My Greatest Mistake

by T Gephart

  She looked so happy.

  Relaxed.

  Peaceful.

  And if I could’ve frozen a moment in time, it would’ve been that one, seeing her exactly like that.

  Naked, content, and beautiful.

  “I’m in love with you.” The words were effortless, coming out of my mouth before they’d even formulated properly in my head. And even though I hadn’t meant to say it, I didn’t regret it.

  Her eyes widened, the surfaces getting glassy as her hand swept against the edge of my jaw. “I’m in love with you too.”

  I hadn’t known how much I needed to hear it, until I did. My lips coming down on hers so fast to stop her from taking them back.

  There was so much more to be said—things I needed to tell her—but I couldn’t do any of it. Refusing to let anything seep in and ruin it.

  There’d be time, I reasoned, whispering I loved her again and again against her lips.

  There’d be time.

  Zara

  It was the second time I’d woken up in Lincoln’s bed, but the first time I’d woken up in his arms.

  My eyes fluttered open, the gentle woosh of his breathing tickling my shoulders as I tried not to move. His arms were wrapped around me as he cradled my body, and I savored the way it felt. It was different to how it had been with other men, my happiness so deep, it had seeped into my bones. But there was also sadness too, because I had no idea how long it would all last.

  He was leaving.

  Ticket booked, clock ticking, and neither of us had discussed what would happen after last night. I’d been so sure I’d be able to say goodbye, to remain friends, to watch him walk away, and I’d been wrong on every single count.

  I loved him.

  As unexpected and ridiculous as it sounded, I’d fallen in love with a man who—if not for a case of mistaken identity—I never would have met.

  My eyes closed again, just living in the moment where everything was fine. Where I remembered how he told me he loved me, and we were together. It was only a matter of time before he woke up and reality would sneak in whether I was ready or not.

  “I can hear you thinking.” The chuckle was low from behind me, his hand sweeping up and squeezing one of my breasts. “You debating your breakfast options? I’ll go get you food, just give me a few minutes to enjoy my morning buzz.”

  My body rolled in his arms so I was facing him, his smile so big and bright it made my stomach flutter. “I love you.” My lips moved to his, kissing him because while we were in that bed, he was still mine.

  “Mmmmmmm,” he mumbled, his grin getting wider as his fingers trailed down my back. “I love you too. Although the lack of obscenities and demands is throwing me off, how long have I got before you yell at me for coffee? I’m not complaining, your bitchy side is incredibly hot.”

  Usually his humor was one of the things I loved about him, except for currently where I didn’t want to laugh. Truth was, I didn’t even know what I wanted. To face his departure and talk about how it was going to work. Or ignore it completely and make love to him again. “What time is your flight?”

  Well, guess a decision was made. Thanks a lot, mouth.

  “Four.” He kissed me, his mouth moving down the column of my throat. “And until I get on that plane, I’m all yours.”

  Until I get on that plane, no indication as to what would happen after.

  But he loved me, right? He wouldn’t just forget me.

  “Lincoln.” I arched into him, trying to fight what my body wanted and give my brain what it needed. “We should—”

  I didn’t get to finish, the rest of my sentence cut off by the phone.

  It was the ringtone I’d assigned to Belle, which was unsurprising since she’d assume—after the long and impassioned speech I’d given her—I wasn’t spending the night with Lincoln.

  “It’s Belle, it’s easier if I just answer it.” I sighed, giving him a quick kiss before shuffling out of his grasp.

  I padded—naked—to where I’d dumped my bag on the floor, wriggling my ass a little while I retrieved my phone. Lincoln groaned from the bed. “Unless you want your sister to get more than what she bargained for, you should probably stop that.”

  I didn’t doubt him for a second, still smiling when I put the phone against my ear and answered it. “Belle, I know I didn’t come home last night but—”

  “Zara, Mom’s in the hospital.”

  The happy, bubbly voice I knew was gone, and in its place was a Belle I didn’t recognize. She was panicked, desperate, almost hyperventilating on the phone. “Dad is with her and they’re going to the hospital. Oh my God, Zara, one of the people she was trying to help, just freaked out. He beat her, Zara, hit her until she blacked out. I’m such a terrible daughter. She asked me to go visit, and I haven’t seen either of them in weeks. And now,” she sucked in a breath, “I just want her to be okay.”

  My heart fell, the blood feeling like it was draining from my veins and out of my body, the weight of gravity crushing me as I dropped to my knees. I hadn’t seen my parents either, putting off stopping by my old childhood home because they were always there. It wasn’t even far, the trip to Queens something I should’ve done at least once a week.

  “Belle, where? Where are they taking her?” I tried my best not to sound frantic, knowing one of us had to be the strong one and Belle just didn’t have it in her. “What did Dad say?”

  “New York Presbyterian in Queens,” she managed to get out in between sobs. “He kept saying she’ll be fine, that she’s strong, but. . . Zara, I don’t know if he’s telling the truth.”

  As a veteran criminal prosecutor, my dad had the ability to mask his feelings unlike anyone I’d ever seen. So when Belle said she wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth, I knew what she meant. He wouldn’t want us to worry, to be terrified of what kind of damage a man—who’d clearly lost his mind—could do to our mother.

  “What is it?” Lincoln was beside me, pulling me to my feet. “Zara, what’s happened?”

  His eyes searched mine while I tried to formulate the words. I’d always been so levelheaded, so dependable but it was taking everything I could not to fall apart. “Our mom,” I managed to wheeze out. “She’s hurt.”

  Before I knew what was happening, the phone was out of my hand and into his. “Belle, I’m sending a car to come get you.” He grabbed his phone and furiously started texting. “Terry will be there soon.” He rattled off more details, letting her know they’d pick us up on the way to the hospital. He paused a few times and listened, deciphering whatever Belle was saying as he pulled an arm around me.

  “She’s going to be okay.” It was only when I turned to face him that I realized he’d ended the call with Belle and was talking to me.

  I shook my head, knowing there was no possible way he could promise that. “I just need to get there.”

  “I know, I figure by the time Terry gets Belle you will have time to get dressed. I also gave Nate a call. He should be getting off shift soon, figured he might know someone on staff at the hospital.” He handed me my clothes, maneuvering me to the edge of the bed. “Do you need help?” he asked, looking at the clothes in my hand that I hadn’t even attempted to put on.

  “No, no I can do it,” I assured him, begging my brain to kick into gear as I slid on my underwear. I didn’t even care it was last night’s clothes, too concerned about my mom to worry about the inappropriateness of my dress. “I’m fine. I can do this.”

  Not sure if it was for his benefit or mine, my hands shaking as I tried to pull up my zipper.

  Belle and I had been spoiled as children, protected from any real trauma by two parents who were overprotective and loved us unconditionally. And for someone who had thought she’d been so strong, I hated that I wasn’t living up to it.

  “Here.” He took over, having already pulled on fresh boxer briefs and a clean pair of pants. “You need anything, Zara? Anything I can do until the car gets here? I can run to a store
, get you something else to wear? Coffee?”

  “No, I just want to go wait for them downstairs.” I turned around, doing my best not to cry. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, Lincoln, but you can’t come with me.”

  “Zara,” he shook his head, resting his hands on my hips. “I know this is not an ideal way to meet your parents, but I’m not going to kiss you goodbye and send you to the hospital. I’ll wait in the coffee shop or down in the ER waiting room, or even in the car if you don’t want me around.”

  It was a sweet offer, and something I wasn’t expecting. We hadn’t even defined what we were, so meeting each other’s parents wasn’t even a consideration. But I couldn’t have him there and use him as a crutch when in a few hours he was going to have to leave. As hard as it was to do alone, it was easier than the alternative.

  “I won’t be alone, I’ll have Belle. And my dad. Lincoln, this isn’t personal, but I just can’t have you there.” I couldn’t have him see me fall apart, worried that was exactly what would happen.

  It was bad enough our relationship had started unconventionally, add in a family emergency and a pending departure time and it was just too much drama for anyone to take. If we ended up together, it had to be because of us. Because we belonged together, because we couldn’t stand to be apart. Not out of infatuation or obligation.

  He opened his mouth to argue, but I stopped him. I knew he’d be able to convince me, but I didn’t want to be convinced. I needed to know my own mind, and right now the only thoughts I could process were that of my mother.

  “I love you.” I pushed my mouth against his, holding him as tight as I could. “I love you, Lincoln, even though this doesn’t make sense. But I need to go do this by myself.”

  “I love you too. Promise me you’re going to call as soon as you get to the hospital. I want to know everything.” He kissed me back, pulling me closer.

  I nodded, promising to call and update him as I grabbed my bag and phone. I wasn’t sure how much longer Belle and Terry were going to be, but I needed to go. It felt too claustrophobic in that room, like every one of my emotions was amplified. “Call Terry and tell him to take Belle straight to the hospital. I’m going to get a cab.”

  “Zara, please wait. Terry is one of the best driver’s I’ve ever had. He’ll be here shortly, NYC traffic is nothing for him.”

  “Lincoln.” I took a breath, trying to stop myself from raising my voice. “I can do this. I know you are trying to help, but I need to get there now. I’m not waiting. So please call him or I’ll call Belle and pass on the message myself.”

  He grabbed his phone and started to dial as I headed toward the door.

  “Zara. Call me,” he warned, his conflicted eyes watching me as I left.

  I hated that he’d probably thought I was cold, or ungrateful, but I couldn’t think about that. My body was on automatic as I took the elevator to the lobby, racing out the door and hailing a cab.

  Please be okay, please be okay, I prayed silently as the taxi headed from Manhattan to Queens. Please just let my mom be okay.

  Mom had thankfully regained consciousness in the ambulance but wasn’t in a good way. She had a nasty concussion, her eye had swollen shut, and had a broken jaw. She also had multiple fractures in her arm where she’d tried to protect herself, surgery required to reset it.

  I’d messaged Lincoln as soon as I’d gotten to the ER, letting him know I’d arrived safe. Then I sent a few more texts, telling him when she was going into surgery and not to worry. Each time he’d responded asking if I needed anything and whether he could come to the hospital, but I gave him the same answer I’d given him at his hotel. That I needed to do it on my own.

  “You know.” My dad wrapped one arm around me and the other around Belle. “Your mom might seem sweet and fragile, but she’s stronger than she looks. This isn’t the first time she’s been in a hospital after an assault.”

  “What?” I choked back, the three of us sitting in her room around her bedside. She was so groggy from the pain meds after the surgery that she’d barely woken up. And even though I knew there was nothing I could do, I couldn’t stand to leave. “What do you mean this isn’t the first time?”

  My parents had barely been sick when I’d grown up, my mom and dad having such strong work ethics they’d probably drag themselves to their jobs, half dead. Even cold and flus were met with little fuss, rarely had I seen either of my parents sleep in, let alone be laid up sick in bed.

  “You were both young, your mom was working in a shelter. One of the women had an abusive ex-husband who found her and was trying to drag his wife home. Your mom wouldn’t let it happen, even if it meant she ended up with fractured ribs and a broken leg.”

  I vaguely remembered my mom’s broken leg, but had been told a different version of events. “So she didn’t trip on a subway grate?” The excuse we were given for my mother in a cast and on crutches, never questioned. “What else has happened that we didn’t know?”

  “Zara, you were young, we didn’t want you worrying about things you couldn’t control.” My father rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. “Both your mother and I had jobs that put us both in danger. We did our best to protect you.”

  My anger was irrational, understanding why they did it but still feeling betrayed. My parents had always been so careful to curate this perfect childhood for us. Insulating us from harm like it would somehow ensure we’d be saved from pain and suffering. And for the most part it worked, but I wished they’d trusted me and Belle enough to know we’d be okay. That we were strong enough to handle more.

  “I need to go for a walk.” I stood up, needing some fresh air and to get out of the room. Just because I understood his reasoning—believing they’d honestly just wanted the best for us—it didn’t mean I was okay with it.

  “Zara,” my father warned. “Don’t get emotional over this. You know better. Your mom is fine, and the past can’t be changed. Between you and Belle, you are the one who should understand exactly why we made those decisions. I thought I taught you better than that.”

  “Whoa!” Belle joined me on her feet. “You think because she’s always been so analytical, she doesn’t get to have feelings. Newsflash, Dad, she’s not a robot, no matter how hard you tried to make her one.”

  I grabbed her arm, trying to stop whatever she was going to say. “Belle—”

  “No, let me say this, because obviously that’s what is expected of me.” Belle waved her hand dismissing my interjection. “Zara is brilliant. She’s smart, and driven, and is destined for greatness. But she has a heart too, and has never ever let me down even though I know I sometimes drive her crazy. You should’ve told us, Dad. We’re not little girls anymore and haven’t been for a very long time.”

  And with that, she grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the room and into the hall.

  I was so surprised, I didn’t have time to react, following her out in what was the strangest role-reversal I’d ever expected. I was always the stronger one, the one who protected her—not the other way around.

  “Are you okay?” Belle put her arms around me, her delicate lithe body curling around me once we were far enough away to stop.

  “Yeah, thanks for getting me out of there. I was worried I was going to say something I might regret and now isn’t the time.” I hugged her back, grateful to have a moment just with my sister. “I understand why they did it, but it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.”

  Belle nodded, dropping her arms and leading us to some chairs. “Yeah, there will be time for all of that later. But who knows how long Mom’s recovery is going to take, she needs us not angry. Besides, Dad is probably in shock right now.” She laughed. “Did you see his face? Wasn’t expecting that from his little Tinker Belle.”

  I laughed too. “Well, if he has a heart attack, at least he’s in the right place.”

  My phone buzzed again, and I assumed it was Lincoln. He’d been sending messages all through the day and only b
een getting one-word responses. I wasn’t intentionally blowing him off, just so caught up on what was happening with my mom to give him the attention he’d deserved.

  I dug out my phone from my bag while Belle looked on, my fingers quickly lighting up the screen. But it wasn’t Lincoln, it was Nate.

  Hey, I’m here. Where are you?

  My head whipped around, half-expecting him to be standing right there but he wasn’t. Instead I responded.

  Here? At the hospital?

  My phone rang, quickly being answered as Belle looked on curiously. “Hey, Nate.”

  “Zara, can you talk?” His voice was calm and reassuring. “I can meet you, or you can come to me. Whichever works.”

  Lincoln had told me he’d called Nate, but that had been hours ago so I’d completely forgotten.

  “Sure, Belle and I are just in the hallway. We needed some air.” I gave Nate the details of where we were and said our goodbyes. I wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to do, but it wouldn’t hurt to get a doctor’s opinion, especially since he was already here.

  “Is Lincoln here?” Belle asked, wrongly assuming that was who I’d been on the phone with. Considering the amount of messages the man had sent me, it would’ve been a safe bet.

  “No, Nate. He’s here.”

  We didn’t have to wait too long before he appeared, his warm smile greeting us as he approached the chairs Belle and I were camped out on.

  “Ladies.” He gave me a hug before turning to my sister. “I’m Nate, a friend of Zara’s.”

  It was funny how he’d said he was my friend yet two weeks ago, we hadn’t even met. But he was right, we were friends, and it was more than just because we had Lincoln in common.

  “You’re super cute.” Belle grinned, elbowing me in the ribs. “Zara didn’t tell me how hot you were. And yes, I know you’re not into women, I’m not flirting.”