Fearless

by Tawdra Kandle

  Sunday was a blissfully uneventful day. Michael took me to Lancer Lake, to our special beach, and we spent the afternoon reading and talking about anything that wasn’t related to Nell or Amber.

  That night, Anne called. I had been curious about how Friday evening had turned out for her and for Jim, and I was excited to talk to her.

  “So?” I asked, anticipation in my voice.

  “So what?” she replied, all innocence.

  “So tell! Tell all!” I insisted. “What happened Friday night?”

  “I could ask you the same thing. You and Michael disappeared pretty abruptly. No one knew what happened! We were worried!”

  “Oh, yes, so worried you called me right away?” I teased.

  “Well…” she giggled. “I have to admit, I slept most of yesterday. And then I had plans last night.” The emphasis she put on the word plans made me laugh.

  “Oh, do tell!!” I insisted. “All the gory details, please!”

  “The first thing I have to say is thank you. You were right. And I never would have known or done anything about it if you hadn’t said something. I don’t know if Jim would’ve gotten brave eventually, but he had no idea how I felt, so maybe not. Can you imagine? All this time, we’ve both been feeling the same way and not knowing it or telling each other?”

  “No, I can’t imagine,” I replied, amused. “But what did he do? The last I saw, the two of you were heading to the dance floor, and Jim looked like someone had hit him over the head. He was positively dazed.”

  “He was, wasn’t he?” Anne was clearly enjoying this. “We went out there, and at first, I wasn’t sure he was really going to dance with me. He just kept looking at me like he had never seen me before. But then we did dance, and suddenly, when his arms were around me, and we were moving to the music, Jim seemed surer of himself.

  “And then he looked down at me and told me I looked beautiful. He said, ‘I’ve been waiting for you to be whole again.’ I asked him what he meant, and he told me that since everything happened with Nick, it looked as though part of me was gone.”

  “Oh, how romantic!” I exclaimed.

  “It was! So I told Jim that maybe the part of me that was missing was him. I told him I’d hated the way we argued, and that I knew he had been right.”

  “And then what happened?”

  “The dance ended, and he asked me if I wanted to go out onto the back porch of the Hall with him. So I did, and we talked… and talked… and then he kissed me. Oh, Tasmyn, it was the best night ever. It was more romantic than any time I ever spent with Nick.”

  “I’m so happy for you,” I murmured.

  “After the dance, he took me out to have dessert at a cute little diner, and then he took me home. I slept until noon yesterday, and my mother told me he called three times. When I called him back, he asked me out to the movies last night. He came over and asked my parents if it was all right for us to date—they’ve known him forever, so it wasn’t like I had to introduce them or anything. And then he took me out, and we had a great time.”

  “Anne, this is wonderful. Oooh, I just thought of something—we could double date sometime!”

  “Yeah, or triple date—Brea seems pretty stuck on that junior.”

  “And have you noticed that Dan seems pretty friendly with Cara?”

  “I did notice that. I guess love is in the air!” For the next hour, we dished on all the couples and potential couples in our little group, and then in the school at large. We finally circled back around to Jim, and it thrilled me to hear how Anne’s voice sang whenever she mentioned his name. Then she changed the subject abruptly.

  “So you never told me where you and Michael went Friday night when you disappeared. Was it someplace romantic?”

  I hesitated, wondering how much to share. I decided that we had to have some explanation for why Amber would be sitting with us at lunch the next day, and maybe it was a good idea to lay down the basics for Anne right now, as a sort of trial run for the group at large.

  “Actually, no. It was more of a rescue mission.” I laughed lightly, to keep that from sounding as grim as it truly had been. “Nell Massler was up to her old tricks with Amber Cole, and Michael and I slipped out to help Amber. Everything’s okay now, but I don’t think you’ll see Amber and Nell hanging around together anymore, and Nell—let’s just say I don’t think we’ll ever be best buds.”

  Anne was sympathetic. “That’s terrible for Amber. How’s she doing? How was Nell torturing her this time?” I knew Anne meant that more figuratively than literally, but it was closer to the truth than she knew.

  “Amber’s fine. Her feelings were hurt, and she’s feeling a little betrayed, but she’ll recover. I invited her to sit with us at lunch on Monday. I hope that’s okay.”

  “Sure, it’s your lunch table, too. We’ll be happy to have her. And speaking of Monday, I have a chapter of History I have to read for tomorrow. I better go.”

  After we hung up, I sat for a while, just marveling at the changes in my life. I had Michael, someone who knew all of me and loved me anyway. I had Anne, a friend who actually credited me—me!—with resurrecting her love life. This weekend with Amber, I had used the talent that I’d hidden in shame and fear my whole life to really help someone. And I had been mostly honest with my parents and at least laid the groundwork for a little more understanding and independence.

  I remembered that last fall, in Wisconsin, I had spent my weekends wrapped in blankets, alone in my room, devouring all the poetry of Dylan Thomas and John Keats. There were no friends on the telephone or dates to the lakeshore. I had been miserably aware that I was different from other girls my own age and fearful that this difference would make me an oddity for the rest of my life. There had been very little hope or optimism within me, and I had struggled to hide all of this turmoil from my parents.

  All things considered, I liked this year much better.