The Autumn Leaf

by Brittany Tarkington

  “I know you can hear me,” he said.

  I tossed my pillow on top of my finished bed and turned to face him. My mouth parted slightly but I immediately closed it, hoping he didn’t notice. I didn’t imagine his ego could handle my reaction. His light brown hair was messy but parted slightly to the side. Blue-gray eyes sat below thick, expressive eyebrows. His scruffy face was centered around subtle lips. He had a baby face, not an intense, masculine face; what good-looking is expected to look like. But despite all odds he was beautiful, and I liked looking at him.

  “I was busy,” I said.

  He fell onto Josie’s bed across from me. His black athletic shorts lifted a little, revealing more of his toned legs. He looked like a runner. Reality crashed into me like a bus. My unruly red hair was piled on top of my head. My face was free of makeup, and I had secondhand yoga pants and a t-shirt on. Luckily, I was one of the rare redheads who had color in my brows and lashes and my body wasn’t covered in freckles, just the sweep across my nose and cheeks. I didn’t look awful without makeup; I just looked like a twelve-year-old. I don’t know what could be worse.

  “I, uh, I guess I just wanted to tell you I don’t usually hang out at bus stops. I just happened to see you and thought you might want a ride,” he said, laughing sheepishly. He smiled and a dimple appeared on his right side.

  “So, you’re not a creep?”

  “I’m not,” he said, letting out another laugh.

  “Then explain why the boy who tried to pick me up at a bus stop is now in my dorm room, uninvited,” I said, grinning. It has been far too long since I’d had a conversation with someone who was nice to me.

  “My house doesn’t have water. Should be back on tomorrow,” he says, nodding his head to the side. I followed his direction, finding a sleeping bag on Josie’s table. “You stole my bed.”

  “Oh,” I said, looking around the room.

  “Josie was the only one who had somewhere for me to crash,” he said.

  “Sorry…maybe a hotel?” I suggested.

  He grinned, that damn dimple appearing again. “Why would I leave when things just got interesting?”

  My brows shot up. “You aren’t sleeping in my bed!”

  “Relax, Autumn. I’ll take the floor. The water at the house will be back on tomorrow,” he said. He unrolled his sleeping bag in the middle of the floor and my heart pounded in my chest.

  “You have a house?” I asked, shocked. Of course, the college boy with the expensive car would have a house.

  “Frat house,” he said. I let that idea roll around my head, thinking of every bad cliché I had heard about fraternities. He didn’t seem as bad as I’d originally thought. When he was satisfied with his sleeping bag, he lay on top of it, propped up on his elbow.

  “Do you and Josie have a thing going on?” I asked curiously. It just slipped from my mouth without thought.

  “No, I’m single…if that’s what you’re asking.” He winked at me, and my face scrunched up in disgust. He’d been sleeping in the same room as a girl and now he was hitting on me.

  “Not interested,” I said as I turned off the light. I climbed into bed, pulling the covers up to my chin, staring straight ahead. I counted the water spots in the ceiling, putting my mind off the fact that there was a boy lying too close to me to be comfortable with.

  “That’s what they all say at first, Autumn,” he said. His voice was as rich as silk.

  “Do you have a name, creeper?” I asked, smiling through the darkness. I heard him chuckle.

  “Liam…Liam Shafer.”

  “Well goodnight, Liam,” I said, letting his name roll across my tongue. I liked the way it felt to say his name. Perfect name, perfect voice, perfect life, perfect face. Gross.

  “Goodnight, Autumn,” he said.

  I closed my eyes. Sleep usually came fast, but tonight was different. I thought about the boy next to me. It was eight o’clock and he was inside, on the floor, having a conversation with me instead of being with his friends. Maybe he was different. Maybe he was like me. I repelled people. When they did talk to me it was to insult me…or worse. I shook my head. That was my old life. Everything was different now. I’d made a friend.

  Three

  From the time I was five years old to twelve, there was a boy who lived across the park from us. He was my only friend. My brother Kaleb and I rode our secondhand bikes to his house every day. We went on adventures, we built forts, and we did whatever we could together to forget what was waiting for us when we got home. He called me ‘leaf’ because I had once explained my name to him while Kaleb was sick, and we spent the day alone. I still remember the day I pedaled my bike up to his house, only to find out he had been taken away by Child Protective Services. His family moved away shortly after. The new family that moved in yelled a lot, had a big, mean dog, and the cops were always at their house.

  Liam reminded me of that boy. I chalked that up to the fact that he was the only boy who had ever been nice to me. I held the note in my hand, wondering if he was nice or a terrible person.

  You snore. It kept me up half the night.

  Liam

  I laughed out loud again. He was now weird, rich boy. As promised, it was his last night here. The sleeping bag had vanished. All that was left was Josie and a heaping pile of blonde hair sticking out from under her covers.

  It was seven o’clock, one hour before my first class as a college student. I took a year off between high school and college. I began working as a waitress to help around the house. My little brother was a senior, and I wanted to help him. I had my mind set to leave as soon as he was gone. I just never thought he would leave the way he did. I shook my head, wiping the stray tear that slipped down my cheek.

  I didn’t move across the country to cry. I got up from my bed, stretching. Searching through my pile of clothes, I found a pair of skinny jeans, a NASA tee, and a pair of flats I found at Target last night and changed into them. I grabbed my bag of toiletries and headed for the community bathroom. The shower situation would be my only downgrade.

  The inside wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but I’d never been accustomed to a life of luxury. For the most part, everything was covered with stalls or curtains. I relaxed my shoulders slightly, looking in the mirror. My dark red hair lay in waves down my back from being in a messy bun last night. It almost looked like I did it on purpose. I brushed through it once, and then applied mascara and bronzer. I’d never been a makeup guru. I never did anything that would attract the attention of people where I was from.

  I looked…normal, which was what I’d always wanted. I grabbed my small bag and walked toward my dorm. The hallway was packed with sleepy college students, trudging in every direction. When I was back at my room, I tossed my bag onto my table and grabbed the newer backpack I had found shopping the previous night. It was stuffed with notebooks, pens, and my class schedule. I looked in the mirror once more, exhaling. I smoothed my shirt down and turned for the door.

  “I’ve never seen a sophomore so shaken up about classes.” I turned, finding Josie staring at me. Her smirk was evil, but I’d decided that is just how her face was.

  “I’m already behind in my classes,” I reminded her.

  “You just missed the first day. They hand out syllabuses and tell you to leave,” she said, rolling her eyes. She stood and stretched.

  “Oh. Great.”

  “What did they do at the school you transferred from?” She stood with her hands on her hips. I could see the wheels turning in her head. “You did transfer from somewhere, right?”

  I twisted my hair with my right hand, a nervous habit I couldn’t kick. I hated attention, and I hated people knowing any details about me, but Josie apologized. And I was a different person than I used to be.

  “No…I worked to save up enough money to get here,” I said. I worked to provide for Kaleb.

  “You saved up enough money to go to an out-of-state university in a year? What do your parents think?�
� She eyed me suspiciously.

  “No, not at all,” I said, shaking my head. “My dad is happy for me.”

  “And your mom?”

  “She’s dead,” I said, hoping that would shut her up. I’d discovered that people usually stop talking if you make them uncomfortable. Her smirk fell, leaving behind a frown. She might really have a soul after all.

  “Sorry. My parents are both gone,” she said.

  “I’m, uh, sorry to hear that. I need to…get to class,” I said. I threw the plaid backpack over my shoulder and ran into a student, trying to get away from my dorm. My social awkwardness could only be linked to the lifetime of being bullied.

  My first class was English 1301. As I stepped out of the dorm, I wondered if I should have waited for Josie. The sea of students at the end of the steps was not what I wanted to step into right now. A red leaf came sailing in my direction, floating until it landed on my feet. I picked it up, studying it, and then put it in my backpack for safe keeping. I grabbed the strap of my backpack with newfound courage and stepped into the crowd.

  I knew this campus like the back of my hand. I wouldn’t say I have a photographic memory, but I have never forgotten anything. Without having to constantly check a map, I found the English building.

  My classroom was on the second door on the left. I opened the door and heard a loud thud, and the gasp that followed. I found a tiny girl with braided dark hair, grabbing papers off the floor.

  “Here, let me help,” I said. Heat pooled in my face. Everyone was looking at me and the poor girl I had hit with a door.

  “It’s fine, really,” she said. Her voice came out as a squeak.

  “I’m so, so sorry,” I said.

  She picked up the last of her papers and stood immediately. Her tan face was free of makeup, and she was beautiful. Dark black lenses covered half of her small face.

  “I’m Gabby,” she said. She switched the papers into her left hand and held out her right. I shook her hand awkwardly.

  “I’m Autumn.”

  “Nice shirt,” she said, laughing. I looked at mine, and then hers, noting we were wearing the same one. “Do you want to sit with me? There’s a spot open.”

  “That would be great actually.” My face was as bright as my hair as I turned and faced the theater-styled room. She walked to the front row and sat down. I wanted to hide in the middle of the students, but I slid into the seat beside her.

  A woman looking like she was carrying an emotional burden the size of the room came in. Her sandy blonde hair was sticking out of her ponytail in pieces.

  “That’s Professor Lancaster,” Gabby said, leaning over.

  “Did anyone miss the first day? I have extra syllabi and schedules,” she said. Even her voice was stressed.

  She held the papers up, looking around at the students. I slowly raised my hand. Nothing in this world could have given me a worse start to the semester. She pressed her mouth in a hard line and walked to me, handed me the packets, and walked back to the front.

  “Page thirty-two,” she said, holding up a small red book. I wanted to slide down into my seat and never show my face again. Gabby nudged me and slid her book in the middle of us. I thanked her with my eyes.

  After class ended, I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulders, needing to get to math next.

  “How many classes do you have today?” Gabby asked.

  “Three.”

  “Do you want meet for coffee after your last class?” she asked as she readjusted her glasses.

  “That would be great, actually.”

  “What’s your number?” she asked, pulling a sleek black phone from her back pocket.

  “Oh. I just broke mine…I have to get a new one,” I told her. I couldn’t risk putting her number in. Or using it if I didn’t absolutely have to. If he were to ever find me, I would be dead.

  “Let’s meet at the coffee shop by the dorms at three?”

  “See you then,” I said, waving as I left the classroom.

  My other two classes went the same way. My professors ranged from frantic, to witty, and even political. I had never heard anyone in Texas share the same opinions as my history professor, but I leaned over my desk and held on to every word he spoke when he veered off into a rant. I loved every minute of it.

  Ten minutes before three, I was searching the walkway for a coffee shop. A small, tan building came into view as I passed a shade tree, peppered with multi-colored leaves. Gabby was sitting at a table outside, books stacked in front of her as well as two cups.

  “I hope you like caramel mocha,” Gabby said, shoving a cup in my direction.

  “Absolutely. Thank you,” I said as I sat across from her. The truth was I had never tried it. I ran on black coffee at the café when I needed caffeine. Expensive drinks were a luxury I couldn’t afford.

  “How was your first day?” she asked, taking a sip of her drink. The aroma filled my nose, and without trying it I knew I loved it.

  “Great. I loved my history professor. I think this semester should be easy,” I said, trying the drink for the first time. I let out a moan, thankful she’d introduced me to this drink.

  “Who’s your professor?”

  “Sterling.”

  “That’s him! I took him over summer break,” she said, eyes gleaming when she spoke of him.

  “Is this your second year?”

  “First. I just took a couple classes over the summer. I grew up in this area,” she said, shrugging her tiny shoulders. “What about you?”

  “My first semester. I’m from Texas…” I started, but she cut me off. Her eyes were wide and wild as she held up her hand.

  “Oh my god, Autumn. There’s a guy staring at you.”

  “He’s probably looking at something else,” I said, laughing once. How could anyone possibly know me well enough to stare at the back of my head? I froze. Unless…

  She leaned in, intrigued. “No, it’s definitely you. We went to the same high school. He was two years older, but I remember going to baseball games just to see his ass in those pants. Actually, all of their asses.”

  I covered my mouth, containing my laughter. “Who is it?”

  “Liam Shafer.”

  My eyes widened. “He was in my dorm last night.”

  “You’ve already hooked up with him? In one day? Can you hook me up with his friends?” She laughed.

  “No! Oh my god! Not like that. He was staying with my roommate!”

  She nodded knowingly. “After he messed his shoulder up, he kind of became a whore.”

  “Note to self: I’m staying away,” I said.

  I couldn’t help it. I turned, finding him leaving the small shop with a cup in his hand. He was wearing the same style of clothes he was in last night and was surrounded by guys. He looked at me once, his expression unchanging, and then he walked off.

  “Yeah, I think he was looking at something else,” I said, but Gabby didn’t look convinced. It was like he had never seen my face before.

  The look wasn’t anything I wasn’t already used to. Everyone either pretended I didn’t exist all together, or they made fun of me. I was accustomed to it. I thought Washington would be different; I’d already made friends after all. But one of them just made me want to sink back into my old life and cower.

  Four

  I tried to pick up a chick at a bus stop, and then unintentionally followed her to her dorm. I looked at her schedule and tried to find her on social media. She just drifted out of nowhere and blew me off.

  If that’s not rock bottom, I don’t know what the hell is. I told myself no girls, no drinking, and no fun until I get my shit figured out. Coach said I could still play outfield, but I won’t be able the pitch again. Truth was, I was over the shit. Baseball gave me a fun run, but I wasn’t doing it for the rest of my life. The day I told the coach, he looked at me disappointedly and hadn’t spoken a word to me since that day.

  One day after the wreck, I was doing a charity for big br
other’s baseball and it hit me, there are kids out here who needed someone like me. Patient and understanding. I’d been where they are. Miserable, only doing something to make my father happy. Without telling a soul, my focus changed. Sometimes I blamed it on baseball, but I knew I wanted to get my shit together to help.

  I looked across the desk, bored. The ambitious young advisor was blushing as she scrolled through classes. I used to love this, but it has grown old. Because my face was symmetrical and I watched what I put in my body, somehow, I was a god. Girls looked at me, and I could instantly see them planning our life together. I’d always been upfront, though: no relationships. And still, they all thought they could change my mind.

  “Okay, Liam, it looks like I can put you in a class you failed, and it will bring up your GPA,” she said, studying my face. She was all right; her brown hair hung past her shoulders and her round face was alluring. Last year, I would have bent her over the desk just to say I fucked my advisor. This year, she was annoying.

  “I didn’t do so good in English my freshman year,” I said.

  She shook her head, gritting her teeth. “No, you didn’t. I can add you to 1301 on Monday and Wednesday. I’ll email the professor and let her know your circumstances. She’ll let you right in,” she said with a grin.

  “Sign me up.” Her face turned a bright shade of red when I threw a grin at her. She thought I was smiling at her, but she had no idea what I had up my sleeve. Hell, neither did I. I was about to get this fucked up idea out of my head, though.

  My phone buzzed. I glanced down, making a face as I read it.

  Tyler: Coffee. Now.

  Tyler, my old teammate, and frat brother was worse than every girl wearing long shirts paired with short shorts on campus. He drank weird shit from the coffee place on campus and hoped he would find “the one” to carry out his five-year plan.

  Luckily, Brandon was usually tagging along with him. He made the old me look like a damn saint. We all balanced each other, and that was how it had been since we were kids. The weirdest fucking trio around.