Shaking my head, I explain, “The last thing I can recall clearly is us having lunch at the restaurant. There are jumbled pieces of getting ready for the date, but I don’t remember getting in the car or driving.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Fallon states. “You turned my side of the car away from the truck and pinned me to the seat with your arm. You did everything you could.”
Hearing the words from Fallon makes me feel a hell of a lot better.
Then Fallon murmurs, “I told you to take that route.” She takes a shaky breath. “It was my fault.”
Frowning at her, I shake my head. “No, Fallon. It’s definitely not your fault.”
“You said we should never have been on that road, to begin with,” Fallon argues.
God, I wish I had never said that. I didn’t know we took Fallon’s route.
“I didn’t mean anything I said that day, Fallon. It was all lies. I wanted you to forget about me and to move on with your life.”
Fallon’s gaze burns on me as she asks, “Did you really think I’d move on?” She lets out an empty sounding chuckle. “Because then you don’t know me at all.”
“I wanted to spare you future heartache,” I try my best to explain.
Fallon moves around me and goes to sit on the bed. “Even if you had remained blind, even if your vision doesn’t fully return, I would’ve stood happily by your side, Kao. That’s what it means to love someone unconditionally. I wanted to be the one to help and comfort you.” She takes a couple of deep breaths, and I can hear the ache in her voice as she continues, “You didn’t spare me from any heartache.”
“I was… God, I was stupid, Fallon. I was caught up in my anger. I wasn’t myself.” I don’t know how else to explain the dark place I was stuck in.
“I saw the revulsion on your face,” she whispers, her voice tight. “And I don’t blame you.” She lets out a painful burst of laughter. “God, right before the accident, we were joking about you being the beauty and me being the beast in our relationship.” Her voice hitches.
Darting forward, I sit down beside her and pull her into an embrace. “Don’t say that.”
Fallon yanks back. “But it’s the truth!” She gasps for air. “I look like a monster, Kao!”
Determined to show her the scars don’t matter, I frame her face with both my hands and lean into her. “You can never be a monster.” She tries to pull back again, but it has me snapping, “I don’t care about the scars, Fallon! I love you, not because of how fucking gorgeous you are, but because of how priceless you are. Your strength is unbelievable. You are compassionate, loyal, and you never back down from anything.” Wanting to show her that I mean every word, I close the distance between us and press my mouth to her quivering lips.
This is not how I wanted our first kiss to happen. I wanted to make the anticipation build. But that doesn’t matter anymore because as Fallon gasps, I tilt my head and move my lips against hers. She lifts her hands and takes hold of my forearms, and when she doesn’t push me away, I slip my tongue into her mouth.
Awareness of the incredible woman Fallon is, fills every inch of my heart. When my tongue brushes against hers, I can only hear my thundering heartbeat.
God, this woman is my everything.
My mouth caresses hers tenderly, my lips and tongue drinking in the intoxicating taste of her. I pour my love into the kiss, and before I lose control, I manage to pull back.
I wish I could see the color of her eyes right now.
“I don’t want to lose you, Fallon. I love you with every inch of my being,” I murmur, praying to all that’s holy she’ll give me a chance.
Her breaths rush over her lips, and she takes a couple of seconds to gather herself, then she whispers, “I need time.”
“Anything for you.”
“We…” She clears her throat, “We can be friends.”
God, no.
The ground rips open beneath me, but then Fallon continues, “Let’s first get comfortable being around each other again, and then we can talk about whether we can have a relationship.”
Too scared to hope, I ask, “So there’s still a chance for us to be together?”
Fallon pulls my hands away from her face, and it’s only then that it sinks in, I’ve been touching her scars without her freaking out. I stare at her face, and I’m able to make out the bumps and swells I felt. The cuts are haphazard over her cheek and neck, but it does nothing to dim her beauty.
“Let’s see what happens,” she murmurs.
At least it’s not a no.
“I can work with that,” I reply, a grin tugging at my lips.
Fallon lifts her hand to my face, and her fingers brush over the corner of my mouth. “I missed seeing you smile.”
My lips curve against her fingertips. “I missed seeing you.”
She drops her hand and asks, “What can you see?”
“Everything’s still blurry and black and white, but I can see details like faces, clothing, a cup.”
“So, no color?” Fallon asks.
“Not yet. Dr. Hodgson, my ophthalmologist, said it might take another two to three weeks before I can make out the finer details and see color. It differs from person to person.”
“So… uhm,” she wets her lips nervously. “How much of… the scars did you see?”
“Enough to know it’s not a minor injury,” I admit. When Fallon remains silent, I ask, “What did your doctor say? Can he help?”
Fallon nods. “My surgery is scheduled for the twenty-fourth. Dr. Menard said he’ll be able to reduce it significantly, but there might be white marks once it’s healed completely.”
“That’s good, right?” I ask, glad we’re finally talking. I’m taking it as a huge win.
“Yeah,” Fallon agrees. “But I still have to walk around like this for three weeks. I don’t want anyone to see it.”
I lift my hand to her right cheek, but this time, Fallon scoots back. “I don’t want you touching it, Kao. Please.”
“The scars don’t make a difference how I feel about you,” I assure her.
Fallon gets up. “Still, I’m not comfortable.”
I’m starting to catch on that it’s hard for Fallon to say the word scars.
I stand up and murmur, “You’ll always be beautiful to me.”
She lets out a soft chuckle, and the heartbreak and hopelessness still shimmer through.
“Do you want to sleep, or can I talk you into having a cup of coffee with me?” I ask, wanting to spend more time with her.
“Coffee sounds good.”
A smile tugs at my lips.
Fallon’s gaze settles on me, and she asks, “You’re okay with lights, right?”
“Yeah, mostly. Sometimes my eyes are sensitive, but then I’ll just wear the sunglasses indoors, as well.”
“Anything else?”
“I’m not allowed to rub my eyes, and I have to sleep with eye shields on. Noah takes care of putting in the eyedrops.”
“He’s been amazing,” she states.
“Yeah, I’m lucky to have him.” I take a step toward the door. “Thank you for giving me a chance to explain myself.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t listen sooner.”
She lifts her right hand and begins to pat over her hair. Bringing my arm up, I stop her nervous movements. “I wish you wouldn’t hide your face from me.” Placing my hand on her lower back, I give her a nudge. “Lead the way.”
Fallon doesn’t respond to what I said but instead walks out of the room. The instant we step into the hallway, Jase pushes away from where he was leaning against the wall outside Fallon’s room. “Night, guys.”
“Night.” Fallon lets out a real chuckle this time.
He was probably waiting to kick my ass if I screwed things up with Fallon again. Damn, I’d let him.
From this moment on, I’ll do everything in my power to make Fallon happy. I’ll be the man she deserves.
Chapter 16
FALL
ON
I make coffee while Kao sits at the table.
So much happened tonight, I’m struggling to process it all.
Kao kissed me.
While I wait for the coffee pot to fill, I lift my fingers to my lips. Feeling his mouth on mine was everything and so much more than I ever thought it would be. Even though I was caught off guard, I don’t regret it happening.
I was honest when I told Kao we should first get back to being friends before we can even think of having a relationship.
I’m also hoping to have the surgery before his vision fully returns.
Deep in thought, my fingers slowly move to my cheek, and I feel the roughly raised skin. Knowing Kao touched it makes my stomach lurch.
I yank my hand away and quickly shift my hair back into place.
“What’s wrong?” Kao asks.
“Nothing.” The word bursts from me. I quickly pour the warm liquid into the cups, then add cream and sugar.
Turning to Kao, I place a cup in front of him.
Kao lets out a chuckle. “I’ve missed your coffee.”
The corner of my mouth lifts a little, and then I say, “I’ve watched Noah help you. He should’ve studied medicine.”
“Yeah, but you can always take over.” It sounds like Kao is teasing me, but I can’t be sure. “I sure as hell wouldn’t mind you dressing me.”
I let out a burst of laughter. “Oh, is that so?”
I sit down next to him and sip on my coffee.
I watch as Kao carefully lifts the cup to his mouth.
“How are you coping?” I ask, wanting to know how he’s doing emotionally.
“Better.” He sets the cup down, then turns his eyes to me, and instantly I feel overly self-conscious. “Much better now that we’ve talked.”
“Yeah, me too.” It has helped to clear the air between us. I hated walking on eggshells around Kao. I feel we’ve taken a step in the right direction, and it’s taken some of the pressure off my shoulders.
I still have one question to ask, but I bite my bottom lip. It might be too soon to open that box of worms. Knowing it won’t stop bothering me, I push through and ask, “Why did you refuse the transplant?”
Kao’s eyes flit to my face before he lowers them again. He seems to think about his answer, and it makes the corner of my mouth lift. Seeing his trademark habits brings warmth to my chest.
Kao clears his throat, and his features tense. “I wanted to punish myself.”
Shocked, I gasp, “Why?”
“Because you got hurt.” His eyes lock on mine. “You could’ve died in the accident, and I just… the guilt drove me insane.”
Knowing Kao pushed me away because of his own guilt and heartache makes me regret not fighting harder for him.
“I’m sorry I gave up so quickly,” I whisper.
Kao turns his body toward me and holds his hand out to me. “Let’s make a deal.” When I place my hand in his, he says, “No more sorries. It was a hard month for both of us. Let’s focus on the future now.”
I nod and say, “Okay.”
Letting go of me, Kao places his hand on his thigh. He rests his right elbow on the counter and leans his chin on his knuckles. The pose makes him look strong… and mouthwateringly attractive.
For a moment, it feels like no time has passed at all and that we’re right back to how things were between us before the accident ripped us apart.
“Sorry to interrupt, guys,” Noah says, popping the bubble I got caught in. “Time for eyedrops.”
I watch as Noah sets three bottles on the table, then my gaze goes back to Kao’s eyes. I drink in the sight of his striking blue irises, but then a frown begins to form on my forehead, and I lean closer.
Oh my god.
I climb off the stool, and framing Kao’s jaw, I lift his face so I can see the stitches around his irises better. “Do the stitches hurt?”
“Not as much as they used to. It comes and goes,” Kao replies.
“How will they come out?” I ask, worried that he’ll have to undergo another surgery.
“They’ll remove them bit by bit as he heals. The whole process can take nine months to a year and a half,” Noah informs me.
I let go of Kao and stand back so Noah can administer the drops. I watch closely what he does so I can help out in the future.
Noah picks up on the fact I’m taking in what he does, and he explains, “You have to wait a couple of minutes between the different eye drops.”
“Why?” I move a little closer, and seeing how red Kao’s eyes are, makes me wish I could do something to make this process easier for him.
“It irritates his eyes.”
I nod, and when some of the solution runs down Kao’s temple, I quickly reach up and brush the drop away with my thumb.
“Careful,” Kao murmurs. “I’ll get used to all the attention.”
Noah lets out a chuckle, and then he administers the next set of eyedrops. I pick up a bottle and ask, “What are they all for?”
“That one is so Kao’s body won’t reject the donor cornea.”
I glance at Noah. “I was telling Kao, you should’ve become a doctor like your mother.”
“I don’t have her patience,” he chuckles.
“Could’ve fooled me,” I tease.
Noah gathers the three bottles of eyedrops. “They’re just to help with the healing.” Then he looks at Kao. “Don’t forget to put on the eye shields when you go to bed.”
“Are you turning in for the night?” Kao asks.
“Yeah, taking care of your stubborn ass is tiring,” he jokes.
Smiling at Noah, I say, “Night.”
When Noah disappears down the hallway, I turn my gaze back to Kao. “Do your eyes feel better after the drops?”
“Yeah, they aren’t as scratchy then.” A mischievous grin spreads over his face. “Looks like it’s just us.”
I glance at the time, and seeing it’s already midnight, my eyes widen. “Damn, we should actually head to bed, or we’re totally going to oversleep tomorrow.”
Kao begins to get up, and it has me saying, “Wait a sec. Let me just rinse the cups, then I’ll help.”
I quickly clean up after us, then walk to Kao. “Let’s go.”
As we walk down the hallway, he says, “Thank you for tonight.”
Entering his room, I switch on the light but then pause. “Should I leave the lights off?”
“No, leave them on.”
I walk to his bed and pull the covers back. Noticing the eye shields on the bedside table, I ask, “Do you need help putting on the eye shields?”
“In a minute.” Kao first makes his way to the bathroom. “Can you help me with the toothbrush and paste?”
“Sure.” I dart forward and go stand next to him. I reach for the toothbrush and squirt some paste on, then place it in his hand.
I fill the glass with water and wait until Kao’s finished, then hand it to him. I quickly rinse the bristles before placing the toothbrush back in the holder.
Getting a taste of how much help Kao still needs is an eye-opener. I wish I could’ve helped him sooner.
I follow him back into the bedroom, and instead of getting in bed, he turns to face me. “I really want to hug you right now.”
I hesitate for a moment, but not wanting to ruin the ground we’ve gained, I move forward and wrap my arms around his waist. I press my right cheek to his shirt, and when his arms lock me to him, everything feels right again.
KAO
Actually, I want to drag Fallon into bed with me and hold her all night long. But knowing I can’t rush things with her, I force my arms to let go of her.
I sit down on the side of the bed, and again a smile plays around my lips as Fallon carefully helps me put on the eye shields. Even though I can do some of the things myself, I’m holding back so Fallon can help me because I know how important it is to her.
I let out a chuckle and try to joke, “I probably look like a fly now.”
“Never,” Fallon whispers, and when I lie down, her hair falls over me, she presses a kiss to my cheek. “Night, Kao.”
She has such a nurturing soul, it’s one of the things I love most about her.
“Night,” I murmur. It takes all my strength to lie still and to not beg her to stay.
She turns off the light and then pulls the door shut behind her, and I’m left with my thoughts.
I replay the night's events and remembering everything Fallon said fills me with worry. Her self-esteem took one hell of a knock, and I only helped crush it.
Seeing the consequences of my destructive breakdown makes regret taste bitter on the back of my tongue. Come hell or high water, I’m going to help build her back up.
With my thoughts consumed by Fallon, I only managed to sleep a couple of hours. I’m up early and walk to my closet. My eyes scan over the different shades of gray.
Shit.
For a moment, I hesitate, thinking I should call Noah to help me, but then I take the first shirt and pants my hand touches and hope the colors will match.
There’s a soft tap against my door, and I call out, “Come in.”
“I made you some coffee,” Fallon says as she steps inside.
I let out a thankful breath. “You’re just in time. Can you help me pick a shirt and pants that match?”
“Sure.” She first sets the cup down, then comes to stand next to me. “Ooh, no.” She takes the items from my hands and hangs them back in the closet. “We should actually get rid of that shirt. I don’t like pink on you.”
I let out a burst of laughter. “You can throw it out.”
“I can arrange your clothes from dark to light colors, so it’s easier for you in the future,” Fallon offers.
“I’d appreciate that.” Seeing her take control of everything makes hope explode in my heart.
Fallon removes a shirt and pants, then holds them up against my body. “Yeah, this will do.”
“T-shirt or button-up?” I ask, so I’ll know whether I can actually put on the shirt without any help.
“It’s cold out. There’s no way I’m letting you wear a t-shirt. Put it on, then I can help with the buttons.”
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