The Autumn Leaf

by Brittany Tarkington

  “McMahon Hall, please,” I said as I buckled my seatbelt.

  “You’ve got it,” he said.

  Ten minutes later, I arrived safely at my dorm. No murder. No forcing anyone into things they didn’t want. I was safe, until my phone lit up.

  Liam: That was not what it looked like.

  I lay my phone on my table and peeled my dress off. As I changed into a t-shirt, my phone lit up again. I groaned with frustration. He was incorrigible. In fact, he reminded me of my first, my only, boyfriend. I hadn’t found the perfect term for that guy yet. ‘The guy who lied to me to get him to sleep with him when I was fifteen’ is a mouth full. So, ‘boyfriend’ it is.

  Liam: Just give me a chance to explain.

  Me: Why?

  Liam: I don’t want you to see me that way.

  I let that idea roll around in my head, opening old wounds I swore I had bandaged over the day I left. What was the worst that could happen? I’d have to pack up and leave again if someone else did me wrong? I rolled my eyes, letting out a frustrated breath.

  Me: Fine. Next time I see you, you can explain.

  Liam: You won’t regret it.

  I really hoped I wouldn’t.

  Nine

  I could not win with her. It wasn’t her fault, nor did I think that it was mine. Maybe the universe didn’t want us around each other. I had to explain to her that I didn’t want to sleep with her; I just wanted to keep her from my friends so they wouldn’t sleep with her. If I was being completely honest, I wouldn’t have said no, but I was keeping that to myself. I just needed to explain that I had some sort of weird claim on her, where I didn’t want a girlfriend, but I wanted to be around her. Yeah, she would completely understand that.

  When my mom got sick, she insisted on talking to me about this shit. She knew how my dad was. She knew what I would learn if I looked up to him for advice. One day, toward the end, she told me I would meet a girl who would make everything else background noise. I always listened, but I never thought anyone would come close to what she described. The girls around here, hell, everyone around here, was only interested in what you could give them. The girls thought I would make it pro; they thought I could give them an extravagant lifestyle. They liked the fact that I played college baseball. None of them liked me. When you’d been in my position, rich boy whose parents gave him everything with every potential to play pro-baseball, you got a lot of people who frankly did not give a shit about you. I’d been on dates and not one girl asked me where I was from, what my favorite color was, my dreams, etc. Granted, I’d never asked them either. There was something about the way people presented themselves that made you realize they didn’t give a shit about you. It had always been mutual.

  But now it was different. I met this girl who pretended she hated me, but she was more real than what I’d been around. I wanted her as a friend, because I would be dumb as hell to ask anything more of her. I would fuck it up, and I couldn’t lose someone like that.

  I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a beer, and walked over to where Tyler was. He was standing beside a bunch of guys who used to be my teammates. He never messed with girls. Since I’d known him, he was only had one serious relationship. If he wasn’t talking about finding the one, he was talking about ball.

  Brandon strolled up to us, grinning like an idiot. “Saw you go upstairs with Red.”

  “Yeah, we watched TV. She had to leave, though,” I said. I grabbed the nearest drink, chugging it as fast as I could. Brandon laughed, handing me another.

  “Whatever you need to say, man. We’re only glad you’re back,” Brandon said. A chorus of nodding was present in the circle. I looked from my left to my right, studying all these guys I’d let down. “When are you going to start practicing again?”

  I shook my head, taking a sip of the beer he handed me. “I’m just focusing on school right now.”

  “Oh, shit. Does Coach know?” Brandon asked. His eyes went wide.

  “Yeah” I said nonchalantly.

  “Whatever you need to do. We’ve never seen you like this before,” Tyler piped in. They all knew something had been off. When I got hurt last year in the wreck and was told I could never pitch again, my life changed. My priorities had to be realigned. They saw this, but they gave me hell about coming back to play any position.

  Someone slammed into my back, draping their arms around me. I clenched my fist, annoyed by whatever prank this was. I turned, finding a very drunk Josie dangling on me. I took her hands, dropping them to her side, and she frowned.

  “Why the hell did you need my roommate’s number?” She was so wasted she barely got the question out.

  “I told you. I’m in the same class as she is. I had a question,” I said.

  She eyed me. “I call bullshit. I saw you with her at the dorms.”

  “I don’t care what you thought you saw,” I said, laughing at her. I didn’t know how she took herself seriously.

  “Oh, you should,” she slurred, laughing at me. It took everything in her to lean on the counter to insult me.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “She’s my friend…you don’t think I can mess that up for you? Think again,” she teased.

  “You’re drunk off your ass. I heard you tell her you would leave when she left. You promised you would take care of her tonight. You can’t even take care of yourself. You think you’re her friend? You think you’re a friend to anyone? Get the fuck away from me. I’m tired of turning you down.”

  It was then that I realized the music had turned off and I was yelling. Everyone was staring at us; some were wide-eyed, others were laughing at us.

  She nodded. “You’ll regret that.”

  Her friend Sara came up to her, glaring at me as she helped her walk away. I didn’t care about her, that was obvious, but I did know what she was capable of. The girls who hung out here were relentless. If she told them she hated Autumn, they’d destroy her.

  “Do you think that was necessary, man? You just fucked all of us,” Brandon said, chuckling. I was glad someone found it amusing.

  “What’s going on with this Autumn girl?” Tyler asked, eyeing me. Shit, they knew.

  “She’s a friend,” I said. Brandon’s face drained of color. Everyone’s eyes were on me; Tyler was the only one that approved.

  “We’ll contain her, all right?” Tyler said, nodding toward Josie’s direction.

  I shook my head. Grabbing a beer, I went upstairs. This could not have gone any worse if I had tried. That was it. I was trying too hard. She didn’t need to know how I felt. I wracked my brain, thinking of a way to get her close to me.

  Ten

  I’d never dreaded Mondays. I would endure anything if it meant I could leave home. In fact, I looked forward to them: warm food, loving teachers, I was never cold or hot. College was not proving to be different. I spent Sunday holed up in my dorm, claiming I was studying. I was hiding from everyone. Today was a fresh start. Class, work, rinse, and repeat. That was my weekly schedule now.

  Gabby slid into the seat next to me, grinning. Her pixie-like fingers got to work unzipping her backpack and retrieving her supplies.

  “How was your weekend?” she asked, unaware of the embarrassment I’d had to endure.

  “I got a car! And a phone,” I said, trying to point out the good.

  “Wow,” she said. Her brows shot up. “Where’d you say you work again?”

  I laughed it off, not wanting to go into it. I wrote down my number and slid the paper to her. She took it, smiling gratefully.

  “How was yours?” I asked, wanting to move the focus off me.

  “Uneventful. I did this week’s homework, though, so that’s a plus,” she said, shrugging her tiny shoulders. She was my type of person.

  “That is a plus,” I agreed. Students were still piling into the room as our professor came in. Gabby looked at me, eyes wide.

  “What?” I asked, panicked.

  “Don’t look now, b
ut Liam Shafer is coming up behind you.”

  “What the hell? Are you serious?” I asked in a hushed whisper.

  She nodded, and that was all the confirmation I needed. I stared straight ahead, features smooth. I started writing everything the professor stated, and then realized I had written ‘I’m passing out next week’s rubric’. At that point, I stopped.

  “Good, you’re a note-taker. I’m going to need a copy of those.” His voice was sweet tea on a hot Texas day. I hated that. I used to find it charming until he took me to his bedroom.

  “You’re not getting my notes,” I said, staring forward.

  Gabby handed me the stack of papers, clenching her teeth as if to say sorry. I huffed, grabbed mine, and handed him the stack without looking.

  “That’s fine. I would rather it come from the source anyway.”

  I turned to him and wished I hadn’t. He was beautiful, but I didn’t think guys liked to be called that. His hair was tossed in a messy wave, and it pissed me off that I was thinking about who could have made it look like that. His hooded eyes watched me from under thick eyelashes that he didn’t deserve.

  I frowned. I didn’t know how I hadn’t seen it before. He was far too perfect to be nice. I was the shiny new toy that was yanked away. If I gave it up, he would run for the hills. That didn’t sound like a bad idea. Repulsed, I shook my head, willing those awful thoughts to leave my head.

  “What are you talking about? Why are you even in here?” I asked, my nose scrunched.

  “I failed last semester. So here I am. Good thing I’m friends with the smartest girl in the class,” he said.

  “You failed English 1301? How?” I asked, not believing him. He didn’t strike me as the type to fail a class. But I’d been wrong about people before.

  “No idea,” he stated, shrugging his shoulders. Class was going on around us, and yet we weren’t paying attention. This was not a good sign for my grade.

  “You weren’t here last week,” I said, trying to piece it together.

  “Maybe that’s why I failed,” he deadpanned. He shrugged his shoulders, unfazed. I opened my mouth, but quickly closed it. I didn’t believe him at all.

  “I’m Gabrielle, but everyone calls me Gabby. We went to high school together,” Gabby said, reaching across the table.

  “I remember seeing you around. I’m Liam Shafer,” he said, taking her hand. She nudged me, grinning.

  “How do you know Autumn?” she asked, dazzled by his charm that I seemed to be immune to.

  “I slept next to her the first night she was here,” he said, throwing a grin in my direction. Gabby’s eyes went wide.

  “He did not!” I said, louder than I’d intended. To my horror, the professor stopped writing on the board and turned to face us.

  “If you have something to discuss, please do it before or after class. This is the only warning I’ll give,” the professor said.

  My face was on fire. I slumped down in my seat. On my right side, Gabby was grinning as she took notes. On my left, Liam was smug as he leaned back in his chair. The next hour was painful. I was aware of how loud I was breathing and didn’t do anything that would set off the professor again. I was officially mortified. Class was dismissed, and I gathered my things quickly.

  “About Saturday,” Liam started. He was still seated, and if I didn’t know better, I would say he was unsettled.

  “Not here,” I said under my breath.

  Gabby looked between the two of us, winking at me. “I’ll text you later,” she said before disappearing into the crowd.

  “My place?” he asked.

  “Very fucking funny,” I seethed.

  He howled with laughter. “You do have a personality. You’re quiet, you know? Hard to read.”

  “And you’re easy to read,” I fired back at him.

  “Oh yeah? What’s your read on me,” he queried, amused? Most of the class had left the room, and we were almost alone. I rolled my eyes and decided it was better to get it over with.

  “You’re some jock asshole who made me think you were nice so you could sleep with me. I turned you down, and you’ve never been told no before, so to help your fragile male ego you’re harassing me until I say yes to you. Please spare us both the trouble, and go bother someone else,” I said, angrier than I have ever been before. I grabbed my bag, threw it over my shoulder, and stormed from the room.

  “Is that how it is with you? You say your piece and leave?” Liam called after me. I turned to face him. He wasn’t as amused as before, but he didn’t look as mad as I was.

  “You wanted to talk. We talked.”

  “No, I wanted to explain myself,” he said.

  I rolled my eyes. “On second thought, no. I’m over this cat and mouse game you’re trying to play.”

  He huffed. His grin was so smug. “I’m not playing any games here, Autumn. But for the record, you’re the mouse and I’ve already won.”

  “Find somewhere else to sit in class,” I yelled over my shoulder as I walked away.

  “Kidding. I’m still trying to explain myself.” He caught up to me.

  “So, do it,” I said, rolling my eyes. Here I stood, thousands of miles from home, in an argument with a stranger. My past would always haunt me. Maybe I was the problem after all.

  “I didn’t take you up to my room to have sex with you. I didn’t want you there in the first place,” he said. I swear to God every head in the hallway turned in our direction. My face was redder than my hair.

  “Thanks for clearing that up.” I tightened my hold on my bag and kept walking. You will not cry. You will not cry. You will not cry.

  “Shit, I didn’t mean it like that. You fuck with my head,” he said, catching up to me. My pace was almost a jog. I couldn’t believe he was keeping up with me.

  “You won’t have to deal with my head fucking if you leave me alone,” I snapped. He jogged in front of me and stopped. I sighed with frustration.

  “That’s the thing. I don’t want to. I like you,” he said.

  My eyes grew wide. “You don’t know me.”

  “I know you enough to know I want to be friends.”

  I sighed, conflicted. A very tiny part of me believed him. An excessively big part of me went through trauma that he could never imagine. I would never trust anyone in this world, much less someone who was giving me as much whiplash as the guy standing in front of me.

  He was watching me with those beautiful hooded eyes again. When I looked at him, he threw a boyish grin at me. That was the thing about beautiful people: they knew the effect they had on you, and they used it to their advantage.

  “You don’t even have to be my friend. Just help me pass English,” he said.

  “You didn’t fail that class. No one does.” I rolled my eyes again.

  “You don’t know that. If I fail, it will be your fault. Can you live with yourself after that?” he asked, grinning. I switched my hips, putting my weight on another leg as I balanced my bag.

  “I’m quite positive I could,” I said, smiling back.

  “Fine, so we’ll meet after English at the coffee shop by your dorm for an hour every week?”

  “You’ll leave me alone for the rest of the week?” I asked, biting my bottom lip to contain my smile.

  “I will, but I don’t think you’ll want that after being around me,” he said confidently.

  “I can’t decide what I like least about you: your arrogance or the fact that you try to pick up girls at bus stations.”

  He laughed a deep, rich, husky laugh. I hated to admit it, but I liked making him laugh. He shook his head at me.

  “That was a first for me,” he said, grinning. He looked straight into my eyes. “When you see a beautiful girl on the side of the road, it’s hard to pass up your chance.”

  “I think that’s called prostitution, and it’s illegal.”

  “I can’t win with you. I saw you, fully clothed, waiting for a bus before dark. I could tell you were a student. I
was concerned. If anything, you should be thanking me,” he said. His arrogance was back, but he was clearly enjoying our banter.

  “Thank you for reminding me of the importance of stranger danger,” I said. With that, I stepped around him.

  “I’ll see you Wednesday! It’s a date!” he yelled.

  “Studying is not a date!” I called back to him. I didn’t turn around. I didn’t need to see him to know that he was smirking, and it was beautiful. People stared at me as I walked to my dorm. He’d won the first round.

  Eleven

  “Autumn!” Mandy called, sounding relieved as I walked into the bookstore. There was a short bald man beside her, watching me with curiosity. My face heated as I walked toward them. I hated being the center of attention. With two pair of eyes on me—one happy, one suspicious—I was dying inside.

  “She showed on her first day. That must be a good sign,” he said.

  “Don’t listen to him. We really only hire college students, so you can image we’ve been burned a few times before,” Mandy said.

  “No offense taken,” I said with a tight smile, unsure of what to do.

  “This is Mike. He’s second in charge. We’re both going to show you how to do things today, so you can get a feel of what we both like.”

  “Perfect.”

  Mike and Mandy went back to pulling textbooks from boxes, while discussing Game of Thrones. I’d never felt so out of place in my life, and that was saying something. I twirled my hair for a minute, hoping they would look up.

  “I just need to get the books out?” I asked. Mike looked at me as if I had grown two heads.

  “Yeah, just do everything we do,” Mandy said. “Do you watch the show?”

  “I don’t watch TV,” I said as opened my first box.