Threadbare Volume 2

by Andrew Seiple

  Empty armor clanged to the ground, and Darla blew away in the breeze.

  “Hoo hoo hoo!” The cat lady chortled. “Looks like you’ve been betrayed, dearie!”

  “Threadbare, what the fahk?” Madeline yelled. “What the fahk!”

  “No, it’s okay,” the little bear said. “I tricked both of you, so that makes it okay. I think that’s how orc rules work.”

  “Orc rules?” Madeline asked.

  “I knew it was a trap!” The Cat Queen howled. “Come on dearies, get me that core and let’s get out of here. Go!”

  “Fuck it, if he’s a traitor, I got no reason not to fill up my belly,” Grimble said, turning his eyes to the big black living cat that he’d been eyeing since the start of this battle, the one that had been sitting on the sideline watching. “You fucked us over, we kill your friend, buddy!”

  “You don’t touch Spookums!” The Cat Queen howled, but then Madeline was on her, and she had other problems.

  “No!” Threadbare yelled, but he was far across the field from Grimble. The little bear ran toward him, shouting his buffs on the way, trying to reach the vampire in time.

  “No no no!” Missus Fluffbear sat up from where she’d been kicked, and ran as well. She didn’t have as far to go...

  ...but she needn’t have worried. As soon as the vampire got close, Pulsivar nudged Mopsy the Cougar and leaped away, disappearing into the night.

  “One pussy’s as good as another,” Grimble snarled, turning to look at the cougar that eyed him with uncertain eyes. He advanced on her instead

  “Holy Smite!” Missus Fluffbear yelled, and a glowing whip three times its size outlined her weapon. The Grifter screamed as it cracked into him, searing.

  “You can talk now? I knew you were faking, you little fur bitch!”

  “I don’t know what that means!” Missus Fluffbear yelled back, and kept on whipping him.

  Threadbare sprinted in—

  —and then one of the Wight Tigers was in front of him, and he skidded to a halt.

  “Please move,” Threadbare tried.

  The tiger clawed him, bit him, picked him up and shook him—

  —then gasped, as two claws slashed into its cheeks, tearing its lower jaw loose as the bear dropped to the ground, crouching.

  He didn’t look as damaged as things the tiger bit normally did. The dead feline had no way of knowing that golems whose bodies were developed enough were resistant to the cold, dead touch of wights.

  Though it was good for skilling up, mind you.

  Your Golem Body skill is now level 21.

  “Just don’t die!” he tried to call to Missus Fluffbear. Then he waded into the Wight Tiger, claws flashing.

  Meanwhile, Missus Fluffbear’s lash left black streaks on Grimble’s flesh, as it tore through his shirt, but he ignored it and marched toward her. Scooping her up with his far-superior strength and size, he took hold of her head with one hand, and her body with the other as she flailed and fought and tried to squirm free. “I did this to my sister’s dolly once, when we were kids! She cried for days!” the vampire roared as he started to pull—

  —and then black fur flashed out of the darkness.

  If he’d been undamaged, perhaps he could have survived it. But Grimble had been hurt, fighting the Cat Queen’s forces, as hurt as Darla had been before her fatal hug, and he had nowhere near Darla’s hit points. Pulsivar tore through him like a blender through jelly.

  Missus Fluffbear fell, nodded her thanks as she patted her stitches. That... that had been too close. “Godspell Mend,” she whispered, and waved to the big cat. The bobcat stared at her, licked his paw, and groomed himself—

  —and promptly got blindsided as the other Wight Tiger leaped on him, growling.

  It was go time, and the two disappeared into a tangle of limbs, and caterwauls, and roars, raging across the woodline.

  Fluffbear started to chase after them... and a coughing growl interrupted her. She turned to see Mopsy the Cougar slinking closer, eyes on the little furry creature.

  “Um...” Missus Fluffbear said, picking up her whip from the ground. “Good kitty?”

  Mopsy roared and leaped.

  Back in the center of the clearing, Madeline ignored the bonikitties on her back, clawing and chewing at her head and neck as she tore another handful of ectoplasm from the Cat Queen.

  “Damn you!” Tocksy yelled. “Command Undead! Lie down and do nothing!”

  But Madeline resisted. “As if!” She ripped a bonikitty off her neck and threw it into the spectromancer, sending her tumbling backward through the air. Then she took a few precious seconds and tore the little cat skeletons loose, grinding them to splinters in her bare hands.

  “Status,” the Spectromancer chanted, and blanched even paler when she saw how low her sanity had gotten. Not to mention her hit points. It was time to call it a night, she thought. Escape, evade, and come for the impudent little girl later. “We’ll settle this another night dearie. Goodbye! Hoo hoo hoo—

  Suddenly the clearing shook, as a broken wooden mask rose from the ruins of the hut, eyes filled with red, red light and mouth roaring out fire as it rose.

  And all of the bones littering the clearing, all of the soldier’s skeletons that had been exhumed, stood up at once. They tore into the remaining undead cats, and the dead ripped each other to pieces.

  “Hoo.” Zuula finished, as her ghost materialized. The air trembled, and the Spectromancer and the vampire fell to the ground. “Welcome to Zuula’s house,” said the ghost witch. “First rule? No flying. Second rule? You never LEAVE!” Zuula roared, as her mask fitted itself to her face.

  “Garon? Garon! Talk some sense inta her!” Madeline yelled... and turned to see her spawn’s axe coming straight for her face. “Oh you fahka!”

  And then master and spawn fought. No quarter asked or given.

  Meanwhile, at the treeline, Threadbare finally felled the Wight Tiger. His buffs had saved him from much of the damage, and a few mends put him right. “Fluffbear?” He called, hearing only feline yowling, and the lash of a whip... a whip that fell silent after a few seconds. “Fluffbear!” He ran toward his friend.

  Then he hesitated. On his party screen, Pulsivar’s hit points were dropping. Fluffbear’s were stable, if only at half their normal level. “Fluffbear?” he said, turning away a bit, looking for his bobcat.

  “I’m fine. I think... I think she’s sorry,” Fluffbear called.

  “What?” He squinted over, and among the trees, he saw the cougar cringing. His darkspawn skill let him pick out every old scar, every tracery of white in her fur. And she smelled... she smelled afraid. And also she smelled like Pulsivar. “Okay, if you know what you’re doing.”

  “No. But I think it’ll work out.”

  “Okay...” He turned and ran for Pulsivar.

  In his hurry, he sped right past the vampires.

  “You should have let me die!” Garon roared. “Twisted Rage!” He battered Madeline with the axe, and she weathered it, tanking the ones she couldn’t dodge, smashing him back, ripping the axe from his hands, and throwing him down.

  “You think I didn’t notice ya leaving my pahtay? Ya think I didn’t expect this?” She hissed, ripping open his throat with straightened fingers. “I’ll take my blood back now, ya traitah!”

  “Mads,” he croaked, grinning up at her as his hand slipped to his side.

  “What? I’m drinkin’ heah!” She said, lowering her mouth to his wounds.

  “Blood is Gold,” he whispered.

  She had enough time to blink in surprise as his wounds disappeared. And then he was throwing her off, and slamming her down on the remnants of the hut, and all the pointy, pointy boards sticking up out of it...

  Meanwhile, Zuula walked slowly after the Spectromancer, who flew around and around the clearing, sobbing. Every time she tried to leave the clearing, it hurt. A feeling like fire drove her back, burned at what was left of her incorporeal flesh. “Why?” She sobbe
d, feeling her strength leak away. “Why are you doing this? I just wanted... I just wanted to live alone with my dearies...”

  “You kill you dearies,” Zuula said. “You hurt dem. You keep dem hungry and bound and scared. Not natural. Not right. But dese are not reasons why Zuula kill you,” The ghost witch said, hair fluttering out behind her in long dreads, as she gave a sudden hop and caught the Cat Queen up in her grasp.

  “Then... why?” Tocksy said, struggling, clawing at the implacable ghostly hand holding her.

  “Because Zuula stronger den you. And she hungry.”

  And Tocksy’s screams filled the clearing as Zuula’s mask gaped wide and began to feed.

  Across the clearing, far from murder, Missus Fluffbear stared at the cougar she’d whipped into submission. The whip Threadbare had given her had been enchanted for something like this purpose, though she hadn’t known it. It had stripped the cougar’s already anemic moxie with every strike, and brought her to zero. The big cat, thoroughly whipped, rolled on her back and exposed her belly and neck, crying like a kitten.

  “I’m sorry,” Missus Fluffbear said. “I... I didn’t want to hurt you. You attacked. Me, I mean... Oh.” The little black bear toddled forward, and hugged her tightly.

  Golden light flared again, and the cougar’s wounds mended.

  A large feline tongue rasped against the black bear’s head. “Does this mean we’re okay?” Fluffbear asked.

  Through befriending a wild beast you have unlocked the Tamer Job!

  Would you like to become a tamer at this time?

  “Oh, okay.”

  And Missus Fluffbear blinked, as new skills and attribute boosts appeared before her...

  Threadbare got to Pulsivar, in time to see the Wight Tiger shake itself and flee. Unbound by its mistress’ death, it had no reason to remain here.

  “Oh no...” Threadbare ran up to Pulsivar, who looked up at him, from a pool of his own blood. “Are you...”

  Pulsivar sat up, painfully, and started grooming himself. Threadbare watched his hit points move back up into double digits. That had been way, way too close. “You just stay here, okay?” He gave the big cat an innocent embrace, healing him as much as he could. Wow, those were getting hard on his sanity.

  And as the golden light flared, he saw a figure stagger up from the hut, and bring a makeshift stake through another’s chest. “Garon?” he asked.

  Garon has left the party.

  “Garon!”

  Madeline’s fangs glistened in the darkness, as she buried them in Garon’s still form, and drank deeply. With a soft sigh, Garon slumped to the ground, body dissolving, leaving only clothes behind.

  “No! Garon!” Threadbare clapped his paws to his mouth. “What have you done?” He whispered in the darkness.

  “I’ve wahn,” Madeline said, glaring as Missus Fluffbear came up to stand beside Threadbare. “Gaht tha dungeon coah, Cat Queen’s dead, and my wounds ah mostly healed, thanks ta that drink. That idiot.” She sighed, looking forlornly at his ashes. “What did he expect? The fight was ovah once I got a command in through his will. Only a mattah of time.”

  “You kill Zuula’s son...” The Ghost Witch thundered as she faded in, walking toward the vampire.

  “What’s it to ya, lady? He had it comin’.”

  “T’ank you.”

  “What?”

  “Soulstone,” Said Threadbare, followed by “Speak with Dead. Garon? Yes, could you get in here please? Ah, thank you.”

  “He never be free while he vampire,” Zuula explained. “Now we got maybe some room to wiggle with.”

  “Yeah, ya know what? Fahk that.” Madeline tucked the dungeon core away in her torn dress, and adjusted her head scarf. “You played me from beginning to end. I think I’m gonna fahking take you all ta stuffing.”

  “Zuula recommend against dat,” the witch hissed, through her mask.

  “Pfft. Ya don’t scare me, lady. I’m too strahng to be affected by ya touch. And as fah as yer no retreat trick works, you spent a lot of powah heah, can’t hold me heah much longer. I feel it weakening. And you lot?” The vampire’s finger traced between the toys, and the cats slinking up to stand next to them. “Ya all torn up from the fight. I ain’t fresh, but I can kill my way through ya.”

  “Oh. Thank you for reminding me,” Threadbare said. He tilted his head to the side and concentrated.

  “What? Remind you of what—”

  About half a ton of skeletal dragon plummeted down from on high, claws tearing and fleshless maw rending.

  Five years ago, Zuula had killed a lesser dragon. And she’d marked very, very well where it fell. Well enough to tell Threadbare where it was, so he could go and animate it as a skeleton.

  The dragon itself eventually got smashed to pieces by the irate vampire, but by that point the teddy bears were able to bring her down without casualties.

  And oh, did Threadbare reap the spoils.

  You are now a level 11 Greater Toy Golem!

  +2 to all attributes

  You are now a level 5 Ruler!

  CHA+3

  LUCK+3

  WIS+3

  You have unlocked the Appoint Official skill!

  Your Appoint Official skill is now level 1!

  You have unlocked the Organize Minions skill!

  Your Organize Minions skill is now level 1!

  You have unlocked the Swear Fealty skill!

  Your Swear Fealty skill is now level 1!

  You are now a level 10 Necromancer!

  INT+3

  WILL+3

  WIS+3

  You have unlocked the Drain Life skill!

  Your Drain Life skill is now level 1!

  You have unlocked the Mana Focus skill!

  Your Mana Focus skill is now level 1!

  Threadbare smiled over at Fluffbear... who smiled back. Next to her, a cougar the size of a housecat rubbed its cheek against her, while a very puzzled Pulsivar sniffed the cougar.

  “Wasn’t that cat bigger not too long ago?” Threadbare asked.

  “She’s my pet now. I’m a tamer now. It shrunk her when I accepted the job.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “Wow, this is better than I thought it would be, that’s a relief,” Garon said from his soulstone. “Hi Mom.”

  “Son! You is free! Now we can pass on to de odder side.”

  “Pfft, why would I want to do that?”

  “What?”

  “I have too much shit to do.”

  “You dead! You supposed to move on!”

  “You didn’t.”

  “Zuula didn’t because she had to make sure you didn’t get trapped in eternal undead hell! Well now you not.”

  “No, but Mastoya is.”

  “Wait. What?”

  “She wasn’t herself when she stabbed me. It was the rage. We both came down from it then, and I looked into her eyes. She was crying, Mom. She was hurting so bad.”

  “She fucking killed you.”

  “Yes. And she didn’t want to. Kill you? Yes. Kill me? No. It’s going to eat at her, Mom. I need to go and stop that. I need to forgive her.”

  Silence for a long while. “You unclever son.”

  “Yeah, well.”

  “This is like that sprouts t’ing, isn’t it?”

  “Never ate’em, never will.”

  “Fff. You should really just go. She sort it out. Join us eventually one way or other.”

  “What was it you told me about being an orc? That you never stop fighting?”

  “...damn it.”

  “So I won’t stop. Hey Threadbare, I know it’s a lot to ask, but can you get me to Mastoya? I can at least throw party buffs on you. I think. Gods, this is weird, not having a body.”

  “I’ve been thinking about that, actually,” Threadbare said, looking over to Beanarella’s limp form. She’d evidently been destroyed in the crossfire at some point. He moved toward her, pulling out his tailoring tools. “I could maybe make you a body. If the spe
lls interact like I think they might.”

  “Seriously? I’m down. What’s the catch?”

  “Well, if it works, you’ll be in a golem shell. Like me.”

  “If not?”

  “I don’t know, and it uses up the crystal. I don’t know what happens to you, then.”

  Garon thought it over. “What have I got to lose? Let’s do it.”

  “Pfft. Unclever child. You not going this alone.”

  “Mom?”

  “Zuula stick around to make sure you not suffer. Look at you, children all! Green, and not in good way. Someone gots to be responsible adult here,” said the half-orc who’d happily engineered the massacre of most of Taylor’s Delve’s undead population because she thought it would be an awesome fight. “Guess it gots to be Zuula.”

  “Okay. But I need something called yellow reagent to make it work. And I’ve only got one dose of it left. It’s... I need to be a good enchanter to make more of it, and I’m not yet. I think,” confessed Threadbare. “It’s hard to practice without materials.”

  “Oh, that’s what ya need, is tha yellow stuff?” Said a nasal voice. Threadbare whirled, to see Madeline’s fading form lounging against a tree. That’s right, he DID have Speak with Dead going, and well, she counted too.

  “You still around?” Zuula hissed, stalking towards her.

  “Whoa, whoa lady, let’s cut a deal heah,” Madeline said, backing up. “You want yellow reagent, I want a new body.”

  “You tell Zuula where it is or she eat you!”

  Madeline laughed, and strode right up to the ghost. “Destroy me and you never get it. We hid it well.”

  Zuula clenched her fists...

  “Okay,” Threadbare said. “I feel bad about tricking you anyway. Even if you were hurting Garon.”

  “Yeah, you should feel bad!” Madeline stalked over to him, shaking her finger. “I trusted you, beah! And you screwed me ovah, and got all my friends dead!” She sighed. “Okay, they were only my friends because I killed them and made them my friends, but the point stahnds.”