Conheartists

by J. D. Hollyfield

  Another nod.

  “Hey, look at me.” This time his voice is tender. Gone is the cruel tone from earlier. I do as he asks and when our eyes meet, I can’t help but quickly forget the disappointment from earlier I held over him. “I’m sorry. I don’t think your ideas are silly. It’s just… I’m just as confused. I don’t think my sister is truly in as much danger as Mr. Death wants me to think. But I also don’t think he’s innocent either. Something’s off. This may be him trying to throw us off his trail. But one thing’s for certain. I don’t want to risk doing anything stupid to put my family or you in harm’s away, okay? Come here.” He extends his arm around my neck, guiding me closer and pressing his lips to mine. “We’re in this together, right?” I nod. “Bonnie and Clyde, minus the shoot-out?” His lips curl into a smile as I cringe. Darn it, he heard that whole conversation. “We’ll figure it out. I won’t leave you with him. Whoever he is. I promise.”

  His lips fuse to mine once again, and I accept his apology in the form of a really great kiss. We break apart and all is good in the world. Kind of. Minus the whole kidnapping and ransom and—

  “You okay here or did you want to come with me?”

  I want to follow him to the end of the earth if it means the gift of those lips at my service any time I want. Chandler interrupts, letting me know he has to do his business, and I snap out of my fantasy.

  “Actually, I’m gonna go take Chandler for a walk. Maybe enjoy some of the lake, if that’s okay.”

  He stares at me for a minute, contemplating it before nodding. “Yeah, just be careful. Be aware of your surroundings. If anyone looks suspicious, run. Cool?”

  “Cool.”

  A quick kiss and he’s jumping out. Cuddling Chandler under my arm, I grab his leash and go on my own adventure. I discard my shoes and hold them while I sink my toes into the sand. It’s cold and smooth, unlike the old, worn sand in the parks back home. The feel of the grains under my feet is glorious and I start my trek closer to the water. Chandler stops at the garbage can and pees. I’m admiring the calmness of the water, when a man comes out of nowhere. I pop back as he addresses me.

  “’Sup, little lady. You chillin’ for the bonfire?”

  Watch my surroundings. If anything feels off, run. Don’t talk to strangers.

  I smile wide and inviting and say, “Well, hello there. You’re an interesting looking fella. I’ve never been here before, so I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

  His hair is long and braided into knots. It looks heavy and possibly giving him a headache. That or he has bad allergies because his eyes are red and squinty.

  “Newbie to the Chatfield Reservoir. Rad! This place digs newbies. You look like an adventurous chica bonita. Interested in riding the ride while you’re here?”

  I look around in confusion. “Sure, but where? I don’t see any rides.”

  The kid laughs, whipping his long locks around. His clothing is super colorful—red, yellow, and green from head to toe. “Snap. Jokes. Dig it, girl. You look like something sweet’s coming your way.”

  “It is?” I ask, curious. I love sweets. He pulls a brownie out of his knapsack and hands it to me.

  “Eat up, little joker. Then we ride the ride.”

  Eager, because I’m actually starving, I take the brownie down in seconds, being polite and feeding a portion to Chandler. “Thanks, that was tasty. So where are these rides?”

  “Give it about fifteen minutes and they’ll appear.”

  Fantastic!

  Luca

  Feel Like Makin’ Love

  There are people everywhere. Too many eyes. I’ll have to lay low until the evening before I snag us a different car. Defeated, I go on a hunt for Frannie. She gets herself into too many shenanigans if left alone unsupervised for very long. And with Chandler as a coconspirator, who the hell knows what sort of shit they’ll get into. That dog eggs her on.

  A commotion of people singing catches my attention. Bunch of fucking hippies standing in a circle.

  “Baby, when I think about you, I think about loveeeee—”

  “Feel like makin’ loveeeeeeee!”

  Oh fuck.

  I recognize one of those voices louder than the others. Pushing past several people, I breach the crowded circle and find my two crazies in the middle. Of course they are.

  Hell no.

  Frannie’s riding on the back of some stoner with dreads. What the actual fuck. They’re singing and she keeps yelling out, “This ride is slow!” Chandler is being held by some tall-ass lady with huge tits and long black hair, and is being cuddled like he’s an infant.

  Fifteen minutes.

  I left them for fifteen minutes.

  That’s all it took for Frannie to join a cult of Rastafarians—one of whom she’s riding like a fucking horse—and for Chandler to get adopted by Cher.

  “Dog,” I call out to Bingman. “Tell Cher you already have a mom.”

  Chandler yaps at me but makes no move to get out of her arms.

  “Lucaaaaa,” Frannie calls out when she sees me. “This ride is amazzzzing! You totally should try the brownies!”

  The dog yaps again.

  Oh, Jesus.

  “Ride’s over,” I growl, pulling her from the stoner’s back and to her feet.

  She swivels and laces her arms around my neck. Her eyes are bloodshot and she’s grinning. The girl’s lucky she’s so fucking pretty. Gets her out of a lot of trouble.

  “What’d you do?” I ask, pressing a kiss to her pouty lips, claiming her for all the tokers with wandering eyes to see.

  “Shared a treat with my good buddy Theo,” she says with hooded eyes. “He makes bitchin’ brownies.”

  My brows hike. “You said bitchin’.”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “You so did, Frannie. You cursed.”

  Her mouth pops open. “I most certainly did n—oh my God! I’m a derelict now! Don’t tell Mabel!”

  I slide my palms to her ass and squeeze. “You could convince me not to.”

  “How?” she asks, her eyes growing wide with innocence.

  “We’re going skinny-dipping!” the piggie-back stoner hollers, ripping off his shirt as he runs by.

  “Oooh!” Frannie says with a silly smile. “Are we gonna do it?”

  “You want to get naked and go swimming? With all those people? And Chandler too?”

  Chandler growls. He’s quite happy with Cher.

  “Just us,” Frannie purrs. “Unless you’re afraid of Theo seeing your pecker.”

  “My pecker is a fine looking pecker. Not ashamed.”

  “I haven’t seen many to compare it to.”

  “You’re not missing much,” I tell her and then wave at a guy with a beer gut hanging over his very unimpressive dick.

  “Holy guacamole,” she squeaks out. “That’s embarrassing.”

  “Look at that one,” I point out as some redheaded guy runs by, his cock hidden in a bush of red pubes.

  “Gasps audibly.”

  “Did you just say gasps audib—”

  “Oh my God, Luca! Your pecker totally wins this whole beach!”

  I laugh as I release her and peel off my shirt. “I’m pretty sure your tits will win too.” I nod over at old big boobs Cher and Sonny-Bing. “See, you’re already winning.”

  “We’re really going to do this?” she asks, wickedness gleaming in her normally sweet stare.

  “I’m in.” I shrug as I drop my pants and kick out of my shoes. “Question is, are you?”

  She bites on her bottom lip when I lose my boxers too. “I’m soooo in, Big Winner.”

  “Big, huh?”

  She starts stripping, earning several lingering stares. Too bad, fuckers, she’s mine. “The biggest.”

  I try not to preen like a fucking chick. “Damn right.”

  Once we’re both naked, I toss her over my shoulder and slap her ass. She squeals, kicking, but soon starts giggling. I wade out into the cold-ass water and then dip us u
nder.

  “Cold! Oh my God!” she shrieks when we surface. “Brat!”

  I maneuver her until she has her legs wrapped around my waist and her tits are smashed against my chest. Our lips don’t hesitate. We crash together with a sigh and a groan. It’s easy to get lost in this woman. Days ago, I had no idea how miserable my life was. Until her. Now, I realize I was missing light and life and laughter.

  “Found a new ride, cowgirl?” Theo asks as he swims over to us.

  She grins, nodding. “He’s my man.”

  I like the sound of that.

  “Right on,” Theo says. “How long you two been married?”

  “We’re not—”

  “Remember the con,” she whispers loudly.

  Theo laughs.

  “Er, she’s my wife. Been married for four years.” More like wild for her for four days. Close enough.

  “We got married on a ranch in Texas,” she brags. “On horses.”

  “Horses, huh?” Theo snorts. “Like on one horse or did you each have one?”

  “One named Black Beauty. We rode off into the sunset too. Ain’t that right, honey-boo-thang?” she asks me with a horrible southern twang. “I wore a frilly white dress and a straw hat. You wore your daddy’s suit.”

  I squeeze her naked ass under the water. “Then I led our horse to a small barn where I took your virginity on a bale of hay.”

  “That was the first time I saw Big Winner.”

  I snort but square my shoulders. If you’re going to be the big winner at something, it may as well be the size of your dick.

  “Big Winner as in that’s what you call his schlong?” Theo cracks up, nearly drowning himself.

  I’m tempted to dunk him under the water just so he’ll wash his dirty dreads.

  “What do you call yours?” she challenges back.

  “Lil’ smokie.” He grins and winks at us. “’Cause it be lookin’ like a snack.”

  “I don’t think that’s—” I start but get cut off by Frannie hollering, “Do you ever dress it up with barbecue sauce?”

  “Fuck,” Theo groans. “I’ve got the munchies. Put this convo on pause, Big Winner and little cowgirl. I’m gonna throw some brats on the fire and grab us a bag of Doritos.”

  He swims away and I shake my head at her.

  “What?” she asks innocently.

  “You.”

  “What about me?”

  “I’m thinking how fucking adorable you are.” I smirk. “You’d look cuter on my dick.”

  Her cheeks blaze crimson. “You’re scandalous…”

  My brows lift. “I think I want to hear this but.”

  “But,” she whispers, looking over my shoulder. “I like it.”

  I rub against her pussy in the water. “I like you.”

  “Mmm.” She nips at my ear. “You taste yummy.”

  “You’re so fried.”

  “I bet you’d taste good with barbeque sauce.”

  “And you have the munchies.”

  “I read about this in a book once—”

  “You’re not putting barbeque sauce on my dick, Frannie.”

  She fucking pouts and my dick jolts. “Ketchup?”

  “W-What? No.”

  “Party pooper.”

  I humor her. “What do you think you’re going to do with my ketchup dick?”

  “Lick it.”

  “And?”

  “Gobble it down.”

  And boner officially gone.

  “Jesus, babe, way to kill the mood.”

  “Not with my teeth, silly. Down my throat. Like in Bea’s book—”

  “That was hot until you brought in the old people.”

  “Some people are into it.”

  Yap! Yap!

  Cher swims out with Chandler tucked into the top of her swimsuit. Damn dog nestled between her big tits like he’s a lil’ smokie himself.

  “Bingboy is totally into old people,” I mutter. “Just look at our boy. Kinky fucker all grown up.”

  Frannie giggles. “Aren’t you a naughty boy?”

  Chandler yaps and grins his doggie smile at us.

  “Precious likes Cheetos,” Cher tells us. “Can I have him?”

  “No!” Frannie and I both bark out. Then, Frannie coos at him. “Don’t worry, Mr. Bing. I’ll get you lots of Cheetos for your munchies.”

  He yaps happily.

  My phone rings from my pile of clothes, Billie Eilish’s “Bad Guy” informing us that Death is calling.

  “Shit,” I grumble. “Lady, give us the dog.”

  She pouts but manages to untangle him from her boobs before handing him to us. Frannie squishes him between us as I swim us back to shore. We miss the call, but Death calls again.

  “Hello?” I ask, breathless.

  “You like making me wait, young man? You think this is funny?”

  I cough. “No, sir. I mean, no. Er, what do you want?”

  Frannie, still high as fuck as she tries to redress, giggles at me. “Oooh, you’re gonna get in so much trouble!”

  “I have eyes on you,” Mr. Death reveals.

  Panic swells up inside of me as I struggle to throw on my boxers. “Y-You do?”

  “I know you’re not in Denver yet.”

  “Oh yeah?” And…

  “And you’re supposed to be in Denver.”

  That’s a fucking relief. He doesn’t have physical eyes on us. The thought of him seeing Frannie with her tits bouncing and her nipples hard is enough to have me bubbling over with rage.

  “The day’s still young,” I grumble.

  “Brats! Luca, they have brats ready! You want ketchup?” Then she giggles again.

  I shake my head at her, fighting a smile.

  “Sounds like you’re having fun,” Mr. Death growls.

  Sobering up, I clear my throat. “How are Lindsay and Cala?”

  “They’re fine. Taken care of. For now.”

  “This ketchup is green!” Frannie calls out. “It’d look delicious on Big Winner!”

  Groaning, I mouth to her to “stop.” She doesn’t stop. Just keeps babbling her adorable nonsense with her dog yapping in agreement.

  “She’s happy,” Mr. Death utters.

  “Yeah? What’s it to you?” I bite out, remembering who the fuck I’m talking to. The man who wants to take her. To take what’s mine.

  “Finish doing what you’re doing and we’ll talk in the morning.”

  And then he hangs up.

  “What did Andy Garcia say?” she asks, before handing me a brat in a bun dressed with a ridiculous amount of green ketchup.

  “To keep doing what we’re doing.”

  Her eyes flash wickedly before she licks the line of green ketchup from her own brat. “Getting freaky?”

  “We’re not getting freaky,” I grunt.

  She pouts. “But I think it could be fun.”

  I shake my head at her as I practically inhale my brat. I abandon her and her yappy dog to grab us something to drink. When I pass by the table with all the condiments, I pick up the “green” bottle of ketchup. Homemade ketchup.

  Oh shit.

  But rather than panic, I relax.

  Theo slaps me on the back. “Big Winner, that’s homemade right there by yours truly.”

  “Potent,” I grumble, because fuck if I’m not already feeling it.

  “Hells yeah, bro.” He playfully bites my shoulder. “We doin’ this threeway thing or what?”

  “Dude,” I growl. “Frannie’s mine.”

  He laughs. “Have a brownie, man. I know Lil’ Smokie can’t compete with Big Winner. Just joshin’ ya.”

  A brownie does sound good…

  “My van’s over there,” he says, waggling his brows as he hands me two brownies. “Everyone knows if the van’s a rockin’ to not come a knockin’. Take the ketchup too. Cowgirl over there seems to love ketchup.”

  I follow his gaze to where she’s very obviously practicing sucking dick on her brat. She’s tossed t
he bun to Chandler while she works her magic on the meat.

  “Holy fuck.”

  Theo laughs again. “You’re welcome.”

  Francis

  I’ll Have Sex with You in the Mystery Machine

  The sound of joyous laughter and screaming children fill the air, the smell of buttered popcorn and funnel cake causing my tummy to growl.

  “Frannie girl, don’t go too far. It’s getting dark.”

  My pigtails whip in the air as I look behind me at Momma, who’s trying to keep up with me. “Hurry, hurry, they’re gonna fill up and we’re not gonna be able to ride it!”

  My feet hit the ground harder, pushing in-between people. The Ferris wheel comes into view and I halt in my tracks. “Jiminy crickets,” I gasp, lifting my head until my eyes reach the top of it. It’s so much bigger than the advertisement.

  Two weeks ago, the first flier was posted just outside Momma’s antique shop. Rosedale’s Amusement and Co. was traveling through Teterboro. They were bringing a carnival. The flier had rides and animals on it. Momma had to read me the rest, but my stomach started to rumble at the words cotton candy and funnel cake. Not once in my six whole years of life has a carnival come through here. The entire town was ecstatic. Miss Beatrice told me we should keep an eye out for a husband for Miss Mabel. “Hook one of them carnies, and they’ll take her out of our hair. She’ll finally get some, while seeing the world.”

  While Momma shook her head and laughed, my expression turned serious. I wanted to get married and travel the world. Maybe I could find a husband too! Later that night, while we were getting ready for bed, I asked Momma, “Do you think if I wear my hair nice and my favorite church dress, I’ll find a husband at the carnival?”

  She pulled the covers away from the bed and I jumped in.

  “Baby girl, you’re too young to get married.”

  “But you told me you and Daddy were kids when you got married.”

  I wish I kept my mouth shut. She’s been in such a cheerful mood all day, the store receiving a large order allowing us the extra funds to buy the tickets to the carnival.

  “I know, but everyone’s story is different. We may have been young, but it was our destiny. Love brought us together sooner in life than some.”

  “So maybe I’ll find a husband. He can take me with him, and we can travel, and I can maybe ride the rides for free since we’ll be married.”