For the first time in a long time she was excited to get to school.

  ‘OK,’ Molly Sue instructed. ‘Now put the boots on.’

  Sally deeply inhaled the brand-new-leather smell as she pulled the trooper-style boots over her knee socks. She loved them because Melody wouldn’t wear them in a million – no, a billion – years. Also, and more importantly, Angela had had a pair in season three.

  She regarded herself in the mirror. Oh, wow. OK, Molly Sue might just be a genius. The boots turned it from a little girl’s party dress into something edgy, rock and roll even. And even if it did look good, which it did, she felt naked. Her shoulders and collarbone felt utterly exposed.

  ‘Aw c’mon, girl. You’re not in Yemen. You can show a little skin, y’know.’

  I’ll be cold.

  ‘Nah, ya really won’t because you’ll have the jacket.’

  The most expensive item she’d bought was a fitted leather biker jacket, which Molly Sue had assured her she’d wear forever. She slipped it over her shoulders and she no longer felt bare. It was quite literally like donning a thicker skin. She was pretty sure people were going to take the piss, but she felt ready for it somehow. She knew she looked good, so what did it matter what anyone else thought? ‘OK, I must be mad, but let’s do it.’

  Over breakfast her mother didn’t pass comment on her outfit but the look on her face couldn’t have been more strained. In her mum’s world, a dress with boots probably made about as much sense as going to school in a wetsuit. All of the faffing around with clothes made her late. She texted Stan and Jennie to tell them to go ahead without her and so she walked to school alone.

  ‘Ain’t no bad thing,’ Molly Sue had assured her. ‘This way you get to make an entrance.’

  At first the reaction was a little disappointing. Sally, although she knew it was a little self-obsessed, had expected at least a tiny reaction. As she walked towards the library, people did look in her direction, they stared a little bit but no one seemed especially impressed.

  And then she learned why.

  She passed a group of Year Eleven boys sitting on a low wall trying, in vain, to make their uniform blazers look cool by rolling the sleeves to the elbow. The cockiest of the group spoke deliberately loud enough for her to hear. ‘Dude, check out the hot new sixth former! Want me to show you around, love?’ he yelled.

  What? They think I’m someone new.

  ‘Well, aren’t you just, darlin’?’ Molly Sue chuckled.

  Sally scurried past the Year Elevens, head down, but her skin felt like it was glowing. The invisibility cloak had finally slipped off. And he’d said she was hot. Was it that she looked different or that she felt different? Perhaps it was that, for the first time ever, she wanted people to notice her.

  ‘Who cares, girl? Keep on keepin’ on. Own it,’ Molly Sue said as she continued through the courtyard.

  The next domino fell. Annabel Sumpter clocked her as she walked past the orchestra crowd. Her face registered her twice – first as a stranger and then as Sally. ‘Oh my … is that Sally Feather?’

  Sally kept on walking. That seemed like the cooler thing to do. The picnic tables came into view. She saw Stan gesturing wildly, telling a story, and Jennie laughing. There were a few others lapping up his tale too, so they didn’t see her approach. It was Kyle who saw her first. He sleazily scoped her out, his eyes scanning her body like she was a walking barcode, before realising who she was. He swore loudly and the others turned to see her.

  She couldn’t help it, she smiled. This was kinda fun. She threw her arms wide. ‘What do you think?’

  Stan’s mouth fell open. If he’d been a cartoon his jaw would have hit the floor, tongue unfurling like a red carpet.

  Jennie blinked hard, as if she might be hallucinating. ‘Oh my God!’ she said. ‘Sally! What is happening on your head?’

  ‘You like it?’

  Jennie jumped up and ran over to get a better look. ‘Are you kidding? You look incredible! When did this happen? I am so mad at you for not telling me!’ Jennie laughed, playfully punching her shoulder.

  ‘I wanted to surprise you!’

  ‘Consider me surprised! You’re … you’re blonde! And so hot. Look at the boots! I love the boots! I need those boots in my life! Stan, doesn’t she look amazing?’

  Stan stared at her. His face was more like her mother’s had been than Jennie’s; he looked more confused than impressed. ‘Yeah,’ he said, finally finding his voice. ‘You look great. What …? Why …? What prompted the extreme makeover?’

  That stung and she didn’t know why it stung. ‘It … it’s not that extreme, is it?’

  Stan squinted at her. ‘You look totally different.’

  ‘But good different?’

  He blushed. ‘Totally. Sorry. I keep saying totally.’

  Jennie tutted. ‘Don’t listen to him! You look amazing! If I was a lesbian I totally would.’

  Sally laughed but Stan’s reaction irked her. Why did he look so … sad? Sally shrugged it off; this wasn’t about Stan Randall. For the first time ever it was about her.

  Sally had double maths first thing on a Monday – a perfect opportunity to see if Todd even noticed a difference. So far she didn’t mind the spotlight being on her – even Mrs Flynn had passed comment with, ‘Gosh you scrub up well.’ Sally wasn’t sure if that was a compliment on her current appearance or a slight on her previous one. Classmates that had never so much as given her the time of day stopped to tell her how fantastic she looked.

  It confirmed something she’d suspected for a long time: most of the people in her school really were a
s shallow as they seemed.

  ‘Hey, don’t knock it, sugar,’ Molly Sue had told her. ‘There’s a power in beauty, sweetheart – and it ain’t just us girls that use it. You reckon that Todd fella o’ yours don’t get treated special on account o’ how he looks?’

  That’s so superficial.

  ‘It’s like any power. ’S all about how you use it.’

  As she settled into her seat next to Dee, who had already got her hairdresser’s details and asked where she got the dress from, she waited for Todd to arrive. She had a horrible feeling it wouldn’t make any difference – and that she’d been naive to think it would. What was he going to do? Drop Melody like a hot potato and whisk her off to Vegas? Unlikely.

  Todd finally entered with a couple of his friends from the football team. As she did every time he walked into a room, Sally went to watch him, only to find that this time, Todd and his friends were staring at her.

  ‘Don’t look at him!’ Mary Sue commanded. ‘Play with your phone or somethin’. Look as bored as you can.’

  Sally did as she was told, checking Tumblr on her phone. She could hear them, though. Todd’s best friend, Lucas Greer – a total sexpest – said, ‘Whoa! Was she always that smokin’ hot?’

  ‘Chill, man,’ Todd snapped as he dragged his chair across the floor to sit.

  ‘Oi, Sally!’ Lucas said. ‘Loving the new look. If you wanna come over to mine to watch that show you like sometime, I’m well up for that.’ He mimed poking his right index finger into his curled left fist. Nice.

  Sally blushed, no clue what to say. This was her very first sexual harassment.

  ‘Just ignore him,’ Todd said, swiftly punching his friend on the shoulder. ‘You wanna know a secret? Lucas here is a massive virgin and if you said yes, he’d actually pee his pants.’

  Sally laughed, although Lucas looked less than impressed. ‘Thanks, man. Whatever happened to bros before hos?’

  Todd leaned over his desk and Sally caught a whiff of his deodorant – clean and sporty and oh-so male. ‘We heard rumours about your amazing makeover,’ he smiled. ‘And it’s true – Sally, you look bananas.’

  There was a cube wedged in her throat.

  ‘Say somethin’!’ Molly Sue shrieked.

  ‘Thank you,’ Sally muttered, suddenly very aware she had a lot less hair to hide behind. Her nervous hands dearly wanted to fly to the now phantom plait.

  ‘Don’t stop there, darlin’. You need to keep the conversation going.’

  ‘I … erm … had it done at Ford & Co.’

  ‘Tell him that ya fancied a change.’

  ‘I just … fancied a change.’

  Todd grinned. ‘Well, you look awesome. Melody’s trained me pretty well, so I am qualified to say the cut suits your face shape, and the colour brings out your eyes!’

  The word ‘Melody’ was a gut-punch, but Molly Sue continued to whisper in her ear. ‘It’s gonna be tricky, but you need to make a little joke … tell him you didn’t realise he was such an expert in women’s hair.’

  ‘I didn’t realise you were such an expert. Or were gay.’ Sally added her own little bit at the end with a grin.

  Todd rocked back in his chair. ‘Ha! You know my eldest brother’s gay, right? He taught me everything I know!’

  She did not know that. She realised there was quite a lot she didn’t know about him. ‘Really? That’s so cool.’

  ‘Yeah, he moved to London last year – he works for the BBC. You’re an only child, right? You live next door to Randall in those big houses on Acacia Lane?’

  Wow, how did he know that? ‘He knows that because he likes ya, dummy,’ Molly Sue chuckled. ‘Ask him if he’s been stalkin’ ya. That’s cute.’

  ‘Yeah. Have you been stalking me?’

  He laughed again and it was the best sound she’d ever heard. ‘Oh, totally. That guy in the bushes outside your house. That’s me.’

  ‘I’ll bring you out a sandwich next time.’ She had no idea where that came from, but it seemed like a funny thing to do.

  Todd grinned. ‘Anything but tuna. Tuna is Satan’s faeces.’

  Sally didn’t have to think of a comeback to that as Mr Pollock walked in, looking frazzled as ever. ‘Settle down, please!’ Sally rolled her eyes and swivelled in her chair to face the front.

  ‘You did good, girl,’ Molly Sue whispered. ‘Real damn good.’

  After the final bell had pealed, Sally dragged her feet towards rehearsal, exhausted from her day. It turned out that, although flattering, thanking people for compliments was exhausting and the balmy, lethargic weather wasn’t helping. She was ready for bed, but had to get through ninety minutes of Little Shop. Worse still, today she actually had to perform – they were rehearsing the opening number, the title song. Acting, dancing and singing. It was ‘triple threat’ time.

  ‘It’s gonna be fine,’ Molly Sue told her as she panted up the stairs towards the top corridor. ‘Just do as I do.’

  And what exactly is that?

  ‘Put a little honey in ya hips when ya walk for starters.’ Sally practised a strut along the top corridor when no one was looking. ‘Atta, girl!’

  Sally slipped into the bustling hall and it looked like she was a little late. ‘Can we get started, please?’ Mr Roberts clapped his hands together like a seal. ‘Oh wow, Sally! Loving the new ’do!’

  Sally dipped her head. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘You should always be blonde, but please get here on time in future.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘No time for that – chop chop! Get into starting position. Go!’

  The song ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ was a short piece – only about a minute to get through, but it dawned on Sally that she was essentially opening the show. WWMSD? What Would Molly Sue Do? In fact, why couldn’t Chiffon be Molly Sue? That sort of worked now she thought about it. The music started and Sally decided to go for it. She knew the words, she knew how she was supposed to act (she’d YouTubed The Supremes at Mr Robert’s request), all she had to do now was get the hyperactive butterflies in her stomach to settle the hell down.

  The three of them waited in the wings for the guy playing the narrator to get his American accent right. Crystal was being played by Holly Harman, a lovely girl who should have also probably been Audrey based on her talent, but was at least a size sixteen so that was never going to happen. Keira, playing Ronette, gave Sally a warm smile that caught her off guard. ‘Let’s just be super fun and girly, OK?’

  Sally was taken aback. ‘Yeah, sure. I’ll … follow you.’

  ‘Cool,’ Keira said to both Sally and Holly. ‘We should be like sisters.’ Keira seemed to have made her normally bouffant afro even huger as a tribute to Diana Ross.

  A new voice interrupted. Melody. She was already wearing a tacky blonde wig and a sling over her arm for Audrey’s first scene. ‘Nice hair, Sally.’

  Sally waited for the bitchy follow-up, but it didn’t come. ‘Oh. Thanks.’

  ‘Looks really good.’ The words were nice, but her eyes were deader than a shark’s. Perhaps Melody’s facial muscles just couldn’t stretch to a smile.

  Unlike Todd, Sally had no desire to make small talk with Melody and Molly Sue didn’t prompt her to. ‘Just ignore her,’ she said.

  ‘Don’t listen to Mels. I never do,’ Keira said, echoing Molly Sue’s sentiment once Melody had crossed to the other side of the stage.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Oh, she’s such a brat,’ Keira said with her trademark smile. ‘She had leukaemia when she was, like, three so her parents totally ruined her. She’s a lost cause.’ Hearing Melody’s best friend talk about her behind her back was an eye-opener. Sally assumed everyone at SVHS worshipped her.

  ‘I thought she was your best friend.’

  ‘Oh, she is. If it wasn’t for Mel’s little dramas I wouldn’t have a single thing to talk about!’ Sally laughed with her. ‘But contrary to popular belief I’m not her minion. After we leave here, I’ll never see her again
if I can help it. One year of this hellhole left and then I’m gone!’

  Whaaaaaaaat? One third of Melanora hated school as much as Sally did? Mind officially blown. The day just got more and more interesting with every passing minute. Molly Sue was wrong – the makeover hadn’t just changed her hair … everything was different.

  Chapter Thirteen

  For the next couple of weeks, Sally became Sally’s obsession and Molly Sue was always on hand to help. Sally had to admit, it was kinda fun; working out how to make her old clothes look good; thinking of ways to style her new hair; experimenting with make-up. Molly Sue had truly taken her on as a project and one day of attention wasn’t enough – it was addictive.

  Sally had maths four times a week so that was four opportunities to talk to Todd. After a few lessons, she got the most positive sign yet. HE PASSED HER A NOTE. How many times had she yearned for someone to include her in a private joke, and when she was, it was Todd who reached out to her! This particular note read, Check out Pollock’s trousers. He has a piss stain. Oh bless, the poor guy did have a little wet patch in his crotch. Sally turned around and rolled her eyes at Todd. ‘He probably splashed when he washed his hands,’ she whispered.

  ‘I’m telling you … the guy needs an incontinence pad.’

  She laughed aloud, drawing a death glare from the teacher. Sally didn’t care.

  ‘Keep it up, girl,’ Molly Sue commented. ‘You’re way more fun than ol’ Fingers-For-Dessert Vine. Just be patient.’

  The only raincloud in the sky was Stan. He was being decidedly frosty with her. She’d been over a couple of times for brand new Satanville but he seemed sullen and unnecessarily harsh on the episodes (‘Season four is the worst. I don’t know why we’re even bothering any more.’). It just didn’t make sense.

  Things reached boiling point at the New Quarter mall one Saturday. Even though the weather was getting hotter and hotter and most of the year was up at the lake, Sally, Stan and Jennie had gone shopping. They liked to hang out in the coffee shop and order tank-sized mugs of coffee the way the Satanville gang did. They huddled around Jennie’s laptop, exploiting the free wifi.