Repeat

by Scott, Kylie

  “In the future, we make important decisions together beforehand and we discuss them fully clothed, not half naked. Understood?”

  “Yes, Ed.”

  He mumbles something, sounding vaguely disgruntled. Doubtful of my easy compliance, no doubt. But whatever. I’m deposited on the bed then divested of my underwear in no time at all.

  The man does not mess around.

  Next, standing beside the big bed, he pushes down his sleep pants, stepping out of them, one hand stroking his hard cock as it points straight at the ceiling. Maybe it’s the angle I’m viewing it on, from kind of below. Or perhaps it’s just the faintly threatening size of him and how small and exposed I’m suddenly feeling. How emotionally out there all of this feels. But a flash of panic, of feeling like prey, triggers my fight or flight. And I’m rolling over and scrambling across the mattress. Which lasts exactly until my hands reach the edge and then I freeze because what the hell am I even doing anyway? Where is it I think I’m going and why exactly—such a barrage of questions inside my mind. Which is also about when Ed grabs hold of my ankle.

  “What’s going on?” he asks, sounding somewhat justifiably bewildered. “Come back here a minute.”

  And I have nothing. So my brain really has melted. There you go. Slowly but surely, he gently drags me back across the sheets. I startled and tried to make a run for it. Not exactly my proudest moment.

  “Hey, talk to me.” He kneels on the bed beside me, rolling me over with his hands. “Clem, are you all right?”

  “I’m fine. Totally humiliated, but fine.” He gently pries my hands off my flushed face. “Hi.”

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t know. I just had a moment, a small freak out or something. But I’m all good now. Can we pretend it didn’t happen?” I reached up for him, because hiding in his arms sounds like the best idea ever. His body is so big and comforting. A walking, talking security blanket just for me. Carefully, he rearranges us until my head is back up on one of the pillows. Arms and legs wrapped around him and face hidden in his neck, I basically just cling to him like a monkey the entire time.

  “You took one look at my dick and bolted,” he murmurs. “I’m not really sure what to do with that.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. Nothing to apologize for. I probably shouldn’t have grabbed you and pulled you back like that, you just scared me.”

  “It’s okay. I’d already put the escape attempt on hold,” I say. “How big are you anyway?”

  “What?” he asks, his tone one of complete confusion. He’s lying on top of me, taking some of his weight on his elbows. This is a good position, much more soothing than him and his mammoth hard-on towering over me. But it’s also quite stirring, us being plastered together with nothing between us. “We’re talking about my size now? You want actual measurements?”

  “Yes, please.”

  “Well, too bad, I can’t give them to you,” he says, sounding more amused now. “Last thing I’m interested in doing when I’m turned on is pulling out a ruler.”

  “Fine.” I exhale hard. “I just . . . I freaked out for a moment. Not exactly sure why. But obviously the mechanics of your penis fitting into my vagina have been thoroughly explored on numerous occasions and the very small panic attack was totally unwarranted and thoroughly embarrassing. Not that I’m sure it was about that exactly, I just felt . . .”

  He waits me out.

  “Unsafe for a second, I guess. I’m not even sure why, exactly.”

  Now he just looks at me. “That’s it, Clem. I knew we were rushing. We’re calling this off till further notice.”

  “No.” My hold on him tightens to strangler vine proportions. Whatever my subconscious concerns, I will not cheat myself out of this moment. “Absolutely not.”

  “Baby . . .” He sighs. “I know that you’re worried about how we’re going to work out. Not just in bed, but with putting our lives back together again and being a couple and everything. But rushing into this isn’t the answer.”

  “Please, just listen.” I take a deep breath and I let it out slow. Not easing back on my hold on him one iota. I can’t afford to. “This is all new to me. Every single part of this life is new, and yes, some of it is a little scary sometimes. I get surprised by my own reactions to things sometimes. But that doesn’t mean I want to stop or go backwards.”

  A little line appears between his brows.

  “So if you want to stop or step back for your own reasons . . . then okay. But if you’re stopping because I flipped out for a second, then don’t. I’m going to weird out occasionally. Please be okay with that.”

  He says nothing.

  “Stay with me, Ed.”

  “I don’t know . . .”

  “I do.” I kiss him lightly on the lips, once, twice, three times. Because kissing him is my favorite thing. “You’re the best thing in my life.”

  “Are you sure you’re not just doing this to make me happy?” he asks.

  And I give his question all due consideration. “No. I’m doing this because I want to make us both happy. But I guess I should be asking you, what would make you happy?”

  His smile is slow but beautiful. “Just being with you doing whatever. I’m not that complicated.”

  How previous me ever left him is beyond me. I honestly feel a little bad for the girl. No wonder she was apparently so heartbroken. To lose Ed in all his wondrousness would be a terrible thing.

  “Stay with me,” I repeat.

  “I’ll stay with you whether you want to have sex right now or not. You know that right?”

  “I know.” The butterflies in my stomach swoop en masse. “But thanks for saying so. Do you have a condom?”

  He hesitates.

  “Yes, Ed. Yes again and again.”

  And the man is still not moving.

  “Would you like me to write it down?”

  “I am apparently still shit at saying no to you,” he grumbles. “You get me with those beautiful eyes, and it’s all over.”

  Fair enough. For him, it has to be a losing battle. Because I’m more than willing and he’s still hard against me. The pressure of his body, the sound and scent and everything of him means I’m wet and aching. Though it’s nicely aided by some slight hip wiggling. The sensation of sliding his hard length through my labia is mighty stimulating. He reaches out, hand rustling about, grabbing something from the bedside drawer.

  Excellent.

  Before he can attempt anything else, I kiss him deep and hard. Giving it my all. Getting us back to the good place. Hands clutching and hearts pounding. Where every touch is a thrill. We’re tongues, teeth, and lips. Everything taken back to our basics. Skin sliding against skin, fingers endlessly exploring. I’m still a bundle of nerves, but I love it. He rolls us over, so I’m on top. Then he stops to tear open the wrapper, to roll the condom down the length of his cock. I, of course, watch with interest.

  “You be on top,” he says, voice deep and raw once again. “That way if you freak out or anything again, you’re in control.”

  “Okay.”

  “Now I’m putting this on, but that doesn’t mean we have to use it.” He reaches back, gripping the wooden bars of the bedhead. “I’m just going to lie here. You’re in charge. Promise.”

  “Right. Sounds good. Where should I start?”

  “Why don’t you kiss me, Clem?” He raises his chin, bringing my attention back to his kiss-swollen damp lips. “You could ride my face if you wanted.”

  A tantalizing idea. But I’m kind of stuck on the idea of my vagina and his penis getting together sometime soon. So I go for option one and kiss him instead. It’s wet and messy and hot as hell. I never want it to end.

  “You’re so fucking pretty, baby,” he tells me between kisses. “We can do whatever you want to do. Just take your time.”

  Guess he’s forgotten about not only my lack of patience but general fascination for everything Ed. Because I go immediately for h
is cock, lining it up with my entrance and pushing back slowly. Very slowly. The way his gaze fixes on me, his pupils dilating . . . the man is hypnotic. Sweat beads on both of our skins. The musculature in his arms flexes, fingers tightening on the headboard as he groans. “Christ, I’ve missed you.”

  Maybe he’s talking a little to her, to the previous version of me. But for once I don’t mind. Truth be told, I’d kind of wondered how a girl like her managed to get a guy like him. Not just to get him but to have him. To own him. What had Tessa said about us? That I was like an itch under his skin. Maybe the answer is that old-me and Ed really had it going on once the bedroom doors were closed. And maybe I was about to find out.

  Besides, it didn’t make much sense to be jealous of her. After all, I get to be here now and she doesn’t, the poor bitch. I get to have the wide blunt head of his cock pushing into me, his body beneath me. Deeper I take him in, feeling him moving slow but sure inside of me. Every muscle in his body tenses and, honestly, getting to sit astride him this way is divine. I am a fucking goddess in all the ways. And I don’t stop until the whole length of his dick is in me completely. Eyelids closed, I just feel. The awareness of him so thick and solid inside of me . . . it’s incredible.

  “You okay?” he asks.

  I nod.

  With my hands on his chest, I start to move, taking my time. The slow glide of him out of me lights up some very special nerves. But then the harder push back onto him is kind of awesome too. Leisurely, I build up the pace, letting my body guide me. What position and speed feels best. We’re well beyond tingles now. My whole body is electric, the charge building and building. And the expression on Ed’s face, the exacting set of his mouth and the endless depths of his eyes. His rib cage rises and falls, nostrils flaring slightly as he struggles with the need to stay still. I’m guessing he doesn’t usually lie passive in bed. Pretty sure he’s the type to take charge and give orders. But it works for me. We’re reaching for that high together. And when it hits . . . my insides lock onto him in both agony and bliss. It’s so good it hurts. Every bit of me tenses before every atom’s exploding.

  Ed’s hips buck beneath me, shoving his cock into me again and again. Then he makes this sound somewhere between a grunt and a growl. Something cracks loudly. Wood breaking, maybe? But I’m too high to care. My body goes liquid, collapsed across his chest. We’re just two people smeared together with sweat and other bodily fluids. Meanwhile, my mind just keeps floating, reluctant to return.

  “Hey,” he eventually whispers, arms still raised above his head as promised. His heart beats strong and sure beneath my ear. “Clem, you okay? What are you thinking?”

  “You broke the headboard.” I rise slowly, still catching my breath, and I smile. “Cool. Let’s do it again.”

  Chapter Twelve

  So it turns out Ed and I like to fuck. A lot. Whatever the issues in our relationship—past or present—sex is not one of them. I wake up with his hand between my legs, stroking me. He’s lying behind me, his hard-on pressed against my ass.

  “No wonder my dream was so good,” I mumble.

  “What were you dreaming about?” His teeth pinch at the sensitive skin of my neck, before he sucks and licks the sting away. I writhe against him. “Tell me, Clem.”

  “You.”

  “Good answer.”

  My leg is drawn back over his, opening me up for his attentions. Awesome way to wake up. I could quite happily do this every morning for the rest of my life.

  “Is this okay?” he asks, nibbling on my jawline. “Tell me if you’re too sore or anything.”

  “No, it’s okay. Maybe just go easy.”

  “I can be gentle, baby.”

  He grabs another condom out of the drawer, pulling back slightly to get it on. Then he’s moving me back into position, his dick prodding at me slightly before pushing inside. Fuck yes. My hands fist in the pillow. I can’t get enough of him. Never want to get enough of him. And he’s so damn good at it. Little wonder the thought of him doing this with anyone else drove previous me crazy.

  I groan. “We should both quit our jobs and just do this all day.”

  His low laughter is glorious, making me shiver. That and the way he’s ever slowly thrusting his wondrous cock into me. One big hand covers my breast, thumb brushing over my peaked nipple. While all the while his hot mouth devours me. My lips might never be the same. We can’t seem to stop kissing. Then he licks my neck before biting lightly at my earlobe. On and on it goes, our lovemaking. It’s too sweet and fine to be fucking. When his hand dips down to find my clit and circle it maddeningly, I know there’s not long to go. He starts thrusting a little harder, the broken headboard squeaking. And inside of me, everything is on edge. Coiled tight enough to break. So that when he finally deigns to get direct with my clit, strumming it with his fingers, I can’t help but come hard and fast. The wave of pure pleasure goes on and on. All encompassing. With him buried inside of me, hands gripping me tight as he comes too. It’s all I’ll ever need.

  Good sex makes it easy to forget about the bad stuff. The complicated things. When your body’s singing, flooded with happy hormones, it’s almost impossible to care about anything else. A good place to be.

  * * *

  “Nice hickey, Clem.” Leif grins at me across the table.

  “Damn. I thought I covered it.” I take another bite of toast with butter and blueberry jam. “Maybe I’ll wear a scarf.”

  “I say be proud, girl.”

  “Thanks, Leif.”

  “Let me see.” Ed lifts the edge of my tee, inspecting the work of his teeth. “Shit.”

  “Hmm?”

  “If that’s you two going slow, I don’t want to see fast,” says Leif, rising to go put his coffee mug in the sink. “In fact, I don’t want to see anything to do with you guys at all. The new girl at the parlor, however, is pretty cute.”

  “I heard you went out for a drink with Shannon.” I smile, momentarily distracted from Ed’s unfortunate reaction to the love bite.

  “Yeah, we had a good time,” says Leif. “Not as good a time as you two, but then we can’t all go so slow.”

  “Ha-ha.”

  “I’m hitting the shower.” Leif disappears down the hallway, humming to himself. He seems in a most excellent mood. Guess they really did have a nice date or whatever it was.

  Meanwhile, Ed’s still staring at the mark on my neck. It’s beginning to worry me. It’s a decent size bruise and all, but still. His dismay is concerning.

  “Hey,” I say. “What’s wrong?”

  He shakes his head slightly. “I’ve never been that rough with you before . . . leaving marks.”

  “Really?” My brows rise high. “Huh.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing, it’s just when we first started fooling around here on the table you seemed pretty aggressive, I guess. A little edgy and dominant, sort of. Not in a bad way or anything. I liked it a lot.”

  On a scale of one to ten, it’s a solid nine and a half of a frown on Ed’s face.

  Gordy finishes wolfing down biscuits to come rest his head on my knee. I’m not sure if it’s me or the toast he’s casting longing looks at. Though despite him being a very good dog, it’s probably not me.

  “After everything you’ve been through, getting hurt and everything . . .” Ed hangs his head, the frown ramping all the way up to eleven. “I should have been gentler with you. Fuck.”

  “You didn’t hurt me, Ed. As I said, I liked it.”

  “But that’s not how we are. I don’t get physical with you like that in bed. Not in a way that leaves bruises.”

  “Were. That’s not how we were, you mean.”

  He pushes back from the table, expression tense.

  “Maybe I’m not the only one who’s been changed by everything that happened. We’ve both probably got some things to work through, right?” I ask. “I mean, it just makes sense. But so long as we’re working through them together, does it really matter?”
>
  “Clem, I hurt you.” He gestures at my neck, the movement sharp, agitated. “Are you not getting that?”

  Now I’m frowning too. “No, you didn’t.”

  “Yes, I did. The evidence is right there on your skin.”

  “No, I’ve been hurt before. I know what that feels like, believe me. This is not it.”

  Poor Gordy whines at the tension in our voices, leaning against my leg. I give him a pat. He doesn’t like it when we fight. As for Ed, he just shakes his head, grabbing at the back of his neck. The usual stress pose.

  So telling him about the blue thumb-sized bruises on my thighs probably won’t help. A pity—I thought they were pretty. And I’m a little surprised by his reaction. I honestly am. “Have you never left a mark on a woman before? Never had, you know, rough sex?”

  “Years ago, maybe. But . . .” He swears under his breath, getting up from the table. “I’m a big guy. I can’t afford to get carried away.”

  “You were holding out on me?” I ask, aghast.

  “I was not holding out on you.”

  “Oh my God.”

  His voice is flat and unamused. “Clem, we did not have any problems in bed.”

  “Then it’s something new in our relationship. Okay.”

  “No. Not okay. Nothing that leaves you black and blue is okay.”

  I swallow, thinking it through. “When you talk about this the way you are it makes me feel like I have no say in our sex life. I was more than consenting, both last night and this morning.”

  Lines furrow his brow.

  “I wonder if with our emotional dynamic being a little different now, that kind of affects how we relate physically as well. Because expressing your feelings regarding our breakup and everything we’ve been through with hot sex that I am fully consenting of is more than okay.” I’ll have to check with Google later. Google knows things.

  Meanwhile, still nothing from Ed.

  “After all, we can’t expect things to automatically be all nice and neat just because we’re spending time together,” I say. “It’s probably really healthy for us to be working through things like this in bed when you think about it.”