by Kahlen Aymes
“I know. I trust you.”
“I wanted to make sure you were okay with what happened.” How much should I tell her? I didn’t want to freak her out by blurting out that I was falling in love with her. “Or, if anything else were to happen between us.” I watched her cautiously.
“I’m…” Marin’s eyes were filled with fear. “Ben, I’m… I’m… a little scared.”
Panic made me pause. “Of me? I know, I got a little crazy last night, but that’s only because—”
Marin raised her hand in front of her, effectively stopping me mid-sentence. “I love being with you,” she admitted. I could see her visibly swallow as if the words hurt. “But… I feel like I’m cursed. Everyone who has gotten close to me, everyone I’ve loved, has… died.” Her eyes glassed over, and she blinked a few times to rid herself of them. “I’m not sure I want to risk it, again.”
Wow. I hadn’t considered it could be anything like this. I thought she might not be ready to trust me, though logic argued that a man who hurt her, could possibly be in love with her.
“Don’t you think that’s a little superstitious?” She didn’t strike me as the type. She seemed so grounded.
Marin’s shoulders lifted in a little shrug, and she shook her head. “It’s not superstition if it’s reality.”
I paused for a few seconds, gauging my next words. “I’m happy to just spend time with you.” After I’d said it, I realized how true it was. I was extremely aroused in her presence, but I took a lot of joy from just being near her. “We can take it slow.” It would be hard as hell, and it might even kill me, but I knew I had to be sensitive to her needs. “No one knows what will happen tomorrow, next year, or ever, but I don’t want to miss out on what’s possible between us.”
Our eyes locked, and I could feel her pain in the air around me.
“I know that. I do like spending time with you… I do. I’m just… I’m terrified something will happen to you. I’m sorry, Ben.”
Abruptly, I stood and moved around the table, taking her hand and pulling her quickly up and into my arms. I held the back of her head with one hand and let my other arm slide around her waist to hold her close to my body. I wanted to comfort her, to absorb any and all of her pain.
My lips pressed to the top of her head, the sweet fragrance of her hair filling my nostrils. “Nothing is going to happen to me.”
“How can you be so sure?”
My arm tightened. “I can’t,” I spoke the words against her temple. “But I just have to have faith. I believe God put us together for a reason and he won’t separate us. It will be okay. I’m invincible.” I tried to put some amusement into my words to take away her fear.
“I want to believe that,” she said softly, looking up into my face. I wiped away an errant tear with gentle fingers.
My heart ached with love for this fragile, beautiful woman. I acknowledged that I was, indeed, falling in love with her. Maybe I was already gone. It was all I could do not to blurt it out, there and then. My lips lifted in an easy smile. “That works out well, then.”
I hugged her close again, inhaling deeply and silently praying everything would work out. I couldn’t promise nothing would happen to me because of my job. It was dangerous, but with everything I had inside, I wanted to ease her fear, even as hope bloomed in my heart. She cared if it was affecting her this much.
“Come on, let’s go play with Dark,” I coaxed. I bent and placed my mouth on hers in a soft, gentle kiss that left me wanting more. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it, but my heart was so full of Marin that I couldn’t hold back my feelings completely. I hoped the restraint of the kiss would communicate that I was willing to take it slowly, but also, the direction I wanted our relationship to go. My body protested my self-control, and I knew that I’d probably have a lot of self-love in my future, but I was willing to suffer if, in the long term, I could call her mine.
“Did you have enough to eat?” Marin asked, almost tearfully. I could sense, in the way her fingers had curled into my flesh, and the way she had responded that she’d been struggling to hold back, too.
My heart lurched, and blood rushed into my groin at the thought. “I did. It was very delicious, thank you.”
“I laid out some other clothes in the bathroom. Just some old jeans and a worn-out cotton shirt. Sorry they aren’t nicer.” Marin watched my expression carefully. “I’ve got your others soaking. I think I can save them.”
“I don’t need anything fancy to sit in a barn all day.” I pulled back, releasing her slowly; regretfully, but not wanting to call attention to my newly erect dick. “First, I’ll help you clean up.” Thankfully, she didn’t seem to notice the obvious bulge in the flannel pajama pants as I turned away toward the sink to hide it.
“I got it. You go ahead and get dressed.” She started clearing the dishes from the table. Gem whined at Marin’s feet who then bent to give the pup a few bites of her leftover omelet. “You want to play with Dark, too, Gem?” she cooed at the little dog. Gem had already grown a lot in the weeks since we met, entering into the gawky stage where her legs were long and disproportionate to the rest of her body. I couldn’t help pausing to watch their interaction. “Gemmy and I will meet you in the barn.”
Marin looked up and caught my gaze again. Her eyes were sad as she nodded toward the stairs and I wanted nothing more than to ease that sadness.
“I’m going,” I lamented, but with a smile. I was looking forward to the day in front of us.
MARIN
My heart was flying, even as I tried to stop feelings for Ben from staking claim on my heart.
The previous night when he held me in his arms and pressed his body into mine, and then, the caring embrace after breakfast, I was in sheer bliss. The only thing that could make it any better was if he’d made love to me.
I was struggling between what I wanted to happen and being afraid of the outcome. I was ultra-aware of him; as if my skin vibrated whenever he was around, and my heart swelled to bursting. I was so aroused; it was all I could do not to jump his bones or kiss him silly.
The attraction to him was different than it had been to Carter, and beyond that, I had no experience. Ben was so masculine I was certain he had a lot more experience. He oozed confidence. At the bar on the dance floor, I had melted into him. I almost forgot that Carter ever existed, until Apollo showed up.
Last night, I knew Ben should rest, but if he would have given one hint that he wanted me, I would have been all over him. This morning, I couldn’t completely push away the nagging concern that seized control of my heart and mind. My parents had died, Uncle Leonard had died, and just months later, Carter, too. I couldn’t risk anything happening to Ben. He could have died when Apollo stabbed him, and I couldn’t tempt fate. He was such a good man, and I wanted to give in to what we both obviously wanted, but I’d rather stay friends than lose him. I didn’t think my heart could stand it.
When I’d first met Carter, I was young and infatuated with the first man to pay any attention to me, but this felt incredibly different. Being in Ben’s arms felt like somehow, whatever was missing, wasn’t anymore. I sucked in a deep breath, filling my lungs to capacity, trying to steady myself and keep my head clear.
I opened the door to the house, then Gem and I headed for the barn. It was a warm summer morning and the air smelled clean and fresh. I made up my mind that the laundry I would do later would be hung on the clothesline outside to dry so it would smell nice.
The horses were out in the two pastures. I’d let them all out after their morning feed, except Siri and Dark. But I planned on doing so after an hour or so in the stall. Newborn horses were naturally skittish around people and he needed to get used to us without being able to run away. I smiled when I realized I’d used the word “us” in my mind.
“Hey, Siri,” I murmured softly coming up to her stall. She answered with a snort and walked over to the side near the gate so I could pet her. I held up my hand and she pushed her velvety
soft nose into it. “You’re a good girl, aren’t you? How is your baby?”
I continued to rub her nose and ears, peering into the stall. Dark was lurking behind his mother’s flank, cautiously eyeing me. “It’s okay, Dark,” I cooed. “See? Your mommy trusts me. We’re going to be great friends. We have to work fast, though, because there are some young kids coming to see you.”
Gem was exploring around the barn, as was her habit, so I opened the gate; slowly lifting the latch slowly. I moved in quietly and sat in one corner on a half bale of hay that remained there. Siri moved toward me, wanting more attention. I wouldn’t make any sudden moves toward the colt and just let him get used to my presence and my voice. He would soon learn that I meant him no harm and he’d get curious enough to come closer.
“Good girl, Siri,” I continued to soothe. “You did such a good job bringing your beautiful boy into the world, didn’t you?” The horse snorted as if she understood what I said.
“Mind if I join you?” Ben asked from just outside the stall. I hadn’t heard him come into the barn.
I smiled. “Of course.”
Ben brought in one of the empty oat bags from the feed stall.
“I never realized oats came in bags like dog food,” he said. “I brought this for you to sit on. The hay must be poking you.”
I smiled at his thoughtfulness. Huffing out a sigh as just looking at him.
“What?” he asked quizzically.
“They have supplements added,” I explained. “That’s why the bags.”
“Oh. Makes sense. Are you gonna just sit there? Do you like getting poked in the ass?” He joked, then his expression twisted in horror when he realized how that sounded. “I mean… you know what I meant.” His face turned a slight shade of red.
I burst out laughing and stood. I took the bag and put it on top of the hay before sitting down on top of it. “I do! That’s sweet of you. Thank you for thinking of it.” I patted the bag beside me. “Take a seat with me. I’m letting Dark get used to me.”
Ben sat next to me. Close. The oats came in fifty-pound bags and probably wouldn’t accommodate both of us, but Ben had jeans on while I just had on shorts.
“So, we just sit here?” he asked. His arm fell behind me and I leaned into him, but only slightly. I was on his good side, so it wouldn’t hurt him. The barn was several degrees cooler than the outside, and I could feel his body heat seeping into me.
My head snapped back to look into his face, and I nodded. “Pretty much. At least, for a while.”
“I had hoped I could pet the little guy.”
“He’ll warm up in his own time.”
It was easy to lean on Ben. Easy to let my head rest against his shoulder and jaw. He reached out and patted Siri. We sat in silence for a while. I was enjoying the time together, watching Dark nurse. When he was finished his ears perked and his little dark eyes studied us.
I put out my hand toward him, moving it slowly closer. “It’s okay, baby. Come on,” I coaxed. “Remember me? I helped you be born.”
Siri snorted. “Phrrrrbbbbbb!” and bobbed her head up and down, then stomped one of her front hooves on the floor.
Ben reached into his pocket and pulled out a carrot, offering it to her. “Sorry, I raided your fridge,” he explained with an easy grin and I let out a soft laugh. The dimples in his cheeks were adorable.
Siri took Ben’s offering all at once; pulling it into her mouth and began munching happily. “Do you bribe all of your girlfriends?” I teased.
“Want to find out?” Our eyes locked. I felt his hand cup the side of my face and my eyes closed of their own volition. I felt his breath on my face about one second before his mouth descended deliciously onto mine. My hand closed around his wrist as his lips teased and coaxed mine. My breath left my body as the kiss deepened.
We were hungry, kissing over and over again. I didn’t know how it happened, but somehow, I was straddling his lap; my knees resting on the empty bag. His arms were strong around my body, one hooking the back of my hips and pulling my groin tight against his. I could feel his erection straining against me, through both layers of denim and silk. Desire grew as our mouths ebbed and flowed, my hands slid up and into his hair, pulling his mouth tighter against mine at the same time my hips thrust forward.
Ben groaned and stood up without breaking the kiss. My back was pressed against the wooden gate and I could feel him fumbling for the latch. I pulled my mouth from his, both of us panting.
Ben stopped, gazing up into my face with love drunk eyes. “No?” he asked.
“Only if it won’t hurt you.”
Ben opened the gate and closed it after he moved through it, still carrying me as if I weighed nothing. “Ben don’t rip your stitches out. Please.” I wasn’t sure if I was begging for him to take me then and there or to stop so he wouldn’t hurt himself. “Maybe you should put me down.”
He shook his head. “I’m fine. Better than fine. I’d promised myself this wouldn’t happen if not in a bedroom, but we’re both wound so tight.”
He carried me into the feed stall at the end of the barn, setting me on top of the stacked bags of oats. They were purchased in bulk and stacked chest-high on one side of the stall with the bales of alfalfa stacked up on the other side. He rested his arms beside my hips his hands clasped behind my bottom. My arms naturally fell around his shoulders. I bent and nuzzled Ben’s neck just below his ear. He sucked in his breath and turned his head into my neck. The way he kissed my neck with his open mouth and tongue made me hungry for other things.
“Ben,” I sighed out his name just before his mouth found mine. He kissed me hard and deep. His tongue laving with mine until finally he broke free from me, turning he peeled off the shirt he was wearing.
I could do nothing but watch him, muscles rippling. The white bandage was a stark reminder. “Ben,” I began again.
“Shhh!” He stopped me. He pulled a generous amount of the alfalfa free of the open bale and made a large pile on the floor. He laid his shirt down on it then turned back to me. He reached out, his hand fisting around the front waistband of my shorts, then pulled me forward. I slid to the edge of the full bag I was sitting on. He unbuckled my belt and undid the front of my shorts. “Last chance,” he murmured, his deep blue eyes looking deeply into mine.
I wasn’t even sure if he saw the slight shake of my head, because he bent to remove my boots, tossing them to the side. He lifted me down until my feet landed on his shirt. Within seconds Ben was on his knees in front of me and slid my shorts down my legs. He kissed my stomach just above the top of my string bikini panties. “God, I’ve wanted this,” he breathed against my skin. It was a good thing his arm hooked behind my waist steadied me or I would have fallen as he pulled the white silk and lace down and I stepped free.
My eyes were closed, and I bit my lip, completely lost in the sensations building, putting my complete trust in Ben as he lifted one of my legs by closing his hand around the back of my left knee and hoisting it up onto his shoulder. I knew he wouldn’t let me fall, though it felt like I was floating. My insides tensed, knowing what came next. My body was singing even before it happened. I’d never been this turned on.
Ben pushed my shirt up and drew down one cup of my matching bra. He traced his tongue across the nipple, taking it between his teeth and sensually tugging. It was as if I were floating. Long, sure fingers, ghosted over my abdomen and lower, to softly part my flesh, teasing my arousal, finally dipping inside me when I moaned aloud. I felt desperate. I wanted more. Just the thought of him inside me made me clench around his fingers. I was aching.
“Uhhhh,” I breathed. I wanted to touch him, but he was out of reach. My fingers wound in his hair. “Ben…”
“Jesus, Marin,” he groaned when he was finished torturing my breast. It left his mouth with a pop and he laid me down, careful to keep his shirt under my bare bottom and hips. With gentle hands he pushed my knees apart and at first, I resisted, my hands falling to cover myself.
I was embarrassed by the vulnerability of it. Ben clasped my hand in his and lifted it off of my body, lacing his fingers through mine. “Stop. You’re so beautiful. Just relax” His other hand continued to make small circles on the tender flesh. It felt amazing. I closed my eyes as my breathing deepened and my back arched. “Let me take care of you.”
I felt myself getting close, sensations building to the point of exploding, but then he would lessen the pressure. I could do little else but moan his name. I writhed and struggled, wanting the climax yet never wanting this moment to end. He slid one, then two fingers inside me, thrusting them in and out of me as his thumb continued its blissful teasing. I thought I’d die. A desperate moan erupted from somewhere deep inside me. I’d never felt anything like it. Carter made me come once or twice, but not like this explosion ready to split me open.
“Ben…. Ben…. Ben….” I begged.
Suddenly his fingers were removed, and he was kissing me, his body looming over me. My knees dropped open; both feet hooking behind his legs. I wanted him inside me. He left me wanting and it was killing me.
I could hear the buckle of his belt working and the rip of a foil packet as he put on a condom, and soon the tip of his cock was pressing against my clit over and over, his hardness sliding up and down in my wetness. My hands slid down his bare back, and over his hard glutes. My fingers clutched and pulled, silently begging for him to put me out of my misery. I lifted my hips toward his.
“Marin. Relax… it will happen,” he murmured softly against my mouth. The kisses gentled, as Ben licked and nipped at my lips, pulling the lower one into his mouth and sucking on it.
My body clenched, aching for him to fill me. “Ben… please.”
My words elicited a deep groan from Ben. I felt his erection, hard and thick, sliding up and down my folds, bumping against my clit then lower, in a slow purposeful quest to gain entrance. I arched again, allowing him to find purchase.
Our eyes met as he slid inside, gently he pushed in, stretching me wide until he was deep inside. My mouth dropped open and my head fell back as sensations exploded inside me.
