See You Smile

by Dawn Sister

  Damn it. What did I do? Was it something I said? Was asking him to a party too much? Did that scare him off? He certainly couldn't get away from me quick enough.

  He doesn’t want a ride home though, and the thought of him on that bus all on his own just eats me up inside. He's so young, and so vulnerable. Anything could happen to him and there's no one to look after him. He says he has parents and friends but in a month there's been no sign of either.

  What is his story? And does he really own the Steele place? That place must be worth at least three quarters of a million, if not more.

  The more I learn about him the deeper the mystery gets.

  I watch him leave the coffee shop, replacing his headphones as he does. He crosses the street and disappears into the market. Then he'll get a newspaper at the stand, and then he'll go to the drugstore.

  I rub my face and groan. Why do I know all of this? Because I've stalked the poor guy for a month, and now, when I thought I was making progress in getting to know him he closes off again with that fierce determination to be independent, like he needs to prove to someone, I don't know who, that he can make it on his own.

  He obviously has money. That much is apparent, at least for now. So he has no problems there. What else would he have to prove though?

  What is your story, Cal?

  I frown. I don't even know his last name. He never told me.

  "Your friend left in a hurry." Lawrence muses as he comes over to clear tables, but really that's just an excuse to come and talk to me,

  "Yeah, he has some stuff to do." I say, still staring out the window hoping I'll catch a glimpse of him as he crosses the street,

  "Did you ask him about the party?" Lawrence asks. I grimace and screw my eyes shut,

  "Yeah!" I croak, "I think he might have thought I was asking him on a date."

  "Oh ho!" Lawrence exclaims and sits in the stool Cal just vacated, "Were you?" he asks me, giving me a really intense look. I tear my eyes away from the window and regard him with a frown,

  "What?" I ask, then I gasp, "No! No I was not, and don't start getting any ideas, he's my neighbour, nothing else. Besides he's too young, I'm too old for him I mean, he wouldn't be interested, obviously isn't since he ran a mile when I mentioned the party."

  "Pretty good looking neighbour though, huh? Slim but well built. Is he fit?" Lawrence asks me and I give a distracted nod, because Cal still hasn't appeared from the Market yet,

  "Yeah, he surfs and runs every day." I tell him, still staring out of the window,

  "Bet there's a six pack going on underneath that t shirt as well." Lawrence comments,

  "Oh, yeah, you betcha. A six pack to die for." I tell him then I widen my eyes and stutter as I try to retract what I just told my friend. Lawrence gives me a smirk as he stands,

  "So, just a neighbour, huh?" he says with a chuckle. I scowl,

  "How do you always do that?" I ask, because he does, he gets the better of me every time and I can't hide anything from him.

  "I'm just trying to get you to be honest. You like him, so get to know him better. Take your time. If he isn't gay you'll find out soon enough and if he is, then he might just ask you out on a date."

  "Since when did you become the relationship expert?" I ask him, also smirking. Lawrence has been married to Lou Anne for almost twenty five years. He hasn't had to think about dating for a long time,

  "Hey, I might be off the market but I remember how it was, and don't forget I have George calling me up every other day asking me how to ask some girl or other out, so it hasn't changed much in twenty years I assure you." I sigh and nod,

  "I guess." I say sadly, "Just never really thought I'd ever have to go through it all again." He stands at my shoulder and places his hand on my arm,

  "I know." He mutters gently, "But you have to excuse me if I jump to conclusions when I see you suddenly show an interest in a guy when you've practically lived as a hermit for the last thirteen years."

  I regard him with shock. Was I showing that kind of interest in Cal? Was I being that obvious? Is that why Cal ran off? I have no idea.

  "Come to our party, with or without your new neighbour." Lawrence urges me and I nod,

  "I will, Larry, I promise."

  I decide I need to get on with my own shopping and not think too much about Cal's quick escape and the reasons behind it.

  If he really has bought the Steele place then he might just be staying longer than the summer months, so there is plenty of time to get to know him better before blundering in there with both feet in my mouth like I just did.

  The rest of my week I'm stuck indoors finishing my manuscript. So I have no real opportunity to speak to Cal about the party again. Not that I think he will change his mind, I just want the opportunity to speak to him that's all.

  He doesn't stop waving to me when he sees me about. We pass comments about the weather but that is all. He always disappears before I can strike up a conversation about anything else. I guess he sees I'm busy and doesn't want to get in my way.

  I don't mind him getting in my way at all. It's just as well though, because by the time Saturday comes around I have finished my work, sent off the manuscript and I'm ready to celebrate. Lou Anne's party is the perfect excuse.

  I do try to ask him one more time about the party but he politely refuses. I'm a little sad that he won't be joining me, but finishing my book means I will have plenty of time to spend on getting to know him next week. So maybe we can do something next weekend. Hopefully his refusal is simply because he doesn't like parties and not because he doesn’t like me.

  Chapter Six: Moonlit Serenade

  "Why do you think he said no, Lawrence?" I ask, probably for about the fiftieth time that evening and I see I am now trying my friend's patience because he heaves a frustrated sigh,

  "For god's sake, Jake," he tells me, handing me another beer. I have now lost track of how many I have had, "You've been talking about this man non stop since you got here. Why don't you put us all of our misery and call the guy?"

  "Don't have his number." I huff sadly, feeling my shoulders droop and my lip stick out in an exaggerated pout but not being able to prevent it because I am very drunk.

  There's no way I'll be driving home tonight. I had intended only to stay a few hours and then drive home so I brought my car which will have to stay here over night while I get a cab home.

  A few hours has turned into a late night/ early morning drinking session and mostly me talking about Cal like some love sick teenager.

  I've seen him briefly every day since Monday but not enough to make me think he wants to be anything more than just acquainted with his much older, creepy neighbour. I think he knows that I've been watching him too. Shit.

  "You live next door to the guy, Jake, how can you not already have his number?" Lou Anne pipes up her tone semi amused. I turn my head, a little slowly because I don't want the room to start spinning just yet,

  "Yeah, okay, Lou Anne, I know sometimes I'm a little more forward but he's different and getting his number wouldn't do any good since he's deaf, he can't talk on the phone." I snort derisively as if this is something they all should have known, but of course, they don't, because Cal hides it so well with those headphones and he doesn't speak to anyone unless he absolutely has to,

  "He's deaf?" Lou Anne asks, not incredulously, although she is giving me a strange look, "He might not be able to talk on the phone, Jake, but have you ever heard of texting?"

  I frown. Of course I've heard of texting, I just prefer to speak in person. I use my cell phone for calling. I guess texts are useful sometimes, but they're so impersonal. I don't do social media at all unless my agent has my arm twisted behind my back. The internet just doesn't like me.

  I bet it likes Cal though. I'll bet it rolls over and exposes its belly to Cal. I'd like to roll over and expose my belly to that beautiful, blond, surfer…..Oops, who tipped the world on its side?

  "Earth to Jacob." Lawrence calls a
nd I snap out of my day dream, as he props me back up to an upright position, "So if you can't call him, go round and talk to him in person. Ask him out." Lawrence suggests and I snort again, feeling myself sway just a little and the room lurches slightly. I mentally command it to stay where it is,

  "Larry, how in this universe would it be in any way acceptable for a forty five year old man to ask out a twenty one year old? He's the same age as your son." I point out, "Would you be happy if I asked George out?" there is a flicker of the protective parent across Lawrence's face but Lou-Anne answers for both of them,

  "George isn't gay and you've known him since he was born so that gives you a whole different perspective on how you see him." She tells me, "This guy next door, you don't actually know how old he is, he could be older, and besides, you can't go placing barriers like age in the way because if you do that where do you draw the line?"

  I shrug. The age thing is a barrier though, because Cal is never going to be attracted to me.

  "You are a good looking man, Jacob Reuben and anyone would be flattered to be asked out on a date by you." Lou-Anne tells me and I huff and dismiss her praise with a drunken, clumsy wave of my hand, "What's the worst that could happen?"

  "He could think I'm a pervert and slam the door in my face." I suggest. Lou-Anne shakes her head, "I don't even know if he's gay."

  "Was that a barrier when Josh asked you out that first time?" She asks me, and I shake my head, because Josh never saw any barriers, just fences to climb over. He hadn't known if I was gay but he'd asked me out anyway. I hadn't even thought about it really, until his invitation sparked my curiosity and I accepted.

  We were together ten years before he….well, let's not reopen old wounds.

  Lou-Anne makes a sympathetic noise in the back of her throat and lays a hand on my arm,

  "Josh wouldn't want you to have been on your own for so long." She tells me quietly and I nod sadly,

  "I know, but it's not for the want of trying Lou-Anne." I whine but she snorts,

  "In thirteen years how many dates have you been on?" she asks and I shrug,

  "I don't know." I take another swig of the beer I probably shouldn't have accepted because I'd had too many two beers ago, "I haven't been counting."

  "Well I have, Jake, and it's four." I stare at her as she holds up what I think must be four fingers but actually looks more like eight or maybe twelve depending on which eye I use, "You say it's not for the want of trying, Jake. I say you're living like a hermit and this guy next door has definitely caught your interest. I think you owe it to yourself to at least try to take things further."

  "What if he just wants to be friends?" I ask, wondering if I could actually manage this because being with him in any capacity would be better than not seeing him at all,

  "So then just be friends, and don't rush it." She suggests, "Even if he doesn't want to date you, at least you'll have a new friend." She leans forward and whispers, "Plus, you could always accept friendship at first and hope for more later. If he is attracted to you it won't take long for you to start seeing the signs. You're a very handsome man though, and there are plenty more fish in the sea if this Cal doesn't work out."

  I shrug again, at least I think it's a shrug because I'm not sure my body is still wired to my brain at the minute, and the room I was trying to keep from swirling is now moving in circles around me and increases in speed if I try to stop it. I'm not even going to attempt to stand up. I do have to reply to Lou-Anne's statement though because I think she just offered to set me up. The last time that happened was a disaster of monumental proportions,

  "I don' need help, thanksh, Lou." I tell her, holding a hand up in thanksh, er thanks, "I'm getting too old for shtuff like thish anyways."

  "Jake that's bullshit and you know it." She tells me but I think she is laughing, because Lawrence is holding my arm to prevent me from falling over, which I didn't even know I was doing,

  "You've had a bit too much to drink, my friend." He tells me, "Let me give you a ride home." He helps me to my feet, but since I can't actually feel my feet it is a little difficult to stand on them,

  "No feet, bud." I tell him as my legs become boneless and I collapse in a heap at his feet, "You have really nishe feet though. Can I take yoursh inshtead?" I hug onto his ankles and I hear distant laughter before I feel someone's hands on my arms hoisting me up.

  Lawrence wraps one of my arms around his shoulders and I turn to nuzzle into the skin at the base of his neck,

  "Mmmm!" I hum, "You smell really good, Lawrence." I point out and he snorts,

  "Jesus, you're such a dorky drunk, Jake. I hate to disappoint you but I'm happily married to the wife that's currently watching you trying give me a hicky."

  I wrap my other arm around him and hang onto him, clamping my lips onto his skin and making him yelp,

  "S'okay, I'm sure Lou-Anne won't mind." I turn and flop my head to one side to try and focus on which Lou-Anne I'm supposed to be talking to, "We could even let her watch." I suggest.

  Lou-Anne chuckles and shakes her head,

  "Get him out of here before he passes out." She tells her husband, then she points a finger at me, "And don't you try anything mister, he's taken."

  I give her an impish grin and a slow, clumsy wink. She knows I'd never do anything like that, and so does Lawrence, that's why he's willing to drive his amorous drunk friend home. I'll probably be asleep by the time he gets me there anyway.

  -----

  The moon is really beautiful tonight and I just want to sit and sing to it, but I can't actually sit. So I lie, with my back on the porch and my legs dangling over the steps, singing any song I can think of with the word "moon" in it. I can think of quite a few, although I only seem to be able to remember the first couple of lines of each one so I settle on a medley.

  I can't actually remember how I got here. I think I was at a party at Lawrence's, and he may or may not have given me a ride home. I may or may not have tried his and his wife's patience by talking constantly about Cal. I may or may not have given my best friend a hickie, but it's all a little vague right now.

  I do remember stumbling up my front steps, trying to get the world to stop spinning. I may or may not have fallen over, but however I got into this position the world is no longer spinning and I feel kind of relaxed and happy.

  This is nice: moonlight, music, the world is staying still for now, and my porch, at least I think it's my porch, is really quite comfortable to lie on. There's just one thing missing,

  "Jake, what in hell are you doing?" Oh yeah, an Angel to share it all with, that's what's missing.

  I sit up, at least I attempt to sit up, and gaze into the very blue, angelic eyes of Cal. God he's beautiful. I reach out to touch his face, but it's a little far away for me to actually touch, and a little out of focus. I frown though, because he looks unhappy,

  "Oh, Angel, don't be sad." I tell him. When his frown deepens to a scowl I change my tack, "Hi, Cal!" I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster as the world starts to spin once more. I fall onto my back again, because there the world was cooperating. I'm a little sad, though because I can no longer see Cal's lovely face,

  "Jake, it's three in the morning, what are you doing out here?" he asks me as his face comes back into view. I can't tell if he's concerned or if he's amused, there's a mixture of both in those gorgeous eyes,

  "I'm singing to the moon, lovely, lovely man." I tell him, as if this is something that should be understood, he should understand it,

  "Is that what you were doing?" he asks as he takes a seat beside me on the steps, "I don't think you should be doing it at three in morning though, especially when you're drunk."