by Jo Thomas
FORTY-NINE
‘It’s gone!’ Stephanie is pointing to the empty shelf by the serving hatch. Tomas, who had fallen asleep in JB’s lap, is awake again and crying. Fabien and I both slow to a standstill, him right next to me. I can smell his leather jacket, feel the heat from his body, wanting him more than anything.
‘What’s gone?’ It takes me a few seconds to catch up with what’s gone on, as I try to focus my eyes. I’m just pleased no one is hurt, in particular that Tomas is safe, if tired and grumpy in his dad’s arms, clutching Monsieur Lapin.
‘The honesty box! It’s gone!’ Stephanie points again.
‘Are you sure?’ If I hadn’t been with my one-night lover, trying to explain why I’m far too old for him, I would have been here, not leaving everything to Stephanie to sort out. I seem to be doing that too much. Now Henri is coming home, it’s time I got more involved with the bakes again. Maybe I’ll think of some new lines, move into other towns and markets. Contact some other mayors and ask if I can set up a stall in those places. But that’s for tomorrow. Right now, I need to find out where the money box has gone.
We ask around. Has anyone seen it? No one has.
‘I can’t believe anyone here would just take it,’ I say, having looked in and around the hut. But it’s nowhere to be seen. Neither, I notice, is Cora’s placard, which I dumped in the river earlier and meant to retrieve. I hope it hasn’t floated too far away. We all look at each other, more disappointed than angry that anyone would do this to us. It was an honesty box, based on trust. I thought the people here were grateful, not wanting to rip us off as soon as our backs were turned. I shake my head, exhausted.
Fabien is saying goodnight to the people still here.
‘C’est dommage,’ they say. It’s a shame. A real shame. They’ve not just taken the money, but the trust and the spirit of the project. Then I have to remind myself that it was just one person who took it. We can’t let this spoil things for everyone. Tomorrow is another day, I tell myself, and turn to see Fabien walking down the path, back towards town and his house behind the brocante.
‘Fabien, wait!’ I call. I haven’t told him all the things I needed to explain, how I don’t want to hurt him. I want him to be happy. He doesn’t turn back, just holds a hand up in the air.
‘Wait!’
‘It’s okay, I understand. You don’t want to be with me!’ He keeps walking determinedly. And I feel absolutely wretched. How could I have messed that up so badly? How can I ever tell him now that I love him and that’s why I had to finish it? It’s over.
FIFTY
The walk back to Le Petit Mas is like the longest mile ever. We all feel as though we have lead in our boots. Alain is mortified that someone would treat Henri and the project so disrespectfully and steal the box. I haven’t shared my thoughts about Cora yet. Not until I’ve had a chance to confront her. Tomas is fractious and only wants to be carried by Stephanie. JB takes her bags and she has the little boy in her arms along the path and back up the hill to Le Petit Mas, where Rhi’s waiting, having made a last visit to Henri before his return tomorrow. We’re now going to have to tell him about the missing honesty box and the unpleasant taste it’s left in all of our mouths. Suddenly a town, a community who lived contentedly side by side, is shattered and suspicious.
FIFTY-ONE
The following morning I make my way downstairs to be greeted by Ralph, who looks to be missing his new bed companion, Mimi, as much as I’m missing mine.
I look out of the window to see Lou, in her short dressing-gown, disappearing into the barn with a tray of coffee, croissants and orange juice. It makes me smile. The bakery van has been and there are croissants on the side for us all. I roll up my sleeves and start pulling out the ingredients for the day’s bakes. Stephanie is a little late this morning, but it will do her good to have a lie-in. I look around the kitchen for the book. And then I remember, it’s probably in her bag – she would have brought it back from the bistro. Maybe I should start the day with a new bake. Something from the heart of Provence, I think, and my spirits lift a little. I’m trying not to picture Fabien walking away from me last night, his hand raised in the air.
‘It’s okay, I understand. You don’t want to be with me.’ Nothing could be further from the truth. But I can’t! Fabien helped me remember who I used to be. I’m living in the now, and loving it, not living for the future. But I’m certainly not going back.
Stephanie’s bag is on the side, and I wonder if the book is in there. I can see something bulging and sticking out from the top. Then my blood runs cold.
FIFTY-TWO
‘Sorry I’m late. Tomas is teething.’ She stops and looks at me, as I reach my hand into her bag and pull out the honesty box.
She stares, wide-eyed, in apparent amazement.
I feel sick. I trusted her and thought she trusted me. She can’t have taken it! I know that! But what’s it doing there?
The seconds tick past slowly. My heart is beating so loudly I’m surprised she can’t hear it. She can’t have taken it, I tell myself.
Slowly I look up at her.
‘Where was it?’ she asks anxiously.
‘Well,’ I say, ‘it was …’ I swallow again. I’m sure it wasn’t her. Please don’t let it be JB either! ‘It was in your handbag.’ I try to say it matter-of-factly.
‘In my h-handbag?’ she stutters. ‘But how?’
‘I … I don’t know,’ I say. ‘Could it have fallen in by mistake? Or someone put it there for safe keeping?’
There are tears in her eyes. Hot, angry ones.
Just tell me, I think, that it wasn’t you and we can find out who it was.
‘You think it was me, don’t you?’ she says, with a steeliness I haven’t heard since we first met.
’No. No. I don’t. I’m just trying to work out …’
My thoughts turn back to the first time I met her, in her bedsit, my biscuits on the table, taking what she needed for her son. But she wouldn’t do that to me or to Henri.
‘You think I might have done,’ she says, in an angry whisper. ‘You know I’m capable.’ She is ashen-faced. ‘A leopard never changes its spots. Isn’t that what that Englishwoman said?’
I look down at the box in my now-shaking hands. Who would do this?!
She stares at me, her face set. Her eyes darken as they did the first time I met her in that downstairs room. When I thought I was doing something to help. Of course I don’t think she would do that to me.
‘No, listen—’ I begin to say, ‘of course I don’t think that,’ I go to say, but she cuts me off, her chin held high.
‘I understand. I understand everything,’ she says, grabbing her bag, ‘and if you believe I could have taken that, I can’t stay here any more!’ She stalks out.
‘Wait!’ But I hear the front door slam. Now what have I done?
She just needed me to tell her that of course it couldn’t have been her. I’m just trying to work out who would have done it. And now I’ve ruined everything! I’ve tried to keep going while Henri has been in hospital. Fabien hates me and, clearly, so does Stephanie.
A huge sob escapes me, and I feel more alone now than I did on that first night here without Ollie.
FIFTY-THREE
Outside the mistral is blowing up bigger than usual, as it did on the day I decided to stay. The dust is whipping up as I watch Stephanie, JB and Tomas walk down the drive, with their blue bags. JB is carrying Tomas. He told me Tomas and Stephanie would be fine. They’d stay with his parents until they could get something else sorted, he said, and thanked me for all I’d done. But I don’t want anything else sorted. I want them to stay here, for it to be as it has been. My own little family. Every part of me wants to shout, ‘Stop! Come back!’ But Stephanie is clearly in no mood to discuss the matter. I watch their backs as they walk to the end of the drive, a little family facing an unknown future, and my heart breaks. The wind whips up and slams the front door shut in my face.
&n
bsp; FIFTY-FOUR
Later that morning, Rhi appears, dressed up to meet Henri and travel home with him from hospital. Lou and Alain come in from the barn and I gather them around the table and explain about Stephanie.
‘I found it in her bag. She assumed I thought she’d taken it, and said she couldn’t stay if I thought that.’
Each of them looks as heartbroken as I feel.
I manage lunchtime at the bistro on my own, the hole that Stephanie filled feeling like a great crater, with all the customers asking after Henri and Tomas.
Afterwards, my eyes stinging, I finish the washing-up. The door opens and my heart lurches. I’m hoping to see Stephanie there. I wish I could go to Fabien and tell him what’s happened. But I can’t let him think I’m using him as a shoulder to cry on when I need it. I created this situation. I have to take responsibility for it. At the door, it’s not Stephanie, but a very welcome sight that brings a smile to my face.
‘Henri!’ I say, and rush forward to hug him hard.
‘Whoa!’ He laughs. ‘You’ll have my heart giving out all over again!’
‘Sorry, it’s just so good to see you.’ I sniff, tears of happiness and sadness mixed together. He looks like himself, despite having lost lots of weight and shaving off his little goatee beard. ‘You look so well.’
‘I feel like death! But you look … upset,’ he says. ‘Sit down. Do as I say!’
‘Aren’t I supposed to be saying that to you?’ I laugh and sniff again and Rhi pulls out a chair.
‘I’ve learned not to argue,’ she says. ‘And to stop checking on the business every five minutes and let them get on with it.’ She smiles, holding the chair for me to sit in.
Henri walks back into the kitchen, as if revisiting somewhere he used to know well and taking in how nothing but everything has changed. He nods his approval and pulls out a bottle of red wine from the rack.
‘Um, are you supposed to be drinking?’ I ask.
‘This is France, dear girl. It’s practically recommended.’
I’m sure that’s not true, but I don’t argue. Nor do I attempt to step in as he struggles to release the cork. Eventually he succeeds, to his own relief.
He brings three glasses and puts them on the table, as if trying to fit into an old suit he used to wear. Not that I’d ever seen Henri in anything other than chef’s whites, because he was always working. He pours three glasses, then sits and raises his.
‘To good health, good friends,’ he looks at me, ‘and new beginnings.’ He gazes at Rhi, who blushes.
‘Now, ma chérie,’ he says, ‘tell me everything that has been happening. And I mean everything.’
Henri is back and everything will return to how it was. I feel a huge sense of relief as so much responsibility lifts from my shoulders.
FIFTY-FIVE
‘So, you see,’ I say to Henri, after I’ve told him nearly everything. I don’t tell him the details of the night Fabien and I spent together. But I do tell him how I fell in love with him, and have hurt him more than I could ever have imagined. I was trying so hard not to get hurt myself that I have hurt the one person I really loved. I sigh, and so does Henri.
‘She’s a proud young woman is Stephanie,’ says Henri, nodding.
‘But I didn’t think she’d do that. I just wanted her to reassure me, tell me it wasn’t her, and we could find out what really happened. I should have told her I knew it wasn’t her. But she didn’t give me the chance. She assumed I’d suspect her. But I know she wouldn’t have done it to me. I just need to find a way of making her understand that.’
He pats my knee reassuringly. ‘Parenting young adults is like trying to navigate a stormy sea. We don’t always get it right.’
Is that what I’ve been? Like a parent to her? Henri smiles, and suddenly that’s exactly how I feel. Like a parent who messed up.
‘It will be okay, Del. Just give it time.’
I sniff, take the paper napkin Henri hands me and blow my nose. Then I straighten myself, feeling like a boxer who has been knocked sideways and is still reeling. I’m wishing I could fight just one more round, but I’m not sure I’ve got the strength or the skills.
‘Del, you have done such a wonderful job here,’ says Henri.
‘I’d hardly call it wonderful. You’ve heard what’s happened. I’ve had yellow vests blockading the riverside clearing, had our money stolen … and found again in the worst place, and lost the best employee you could ever have known.’
‘And Fabien,’ he says.
‘Yes, and Fabien.’ I clear my throat.
‘All I can see is what a great job you have done, with your business, my business, and with Stephanie, JB and Tomas. Rhi and I know what it’s like to bring up teenagers. They love you, and they leave you. But they always want to come back.’
‘But you don’t understand! I let her go – she thought she had to!’
‘These things have a way of sorting themselves out. Be kind to yourself. You did a great job. It’s how life is,’ he says, topping up our little wine glasses. Somehow having two petit glasses doesn’t seem as bad as having one big glass at this time of day.
‘So … I have a proposition for you,’ he says, taking another swig of wine. ‘Rhi and I have decided it’s time to hang up aprons … and scissors.’ She nods in agreement. ‘We plan to go on a holiday, a long holiday.’
‘What? Rhi?’ I’m filled with joy for my friend, who has broken out of her life back home. She has chained herself to her business since her children left home, yet it runs itself without her, as she’s discovered by being here. I stand up to hug her. ‘I’m so delighted for the two of you, I really am.’ And I hug Henri again. I always knew he would make someone a lovely partner. But not me: I had to go and fall in love with the one man I can’t have and now he can barely look at me.
‘But we can’t make that happen if I’m running this place and Rhi is overseeing her salon. We’ve spent my time in hospital realizing what we have and what we need to do to change our lives.’
‘I’m sure the kids will hate us for it,’ Rhi puts in, ‘but I’m older than you, Del. The kids have gone and only get in touch when they want money. But it’s time we made the most of what we’ve earned, not just build up their inheritances!’ They smile understandingly at each other.
‘So you’re selling up?’ I ask, sad to think that this place, which has been my anchor since I arrived here and for all the people at the riverside clearing who depended on Henri, will close down. But now, after the incident of the honesty box, word will have got around and the mayor is bound to want to close the riverside clearing. One way or another, Cora has got what she wanted. Everything that has become home to me has gone. I’m right back where I started, only this time with a huge hole in my heart: I’ve lost not just a partner but a family. The wind whips up the awning, knocks over the chairs out there and shakes the wisteria growing up the wall.
‘No, I’m not selling,’ he says, and holds my gaze. ‘Be my business partner, Del. Come into the bistro with me. Run the place. I’ll take a back seat.’
I have no idea what to say. I’ve made such a mess of things. He could go away and come back to no business at all. He’s trusting me with his whole livelihood. What if I ruin it?
Suddenly the door flies open and crashes into the wall.
‘Fabien!’ He has a habit of turning up just when I’m thinking about him. Or is it just that I’m always thinking about him?
‘Del, I need to talk to you, urgently!’
FIFTY-SIX
‘So, I went to see Carine,’ he says, after greeting Henri, welcoming him home, saying they’ll catch up later, and agreeing with him that I’ve done a brilliant job. Henri and Rhi make themselves scarce, going up to his little apartment above the bistro.
‘Fabien, let me explain,’ I say. I need to tell him the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.
‘No, please, Del. Hear me out. It’s important. I went to see Carine, after we talked. She told
me … well, that doesn’t matter now. But I told her about the honesty box. And guess what she told me? That the mayor has given in to the Englishwoman’s demands,’ he says.
‘He’s going to close down the project!’ I wail.
Fabien shakes his head and smiles. ‘He had CCTV fitted!’ he announces.
‘What?’
‘He has everything filmed now!’
Fabien’s smile broadens and my heart melts.
‘It means there is proof that Stephanie didn’t do it.’
I jump up, the chair flipping back and clattering as it hits the floor, making a subdued Ralph bark. ‘So who did?’
‘Monsieur le maire is waiting for you with Carine!’
FIFTY-SEVEN
‘So,’ says the mayor, sitting at his desk in the mairie, his new CCTV cameras showing footage on the computer screen in front of him, ‘I can see what’s happening all over the town now. Four new cameras.’
We stand behind his chair and stare at the screen. Fabien, Carine and I are silenced by what we’ve just seen.
‘Cora!’ I say eventually. ‘I knew it was her all along. I just wanted Stephanie to tell me it wasn’t her.’ My fists are tight with fury. ‘But she needed me not to ask.’
‘You can see it clearly,’ says the mayor. ‘Here.’ He points to the screen as he reruns the footage. ‘She appears round the back of the hut, just as you are walking away with Fabien. Stephanie and JB are with Tomas, who has had enough for one day.’ He seems to chuckle. ‘She takes the box and slides it into Stephanie’s bag, there, by the door, where she dropped it when she went to Tomas.’
