I don’t want his pity. It’s up there with the disgust I saw written all over his face.
My eyes dart to the mirror and flit over my appearance. Where I used to spend hours getting ready and loving every minute of it, I now rush through a quick routine. The less I look at myself, the better.
Still reeling from the devastating blow I took last night, I can’t bring myself to leave my room. I only went to make myself coffee earlier because I thought everyone would still be asleep. But now that my friends are all up and getting ready for the day, I’m apprehensive about facing them.
There’s a soft tap on my door, and I can’t force the words for whoever it is to enter. The door slowly opens, and then Mila peeks in, and when she sees me standing in the middle of the room, she lets herself in. “Hey,” she whispers as she shuts the door. Then she seems to hesitate. “I’m sorry, Fallon.”
A light frown forms on my forehead.
“I’ve been a shitty friend to you. I should’ve known you weren’t okay.” Mila takes a couple of steps closer to me, and I see the regret on her face. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I’m fine,” I lie, not wanting to upset Mila. She’s been through enough, and the last thing I want is for her to be sucked into my nightmare.
Mila’s gaze locks with mine, and then she shakes her head. “What happened to me was different, but… I felt tainted… ugly.”
I drop my eyes from hers.
“I felt like I’d never be whole again,” Mila continues.
I wrap my arms around my waist as her words echo exactly what I feel.
“But I was wrong.” Mila comes to stand right in front of me. “It’s taking a lot of time, but piece by piece, I’m healing.”
I shake my head and repulsed by myself, I whisper, “You’re stronger than me.”
“No,” Mila shakes her head, and the corner of her mouth lifts, “that’s where you’re wrong. You’re so much stronger than me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and take a step back from her. I need space to breathe.
“I had Jase. He kept me standing, and you all stood by me, as well.” Mila begins to reach for my arm but stops. “Kao couldn’t be there for you because he got hurt as well, and we were all so worried about his blindness that we… we forgot about you. It’s been a month, and you’re still standing. You did that on your own, and I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I murmur.
“I’m here now, and Jade is waiting so we can go to class. She’ll punch anyone who dares to look at you.”
My eyes dart up to Mila’s, and it has her admitting, “I know how daunting the first couple of weeks can be. People are going to gossip, but don’t listen to them. Their opinions don’t matter.”
Hana and I don’t have the same class schedule because she’s studying law, where I’m doing my MBA. I was worried about walking around the campus by myself. For the first time in a long while, I feel a sense of relief, knowing Mila and Jade will be with me.
“How did you deal with people staring and talking?” I ask.
“I didn’t,” Mila confesses. “It almost broke me until I realized they really didn’t matter. Just keep telling yourself that.”
‘Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.’
Mila takes a step closer to me, a tentative smile on her face. “Are we good?”
My lips curve easily as I nod. I close the distance between us, and we hug for a moment. Then Mila whispers, “I love you, and I’m here for you every step of the way.”
It means a lot to me that she came to talk with me.
Together we leave my room and find Jade and Hana waiting in the living room.
“I don’t have class until ten, so I can walk with you,” Hana offers.
“Take the morning off,” I tease her. “I’ll have Mila and Jade with me.”
Jade gets up from the couch. “Just say the word, and I’ll punch anyone for you.” Then she grins at me.
“I might take you up on that,” I joke.
I’m still apprehensive as we walk to the front door, knowing there’s only so much the girls can protect me from.
“Hold up,” I hear Jase call and when he comes to take my bag from me. “We’re sticking with you for the first couple of days.” Hunter comes jogging up the hallway. And just like that, I have an entourage.
Leaving the suite surrounded by my friends helps more than I thought it would. I hide between them, and luckily, no one dares to approach me with Jase and Jade looking like they’re ready to go to war for me.
KAO
When everyone left with Fallon, the frustration rolled back in because she doesn’t want me near her.
“Come on, let’s go,” Noah says.
I let out a sigh as I get up, and we walk out of the suite. Even though I won’t be able to take down notes from the classes, I can sit in on them and listen, which will help a lot. Besides, the sooner I get back into our regular routine, the better for everyone.
When we walk out of the building, the extra dark sunglasses help against the sunlight. Noah always makes sure I don’t forget them. He’s been such an amazing pillar of strength, and a hundred lifetimes won’t be enough to repay him for everything he’s done for me.
“Hey guys,” Nate, a junior, greets us. “Sorry to hear about the accident, Kao.”
I nod, feeling uncomfortable. I never know how to reply when people say they’re sorry. It’s not like it’s their fault.
“Let me know if I can help with anything,” Nate offers.
“Thanks,” I reply before we keep walking.
Entering our first class, Noah picks seats in the back where it’s a little darker. “I never noticed the back being so dark, or I would’ve hidden out here and snoozed through the lectures,” I joke as we sit down.
“Jase had them remove the fluorescent lights in the back for you,” Noah informs me.
Surprised, I ask, “Seriously?”
“Yeah. Remember to thank him.”
“Of course.”
The day goes by slow and at least not too many students come up to me. Then again, I’ve always been an introvert and never encouraged them to interact with me before the accident happened, so I don’t see why they would change toward me now.
But Fallon’s always been an extrovert. Will today be different for her? God, I hope she isn’t swamped with people.
“Can you check with one of the girls and see how Fallon’s day was?” I ask Noah.
“Sure.” He makes the call, then says, “Fallon’s okay. They’re heading to the restaurant. Are we going to join them for an early dinner?”
“Yeah, let’s go,” I agree, hoping it will help if Fallon and I are thrown together in a social setting.
When we walk into the restaurant, and I see that everyone’s in their usual seats, a smile begins to curve around my lips. I sit down next to Fallon, and immediately, her hand flies up to make sure her hair is covering her face.
Placing my hand on the back of her neck, I lean in and press a kiss to the side of her head. Fallon jerks, and when I pull back, she turns her face to me and whispers, “Don’t do that.”
“Why?” I ask, working hard to keep the smile on my face so she won’t see the worry I feel for her.
“You’re the one who broke things off between us,” she mutters under her breath so the others won’t hear.
“I didn’t mean it,” I reply. Needing to make her understand why I said those things to her, I ask, “Can we talk after dinner so I can explain myself?”
Fallon picks up her glass of coke and takes a sip, then says, “Like you said, it’s not like we were in a relationship, to begin with, so you don’t have to explain anything.”
I was prepared for this because Fallon doesn’t give her trust easily, and I hurt her in the worst way when she needed me most. It will take a lot of time and hard work, and I have no intention of giving up.
Leaning back
into her, my mouth brushes over the hair covering her ear. “Take all the time you need, but I’m not backing down. I hurt you, and I understand I’ll have to prove myself to you again.”
Fallon lowers her head, and I hear her suck in a trembling breath, and then she whispers, “Stop. Please.”
Not wanting to push her too hard, I pull back and ask, “Have you all placed your orders?”
“Yeah,” Jade answers.
“What are you in the mood for?” Noah asks me.
“Steak, please.” Then I joke with him, “I’ve had my fill of burgers.”
Noah signals a waiter for us and places our order.
Looking in Jase’s direction, I say, “Thanks for taking care of the lights in the lecture halls.”
“Sure.” Then Jase mentions, “We should have a movie night after dinner.”
Before any of us can answer, Summer taps Fallon on the shoulder and says, “Hey, Fallon. We need to meet for the Valentines’ Ball. When’s a good day for you?”
Fallon shakes her head. “I’m no longer on the decorating committee. You can take charge and arrange everything.”
I glance at Fallon as a shocked silence follows her words.
“Uhm… are you sure?” Summer asks, probably not wanting to step on anyone’s toes.
“Yeah,” Fallon states. “I’m too busy now.”
“Oh… okay.”
When Summer leaves, Hana says, “But you love being on the committee.”
“I need to focus on my school work and get my grades back up,” is all Fallon offers as an explanation.
“I can help if you’ve fallen behind,” Noah offers.
“I’m good. Thanks, Noah,” Fallon replies, her voice sounding warmer.
“Kao, your average must’ve shot through the roof with Noah doing all your work,” Jase jokes.
I grin at Jase. “The perks of having a genius for a best friend.”
Our food comes, and while eating, my thoughts are consumed with Fallon. I try to think of grand gestures to sweep her off her feet, but every idea I come up with is instantly dismissed. I can’t drive, and I seriously don’t think we’re ready to get in the same car after the accident.
Deciding to just pick up where we left off before the shit hit the fan, I can only hope that my actions will win her over.
Chapter 15
FALLON
Besides being super aware of the scars, today wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. No one approached me, and having my friends around me helped a lot.
Dinner was awkward, especially when Kao pretended like nothing had happened between us. I have no idea why he’s trying to pick up where we left of. I can’t just forget that he broke my heart.
‘Just friends, Fallon… Nothing more... It’s not like we dated… We weren’t in a relationship… We’re just going back to the way things were.’
Is that what Kao is trying to do? Save our friendship?
I shake my head because there’s no way I can pretend everything is fine and just be friends with him.
“Guys, what movie are we watching?” Jase yells from the living room.
I let out a sigh. I wish I could climb in bed but not wanting to upset my friends more than I already have, I take a deep breath and then leave the safety of my room.
When I walk into the shared space, I notice all the snacks and drinks piled on the coffee table.
Usually, I’d spread a blanket over the carpet so Kao and I can lie down. My heart mourns the loss of the special little things I used to share with him.
Jase and Mila are already comfortable on the one couch, and Jade and Hunter are on the other, leaving the three-seater couch open.
Wanting to see where everyone sits, I first go to the fridge and take out a bottle of water. While I slowly sip on the cool liquid, Hana comes down the hallway, dressed in a pair of jeans and a pretty pale pink blouse.
“Tristan called. He’s picking me up,” she explains her attire. “I’ll have to skip movie night.”
“Are the two of you dating?” Jade asks.
“Yeah, I guess so. We haven’t spoken about making it official yet,” Hana answers. She comes to give me a hug, then asks, “Will you be okay?”
“Sure,” I grin at my friend. “Enjoy your date.”
I’m happy things are starting to get serious between Hana and Tristan. My friend deserves a good man.
After Hana leaves, Kao and Noah take a seat on the last open couch, and I’m fresh out of luck when I have no choice but to sit next to Kao. I was hoping Noah would sit in the middle
Not wanting to make a scene, I lift my chin and go sit down. I press close to the armrest, leaving an open gap between Kao and me.
“What are we watching?” Noah asks.
“Fantastic Beasts,” Mila answers as she presses play on the movie.
At least my left side is facing Kao, and I don’t have to worry about the scars being visible. Pulling my legs up, I curl into the armrest, and I use my right arm to rest my head on.
I only manage to keep my eyes open for the first twenty minutes of the movie. The last thing I remember is seeing a platypus stealing stuff.
A rocking motion draws me out of my sleep, and it takes a couple of seconds for the realization to sink in that someone’s carrying me. Lifting my head, I mutter, “Is the movie over?”
“Yeah,” I hear Kao answer, and it clears the last of the sleep from my head.
My eyes pop open and come face to face with Kao’s strong jawline. Feeling awkward, the words rush from me, “Put me down.”
Kao ignores me, and it doesn’t help I make any further fuss because he turns into my room. When he sets me down on the bed, I quickly move to the side and get up.
“Please, can we talk?” Kao asks, and then he takes a seat on the edge of the bed. When he looks up, I feel the intensity of his eyes settling on me. It’s just as powerful as it’s always been, making my insides hum with awareness.
Knowing I can’t avoid him forever, I go sit on the stool by my dresser. My hand flutters self-consciously over my hair, making sure the scars are still covered.
“I’m sorry, Fallon,” Kao murmurs.
I lift my eyes to his and whisper, “It is what it is. Let’s just forget everything and move forward.”
Kao shakes his head. “I don’t want to forget, and there’s no moving forward without you.”
“It’s going to take me a while before I can be friends with you again,” I admit. If I ever manage to get to that point.
“I don’t want that either,” Kao says.
A frown begins to form on my forehead, and even though he hurt me, I still want him in my life. It pains me to say, “Then I guess the least we can do is to be civil with each other for the –”
“I want you,” Kao interrupts me.
I close my eyes against the mixture of pain and hope his words cause me.
Why now?
It’s been a month since everything went to hell. He pushed me away. He treated me like crap. I’ll never forget his anger and revulsion.
But I still love him.
“I want to be with you,” Kao repeats himself.
When I shake my head, my hand instantly flies up to make sure the hair didn’t move away from my cheek.
Kao gets up and walks toward me. When he crouches in front of me, he places a hand on my knee.
“I lied when I said I only cared for you as a friend. I was scared I wouldn’t see again, and I didn’t want to tie you down to a blind man who can’t offer you anything.”
His confession rips the air from my lungs, and too scared to let the hope fully back in, I can only stare at him.
“I love you, Fallon.”
Hearing the words for the first time is bittersweet. It’s all I ever wanted, but now it’s overshadowed by the trauma we suffered.
“Not as a friend but as a man,” Kao continues. “One who fucked up badly. I can only hope with time you’ll forgive me and give me another chance.”
“I’m sorry. I wish I could go back and do things differently.” My eyes flit over his face, looking for any sign of pity. “I love you,” he says again.
This is not how I wanted to hear those words. Not when everything is broken.
“It felt like you died,” I admit, wanting him to know how much he has hurt me. “I can’t just pick up where we left off. Too much has happened.”
“I understand,” he immediately agrees. “As long as you’ll give me a chance to show you, I’m still the same man I was before the accident.”
I suck in a trembling breath. “That’s the problem, Kao.” A frown begins to form between his brows, and it has me continuing, “The instant life got difficult, you left me. I understand the blindness was a huge shock and adjustment, but you pushed me away. Harshly. You took all your anger out on everyone around you. When I told you about my injuries, you shoved me aside with disgust.” I’m unable to continue as the tears threaten to fall. I take a moment to swallow them back and breathe through the heartache. “You hugged Mila, but you wouldn’t let me near you.” I suck in another trembling breath, then whimper, “It hurts too much.”
Kao rises to his feet, and taking hold of my shoulders, he pulls me up. When his arms wrap around me, I have zero strength to push him away.
KAO
Hearing how much I’ve hurt Fallon is hard. Needing to comfort her, I pull her against my chest and hold her tightly.
I press a kiss to the top of her head and say, “I was nothing short of an asshole. I’m so sorry. I wish I could turn back time and do things differently.” I press another kiss to her hair, then murmur, “One of the reasons I pushed you away was because I wanted to save you from being tied down by a blind man.”
Fallon pulls back and turns her face up to me. “What are the other reasons?”
“Because I hurt you,” I admit. “I can’t remember the accident, but I was the one driving. You got hurt when I should’ve kept you safe.”
Fallon just stares at me for a while, then she asks, “You can’t remember?”
Defiant Heir Page 11
