Good Vampires Go to Heaven

by Sandra Hill

  There was no joking around or hum of conversation, as there normally was before an operation. This was stone-cold grave business, literally.

  “Karl, as mentioned before, will stay at the castle. He will keep a hundred vangels with him here. It’s not the building so much that needs protection, but the precious occupants.” He referred to his family, as well as Karl’s, Cnut’s, and Mordr’s.

  “Got it,” Karl agreed and led his contingent in a file around Vikar, up the steps, and through the open double doors into the castle.

  “The rest of you, leave as your assignments are announced. You already have instructions. If you complete your mission, contact me on your secure phones, and I’ll direct you to where your help is most needed.

  “Our first stage is intended to destroy all of Jasper’s strongholds and the Lucipire council commanders who hold them, Horror Castle being the last and final battle of phase one. This will not happen in one day. In fact, it may take as much as a week. Take as long as necessary.”

  All this, Vikar had explained in group meetings the last two days. But it bore repeating.

  “We will all gather at Horror after completing our initial assignments. After Horror is destroyed and all its occupants, we will gather back here to develop a new plan for phase two. Hitting those countries not yet covered by the first phase where Lucipires may still be hiding. Spain. Nigeria. Iceland. Wherever. Presumably, by then, all the leaders will be gone, but there will be strays. And like roaches, leave one and they will multiply again.

  “Phase three will involve another sweep of every country in the world for every single demon vampire.

  “This is war! Our ultimate goal is: ‘NO MORE LUCIPIRES!’”

  They all cheered and raised their fists or swords in the air, shouting, “NO MORE LUCIPIRES!”

  Vikar bowed his head then, and eight hundred vangels followed suit as Vikar prayed, “Dear Lord, be with us today and always as we fight in Your army to destroy evil. Amen!”

  The crowd repeated, “Amen!”

  Vikar cleared his throat and announced, “Trond, Nicole, and Camille, you will go with the SEALs to Nigeria or whatever terrorist hot spot they are hitting this week. Take a hundred vangels with you, but keep them hidden. Remember, while the SEALs engage the terrorists, you are after Lucipires. This is not a mission for saving sinners.”

  Camille gave her husband, Harek, a quick kiss, and the three headed for the first vehicle in the driveway. Since Camille and Nicole were not vangels, it had been decided that they would all fly back to California, rather than piggyback on Trond’s teletransporting. They would catch a plane out of Philadelphia International Airport. The hundred vangels working with them disappeared and were presumably back in Coronado already, scattered in various hiding places until called to action.

  “Sigurd, go to your island, and be safe. Call for us if you need help. Remember, a good defense is as good as an offense.” Sigurd had been chagrined not to be involved in any of the assault campaigns. “Any vangels who get injured will be sent to your hospital for care.”

  Sigurd nodded, and he was gone, too.

  “Mordr, find Tess, the pirate recently added to Jasper’s council. She may have established headquarters in your part of the country.” Mordr had a home in Las Vegas where his wife was a psychologist. “Wipe out the entire nest. Your family will stay here at the castle.

  “And Svein, you and your hundred vangels will begin a sweep upward from the southern United States, Florida, Louisiana, and so on until you meet up with Mordr. Then the two of you and your vangels will head to Horror for the final battle.”

  Mordr and Svein nodded, and disappeared along with their vangels. Mordr had already said his good-byes to his wife and children while inside the castle.

  Likewise, Ivak, who was being sent to Syria, a hotbed of ISIS terrorism, and therefore a haven for Lucipires, as well.

  “Harek, you are familiar with Siberia. Go to Desolation and wipe out Heinrich, that Nazi piece of shit, and his contingent. Take Armod with you. He can moonwalk on the tundra.”

  Everyone laughed, including Armod.

  Harek nodded at his assignment, although it was well known the time he’d spent in that frigid part of the world had been a punishment, not to his liking at all. He would complete his task quickly and get out of there as soon as possible. He also took a hundred vangels with him, including Armod.

  By now the lawns were half depleted of vangels.

  “Cnut, take a hundred vangels with you to Italy. Rout Hector from the catacombs under the Vatican, then sweep out to other parts of Europe, except for Greece. France, in particular, reeks of Lucipires lately. And Germany, too. We will leave South America and Australia for another time, as well as more thorough screenings of Asia, Africa, and Antarctica. I wouldn’t be surprised if the stray Lucies flee to South America or Australia.”

  Cnut kissed his wife and was gone, along with another hundred vangels. Which left only three hundred or so vangels, along with Vikar, Jogeir, Zeb, and Regina.

  “I will take a hundred vangels with me to the Arab lands, which seem to have the most concentration of terrorists these days. I may meet up with Trond and the SEALs there, or any others of you who find yourselves with operations completed. Hopefully, I will get a chance to fight Ganbold the Mongol there in his own territory.

  “But first, Jogeir, I would have you take Zeb and Regina with you to Greece, where Yakov has taken over Zeb’s old headquarters in the volcanic ruins.”

  Regina had already been aware of which assignment she would get, and that Zeb would serve at her side, also that Jogeir would be keeping an eye on them both. It did not matter. Much. At least, she was being permitted to fight, not restricted to the castle.

  “A hundred vangels should suffice for your task, Jogeir. You can then either join me in Afghanistan, or go on to the Norselands, and Horror. We can decide that as we go.”

  Jogeir just nodded, solemnly, as did Regina and Zeb. She knew that Zeb was just as glad to be given a job in this war as she was.

  Vikar walked up the castle steps then and embraced his wife, Alex, who was standing in the doorway.

  And then he, too, was gone, along with a hundred more vangels.

  “Are you ready?” Jogeir asked Regina and Zeb.

  “We are.”

  Zeb took her hand, and Jogeir took Zeb’s other hand, just in case he wasn’t strong enough yet to teletransport. Turned out he was.

  In the midst of whirling fogs and fast-moving clouds, and the feeling of g-force currents hitting the abdomen, they arrived in a remote area of Greece. At least she thought it was Greece, except that the region looked like a dystopian landscape after an atomic bomb.

  It was the volcanic ruins where Zeb had until recently—for a period of many, many years, centuries, even—maintained a headquarters. Its name was Gloom. And what an appropriate name that was! Everywhere she looked there were black, porous rocks and pumice stones. Only a few bushes grew on the slopes of the funnel-shaped hill. It had been three centuries since the volcano had erupted but there was a dusting of ash on the ground and every surface. They would come away from this battle covered in the stuff.

  Thus far, there was no sign of human or unhuman habitation. According to Zeb, the nearest village was ten miles away. No one wanted to rebuild on this site for fear of another eruption, and superstitions said it was haunted. By demons, of all things. There had to be an irony in Jasper wanting a stronghold of demon vampires in a spot already known for demons.

  She glanced over at Zeb and saw him staring sadly at his surroundings. Regina’s heart tugged with sympathy. What a lonely, depressing life he must have led when residing here!

  As if he’d read her thoughts, Zeb stepped up next to Regina and said, “Honey, we’re home.”

  “Very funny!” she replied.

  Jogeir raised a hand to silently signal that the vangel troops should scatter out like a net before closing in on the various openings that Zeb had outlined for the
m. They’d already studied maps of the site and had tactics planned out.

  That’s when the long-dormant volcano began to erupt, spewing out, not lava, but Lucipires, like ants from an ant hill. Really big ants! And leading them was the powerful haakai, Yakov. Zeb had given a detailed description of how the Lucipire would look in both demonoid and humanoid forms. If he had been in humanoid form, which he was not, he would have worn a long tunic-style coat and beaver hat, or else shaved head with small pigtail in back. Prominent high Slavic cheekbones. Most of all, and visible in both forms, like now, was the traditional Cossack weapon, a curved, long-bladed sabre, known as a shashka.

  “Go with God!” Jogeir hollered. Then, raising his broadsword high, he added, “To war!”

  War stinks . . .

  Zeb stabbed his sword repeatedly into one Lucipire after another, making sure to get them through the heart with the specially treated blade. That would ensure they could not return as demon vampires, but were sentenced instead to eternity in Hell.

  When a Lucipire was destroyed, it melted away into a puddle of slime. When a vangel, or human, was killed by a Lucipire, its body dissolved on the spot with no slime and was immediately transported to Horror, or the nearest Lucipire stronghold. Already the ground near him was covered in slime, which would mix with the ash to form a godawful mess. There was no help for that.

  The fangs were of no use today. Normally, a vangel would give a sinner that had been fanged by a Lucipire a chance to repent, and if they agreed, the vangel would fang the sinner, offering another chance to live a good life. Surprisingly, most of them refused. But there was no time to make those offers today. Besides, a fang redemption probably wouldn’t work on a Lucipire.

  Zeb wondered idly if he had the vangel power to redeem a sinner. He would have to try, when he got a chance.

  Sadly, scanning the battlefield, Zeb saw several vangels go down, then disappear, leaving their clothing and weapons behind. Hopefully, when the vangels led by Vikar got to Horror, they would be able to release the injured vangels who’d been taken captive. Also hopefully, the Lucipires would be too engaged in battles to have time for torture in an attempt to turn them into Lucipires.

  The injured vangels would be taken to Grand Key Island for hospital care. If they’d died while still vangels, they would already be in Tranquility until the Final Judgment Day.

  Maybe Zeb should try to get injured. Tranquility didn’t sound too bad. No, that wouldn’t work. Michael would never allow it.

  One advantage the vangels had in this current battle was that the Lucipires were so huge they made big targets. At the same time, their size was a disadvantage for the vangels because the Lucipire beasts were extra strong and did not tire easily.

  Zeb, like many of the vangels, had dropped his cloak, for ease of movement. They would gather them all later.

  Already having downed a dozen Lucipires with his sword, Zeb decided it was time to get out the big guns. Unfolding the AK-47 strapped to his body, he prepared to mow down a new batch of the creatures storming toward him. They’d been coming in waves with a short respite in between. At least a hundred of them so far.

  He couldn’t lose focus, but still he glanced quickly toward Regina who was lobbing a vast assortment of knives to pierce the Lucipires’ hearts. She was an excellent marksman with the blades. If she ran out of knives, many of which hung in loops sewn onto her black denims, she had the powerful M11 handgun in a shoulder holster. She looked like some kind of Norse goddess as she stood her ground.

  He felt an odd pride in her appearance and abilities.

  He spotted Jogeir moving toward Yakov who stood alone on a small rise of rocks. Jogeir and Yakov were soon engaged in a fierce swordfight, Jogeir with an ancient broadsword, and Yakov with an equally ancient sabre. Jogeir was an accomplished warrior, but still Zeb made his way toward him, to offer his help. Yakov’s power couldn’t be underestimated. Besides that, the stone-covered ground could cause even the most nimble man to falter, giving the advantage to his opponent.

  A brief glance from Jogeir was the only acknowledgement that he knew Zeb was at his back. Because the broadsword was so heavy, it couldn’t be used in a thrust and parry mode, like a long sword. Rather a wide arc. Which made the combat rather cumbersome. No wonder Vikings had such powerful shoulder and upper arm muscles. The sabre, too, was designed for cutting blows, not thrusting.

  Just then, Yakov noticed Zeb and roared, “Ah, the traitor arrives.” With a huge clawed paw, Yakov knocked Jogeir to the side and Jogeir dropped down on one knee.

  Even so, Jogeir was able to swing his broadsword upward, two-handed, across Yakov’s beastly chest. Yakov glanced down at himself with surprise at the blood already seeping through his scaly skin. He wasn’t done for yet and could still do some damage if left to die slowly. Plus, his heart probably hadn’t been pierced.

  Zeb was no fool, and all was fair in love and war, as they said, so he felt no need to use blade against blade. Instead, he raised his AK-47 and rat-a-tat-tat, Yakov was shot through the heart. At the same time, one of Regina’s knives flew through the air, over his shoulder, hitting Yakov in the same spot. Yakov clutched his chest and fell backward to the ground with a crash, crushing some of the coarse pumice rocks with his weight.

  At first, the beast just lay on its back, looking up at Zeb with hatred in his red eyes. Then he snarled, “I will meet you in Hell, Hebrew.”

  “I sincerely hope not,” Zeb said.

  “And you, bitch,” Yakov choked out, looking at Regina, “Jasper has a special torture planned just for you.”

  Over my double-dead body, Zeb thought.

  Yakov was soon gone, his gnarly body melting like butter on a hot stove. Yakov’s slime made a particularly putrid stink.

  “That’s a real coup, Jogeir. Congratulations,” Zeb said.

  “You and Regina helped, too,” Jogeir replied. “We all did.”

  “You’re the leader of this fight,” Zeb pointed out. “Killing Yakov is huge, Jogeir, and a good number of his minions, as well. Mission accomplished.”

  “Not totally. We’re to wipe out every single Lucipire,” Jogeir reminded them. “I don’t think we’ve got them all yet . . .”

  Zeb leaned over and gave Regina a quick fly-by kiss on the cheek before she could swat him away. “Congrats, wifey.”

  “Are you going to kiss Jogeir, too?” she sniped.

  “Only if he grows a pair of breasts and smells like cinnamon.”

  They did a three-way high five then, before turning to engage in the tail end of fighting. There weren’t many of the enemy left. Having lost their leader, many of the Lucipires were scattering, running off to the hills, or teletransporting to another of Jasper’s outposts. Where they would, unknowingly, be met by another vangel team.

  An hour later, Zeb and Regina were inside the Gloom cave, which had been renovated and enlarged by Zeb over the years. Yakov hadn’t made any changes during his short time here. Jogeir was outside assessing damages, and making a tally of Lucipires killed by counting the number of slime puddles. A crude method of accounting, but the alternative was having each of the vangel survivors tell how many individual demon vampires they had got through the heart. Jogeir had directed them to make sure the cave was a good enough stronghold for the vangels until they decided what to do next. Zeb had assured Jogeir that it was secure, but they were double checking.

  “Wow,” Regina said when she first entered the cave. The wide, medieval-looking door was hidden from view to outsiders by a wide overhang of porous rock requiring a visitor to stoop before even seeing the entry.

  He led her down a long corridor which was stark and dreary even with overhead lighting and sconces along the walls. He’d chiseled much of this by hand himself. But then they came to the large living room, which was warm and inviting, if he did say so himself, with cushiony, low couches, recliners, coffee tables, and end tables with lamps giving a subdued, soft lighting. Persian rugs in jewel tones covered the bare stone flo
or. Paintings and framed prints adorned the stone walls. There was a sixty-inch flat-screen TV, and a gas fireplace.

  “Wow!” Regina said again. “How did you do all this, especially without garnering any attention?”

  “Worked mostly at night. And, hey, I had a lot of years to complete the project. At first, it was only a cave-like opening. That was back in the 1860s, same time as the American Civil War was going on. Jasper had a heyday with some of the corrupt officers, not to mention vicious slave owners. Anyhow, I had no backhoes or drills or other modern equipment. Just sweat and blood. Later, I made sure the Lucipires on my team had some particular skill . . . electrical, plumbing, engineering.”

  She looked at him as if impressed.

  And he had to admit to being pleased with her appreciation of his efforts. He showed her the modern kitchen then, the two spacious bedrooms, and a bathroom that rivaled many spas. There was also a pantry that had a ton of nonperishable food, like the most sophisticated bunker. “The kitchen alone took me a century to complete, especially since the appliances date themselves almost as soon as they’re put in. Can anyone say microwave, or K-Cup coffeemaker or ice maker?” He smiled at her.

  And she smiled back. “I wouldn’t have the patience. Obviously. As indicated by my recent actions, which some . . . namely Vikar and Michael . . . would call impulsive. Jumping in to rescue you because I couldn’t bear to wait for others, more qualified, to get off their butts and act . . . yeah, I rubbed some noses the wrong way for my recklessness.”

  “And thank God for that!”

  There was also a huge cave-like section, which he showed her, containing dorm-like bedrooms, lounges, a kitchen, and three communal bathrooms to handle up to twenty-five Lucipires . . . and now vangels. The digs back here were modest, but comfortable. Besides that, a room in the far back held a massive generator for electricity because a drain on municipal lines would be noticed. In addition, there was a cover and a complicated mechanism leading to a well for water. “It took me ten years to find a natural underground spring and run water lines. Try doing that at night so no one will notice.”