Hate the Player: An Enemies-to-Lovers Romantic Comedy

by Max Monroe

  “Nope,” she responds, and a victorious smile slides across her mouth. “The only gift I need from you is your beautiful presence at my party.”

  “Okay. I’ll be there.”

  “Fantastic.” Her smile grows. “And if you don’t mind, it would be great if you’d consider actually smiling and laughing and finding some joy while you’re there too.”

  “Billie, I already said I’d go.” I sigh and pick up another onesie to fold. “How about you leave it at that instead of annoying the fuck out of me?”

  “Fine. Fine.” A soft laugh escapes her lips. “Whatever you say, sis.”

  I make a mental note that once she has the baby and I know she’s all settled at home and things are going smoothly, I’m going to hold Neil to his offer. The one that involves me taking a four-week breather in my schedule to escape to a tropical location—away from everyone and everything.

  And by the time I finish organizing the baby’s clothes in the nursery, I even pick up my phone to update my team on my plans.

  Me: Neil, I’m ready to take you up on your offer and schedule in four weeks of uninterrupted time to enjoy a vacation. I want to go to Fiji, and I’m thinking I’ll be ready to go off the radar in about three weeks. Go ahead and start working out the details for me. Please and thank you.

  The instant I hit send, I’m convinced this is exactly what I need. Besides finally meeting my future niece or nephew, this gives me something else to look forward to.

  More like something to distract you from thinking about him…

  Birdie

  This is the craziest engagement party I’ve ever been to.

  My sister and Luca’s home is filled with about fifty other people—work acquaintances, friends, lots of Hollywood types, among some other people I don’t really know.

  Besides the two caterers keeping the kitchen stocked in appetizers and drinks, there is no gift table. No cake table. No decorations. And no music in the background creating a celebratory ambiance.

  Just a decent amount of people, standing around and chatting, eating apps and drinking cocktails. Truthfully, for an engagement party, I would’ve thought that Rocky and Harrison or Luca’s old friend Lou from Alaska would’ve been able to attend or that this would’ve been a slightly more elaborate affair, but I guess Billie just wanted to keep the celebration simple.

  Frankly, I have no idea what is going on inside that head of hers, but in the spirit of keeping my sister happy, I try my best to put on a smile and act like I’m enjoying myself.

  Honestly, though, I would rather be anywhere else but here.

  When I arrived at their house an hour ago, I already knew I would see the one person I am simply not ready to see. His longtime friendship with Luca ensured he’d be here.

  But I wasn’t prepared for how fucking painful it would feel to see his face for the first time since he walked out of my hotel room in Memphis.

  The instant he steps into the living room, where I stand beside Howie, making small talk about how editing is going for Grass Roots, my body clenches like a vise. My lungs grow tight, my heart feels all wonky and out of rhythm, and a deep, aching pit opens inside my belly.

  A handsome smile. Broad shoulders. Entrancing blue eyes.

  Andrew looks good.

  But he always looks good.

  I try to focus on what Howie is saying, but I can’t stop my eyes from discreetly following Andrew around the room as he says hello to Billie and Luca and other people he recognizes.

  Fuck, this might be more than your heart can handle.

  Without being rude, I politely excuse myself from my conversation with Howie and make a beeline for the outside terrace where I don’t recognize a single familiar face.

  Shit. Just act normal. Sip from your glass of wine and take in the view and act like you want to be out here.

  I achieve semi-normalcy for a good five or so minutes before my sister finds me outside and demands that I come back inside to the kitchen to taste an appetizer that she won’t stop raving about.

  “Seriously, Birdie, you have to try these mushroom caps,” she says, her voice weirdly overzealous about food. “You are going to love these things.”

  “Okay. Let’s app it up,” I acquiesce and plaster a smile to my face.

  Back inside the house and into the kitchen, she leads me directly to trays of food that sit right beside Andrew.

  Christ.

  “Here ya go!” Billie exclaims and puts two mushroom caps on a plate for me. “The best damn appetizer you’ll ever have in your whole life!”

  Good God, sis. Chill out.

  She shoves the plate into my hands and just stands there, watching me like a hawk.

  I glance down toward her feet to find her dog Bailey doing the same damn thing. Although, I think his laser-sharp stare comes from purely selfish motives that involve him hoping I drop a few scraps onto the floor. When nothing falls off my plate, he grows too impatient to wait around, huffs out an annoyed breath and takes his opportunistic ass into the living room in search of someone a little clumsier.

  “Lord Almighty, you are being so strange right now,” I mutter, but I take a bite before Billie starts trying to feed me herself. “Mmmm, delicious,” I say around a mouthful of mushroom, even though I haven’t even tasted anything yet. “Soooo good.”

  She’s amped these fuckers up so much I feel obliged to act like they’re the best thing that’s ever been created.

  “See?” she responds with a big, weird smile. “I knew you’d love them!”

  Then she does the exact opposite of what I need her to do.

  She grabs Andrew’s arm and yanks him into our little circle around the tray of mushrooms. “Try these,” she raves like a lunatic. “You are going to love them so much!”

  This is the first time we’ve been face-to-face since Memphis, and the awkwardness is undeniable. It hovers over us like a freaking ominous thunderstorm. Our eyes meet, then flit away, then meet again, then flit away, and it takes my sister forcing a plate into his chest to break the cycle.

  “Here ya go!” Billie says.

  “Uh…” Andrew pauses and looks down at the plate.

  “Take a bite,” my sister pushes and then looks over at me. “Tell him how good these mushrooms are, Birdie.”

  I swear to God, if she says mushrooms one more time, I might lose it.

  His eyes meet mine, his gaze a mix of confusion and uncertainty and other emotions I can’t discern.

  “They’re pretty good,” I say, but I hate how damn uncomfortable my voice sounds.

  “But how good? Like, tacos good?” he asks, and the slight teasing tone in his voice mixed with the memories that simple question spurs is too damn much for me to handle.

  “Nothing is as good as tacos,” I respond in the name of not being rude, even though it feels like my chest might shatter into pieces. “And…um…if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be right back.”

  “Wait…Birdie…” My sister tries to stop me, but I can’t stand here any longer pretending I care about fucking mushroom caps—that really aren’t that great, by the way. Or try to make small talk with Andrew, when just being in the same room makes me feel like I can’t breathe. At the moment, it’s hard to pretend anything when my heart wants to nose-dive out of my damn chest and onto the white marble floor of Luca and Billie’s kitchen.

  “Be right back, sis. Just need to use the ladies’ room really quick.”

  Without wasting any time, I walk away from the trays of food, away from my sister, away from Andrew, and head to the bathroom that sits directly off the kitchen.

  I take my sweet time pretending to pee. I wash my hands, check my hair and makeup. And I give myself a good five minutes to just breathe through the discomfort that’s lodged like a heavy weight inside my throat, threatening to choke the life out of me.

  You can do this. Just go back out there and make the best of it.

  This will all be over soon.

  Good God, I hope so…


  Three hours into the party and I’m fucking drained.

  Worn-out on making small talk and dealing with my sister acting all weird.

  Tired of having to keep an eye out for where Andrew is in the house and avoid him at all costs, even though there’s a big part of me that wants to talk to him.

  But I want to do that in private. Not right here, not in the middle of my sister’s party.

  So, I’m just…done. And, truthfully, I feel like I’ve done my part. I came to the party. I smiled and made the best of it. I didn’t let my own personal shit with Andrew turn into some big blowout fight. I even tolerated my sister being all strange and amped up about the appetizers.

  I did what I needed to do.

  I supported my baby sister and stayed on my best behavior, despite the reality that I just wanted to go home the instant Andrew arrived.

  “Hey, Billie.” I grab her attention once I find her in the kitchen. My eyes pointedly avoid the fact that Andrew stands on the other side of the island in the middle of the room. “I think I’m going to head out.”

  “What?” she questions, her mouth turning down at the corners. “You’re leaving? Why are you leaving? It’s so early.”

  “Honey, I’ve been here for over three hours. Half of the guests have already left.”

  “No, you can’t leave. You need to stay.”

  I reach out and pull her into a tight hug. “Love you, sis. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  But when I release her from my gentle hold, I’m shocked to find her glaring at me.

  Like, shooting laser beams out of her eyes, glaring at me.

  “Billie? What’s wrong?”

  My innocent question triggers something because once it leaves my lips, she fucking explodes.

  “Yeah, I’m done with this madness!” Billie shouts and startles the attention out of everyone moseying around the catered food. “You two,” she shouts and points at me, and then pointedly moves her index finger to the other side of the spacious kitchen where Andrew stands beside Howie, a plate of half-eaten hors d’oeuvres in his hands. “You seriously need to get your shit together!”

  My eyes go wide. Oh no. I’ll take a one-way plane ticket to anywhere but here, thank you very much.

  “Princess,” Luca attempts to chime in, his voice equal parts concerned and tender. “How about we step outside for a minute?”

  “Nope,” she protests. “I’m not leaving this kitchen until these two actually say one fucking word to each other.” Her glare moves back and forth between her fiancé, Andrew, and me. “I did not plan this whole insane party, in a matter of a goddamn week, while I’m so pregnant that I can’t even see my freaking toes, for these two stubborn assholes to ignore each other the entire time!”

  Um…what?

  “What do you mean you planned this party in a week?” I question, my mood shifting from mortified to outright furious. “You told me you’d been planning this for a while…”

  “Oh, get real, Birdie,” she spits, her shocking anger only growing by the second. “Who in the hell throws themselves an engagement party a week before they’re supposed to have a baby?” Her responding laugh is downright maniacal.

  “So…wait… This isn’t an engagement party?” Howie asks, and the insane pregnant woman glares at him.

  “Christ, Howie,” she mutters and tosses both hands up in the air. “Read the freaking room. I love you, buddy. You’re a total sweetheart. But no one has time to bring you up to speed. The focus needs to stay on the two dumbasses who are in love with each other, who are so goddamn meant to be it’s making me feel insane, but neither one of them has the balls to make things right!”

  “Baby,” Luca whispers and calmly steps forward to press a hand to her back. “How about you come with me upstairs so you can take a breather and try to calm down?”

  “Calm down?” she shrieks, her voice already rising to new heights. “Oh yeah, fucking right. I’m not calming down until Birdie and Andrew stop being little bitches!” she shouts, but when she opens her mouth to add God only knows what to her crazy anger-fueled ramble, she instantly shuts it tight and cringes. “Ow, shit.”

  And then she looks down between her legs, and her eyes go wide. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “Billie?” Luca asks. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing besides me being so pregnant I just peed myself,” she mutters and starts to waddle toward the bathroom off the back of the kitchen. “No big deal! Just icing on the horrible disaster cake that is this stupid party! Worst fake engagement party ever!”

  Bailey strides into the kitchen, Billie’s outburst officially interrupting his nap on the couch, and starts to assess the situation. He finds his dutiful position beside my sister, sniffing the air near her legs.

  Even though it appears my sister has lost her freaking mind and is outrageously mad at me, I step forward to follow her lead to the bathroom so I can help her out.

  But when I notice that the trail of liquid coming from between her legs keeps gushing in a steady stream and appears to be shockingly clear and not close to the yellow you’d expect from urine, it hits me.

  This isn’t pee.

  “Billie, honey, are you sure this isn’t your water?”

  Bailey starts barking like a maniac.

  “What?” she questions, shouting over her dog’s boisterous voice, and pauses halfway to the bathroom to glance over her shoulder at me.

  “Sis, I think your water broke.”

  Bailey’s barks grow louder.

  “My water didn’t break,” she snaps. “That would mean I’m in labor, and I’m not due for another week.”

  “Uh…women go into labor early all the time. Especially when they’re this close to their due date.”

  “Ow, fuck,” she mutters and holds her belly as she inhales and exhales a deep, panting breath. And simultaneously, more liquid gushes out from between her legs and drips onto the floor. “Oh my God, I think I’m in labor.” Billie glances down at the floor and then up at me with wide eyes. “Holy freaking hell, the two of you and your stupid love drama just pushed me into labor! Am I really going to have this baby today of all days? This was not in the plans! I have things I need to do!”

  Bailey paces around her legs.

  “Hey,” I say, my voice calm as I step forward to place a hand on her shoulder. “Just take a breath. Relax. Everything is going to be okay.”

  “Everything is so fucked, Birdie!” she shouts, but tears start to fill her eyes. “And you are making me so angry with this whole Andrew thing. I swear, I could just shake the crap out of you. I just—”

  “Sis,” I cut her off, my voice still soft and gentle. “You are going to have plenty of time to bitch me out later, but right now, we need to focus on getting you to the hospital so that you can bring your perfect little baby into the world.”

  Luca manages to quickly wrangle Bailey into another room, and then he steps forward and pulls Billie into a tender hug. “It’s going to be okay, princess,” he whispers into her ear. “I’m here. Birdie is here. And soon, our baby is going to be here too.”

  She looks up at him, tears slipping down her cheeks, and nods. “I can’t believe we’re going to have our baby today.”

  The smile on his face is downright beautiful. “Best day of my life.”

  Hell’s bells. They make me so happy, but at the same time, seeing their love for each other makes my heart ache. I want that kind of love. I want a family of my own. I want all that someday.

  And you could have it if you’d stop standing in your own way…

  Good Lord, I don’t have time to hop aboard that train of thought.

  So, I do the only thing I can do. I tell my stupid subconscious to take a hike and focus on the priority—getting my baby sister to the hospital.

  Andrew

  I thought it’d be a long-ass time before I found myself sitting in a hospital on a Saturday evening waiting on a baby.

  But here I am, s
itting in the waiting room just outside the maternity ward. To be fair, though, it’s not my baby.

  It’s Billie’s.

  Somehow, we managed to get her into the car and on her way to the hospital with Luca and Birdie, and I’ve never before felt the amount of relief I did in that moment.

  While Birdie, Billie, and Luca disappeared in a car, her freak-out about the pain of contractions in full effect, Howie and I stayed back and made sure the stragglers left over at the party had left, reassured their dog Bailey that everything was going to be okay, locked up their house for them, and I made my way to Cedars-Sinai to see how Billie was doing.

  But, fucking hell, I was not prepared for the scene I would find when I pulled into the hospital parking lot and stepped inside the entrance doors to find Birdie and Luca assisting the medical staff with getting a screaming Billie into a wheelchair.

  Apparently, Billie wasn’t just in labor. Nope. She was well on her way to an incredibly fast labor, and all hell had broken loose about ten minutes into their drive to the hospital.

  Thankfully, the staff moved quickly, and Luca and his baby momma were rushed back into a delivery room.

  And now, Birdie and I sit in the waiting room and wait for the news.

  Well, I’m sitting; Birdie is pacing.

  Her beautiful face is lined with stress as she walks back and forth in front of the locked doors that lead to the maternity ward.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, and my voice startles her to a stop. Her wide brown eyes meet mine.

  “I don’t know.” She sighs. “I feel like I should be in there, but I also feel like this special moment should just be between her and Luca. Gah. I’m just worried. I want everything to be okay. She was in so much pain, and her labor was going so freaking quick.”

  “It’s going to be okay,” I reassure her.

  “Promise?” she asks, and the simple question brings back so many fucking memories that I have to swallow hard past the painful emotions.

  “Promise.”

  Her beautiful brown eyes stare into mine, and it takes everything inside me not to stand up from this fucking chair and pull her into my arms.