Good Vampires Go to Heaven

by Sandra Hill

  “A doctor’s a doctor, I allus say.”

  “Forget about it!”

  “Whatever you say,” Tante Lulu said with a meekness suspicious to say the least.

  “And where do you expect me and Aaron to be when this is going on?”

  “It’s all in St. Jude’s hands, honey.”

  Samantha could tell he was restraining himself from saying something nasty, even sacrilegious.

  “Besides, I have the perfect person in mind fer manager,” Tante Lulu added.

  “Who?” Daniel demanded to know.

  “I’ll tell ya when the time is right.”

  “By the way, Daniel.” Samantha had an idea. “Do you know what you need to keep your lawn nice and tidy?”

  “Does Hummer make lawn mowers?”

  “Very funny. A goat.”

  “A what? No, no, no! A monster cat, I can accept”—said cat was lying on the grass, munching on something. He hoped it was catnip—“but no goats. No way! And what the hell are you doing with a goat anyway?”

  “Thass a great idea,” Tante Lulu said to Samantha. To Daniel, she explained, “Samantha rescues animals in her spare time. Bet she’s got a goat or two. Bet she could give ya some dogs, too. Or wouldja prefer pigs and rats.”

  Daniel turned to stare at Samantha with surprise. “You have pigs and rats?”

  “Well, I did have a pig. A pot-bellied pig. Not the kind you raise for meat. But no rats; Tante Lulu was referring to gerbils. And, actually, I got rid of . . . I mean, I found a home for . . . the goat this morning. One goat, not two,” she said pointedly, glancing toward Tante Lulu. “A farmer from Alabama, in town for the Holstein convention, heard about my goat. And he also took the pot-bellied pig, the goose, and all the ducks, as well. My neighbors are probably celebrating as we speak. There had been talk about goose liver pâté and Peking duck.”

  Daniel’s jaw dropped with amazement, whether at her array of pets, or her as their caretaker, she wasn’t sure. But then, his quick survey of her attire ended with, “Been shopping at Wal-Mart, have you?”

  Okay, so he had a point there. Samantha did like designer clothing, some of which might not be animal-friendly. Today, she wore a Pucci silk, one-shoulder blouse in a shell and seagull motif with artful knots at the shoulder and hemline, over stretch cotton, crop pants, Rebecca Minkoff ankle cuff sandals, a floppy straw sun hat, and Kate Spade retro sunglasses.

  His sarcasm deserved no response. She could have countered with an argument that quality merchandise lasted forever and never went out of style. Or she could have countered with a comment about his khakis and loafers as inappropriate for the outdoor work to be done here today. Instead, she continued her earlier conversation about rescue animals. “Not to worry about missing out on the goat, though, Daniel. I have lots of other animals left. Can anyone say monkey? Or cockatoo?” Samantha batted her eyelashes at Daniel, hoping to have a customer. As much as she’d come to care for her rescued pets, it would be nice to have an empty house for a change. Not that she’d ever be totally empty. No way would she give away her German Shepherd, Axel, or Max’s feline sister, Maddie.

  “I do not want any more animals.” He enunciated each word for emphasis. “And don’t be giving me those come-hither eyes unless you’re ready to hither.”

  The image of their shared dream shimmered in the air between them.

  Samantha could feel herself blush.

  Daniel just grinned.

  “Jeesh! Doan get yerself in a snit,” Tante Lulu said to Daniel. To Samantha, she whispered, “Mebbe ya should ask Aaron instead. He ain’t so persnickety.”

  “I am not persnickety, whatever the hell that is,” Daniel protested. “By the way, old lady, I don’t appreciate your setting up a medical practice for me, either.”

  “Oh, did all them poor sick folks come t’day?” Tante Lulu inquired with the innocence of a cobra.

  “Where’s Aaron?” Samantha asked, trying to defuse the situation, although she had no idea what they were talking about. Another of Tante Lulu’s machinations, she was sure. Although, if it had anything to do with Daniel being a doctor, she could understand. It was selfish of Daniel to waste his medical skills. Selfish, self-centered, arrogant. Just like all the doctors she knew! Or most of them.

  “He was here all morning. Not sure where he disappeared to,” Daniel said, frowning, as if he’d just realized his brother was missing.

  Tante Lulu, who had started to climb the steep steps in front of them, had the answer. “He’s over at the Doucet gator farm, tryin’ ta sweet-talk Del.”

  “That’s just great,” Daniel remarked. “He’ll be back soon, or I’ll go drag him back. He’s not leaving me here alone to handle this mess.”

  Samantha homed in on only one thing. “Gator farm?”

  “Don’t ask,” Daniel warned.

  Off Tante Lulu went then, talking away, regardless of whether anyone was listening.

  Turns out, the old lady was an excellent tour guide, Samantha had to give her that, as Tante Lulu interspersed her descriptions of the various rooms with a bit of the history of the house and the property that she knew so well. In fact, old sepia photographs of the house as it had looked in the mid and late 1800s were tacked on the wall of the entry hall.

  Still other photos showed the exterior and interior of the house as it had been during more prosperous days. Unfortunately, all the furniture, fine Aubusson and Tabriz carpets, and paintings were gone now, even the lighting fixtures, but the painted-over woodwork, ceiling medallions, and ornate crown molding remained, along with the wide, carved stairway that ran up the center of the main floor’s hallway and the sliding pocket doors, a Victorian-era addition, separating the rooms. Although they were scuffed and ingrained with decades of dirt, the random-plank cypress floors would be magnificent when refinished. And the tall, floor-to-ceiling windows remained intact, albeit with wavy glass.

  Rooms on each of the three floors were separated by a twelve-foot corridor . . . wasted space in today’s house designs. On the main floor, there were two parlors, a dining room, library, and office. Eight bedrooms on the second floor and four on the third floor, along with a nursery or schoolroom and servant quarters. There were a total of three full and four half bathrooms, which had been installed at the turn of the last century . . . as in clawfoot tubs and pedestal sinks and shaving mirrors . . . on these three floors, along with the ground level where the kitchen, pantries, laundry, and other storage rooms were located. Only two of the bathrooms were functioning. There was no basement because of the high water table here in Southern Louisiana.

  “Did you know the original owners?” Daniel asked.

  “Idjit!” Tante Lulu jabbed him with an elbow. “How old ya think I am?”

  “I meant the last owners,” Daniel amended.

  “Oh, okay, then. Yep, the DuBois fam’ly lived here when I was growin’ up. Left suddenly ’bout thirty years ago. Rumor was there was some kinda hanky panky takin’ place with Missy DuBois and them dogs.”

  Samantha wouldn’t touch that last observation with a ten-foot barge pole.

  Daniel made a sound that was halfway between a snort and a chuckle.

  Time for another change of subject. “Forget about the kennels. This would make a wonderful family home,” Samantha remarked. “I can see all the possibilities for restoration, but also ways to make it a comfortable living space. Children would flourish in this setting.” In fact, it was the type of home she’d always dreamed of. Before she’d become disillusioned by Nick and her failed marriage.

  Her Garden District home in New Orleans was more than adequate, but not perfect, for kids who needed, or would appreciate, open spaces to run and play, not to mention the bayou for swimming and fishing. If she’d gotten pregnant with Nick (hopefully, three times . . . two girls and one boy), she would have moved. Maybe that was another reason Nick had been unhappy with her. He was definitely a city person.

  She glanced up to see Daniel watching her closely
before he asked, “Is this the type of home you grew up in?”

  “Hardly. We had nice homes, don’t get me wrong.” In fact, luxurious. “But my father married six times, and changed houses each time. My mother cavorted around Europe, never spending more than a year in any one place. She practically invented the word ‘cougar’ for older women, younger men.”

  “And you?”

  “I spent most of my time in boarding schools since I was eight. Same for my younger half-brother, Wallace. Way younger. Plus, we grew up in different homes with different mothers. We were never close.” Suddenly, she realized how much she’d revealed and turned away from him.

  Luckily, Tante Lulu picked up the conversation. “If yer grandma Sophie hadn’t been ill fer so many years before she died, things woulda been different fer you, Samantha. I guarantee it. Yer grandpa Stanley and Sophie were good God-fearin’ people, but they let their chillren run wild and neglected the grandchillren whilst Sophie was ailin’ and then when Stanley was grievin’ after her passin’.”

  “I hardly remember her,” Samantha said. “I was away at boarding school, of course, and when I came home, they didn’t allow her many visitors.” Her grandfather was a good man, and they’d bonded in the last few years, but he hadn’t been there for her when she was young, or even in her Nick/marriage period.

  “A cryin’ shame, thass what it is,” Tante Lulu said, patting her on the arm. “Family is the most important thing in the world, honey.”

  Tante Lulu stared at Daniel then, as if with some hidden meaning.

  “What? I didn’t disagree.”

  “Then do somethin’ about it.”

  “About what?”

  “Makin’ a family.” On those words she stomped away.

  He gasped. “Me? Start a family? Is she crazy?”

  Samantha burst out laughing, so comical was the expression of horror on his face.

  “Go ahead. Laugh. You do realize that she means that I should start a family with you.”

  It was Samantha’s turn to be horrified.

  Her and Daniel? A family? No way!

  But then a blip of a picture flashed into her mind. Her and Daniel. In bed. Doing what usually led to making a family. “I need to get out of here,” she said.

  Daniel’s laughter followed after her.

  Glossary

  al-Qaeda—militant Sunni Islamic organization founded by Osama bin Laden, Abdullah Azzam, and others.

  Archipelago—an island group or island chain

  Armageddon—the final battle between good and evil foretold in the Bible

  A-Viking—a Norse practice of sailing away to other countries for the purpose of looting, settlement, or mere adventure; could be for a period of several months or years at a time

  Baldr (alternate spellings Balder, Baldur, etc.)—god of goodness and peace, son of the chief god Odin and his wife, the goddess Frigg

  Bane—poison

  Bayou—body of slow-moving water typically located in flat, low-lying areas, often swampy surroundings

  Beowulf—legendary warrior who was hero of the Old English poem “Beowulf” as well as an opera by Wagner

  Boko Haram—a militant Islamic terrorist organization based in northeast Nigeria, responsible for many deaths and kidnappings; its purpose is to institute Sharia, or Islamic law, including the ban on all western education

  Braies—slim pants worn by men

  Broadsword—heavy sword with a broad blade for cutting rather than thrusting

  Cajun—Louisianan descended from French-speaking immigrants from Acadia

  Capuchin—a religious order of friars stemming from the original order of St. Francis of Assisi

  Catacombs—a subterranean cemetery of galleries with recesses for tombs

  Chère—dear in Cajun (female)

  Cotters—peasant farmers

  Creole—a person descended from early French or Spanish settlers of the U.S. Gulf states with preserved speech and culture

  Fake-O—synthetic blood drunk by vangels when other blood not available

  Gammelost—stinky cheese, rumored to be so bad that it turned men berserk

  Gunna—long-sleeved, ankle-length gown for women, often worn under a tunic or surcoat, or under a long, open-sided apron

  Haakai—high-level demon

  Hordlings—lower-level demons

  Imps—lowest level demons, foot soldiers so to speak

  ISIS—Islamic State of Iraq and al-Sham, extreme Muslim group

  Jarl—high-ranking Norseman similar to an English earl, or wealthy landowner, could also be a minor king

  Kaupang—a Viking-age market town, one of the first towns in Norway

  Longships—narrow, open watergoing vessels with oars and square sails, perfected by Viking shipbuilders, noted for their speed and ability to ride in both shallow waters and deep oceans

  Lucifer/Satan—the fallen angel Lucifer became known as the demon Satan

  Lucipires—demon vampires led by fallen angel Jasper

  Mais, oui—But, yes

  Mancus—a unit of measurement or coin equal roughly to 4.5 grams of gold or thirty silver pence, also equal to one month’s wages for a skilled worker in medieval times

  Masada—ancient, tragic fortress in southern district of Israel, located on top of an isolated, rocky plateau

  Mead—fermented honey and water

  Mikvah—a pool of water used for ritual bathing

  Motte—a high flat-topped mound; with a motte and bailey castle it would be a wood or stone keep on a raised earthwork, surrounded by protective ditches and palisades

  Mung—type of demon, below the haakai in status, often very large and oozing slime and mung

  Muslim—a religion based on the Koran with the belief that the word of God was revealed through the prophet Mohammed

  Newt—type of salamander

  Norselands—early term referring not just to Norway but all the Scandinavian countries as a whole

  Northumbria—one of the Anglo-Saxon kingdoms, bordered by the English kingdoms to the south and in the north and northwest by the Scots, Cumbrians, and Strathclyde Welsh

  Odin—king of all the Viking gods

  Pheromones—chemicals secreted in sweat or body fluids believed to influence the behavior of the opposite sex

  Purgatory—intermediate state after physical death in which those destined for heaven undergo purification

  Sabre—a light fencing or dueling sword having an arched guard that covers the back of the hand and a tapering flexible blade with a full cutting edge along one side and a partial cutting edge on the back of the tip

  Sac-au-lait—type of fish, also known as crappie

  SEAL—Sea, Air, and Land

  Sennight—one week

  Skald—poet

  Stasis—state of inactivity or numbness, condition in which the person cannot move

  Tangos—terrorists, bad guys

  Teletransport—transfer of matter from one point to another without traversing physical space

  Thor—god of war

  Tranquility—place where dead vangels go until the Final Judgment Day

  Tun—unit of liquid capacity equal to 252 gallons

  Tundra—level or undulating treeless plain that is characteristic of arctic and subarctic regions

  Vangels—Viking vampire angels

  Vieux Carré—French Quarter of New Orleans

  VIK—the seven Sigurdsson brothers who head the vangels

  WEALS—Women on Earth, Air, Land, and Sea

  About the Author

  SANDRA HILL is a graduate of Penn State and worked for more than ten years as a features writer and education editor for publications in New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Writing about serious issues taught her the merits of seeking the lighter side of even the darkest stories.

  Please visit her on the web at www.sandrahill.net.

  www.avonromance.com

  www.facebook.com/avonromance

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  By Sandra Hill

  Deadly Angels Series

  Good Vampires Go to Heaven

  The Angel Wore Fangs

  Even Vampires Get the Blues

  Vampire in Paradise

  Christmas in Transylvania

  Kiss of Wrath

  Kiss of Temptation

  Kiss of Surrender

  Kiss of Pride

  Viking Series I

  The Pirate Bride

  The Norse King’s Daughter

  The Viking Takes a Knight

  Viking in Love

  A Tale of Two Vikings

  The Viking’s Captive (formerly My Fair Viking)

  The Blue Viking

  The Bewitched Viking

  The Tarnished Lady

  The Outlaw Viking

  The Reluctant Viking

  Cajun Series

  The Love Potion (Book One)

  Viking Series II

  Hot & Heavy

  Wet & Wild

  The Very Virile Viking

  Truly, Madly Viking

  The Last Viking

  Creole-Time Travel Series

  Sweeter Savage Love

  Frankly, My Dear . . .

  Others

  Love Me Tender

  Desperado

  Copyright

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Excerpt from The Cajun Doctor copyright © 2017 by Sandra Hill.

  good vampires go to heaven. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.