“Maybe I’ll just stay there tonight. See you in forty-five or so minutes?”
“Yeah. Great. See you then.” Nathan disconnected. A sliver of relief wove through his chest and thoughts. How did such a simple thing mute so much frustration and pain?
Now he had to kill time until Nick got here. That should be easy. He’d sketch a little more. Take a quick shower. He was just meeting with a friend. His girlfriend’s not-boyfriend. A man he was attracted to and a hint jealous of at the same time.
Nathan raked his fingers through his hair and slumped in his chair. This wouldn’t be simple at all.
His brain was distracted now; something to be grateful for.
Shave or not?
Why didn’t he have more clothes to choose from?
Did Nick care? He just got off the plane, and would drive straight here.
Nathan cared. Why did he care? Because damn it, it would be nice if he could leave a good impression somewhere, with someone this week.
Especially with Nick.
Half an hour later, he was ready to go. If he started anything here, he wouldn’t have time to finish. Not that he’d be able to focus.
Might as well head out. If he got to the restaurant ten minutes early, he’d just nurse a cup of coffee, and act casual.
He was tempted to walk, to draw out those last few minutes and maybe freeze his thoughts. But his sneakers weren’t up for the several inches of slush and snow that covered the ground.
As he approached the front entrance, he heard the crunch of tires on ice. He turned to see a taxi pulling into the parking lot. A moment later, it stopped, and Nick climbed out.
Nathan’s stomach flipped, and he bit the inside of his cheek to distract himself from the involuntary reaction. He didn’t have to summon a smile. It was tempting to tone his down a notch.
“Hey.” Nick approached him with a broad grin. He gripped Nathan’s hand and clapped him on the shoulder in a half-hug. “Thanks for seeing me.”
Any casual or flippant response was gone. Nathan was drained—mentally, psychologically—he just wanted a pleasant meal that wasn’t alone. “I’m glad you called.”
They headed inside, let a waitress seat them, and gave their drink orders. Nathan didn’t need to look at the menu. “I’ll have the country fried steak.”
“That sounds good. I’ll have the same,” Nick said.
When the waitress was gone, Nathan turned back to Nick. “What are you really doing here?”
“I told you. I’m here to see you.”
Which was nice, and warmed Nathan more than the fireplace at the front of the dining room, but it wasn’t the complete truth. “You just decided to hop on out here and surprise me?”
“Eh...” Nick winced. “I’m on my way back to Italy. To finalize things with Antonio.”
“You couldn’t do that from here?” Nathan didn’t want his mood to slip. He could take these answers at face value and move on. But curiosity was getting the better of him.
“And see Tara again.”
There it was. Nathan saw that coming, even if he hadn’t been able to vocalize it. He swallowed the bitterness that rose in his throat. “Of course.”
“And I’m here to take you with me.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Nathan grabbed the little golf tee game from the side of the table, and laid out the pegs in their starting position. “That’s a bad idea. If she left you with a different impression, she hasn’t filled me in. Which is another reason it’s a bad idea.” He wanted to go back. Every inch of him itched to see Tara again. But the suffocating desire didn’t erase everything else.
“I’m going to be blunt. I don’t understand what you’re doing. If I had a woman like that, I’d never let her go. She forgave you.” Nick watched as Nathan jumped one peg, and then another.
So much for non-judgmental.
Nathan knew how to solve the toy puzzle. It was the same answer every time, and once he’d learned, it took the challenge away. This was to keep his hands busy, and distract him from the fact that he didn’t know how to solve the puzzle that was his life. “It’s more complicated than that. I don’t know if I’m ready.” For fatherhood, the words lodged in his throat.
“Then I’m here as a friend.”
Nathan’s good mood was slipping. This felt phony. He didn’t want his interactions with Nick to be fake or forced. “Are we friends? You don’t owe me anything because I sucked your dick.”
The couple at the next table glared, and Nathan shot them back a death gaze. They turned away quickly.
“Wow, you’re unpleasant when you’re in a bad mood,” Nick said.
No sugar coating there. “I lost the love of my life, and my father doubled down on disowning me on his deathbed. You expected Prince Charming? You’re in the wrong place.”
“You didn’t lose Tara. And no, I expect you to be sad and miserable. Take as long as you need to process and grieve, but don’t shove her out of your life over it.”
The unwelcome advice pushed a hidden button in Nathan, and his anger surged. A week of frustration bubbled up all at once, and spilled over. “What the fuck do you know about it? You have the perfect family, with the perfect support system. Your parents even left you a fucking inheritance so you could raise your perfect fucking sister when they died, and you take all of it for granted.”
Was that going too far? Nathan didn’t care. This meeting was probably a mistake.
Nick studied him with a hooded gaze, jaw and fists clenched. “Do you think that? Do you think my world is so much shinier than yours? Because from where I sit, your life is still pretty damn good, but you’re acting like it’s gone nuclear. You have a job doing what you love. You’ve got an incredible partner. You adore and trust each other so fully that you’re comfortable seeing other people.”
Nathan knew how good some things were. He was still allowed to mourn the things that were going wrong. He opened his mouth to point out things weren’t going that smoothly right now.
“So you and Tara are fighting.” Nick kept talking. “Big fucking deal. Couples fight. You’re lucky you’ve never had a major blow out before. I assume, because if you reacted like this each time, your life would come to a standstill. Both of you.”
Nathan didn’t like having the wind taken out of his sails like this, but Nick made some good points.
The waitress returned with their food, and Nathan gave his food more attention than he did Nick, until she was gone.
“It’s not as though you hate your job.” Even with a few seconds to collect his thoughts, it was the only comeback Nathan could grab.
Nick picked at a biscuit. The savage was eating it without jam or butter. “It's not like I would pick it over something else. You know that.”
“So quit.”
“And leave Fiona in a lurch?” Nick jabbed his steak with his fork. Despite the number of holes he poked in the food, he didn’t eat any of it. “We’re not solvent. That’s not her fault, and if I walk away she’s stuck with an empty bank account, a roster full of people who expect to be paid, and doing my job on top of her own.”
Mr. Perfect Life wasn’t so perfect after all. Nathan wanted to be smug about the news, but regret rushed in instead. “I didn’t know there were money problems.”
“Yeah, well, it’s not the kind of thing I advertise. Hey, we’re one missed payment from collapsing.” Nick let his silverware clatter to the table and sank a few inches in his seat. “It’s why Antonio hasn’t signed the partnership agreement.”
“I’m sorry.” So things sucked all around.
Nick shrugged. “And I’m sorry you didn’t get your reconciliation with your father. I can’t pretend to understand someone turning away family, but that’s his mistake. If it would help, you could be part of our family. Fiona would probably be thrilled to have an older brother who wasn’t completely straight laced.”
Nathan laughed in spite of himself. He didn’t know if it was the absurdity of the statement, or
that Nick made the offer sincerely and without hesitation. “She’s going to be surprised when she finds out that’s not true. How long are you here?”
“Until tomorrow morning. I figured if I couldn’t convince you while I’m here...”
Nathan had his answer without thinking. “I can’t go back. Not yet.” Apparently his mind had been working on that even when he wasn’t paying attention. The words hurt to say, but they felt right. “Thank you for trying, but I need to figure out a few things first. The stuff with my dad. The baby...”
“I get it.” Nick’s smile was sad. “Okay, I don’t actually, but I get that you need more time. Don’t take too long.”
Nathan had already taken longer than he should have. He still didn’t think he was fit to be a father, though. That was the one thing holding him back, and he didn’t know how to resolve his concerns with reality.
Chapter Nine
I’ll be there a day late. I’m sorry for the delay.
Tara’s heart dropped into her stomach when she read the text from Nick. An old insecurity tugged loose. What if he didn’t show up? What if it was because of her?
The rational bit of her knew that wasn’t the case. That any decision he made was his own, and she didn’t want a man who was so uninterested he’d make up excuses rather than see her.
But a past she wanted to believe she’d moved on from haunted her. She thought the same of Marco.
I’ll explain when I get in. And I promise I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.
His follow-up message helped. It added a salve to scars and ancient insecurities.
She’d be doing much better when he was here.
But she also couldn't sit around and wait for the world to come to her. She’d spent the days since Nathan left doing exactly that. It was time to get up and take action.
Saying that was easier than doing it. Were things this hard when Marco left?
No. She’d already written him off, and she had Nathan by her side. And her family.
Frustration and longing surged inside. She swallowed both. She needed to get out of the house. Get on with finding a new business location. Pretend she had some semblance of normalcy in her life, so she didn’t add another regret—letting everything she worked for fall apart—to her growing list.
She wasn’t putting on makeup though. The world could deal with her minus the eyeliner and bright red lips.
Her jeans were getting snug. She’d need to go shopping soon for maternity clothes. Or at least scale up a size or two. For tonight, leggings and an oversized top would work.
She headed out to get dinner. The cool night air helped chase away the clouds in her thoughts, and sitting in a dining room surrounded by people made her feel not so alone.
Tara felt like an almost fictional member of society again as she headed home. She was about a block from her building when she caught sight of one of her neighbors out in front of his shop.
Mr. Esposito had owned the property for more than half a century. His family ran a coffee shop on the main floor.
She summoned a smile as she drew closer. It would be nice to fall into some small talk for a few minutes. “Good evening, Mr. Esposito,” she said.
He gave her a short bow. “Ms. Bianchi. How are you this evening?”
“Good.” The half-truth came easily. She was doing better than before she left the house, and that counted for something. She glanced at his shop front and her mood slipped. The sign was gone, and cardboard was taped inside the windows.
The most glaring bit of the scene was also the smallest. A letter-sized sheet sat in the middle of it all that said Closed. Thank you for your business.
“Are you moving?” She turned back to him.
He nodded. “Things have been tight for a while, and we were made an incredible offer.”
Moving. She didn’t know what to do with the news. She’d never know this spot without the coffee shop. “I’m sorry.”
“Don't be.” He waved a hand. “The kids didn’t care for the espresso business the way I did, and I’m more than ready to rest this tired body. This will let them move into their own venture, and allow me to retire.”
Oh. It was hard to argue with that, but it still made Tara sad. “In that case, congratulations, and best of luck.”
"Thank you. I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t taken their offer. I’m grateful to you for that.”
A chill raced through Tara that wasn’t related to the weather. “What do you mean?”
“You sold to the developers, didn’t you? It was implied that was why you closed.”
What the hell? Tara wanted to appreciate that Matilde hadn’t told everyone about the notice, but it didn’t feel like a done-out-of-the-kindness-of-her-heart thing. “We didn’t choose to leave. The city council revoked our business license for the property.”
“Oh.” Mr. Esposito’s smile faltered, but it was back again an instant later. “Either way, it was the right decision for us.”
“It sounds like it was. Congratulations again. You’ve been a great neighbor and friend.”
They wrapped up the conversation, but Tara couldn’t get rid of the nagging pit in her stomach. Something about the situation didn’t sit right with her, but beyond vague threads, she couldn’t figure out what was off.
NICK FELT EXPOSED AFTER saying so much about his financial affairs. Not stripped naked in front of a crowd, but close enough it made tension coil through him.
He shouldn’t have come down on Nathan the way he did, though. The honesty was important. The harshness? Not so much.
Silence descended between them as they ate. It lay somewhere between comfortable and awkward.
“I have a second bed in my motel room,” Nathan said. “If you’d rather crash there.”
And someone else was jumping to Nick’s aid, money-wise. “I’m not that broke.”
Nathan rolled his eyes. “We were days from being roommates in Italy. This is about convenience.”
“Fair point. That sounds great. Thanks.” It did. It was convenient, it gave him a little more time to convince Nathan to leave with him. But it was hard to ignore the pride in his head screaming that this was charity and Nick was better than that.
Nick didn’t want to think about it. “It’s a shame I’m only here for the night. Driving past the city... that skyline is incredible.” It was a stunning city growing out of a flat plane. “And I’ve always wanted to see Sears Tower—or whatever they’re calling it now. The Water Tower. Downtown in general.”
“It’s amazing. Every city, across the entire world, has its own feeling. Downtown Chicago has that kind of energy that inspires cult-like adoration, and its well-deserved.” Awe seeped into Nathan’s voice. “It’s been so long since I visited, so I’m sure a lot has changed, but the big landmarks are still here. And if you want a then and now kind of perspective, I can give you that.”
The way Nathan’s face lit up when he talked about the city was a sharp contrast to the conversation about his family. Nick liked seeing that bright, excited glow. It was almost alluring.
“You should give me the grand tour,” Nick said.
Nathan’s expression slipped. “A lot has changed. And there are...” A frown ghosted across his face.
“What is it?”
“The bad memories really mar the good. I might not be the best tour guide.”
Nick hated how rapidly the glee vanished. “Now’s your chance to rewrite some memories, or just give yourself brand new ones. Head out there with me and explore as the person you are now, not the one you were when you left.”
Nathan furrowed his brow. It was a moment before he spoke. “Let’s do it. The great, grand, at least mildly-awkward tour of Chicago.”
“Awkward how?” They’d moved past most of that by now. They must have.
“There’s going to b e a bit of fumbling where I try to integrate the past with the now, sprinkled with some unspent sexual tension.”
The last
words caught Nick off-guard, but they weren’t wrong. He grinned. “Sounds like my kind of experience. It doesn’t make up for missing Rome, but it’ll be its own kind of awesome.”
Nathan’s expression faltered again.
Was it a mistake to bring up Tara, even indirectly?
“I’m in. Let’s go.” Nathan grabbed the check before Nick could.
NATHAN WAS TENSE AS they headed into the city. He kept up half of a casual conversation, but he couldn’t distract himself from the shadows that crowded his thoughts.
As they got closer to the city center, the layout became more familiar, and Nathan’s tension ebbed. He’d learned how to drive here. He may not know all of the businesses, but the twists and turns of the roads were familiar.
“I’ve only ever seen so many one-way streets in San Francisco.” Nick’s attention shifted from the side window to the front, and then he’d twist to look behind them. “It’s crowded, but I love it.”
It wasn’t as densely packed as it could be. They arrived right as people were leaving for the day, so they were driving against rush hour traffic.
“Ooh, on the right.” Nathan gestured. “Julie and Andi’s cookie bouquet shop.” Julie was the contestant Nathan and Tara had beaten to stay in the most recent contest round.
Would they be able to pull off staying in again this month, the way things were going?
“Too bad they’re closed.” Nick’s comment drew Nathan back to the present.
“Yes, and no. We have so much to see besides that, and we know what the inside of their place looks like.” It wasn’t the same, but it was close.
Nathan parked in a multi-story garage, and they headed down to the street. He pointed out the places he recognized, and admired the new ones along with Nick.
They passed The Second City, and several restaurants just getting started for the night. Their wandering took them up and down blocks of businesses. They spent a couple of hours talking and looking.
Nick paused and stepped out of the flow of pedestrians. “I don’t know about you, but I’m a desk jockey. I’m not used to this much walking.”
Beauty Awakened Page 6
