Rock Bottom

by Emily Goodwin

  An emergency surgery comes in, and we don’t have time to talk about Dean or relationships anymore. It’s nonstop until shift change, and I leave the hospital exhausted. I call Dean on my way, but his phone goes right to voicemail.

  He didn’t plug his phone in last night, having left it on the island counter when we went upstairs together. His house in on my way home from the hospital, and I plan to swing by and see if he’s home before going to my place. I want to invite him over for the night.

  My phone rings as I near Dean’s neighborhoods, but it’s not him. The number comes up as unknown, and I only answer because I recognize the area code.

  “Hello?”

  “Rory?”

  “This is her.”

  “Hey! It’s Michelle, from Silver Ridge General.”

  “Oh.” I blink a few times. Why is my old nursing director calling me? “Hi.”

  “I know you’re wondering why I’m calling, so I’m going to cut to the chase. We got some additional funding from the higher ups, and I was given the green light to hire a handful of nurses back who were cut. You’re at the top of my list.”

  “Oh, uh, wow,” I say, slowing to a stop at a red light.

  “But not only that, I’m looking for a unit manager.”

  I pause. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale again. “You want me to be a unit manager?”

  “I do. The job comes with a significant pay raise to what you were making here before as well.”

  “Wow,” I repeat, and my mind flashes to Dean. “I…I don’t know. I really like what I have going on here.”

  “It’s a lot to consider, I know, and this is out of the blue. How about I check back in with you tomorrow after you’ve had time to think things over?”

  “Sure,” I blurt, though I already know the answer. It’s a big fat no. I’ve established a life here, and more importantly…Dean is here.

  I would have jumped at the opportunity to go back to Silver Ridge before. But now…now I know my life is here in Eastwood.

  Chapter 33

  Dean

  I flop back down in bed, pulling the covers up over myself. I’m cold without Rory next to me, and I almost feel guilty to go back to sleep knowing she’s on her way to work.

  But I’m so fucking tired.

  My eyes fall shut, and I’ll pulled back into a peaceful sleep, dreaming of times when Rory is here, in bed with me. We’re both naked, and of course my dream leads to us fucking like animals. I’m right at the good part of my dream, where my cock is buried in Rory, when I’m pulled from my sleep.

  My eyes flutter open, and my cock aches, hard from the dream I was having. I roll over and bring my hand to it, stroking myself. I’m in that weird half-sleep, half-wake stage, not really aware of what I’m doing.

  All I know is that I miss Rory and long to have her here next to me. I wouldn’t be rubbing one out, but could spread her legs and push my cock inside of her, coming at the same time she does.

  The thought of her sends a jolt to my dick, and I roll over, imagining her here with me as I quicken my movements, jerking myself off. I’m almost there, about ready to come when the doorbell rings.

  The fuck?

  Rory has the garage code. Why is she ringing the doorbell? I open my eyes, squinting at the clock. She should be arriving at work right about now. Maybe the doorbell didn’t really ring and I imagined it?

  I turn on my other side and reach for the pillow Rory was using, pulling it to me. It smells like her conditioner, and my heart aches missing her.

  And then the doorbell rings again, and this time, there’s no mistaking it. I sit up, blinking, and shake myself. The doorbell rings again, and now I’m irritated. Who the fuck comes to the door at this hour? I pull on boxers and the pajama pants and then storm down the stairs.

  Someone is standing on my porch, and I open the door, ready to tell them to fuck off. Shooting back the deadbolt, the words are right there, burning on my tongue. But when I open the door, my words die in my throat.

  “Hi, Dean.”

  I blink, staring down the woman on the porch.

  “Kara?” I ask, breath clouding around me. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  “I’m sorry,” my ex-wife blurts. “I know this is a shock, but please, hear me out.” She holds up her hands.

  “Why should I?”

  “Because it’s really cold and it took me a while to find where you’d moved to.” She smiles, eyes meeting mine, and everything moves in slow motion.

  She doesn’t look much different than she did the day I left. Her hair is the same shade of dark blonde, and I got her the coat she’s wearing three Christmases ago. She took a job in Newport only months after the divorce was final, and I haven’t seen her since.

  “There’s nothing to say.” I take a step back, ready to close the door.

  “There is.” She throws her hand out and my heart lurches in my chest. She doesn’t look any different, and I get a flashback to a few days before I walked in on her in bed with another man.

  We’d been arguing over something stupid, something so small I can’t even remember what now. I didn’t want to fight anymore, so I grabbed her hands and made her dance with me.

  We fell asleep tangled together after making love, and I remember feeling hopeful…that we could work things out and be happy again.

  Hah.

  “What?” I deadpan and take a step back, letting her in the house. It is cold, and I don’t have a shirt on. “What do you have to say?”

  She closes the door behind her. “I’m sorry.” She lets out a breath. “I’m so, so sorry.” Her eyes fill with tears and a voice in the back of my mind tells me to comfort her, like I have before.

  But she’s not my wife anymore. I have no commitment, no obligation to her.

  “I forgive you,” I say with a huff, running my hand through my hair. “If that helps you move on…know that I forgive you.”

  “Thank you.” She unzips her coat and my stomach flip flops, hating the way she’s looking at me. It’s foreign and familiar at the same time. “I miss you, Dean.”

  “Kara, don’t,” I say, rubbing my forehead. My eyes fall shut and I can’t believe this is happening.

  “You look good,” she says, stepping closer.

  “I have a girlfriend,” I rush out, but it does nothing to stop Kara from advancing.

  “You had a wife.”

  “Yeah.” I let my hand drop to my side. “And you cheated on me.”

  Silence falls over both of us for a moment. I look Kara up and down, and I finally get why people say it feels like they saw a ghost when something startling happens. Because that’s exactly what Kara is: a ghost of my past, coming back to haunt me.

  “Do you love her?” Kara asks.

  “What?”

  “Your girlfriend.”

  “That’s none of your business,” I say, though her words burn deep inside. I’m not sure I’m able to love anyone anymore. I want to, but I’ve put up so many walls they may never come down. “Kara,” I start, and her name feels weird coming from my lips. How many times have I said it before?

  “How is everyone?” she asks tentatively. “I follow Quinn on Instagram. Seems like she and Archer are doing pretty well.”

  “She’s pregnant,” I say, words spilling from me like vomit. It’s early and my mind is getting confused. Kara had been part of my life for so long, it’s strange having to remind myself she’s on the outside now.

  “And Danielle had a baby, right?”

  “She did. A little boy named Henry.”

  Kara smiles, brown eyes meeting mine. She’s familiar. Predictable, even.

  But that doesn’t make this right.

  “I have to go to work,” I say. “Like I said before, it’s time for you to leave.”

  “I don’t have anywhere to go,” she blurts, stepping forward and reaching for me. “I…I didn’t tell my family I was in town.”

  “Why not?” I ask. She’s always been close with h
er family.

  “They were mad at me after we split…and I don’t blame them. I was wrong, Dean. Wrong and stupid, and I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.” Kara blinks back tears. “I’ve spent the last year trying to better myself.”

  “That’s…that’s good.” I plow my hand through my hair. “I want you to find peace.”

  “I want peace with you.” She steps forward and grabs my hand. “I miss you, Dean. I messed up, I know. I was stupid—so stupid—and I’m sorry.”

  “I told you, I forgive you. We both made mistakes, Kara. I wasn’t perfect either.”

  Tears stream down her face, and it hurts me to see her upset. “I wish I could go back…go back and redo everything. You were so good to me, Dean, and I miss you.”

  “You should leave,” I repeat and put my head in my hands. This is really happening, isn’t it? I squeeze my eyes closed and open them again. Dammit. This nightmare is actually around me.

  “Please, Dean,” she cries, and her bottom lip quivers. Her eyes fall shut and more tears roll down her cheeks. I get hit with another flash, and it takes everything I have not to reach out and wipe away her tears.

  How many times have I done it in the past?

  Kara and I were together for years. We dated. Got engaged. I loved her enough to get married. To fight for our relationship when I thought it was damned.

  I look at Kara, and my words leave me. I want to be angry. I want to scream and yell and tell her to get the fuck out of my house, but all I do is feel sorry for her.

  She says she’s sorry and I believe her. Her regret is tangible, and part of me wonders what would have happened if I’d stayed for dessert that night instead of coming home early.

  I wouldn’t have found Kara in bed with another man.

  Would she have kept on cheating? Wised up and come clean? Cut the guy off cold turkey, buried her secret and played the part of dutiful wife?

  “I hate that I hurt you.” She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “I would do anything to go back and do things differently.”

  “You would?” I swallow hard. We left with so much unsaid. I didn’t want to hear her excuses. I wanted things to be over as quickly as possible, and the wounds I thought were healed are being ripped open again. “What would you do differently? Make sure you didn’t get caught?”

  “No,” she says and starts crying again. “I was stupid. So, so stupid. You were so good to me, Dean, and I don’t know how we fell so far. We were in love once…don’t you think we could be in love like that again?”

  My throat starts to feel thick, and a sick sense of déja vu starts to set in.

  I did think we could be in love again. If I didn’t think we could fix things, I never would have left dinner early. I would have stayed at my parents’, listening to Quinn complain about the end of pregnancy while Danielle cried over what a miracle it was she got pregnant so easily the second time around.

  I would have gone outside with Logan and Owen, drinking expensive whiskey and bullshitting about something—anything—while enjoying life.

  But I came home with an armload of leftovers, ready to tell Kara I was sorry for the distance. I was prepared to step up, to be the one to mend the holes in our relationship.

  “We took vows,” Kara goes on. “I broke mine, and I will forever be sorry for that.” Her bottom lip quivers. “It’s asking a lot, I know, but I can’t live with myself if I don’t try.” She wipes away more tears, smearing her makeup across her cheeks. “We were family once. Can we be family again?”

  “Kara,” I start, heart pounding. I miss what we had, but I don’t miss her.

  I miss being married.

  I miss having someone in my bed every night.

  I miss thinking about starting a family…only we never quite got there.

  But there’s no going back. No starting over. It’s too late now…isn’t it?

  “I have to go to work,” I repeat. “Figure out somewhere to go and then go.”

  “Is the garage code your birthday?” She smiles and I hate that we have all this history together and she knows me.

  “Yes. Don’t be here when I get home. There is nothing left to say. We’re over, Kara.”

  Chapter 34

  Rory

  The smile hasn’t left my face since my shift ended. I called Dean on my way to my car but got his voicemail. He told me he was going to be on a job site this morning, and after a quick stop home to feed Figaro and change, I’m on my way back to Dean’s.

  He told me last night to come over after work, using the garage code to get in if I got here before he did. The dozen roses he sent me at work are still on my passenger seat, and in hindsight I should have taken then into my apartment and put them in water.

  Now I get to bring them in with me, admiring them and thanking Dean—with my body, of course—a dozen times over. There’s a car parked on the street in front of his house, and I pull up behind it. I’m pretty sure Dean took the truck today, but I don’t want to block the wrong spot of the garage just in case he didn’t. I gather up the roses, hike my purse up over my shoulder, and hurry to the garage. It’s warmed up a bit today, but it’s super windy and I’m afraid the wind is going to blow the petals right off the roses.

  I punch in the garage code and dodge inside once the door is up. Shivering, I hurry in, hit the button to close the big door, and watch it go down before opening the door that leads into the mud room.

  “Hello?” a female calls from inside the house.

  I freeze, mouth opening but words escaping me. If someone was breaking and entering, they wouldn’t yell out hello, would they?

  “Dean?” the same voice calls. Okay…so I doubt it’s a burglar if they’re calling out Dean’s name. It’s not one of his sisters-in-law, is it? The voice isn’t familiar. “Dean, is that you?”

  “No,” I say, voice thin. “It’s not.”

  “Oh.” A woman appears in the hallway, stopping short when she sees me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “It’s okay,” I say, not moving. Is it okay? Should I throw the roses at her and make a run for it? “I wasn’t expecting anyone to be home.”

  “I came over unannounced,” she says, forcing a half-smile. “Are you his girlfriend?”

  “We haven’t really discussed titles yet, but yeah. I am. How do you know Dean?”

  “I’m his ex-wife.”

  I blink and almost drop the roses. His ex-wife—who cheated on him? What the fuck?

  “Oh. He, uh, he didn’t mention you were here.”

  “I don’t blame him.” She blinks back tears, and I can tell she’s been crying. I swallow hard and don’t know what to do. This is awkward as fuck, and I’m not entirely convinced this woman isn’t here to try to murder me.

  “Why are you here?” I ask slowly and set the roses down on the bench of the hall tree, not taking my eyes off this woman. Mason would be proud.

  “I wanted to talk to Dean,” she says, voice thinning. “Fucking up my marriage will always be the biggest regret of my life. I came back to see if Dean would try and work things out.”

  The fuck? Is this why he hasn’t spoken to me all day? I’m a reasonable person. I know he can’t control when his ex-wife pops up in town. I can’t get mad at him for her giving it her all, begging and pleading for him to take her back.

  But not telling me what’s going on and not even answering the phone…it makes my stomach flip flop.

  “I’m sorry. I know that’s the last thing you want hear since you two are together now. Or are you? You said you haven’t discussed titles yet?” She pushes her light brown hair back. “That’s so unlike him. He’s a relationship kind of person. He asked me out less than twelve hours after meeting me.”

  I blink, not sure how to respond to that. “Oh, well, he’s changed.”

  “I’m sure he has.”

  “Does he know you’re here?”

  Kara smiles. “Yes. I came into town unexpectedly and surprise
d him. He had to go to work but let me stay here.”

  Nothing about this seems right. Why would Dean let his ex-wife stay here? Did they hook up or something? No, I doubt it. Dean isn’t that kind of person to go back to someone who hurt him like that.

  And we’re together.

  “I’m going to call him.” I take a step back toward the door, thinking I’d rather be in my car than in the house with this crazy lady.

  “No need.” Kara points to the door. “I think I hear the garage.”

  “Oh, yeah. I do too.” I put my phone back in my purse and move to the side so Dean won’t whack me with the door when he comes inside.

  “Rory,” he says, eyes flitting from me to Kara.

  “Hi, Dean.” Kara puts on a pretty smile.

  “What are you still doing here?” he asks her. “I told you to leave.”

  “We need to talk,” Kara insists. “And finish our conversation from this morning.”

  I tip my head up to Dean, chest tightening. “What is going on?”

  “Nothing,” he says. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” He looks at Kara. “Can you give us some space?”

  “Of course.” Kara walks away and Dean steps out of the mud room, looking into the kitchen to make sure Kara isn’t lurking behind the corner.

  “She just showed up this morning,” Dean tells me. “It threw me off guard and I thought she would have left and gone to her sister’s by now.”

  “It’s not your fault she showed up.” I force a smile. “She wants you back, doesn’t she? I mean, you are quite the catch.”

  “Yeah.” Dean’s brows pinch together, and he looks conflicted. Didn’t he tell me he didn’t have feelings for her anymore? I think his exact words were it was over before it ended or something very similar at least.

  Is seeing her again bringing up those old feelings?

  “Do you want her back?” I ask slowly, feeling like I’m sinking underwater in slow motion.

  “No,” he rushes out. “I don’t. Seeing her again is reminding me why I’ve sworn off relationships. They’re all damned.”