Epsilon

by Dezirae Bates

  Your mother would be proud of your bravery,” the Chancellor mused, watching as his daughter paced inside the Epsilon channeling room, careful to stay outside the edges of the room. It was surprisingly quiet and empty, minus the two of them. The Chancellor even managed to convince Chase to give them some time together before she left. It had only been a few hours since the elders agreed to let Cassidy infiltrate the League. Many had their doubts but the Chancellor trusted his daughter.

  “Yeah, I feel pretty much terrified right now,” she muttered, rubbing her arms to warm them up as she tried to settle her nerves. The purpose of even sitting in the room was to calm her heart rate and restore her strength. There was no telling what the League would do when they found her. They could believe her, torture her, even kill her if they wanted to. The possibilities were endless.

  “That's to be expected,” the Chancellor added, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms over his chest. “But, we don't have much time... ” he added and Cassidy quickly nodded her head.

  “Yeah, yeah, I know,” she said reluctantly, exiting the room and rubbing her sweaty palms against the thighs of her jeans. Anticipation rolled over her frame and waves and it took everything in her essence to attempt to control it.

  “We wouldn't have said yes if we didn't think you could do this. Remember the woman who requested this assignment in the first place. You are the best person for the job,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head. “I love you,” he added, rubbing her back affectionately and instead of pushing him away, Cassidy wrapped her arms around him and accepted his comments to her. It was strange, at first, but she soon shook away the concern and embraced the man in front of her as what he was. Her father.

  “I wanna make you proud, too. You gave up so much to protect me, it's time I paid that debt back,” she said, pulling back to look up at him. “I can do this. And, Chase will be the first one to know if something has gone wrong,” she said with a nod, glancing to Chase who was walking down the hallway towards them.

  “Speak of the devil,” the Chancellor teased, releasing his daughter and looking to Chase, giving him a respectful nod.

  “I'm not the Devil. I'm sure he'd be very upset to hear you say that. I know I've heard some Sigmas contacting him recently,” Chase teased with a wink, instinctively returning to Cassidy's side with a heavy sigh. He knew that he'd have to let her go but he hated he had grown so attached in the first place.

  “Take care of my daughter, Mr. Williams, or I promise I'll be worse than what the devil could deliver,” the Chancellor said without cracking a smile or a joke, nodding to them both before exiting.

  “Isn't he just peachy,” he said with a laugh before turning to Cassidy. “You ready?” he asked, brushing back a few strands of hair as she nodded.

  “As ready as I'll ever be, I guess. If I fiddle any longer, I'm bound to change my mind,” she laughed, reaching out to touch him. She knew how hard the next however long would be for her. Accepting that she was going to have to play the role that was laid out before her was one thing but knowing what she was going to be giving up in the meantime was what was sickening her.

  “I won’t be far away,” he whispered, thumbing over her cheek as the two stood, saying their goodbyes for God knew how long. “And, if things get bad, I’m only a thought away.” Chase leaned down, pressing his lips to hers with a heavy sigh, angry at himself for waiting so long to try his feelings at something with Cassidy.

  “I know, I’ll be fine, I’ve had a pretty good teacher,” she teased, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes, trying anything to remember the moment before everything changed. It wouldn’t be easy and Cassidy understood that. But, she’d come to realize how different understanding a hardship was versus experiencing one. “Like you said, you’re barely a thought away. We’ll meet when we can to debrief to the elders, I’ll get what we need to bring the League down without any more bloodshed and then we can go on being... us,” she said, lifting her head and pulling away with a nod. “Promise,” she said, holding out and wiggling her pinkie to him with a girlish laughter, Chase rolling his eyes as he clasped his finger around her own.

  “Alright, alright, off you go,” he said, pushing her towards the front barrier of the Exodus defenses. She couldn’t be delivered to where she was going, she’d have to find a way to get there on her own means. The minute she walked out of the safety of the Exodus, she was truly on her own and up to her own devices.

  “I’ll be back before you know it,” she said, squeezing his hand before meeting the cab on the road out front. Ever since she died, cars were not something that she was comfortable in controlling so when she was face with a normal way to get back home, she opted for the personal driver.

  Her skin sunk against the thick black leather of the seat, the smell of sweat and poor decisions wafting through the air. It tookay everything within her to not roll the window down while sitting in the back seat. Her eyes lifted to meet the gaze of the driver and her mind filled with questions. Did he drive people from the Exodus often and if he did, had he seen her before? Did Chase’s father go as far as to erase her old life from everyone who had met her? Her mind wandered as her eyes watched the world pass by, the car moving faster as it hit the open road. Bushes became blurs, stars turned into blinking entities long forgotten and as the ride grew longer, her eyelids became heavier. With each bump and lift in the road, she felt herself drifting deeper.

  It wasn’t long before she was asleep, her chest content with rising and falling with the breaths that left her. Her dreams grew as she fell deeper into sleep and before she knew it, she was dreaming something close to reality.

  She was perched at the kitchen island of her apartment, eating a bowl of cereal and playing with a random newspaper. Each time she went to read it, the words would jumble and she soon realized that she wasn’t meant to be focusing on the words but the environment that she was in.

  “Cassy, did you borrow my sweater? The blue one with the white stitching?” Elizabeth called from one of the rooms down the hall. The layout was almost identical to her current apartment but with minor differences, the largest one being a room off to the left that was far bigger than her own room. She could see photos of herself, the family, her father and her mother—her actual parents—and before she could take in anymore of the scenery, Elizabeth was standing in front of her. The woman was just as tall as Cassidy, her hair a bit lighter in a gray sort of tone and her face had aged well despite the crows feet spreading at the corners of her eyes. Her lips were done in a mauve color and the woman was quite put together except for the missing sweater that she was questioning.

  “Mom?” Cassidy asked, swallowing back whatever emotions were coming to the surface. “Mo- what, what are you doing here? How are you here?”

  “How am I here- What do you mean?” she asked, brushing back the edge of Cassidy’s hair with a laugh. “I live here and you and Chase are bound to be getting the apartment on another floor here soon so soon I’ll be asking you why you’re here,” she teased, bopping her on the nose with a grin.

  “How do you know about Chase?” she mumbled, glancing around the room and noticing that the photos of her were also photos of her and Chase peppered about the room. Her hand went to her forehead, rubbing it with a groan. What was going on?

  “Sweetheart, what has gotten into you? You and Chase have been together for a few years now, we’re surprised it took you this long to move in,” she teased, trying to figure out why her daughter was so upset. It was strange for Cassidy as she listened to her mother. It was as if her mind was trying to show her this perfect life that she could’ve had had the League not gotten in the way. She’d be sharing clothes with her mom, moving in with Chase, remembering what her father was like to her. Her life would be perfect.

  “Right, I’m sorry, my head just hurts. Guess it made me forget for a minute,” she said with a shrug, gazing up at her mother. It was crazy to see their resembl
ances and Cassidy took her dream as a minute to study every single feature of her mother’s face. There was so much she’d forgotten over the course of the year that she was desperate to instil them in her mind now.

  “Just make sure you’re careful. Don’t want you running yourself thin. Protect yourself first, then others,” her mother cautioned, staring at her daughter before the seriousness melted away and Cassidy perked up, arching a brow at her statement. She couldn’t figure out why her mother said those specific words and as her mind started thinking on it, she started to drift away from her.

  “Mom?” she asked, the maze walls started moving around her once more, like they did the last time she dreamt of her mother. Before she could fight any longer, the taxi driver was calling her ma’am, waking her as best he could as they sat outside the childhood home that she had no true connection anymore.

  “I’m sorry,” Cassidy said with a sigh, grabbing up her bag and slipping the cab driver the cash that she owed him and walking up to the door.

  “Home sweet home,” she sighed. The frame of the house in front of her was so familiar that her body automatically started to calm down. She hated that her memories betrayed the way she wanted to enter the building. Double agent or not, this truly wasn’t the home that she grew up in. She really didn’t sneak out of the top window to meet boys or scrape her knee on the front steps. Every single memory that was floating around in her head was fake. Cassidy understood that there was a purpose, much like there was a purpose around everything in life, but to pervert her mind in such a way so that she couldn’t trust what she remembered... it was rough. But, a part of life, nonetheless.

  Cassidy took one last shaky breath before walking into the house, turning on the lights and instinctively locking the door behind her. There wasn’t a true plan in seeking the League out. Everyone knew that they were wanting to get their nails into Cassidy so they thought the easiest way to lure them in would be to do nothing. Simply existing outside of the walls of the Exodus was enough to ensure they’d visit her. For now, she’d simply have to wait.

  She dropped her bag off at the door, slipping out of her shoes and walked into her kitchen, grabbing up a bottle of merlot and pouring herself a rather large glass of wine. If she were going to wait, alone, she was going to have an enjoyable wait.

  And, apparently she wasn’t going to have to wait long.

  Before the glass even hit her lips, a knock at the door echoed through the house. It seemed louder than it used to since the entire house was eerily silent. Ruca was still at her apartment back in the Exodus and the only real sounds inside the house was the heat slowly rumbling to life. Cassidy’s heart started to accelerate, allowing herself to take the quick sip of wine before walking towards the door. The only luxury she had if it was another Origin member was the fact that they couldn’t enter without her express permission. It was one Origin failsafe that she was suddenly excited existed.

  She stood at the door, her hand outreached to yank it open and she waited. A few deep breaths, managing to settle her heart rate and once she pulled it open, she saw someone she didn’t necessarily expect to be there. If anything, she expected Caleb or Geneva to be the one to greet her.

  “Didn’t think you’d answer,” Sebastian said with a grin, leaning against the front porch pillar near the front door. He had jeans on, a gray t-shirt and a jacket over that. His hair was similar to Chase’s, long enough to flow in the wind but not past his ears. Actually, the longer she looked at his face, the more she could notice the similarities between the two of them. It was strange that she never put two and two together before, surprisingly. She could tell, however, that through his looks, which were just as charming as Chase’s, that he was dealing with addiction issues. His eyes were slightly sunken into his face. It looked like it’d been weeks since he had a decent night sleep. Suddenly the emotions that she felt when she watched Jon become stripped of his connection to the Exodus rolled over her. His screams filled her ears and it took everything inside of her to push through the emotions and crack a smile accompanied by a laugh. She had an appearance to keep up.

  “Didn’t think I’d be followed home,” she said with a shrug, crossing her arms over her chest as she continued to make note of his appearance. “Also didn’t think for you to be some hidden League member but, what do you really know these days,” she added, the disdain strong enough to cause Sebastian to laugh. The man put his arms up in the air, whistling softly.

  “And she comes out swinging! Not even five seconds into a conversation. I think I owe Caleb some money for that one. I gave you at least a minute before you either attacked or said something snarky. Guess he got to know you a bit better than I did the last time we met.” Sebastian shoved his hands in his jeans pockets, watching Cassidy size him up which intrigued him more than her snark. That was an admirable quality.

  “Last time we met, all I found out was that you were lying the entire time,” she said, narrowing her eyes for a moment, leaning against the edge of the door.

  “I like to think that it’s all about omitting the truth. You didn’t ask, I didn’t say,” he said, rather nonchalantly. “Now, I came here to chat and you’re being quite rude keeping me outside... ” He glanced at the door, knowing the invisible barrier that was preventing him from coming inside.

  “You lied. You knew who I was the minute you saw me. You were there for a reason. You helped kidnap me,” she said bluntly, standing up just a bit straighter than moments before. “And you’ve lost your mind if you think that I’m going to give up the only sanctuary that I have on this Earth. A place that can be completely and utterly all mine, forever,” Her hand ran up the doorframe as she realized how thankful she was for the home she was standing in. Fake memories or not, no triggered member from either side could get inside that home, other than Chase. That was the biggest mode of protection she could ever ask for.

  “I was simply following orders, trying to get to know you outside of this... whatever this whole mess is.” Sebastian sounded exhausted, despite his best efforts. He tried putting up a strong front and to anyone else, he probably could master it but Cassidy was eerily perceptive. Perhaps it was her bond to Chase and knowing that the same blood that flowed through him, flowed through Sebastian.

  “It’s war, and, it doesn’t look like either one of us will manage to win it, if I’m being honest,” she said with a heavy sigh, running her hand over her face. She had to figure out a way to pitch her switching sides.

  “Look, if we’re gonna chat and I’m not coming in, at least come out. Promise, I’ll keep my hands to myself,” he said, putting his hands up once again and flipping them back and forth as if to prove that nothing was up his sleeves, at least literally. Cassidy continued to size him up, watching, wishing more than ever that she could just read his mind and figure out what he was thinking. Was he really just there because he knew she was there? Was he there to kidnap her again? There were so many things running through her head that before she knew it, she was crossing the threshold of her door. She was out in the open which caused her pulse to vibrate even faster. Each throb of her heart pounded faster against her ribcage, her nerves pooling sweat in her palms.

  “See? Better, yeah?” Sebastian said, moving to sit on the steps leading up to her door, patting the wood next to him for her to sit. Cassidy rolled her eyes but begrudgingly followed after him.

  “If you try anything…” she trailed off, green igniting across her hands, the magic dancing from finger to finger, eager to be put to work. Sebastian stared at the color cascading about and wished for a moment that he could do the same. He knew the dangers and temptation to using and promised himself that he’d avoid it at all costs. Cold turkey was a luxury he couldn’t afford but tapered use was better than nothing.

  “Hey, have I threatened you yet? I’m here not for fighting. I’m here because we weren’t expecting you to be allowed out of the Exodus, let alone come back here, alone. So, we assumed that there was a reason for that. I drew
the short straw,” he teased, watching as the woman took the seat next to him, dispersing the green from her hand and wrapping her arms around her waist.

  “I saw- there was a man, Jon. He- uh- was trying to weaken their defenses. I had just left my dad’s office and saw the attack. And then I watched as they stripped him of his connection to the Exodus. The screams...” She swallowed hard, reaching up and brushing the water from the edges of her eyes, glancing over to him. “Every time I close my eyes, I can hear it. That popping noise, everything just goes on replay in my head. They didn’t even have him plead his defense. It all happened so fast and I just don’t think.” She paused, swallowing back her emotions, whether they were real or not. “I don’t think I can support a cause that acts so swiftly. His entire world was uprooted without even a bat of an eye.” Cassidy gazed back out to the street, watching as the trees leaned too and fro through the wind.

  “I know what that’s like. It causes this gaping hole that nothing can fill. Even being apart of the League only tries to fill it. You don’t realize what you sign up for when you take that oath at the choosing ceremony. Your Origin bonds to every aspect of your body but when the Exodus decides to exile you, they rip a wound into every crevice possible. I still remember every second, every flicker of pain that happened when Ezekiel separated me from Chi. It was unbearable for months.” Sebastian’s voice was soft and surprisingly open but he quickly cleared his throat, watching her while she watched the road.

  “So, have you thought about our offer? Joining us?” Sebastian arched a brow at the woman and she shrugged.

  “I’m not sure what I want right now. But, I don’t think I can decide without knowing what there is to know. I just... needed to get out of there. To see what was worth having my soul ripped apart. And, I don’t know if the League gives a trial period or a ninety day supply or whatever but, if you do, I’d like to test it out.” Cassidy chewed on the inside of her lip, her heart trying to pound faster at the lies she was spewing, regardless of how true they started to sound. Sebastian was a Chi and just because he wasn’t on board with using his Origin, that didn’t mean that others thought the same way. If she could control her nervousness now, she’d have it mastered before long.