August Heat

by Billings, Hildred

  “I’m sorry,” Siobhan said through deepening sobs. “I don’t know why I’m still so hung up on it. I guess… seeing you around so much lately reminds me of everything that happened between… everyone.”

  “It’s not everyone.” Krys didn’t know how she got that out so calmly, God knew she wanted nothing else but to shake Siobhan by the shoulders and try to rattle some sense into her head. Yet Siobhan didn’t need that. What she needed was some kindness. Some tenderness. Someone who could prove, once and for all, that there was real love to be had out there. “It’s you. You and that spineless, cheatin’ ex you had. I’m sorry, hon. Nobody should have to go through that. I wish I could wipe that all away for you, but I can’t. So you’ll have to trust me. So help me God, if I turn out to be another untrustworthy person in your life, that’s all on me. Not you. It says nothing about you.”

  Had she finally pressed upon the real issue plaguing poor Siobhan’s heart? It’s never been about me. It’s always been about her and the pain she feels when she looks at someone like me. Krys had seen pictures of Emily, mostly to confirm that, no, she had never dated that person, either unwittingly or not. They didn’t look that much alike, but maybe they had similar personalities. Was that what Siobhan saw when she hung out with Krys? A personality that made her ill?

  “All I ask for is a chance.” When Krys pulled back and looked down again, she met the hopeful face of a woman in pain. How long had Siobhan held this inside of her? How much did she repress to keep her sanity over the years? She had never properly expunged it, had she? She’s so tough. She’s tougher than me. She’s too tough for her own good. How could a woman be expected to heal and move on if she kept those feelings inside of her, never to properly deal with them until it was too late?

  Siobhan stepped back and wiped the tears from her face. “I don’t have a lot of chances left to give.”

  “I’m not saying we’re gonna be together forever, Chev. We’re still getting to know each other. Maybe we’ve got something here. Maybe we’re gonna fizzle out by the end of the year. How are we gonna know if we don’t try, though? Would you rather part ways now and never try? Or do you want to prove to yourself that you’ve got what it takes to move on from that asshole who broke your heart?”

  Siobhan’s eyes darted back and forth, as if she searched for the answer written somewhere on Krys’s T-shirt. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. I don’t… I don’t want to live the rest of my life wondering what the hell I’m waiting for. It’s been a few years, yeah? Maybe it’s time to address what’s left in my heart and move the hell on.”

  “You don’t have to do it alone.”

  “I don’t know why you’re so insistent about being around me, Madison.” Krys had already gotten used to the way Siobhan said that name. Sounded nothing like the way the crew at work said it, yet somehow she retained the same sarcastic bite every time she looked Krys in the eye and called her by her last name. Doesn’t matter if her eyes are puffy and red. She’s got that bite. Krys always knew she needed a woman with a little teeth on her. It was the only way to keep her in line!

  “I admit, I was first taken in by your exponential beauty.” Whew. There was Krys’s three-dollar word for the day. Watch out. I might come out looking too educated for this town. Maybe not educated enough for a doctor, though. “Then you opened your mouth and only made me want you more.”

  “God knows why.”

  “Do you really need an explanation? Sometimes you gotta let nature take its course, girl.”

  “I hear you do a lot of that.”

  Siobhan was back to her biting commentary, but it was better than the tears and denials of their mutual attraction. She could be as snarky as she wanted if she kept up that smile and batting eyelashes that brought Krys back into a light and loving embrace.

  “I’m a fan of going with the flow, yeah, but it’s not only my flow I’ve gotta heed. When someone else is in the picture, we’ve got our own mutual flow, yeah?”

  With her head cocked to one side, Siobhan asked, “Do you want to shut up and come upstairs with me?”

  Hello. Moving quite quickly all of a sudden, aren’t we? Krys was game, but she also knew that Siobhan was in a fragile, emotional state. Hormones could be set aside to make sense of emotions, yes? “I wanna come upstairs, yeah,” Krys said with a bite of her own. “But I don’t feel like shutting up. Got too many flows to talk about.”

  “I can’t tell if you’re making me think about yoga or my period.”

  “Your period? Pfft. Was talking about mine.”

  Siobhan’s hand lingered in Krys’s as she turned around and slowly walked to the staircase. “Get the hell upstairs, would you?”

  Her intent was impossible to read after that flurry of emotions. Yet Krys knew that, as long as she kept her cool, she could navigate anything heading her way. Even a woman who might be acting a little too quickly.

  Yet Siobhan didn’t have carnal intent on the mind. As soon as they were in her room and the door softly clicked behind them, Siobhan crawled onto her mussed bed and gestured for Krys to join her.

  This wasn’t how Krys planned on spooning her new girlfriend for the first time, but she wasn’t opposed to it. Siobhan was so soft in her thin bathrobe that it was as good as making love. One arm over her. Nose in her mess of hair and searching for the back of her neck. Krys almost forgot to take off her shoes before climbing onto the bed. She also tried not to think about the fact that this was probably the bed Siobhan once shared with Emily – and that Krys was probably the first lover to lie in it since.

  “I guess it isn’t so bad letting go sometimes,” Siobhan whispered.

  “Yeah, only do it sometimes. Otherwise you might enjoy life a little too much.”

  That inspired Siobhan to turn over, her lips close enough to kiss. Somehow, Krys refrained. “You’re infuriating.”

  “You’re the one who invited me into your bed.”

  “You saying I only have myself to blame?”

  “No, ma’am,” Krys said with a snort. “I’m saying that you can’t blame me if I hold onto a little hope here. You’re so cool it almost tears me up inside. I keep thinking about how much I’ve gotta kiss you.”

  “You’ve gotta?”

  “I’ve gotta, yeah.”

  Siobhan came dangerously close to making that a reality. Not until she reopened her eyes and gave Krys a pout did her lover realize that a kiss was, indeed, beseeched.

  There’s a five-dollar word right there… Krys was quite smug as she leaned in for that kiss.

  They didn’t stop with one simple kiss. It wasn’t that kind of day.

  Chapter 16

  SIOBHAN

  One of the signs hanging in the darkened windows was half blown out. The yellow sign advertising a popular local IPA couldn’t quite get all its words out anymore. The half that had blown out took out the important letters in CASCADE LOCKS and made it look like something completely different and tongue in cheek.

  Yet another sign that Siobhan should probably not go inside. This wasn’t a place for her. She was too delicate, too sensitive to handle the kind of rowdy crowd that hung out at a dive bar on Friday night. Siobhan took a deep breath and turned around, prepared to return to her car and text Krys that she couldn’t make it.

  She had withdrawn her phone from her back pocket when something else replaced it. Namely, a hand lightly tapping her ass.

  “Hello, gorgeous.” Krys wrapped her arm around Siobhan before she had the chance to round on her assailant and give them what for. Just because I let you smack my butt in the privacy of your bedroom doesn’t mean you can smack my butt in a dimly lit parking lot! Yet how could Siobhan stay miffed at the woman nuzzling her cheek and calling her gorgeous? “You ready to go in? It’s wings night. Let me tell you, they ain’t too bad.”

  “I… I thought you would already be in there.”

  “Nope. Running a bit late because we had a call late this afternoon and I needed a damn shower. Som
e punk burned down another barn a few miles out of town.”

  “That’s terrible!” Did that mean that the fire marshal’s suspicions of arson at the Longfellows’ farm were true? Did Paradise Valley have a fire bug on the loose? “But did you find a basket of bunnies or puppies this time?”

  “Hon, if I had found such a thing, you’d be the first to know. As always.”

  Krys kept her arm wrapped around Siobhan’s shoulder as they approached the bar. Tom Petty blasted from the speakers. The only thing I know about him is that he played on King of the Hill. I think. Was that him, or Huey Lewis? Oh, God, I don’t know which is which. Would this be on a test later? Was karaoke expected at the lesbian dive bar? Straight people karaoke all the time… I can only imagine…

  What did it mean if her extent of ‘80s music knowledge was focused on Tiffany, Heart, and not much else? Did knowing one song from the Bangles and Pat Benatar help?

  “You look like there’s a ghost standing in the doorway.” Krys lowered her arm to open the door for Siobhan to step through. “Come on, Chev, it’s a bar, not a ritzy ballroom.”

  I think I’d feel more at home in a ballroom… “I really don’t know much about these places.”

  “What’s there to know?” Siobhan barely heard Krys over the blast of music, clacks of the pool tables, and rabble of voices coming from both the bar and the booths in the back. For every couple on a date, there was a small group of friends shooting the shit or challenging old, bitter rivals to a round of pool. Not a karaoke machine in sight… The strangest thing, of course, was the presence of men. A whole group of them sat in a corner booth. Construction, from the looks of it. ‘Twas the season of road and roof repairs, but Siobhan never expected to see them in a lesbian bar. Yet nobody paid them any mind, and the waitress bringing them wings and beer went as far as to shove her tray against her hip and brag that her favorite football team was gonna whoop theirs that upcoming season.

  I don’t understand anything anymore… Siobhan kept her head craned around as Krys led her to the bar. Because heaven forbid they grab a booth and be allowed to hear each other over the racket.

  If she thought she was about to be saved, she could have another think. Because once Lorri and Jalen caught sight of her, they waved them down and asked if they should move to a booth. Krys was the one who insisted they stay at the bar because, according to her, it was easier to hear everyone there.

  Her friends may have found it strange that Krys and Siobhan were still dating, but they didn’t say anything. Nothing besides greetings, polite questions about her work and her aunt’s health, and that she was a pretty sight for sore eyes. Siobhan was certainly more “country” than the other partners at the bar, but that didn’t say much. When Jalen dated a literal Hollywood starlet and Lorri was attached to Paradise Valley’s own Susie Homemaker, all Siobhan had to do was put on a pair of sturdy boots to get called semi-butch. I know they’re joking, but it’s so weird they talk about these things… let alone right in front of me. Would Siobhan ever get used to it?

  Right. She was here for Krys, who made it one of her missions to include Siobhan in everything. Sometimes, like tonight, she agreed. This was part of her self-improvement to go into town more often and socialize with people who weren’t named Gabriella O’Connor. Aunt Gabby loved it, of course. When Siobhan announced she was going out with Krys to the bar that night, Gabriella practically handed her a jacket and a condom. I don’t think she knows how this works…

  The best thing everyone could do was not completely ignore her while also foregoing any forced interactions. Siobhan had a soft drink alongside her wings while Krys pounded back a beer and her friends drank more. Suspicions say she drinks more than that… when I’m not around. Did this mean Krys was putting on sober airs for her the new girlfriend? Or that she wanted to stay sober for the end of their date?

  When would the date end? When they left the bar? Or would Siobhan once again find herself in front of Krys’s house, kissing her while fighting the temptation to head inside? Again?

  Krys did have a nice, comfortable bed. Siobhan sank into it so easily that she turned into a true pillow princess for the first time since she could remember. She also embarrassed herself around Krys’s roommate, Lucas, when she stepped out to use the bathroom the next morning wearing nothing but one of Krys’s T-shirts. She had totally forgotten that Krys lived with anyone, let alone a guy!

  But, if that were the most embarrassing thing to happen so far, she must not be doing too poorly. Their short relationship had already survived an emergency call for Krys during one date and one for Siobhan in the middle of a sleepover. Whether a car was overturned on the highway or a barnyard animal had fought off a cougar, they were well versed in the meaning of, “Sorry, got a call. Have to go.”

  So far, it hadn’t presented too much of a problem. Krys said it helped that there were no wildfires. Yet. They still had to survive September.

  “You know what?” Lorri pointed to Krys after they finished their dinners. “I think this is the first time the three of us have all had steady partners at the same time. I mean, you guys have been catching up to me for however many years, buuuuuut…”

  “Oh, get over yourself, Lor.” Krys laughed. “We’ve always been dating. To some extent.” She cleared her throat for Siobhan’s benefit.

  “Maybe you have, but Jay was the unluckiest person at getting more than one date with someone until that actress came along. That was around the time you had stopped dating altogether, so it was like the universe had spun on its head and no longer made any sense. To my humble, coupled ass, anyway.”

  “Do you hear this?” Krys said to her girlfriend. “Having a baby, and she thinks she’s Captain Domestic.”

  “Ten years from now, when we’re all sitting here with our kids, you’re still gonna give me crap, Krys?”

  “If in ten years you’re hauling your kids into a bar, I’m personally calling the deputy the haul your ass back into that cell you love so much.”

  “I oughta wring your…”

  Siobhan immediately went onto the defensive, but Jalen didn’t look too bothered by the altercation erupting between them. She continued to drink her beer before calling over Lorri and Krys’s heads, “So, how are those wings? Good, huh?”

  Siobhan couldn’t help but laugh. Three seconds later, Lorri and Krys were still best friends, and everyone wanted to hear about how the kittens were doing.

  If this were another night living and loving in Paradise Valley… well, Siobhan supposed she could get used to it. Sure beat locking herself up in her house for the rest of eternity and having nothing to do with anyone besides her aunt and a few select animals she was paid to treat.

  The fact that she had been in this bar this long and only now started to think about Emily… well, perhaps that was progress.

  Siobhan would take it.

  Chapter 17

  KRYS

  “Welcome to your new home, buddies.” Krys hoisted the kitten carrier between both hands, body swaying to the beat of their insistent mewls. “Look at all the space you have to run around and be little assholes. Ain’t it grand?”

  No one was more excited than Young, who had personally assisted Krys with bringing the cats over on their lunch break. The plan hadn’t been to press the issue until after the kittens were fixed and recovered, but Lucas received a call from their landlord two days ago saying a “visit” was on the horizon. The cats had to get out. Now.

  Johnson was the man to give the all clear for these little bundles of furry joy joining the team indefinitely.

  “Oh, oh, let them out over here.” Young rushed to the lounge, where he had built a respectable cat tree made of recycled materials from the county dump. Johnson had donated an old blanket as good faith to the kittens. Quimby bought a cat toy and dangled it from the top of the tree. Krys made sure it was positioned fairly between the big windows and the human furniture. Slowly, but surely, parts of the firehouse would be adequately transformed i
nto a living and playing space for four rambunctious kittens who were sure to turn into lazy, lazy adults one day. God knew they got plenty of sunlight in there, even during the winter.

  One by one, kittens sprang out of the carrier. It made for grand introductions.

  “That one’s Beckham.” Krys scratched the little guy leading the charge, his tail of curiosity erected and his nose sniffing the air. “This one’s Pelé.” His brother joined him at the edge of the couch. Grooming would be necessary to keep them from scratching it.

  “I’m sensing a pattern here,” Quimby said behind them.

  “And this is Mia…” The short-haired girl went off in another direction, forging her own kitten-led path. “And this is Meg.” The little shy fluffy girl needed some help out of the carrier. Once she was out, though, she trotted right over to Young, who was in tears already.

  “Mia, I get,” Quimby said. “But Meg?”

  Krys shot him a critical look. “Megan Rapinoe. Hellloooo.”

  “Got it. Soccer people.” He chuckled. “You know I ain’t much into futbol.”

  “One of these days I’m dragging you to Portland and making you watch a Thorns game.”

  “You lost me at Portland.”

  Johnson came out of his office to see what the commotion was about. “I see the gang’s all here. Now, remember what I said about taking care of them? I’m not cleaning any litter boxes.”

  “I would consider it an honor to clean their litter boxes,” Young said.

  “You are a weird, weird man, Young.” Johnson shook his head. “Bless you, though.”

  A shadow appeared in the opened garage door. One glance over her shoulder told Krys that one of her favorite people had stopped by, because that was absolutely Siobhan’s work truck parked along Main Street.