Beach Reads Box Set

by Madden-Mills, Ilsa

  Tara,

  I used to be the guy that gave the other guys hell. You know the guys who whined about home. I was the ballbuster, so to speak, and the perfect wingman, but hell on the family man. I was the one who swore the metal in his hands and his country were all that mattered.

  In the mess hall tonight—if you want to call a tent in the middle of hell a hall—I finally figured out the issue with those sad bastards. They weren’t sure if they would get to see the faces of the woman they decided on.

  I get that agony. I’m living it now because I decided on you.

  Sometimes I wish I hadn’t looked your way when you smiled at me. Sometimes I think it would be better if I were out here with a clear heart and nothing to lose. But, the sweet agony, the burn of missing you, needing you, it feels phenomenal. And I get it. And I’m swimming in it because I know without a doubt, what we have is as real as what the sad bastard next to me has.

  I miss your laugh, your face, the feel of your skin, the little moan you give when our lips connect. I miss your shitty jokes and giving you the answers to your mid-term prep questions. I miss the feel of your breasts on my back and waking up to fight you for bedsheets.

  There are so many things that a soldier looks forward to, a hot shower, a decent meal, a good night’s sleep, Chapstick, and a day without a bullet whizzing past their head. But even in a third-world country, where these things really matter, when a man has the comfort of a woman’s eyes to concentrate on, the soft feel of her lips and fingers, it’s like a lightning strike of ache that can’t be ignored. I took you for granted even before I left your side. I didn’t stare long enough, I didn’t kiss you long enough, I didn’t tell you how much that smile mattered. Because it mattered. It’s why I chose you.

  For the first time in my life, I’m that sad bastard.

  It fucking hurts, but in the way that lets me know coming home will be the end of it.

  Please send Chapstick.

  I love you.

  Ian

  “Koti?” Ian’s voice sounded as he burst through the door with a barking Disco. I set the letter down exactly as I found it and was at the frame of the door as he walked past it. He stopped abruptly and backed up slowly. His eyes landed on mine before they drifted to the letter on the bed behind me.

  I lifted the shampoo bottle. “I was out, so I grabbed some from your bathroom.”

  Ian searched my eyes which I was sure were filled with guilt and his jaw ticked to confirm as much. He took a step back and let me through and Disco took the liberty of barking at my feet, doing her master’s bidding. In the safety of my bedroom, I shut the door, my heart pounding and raced to my bathroom and shut the door leaving two closed between us and still I didn’t feel safe. I paced while the hot water ran, in a fit of self-loathing for invading his privacy, before I stepped in and let my skin burn beneath the hot stream.

  Something inside me mourned the loss of his relationship while the other part of me longed for the same sentiment. Even more disturbing was that I would want that sentiment from him. I was jealous of his ex-wife and had absolutely no reason to be. And since I’d read the letter, I was more curious than ever about the reason behind his sudden presence in St. Thomas. With the stunt I’d just pulled, I was positive I’d distanced myself further from any answers.

  It was wrong, so wrong. And he didn’t deserve my prying eyes. He said he hadn’t felt anything about his wife for years, but if that were true, why would he have an open love letter on his bed?

  I shampooed my hair and let the water run as I tried to build up the confidence to leave my bedroom. If he was angry, he had every right to be.

  I lathered on some tangerine lotion and threw on shorts and a cami. I half expected him not to be there when I emerged from the bedroom and walked down the hall. He was standing in the kitchen staring at the foil on the counter.

  “Did you read it?”

  Straight to the point. I should have been prepared for it, but I wasn’t. I swallowed hard and took a step closer. “I’m so sorry. I had no right, I was really just getting the shampoo. Jesus, I’m sorry.”

  Gray eyes scoured me. “What did you think?”

  “Think?”

  I was equally unprepared for that question. “I think…” I frowned as he turned and pressed the broil button on the oven. I spoke up. “I can do that.”

  “Answer the question.”

  I exhaled unsure if I was ready for the wrath that would follow any answer I gave. “I think you were in love.”

  “I was a twenty-two-year-old soldier who could have died any minute. Do you think that was real love?”

  I bit my lip and took a step forward. “I don’t know. But the man who wrote that seemed sure of it with his words.”

  “Words mean nothing.” Ian whistled, and Disco came running with one of my flip-flops in her mouth. Ian released it and set it on the counter.

  “You don’t really believe that. You can’t possibly mean that.”

  His face was impassive. “I’m leaving in the morning. She’ll need to stay with you.”

  “Ian—”

  “Enjoy your dinner.”

  * * *

  Four hours later, the fish sat untouched in the pan on my stove. From my hammock on the porch, I watched the dark waves roll in and leave their foam. I searched the beach every few minutes for any sign of him. His things were still in my house and though it was wrong, I was dying to see if there were any more letters in his room. But I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the fact he was leaving and when he did, we would be on bad terms, or no terms. It was much later when I heard the creak of the porch steps and broke from my sleep. I stood as he paused on the bottom step.

  “Please don’t leave angry with me.”

  He exhaled and looked up at me, I could see him fight the scold on the tip of his tongue before he swallowed it.

  “I’m truly sorry. I regret it. I crossed the line and violated the only thing you asked for.” I stood shivering in the air, but it was the emotion that was winning. “Please don’t leave angry with me.”

  “Koti, what do you want from me?”

  I want you to be happy. I want you not to hate me.

  “I want you to say when you come back someday we will still be friends.”

  He pressed his lips together and took another step up the porch gripping the railing. “Friday, okay?”

  “What?”

  “I’m going to see my daughter, I didn’t say I was leaving for good.”

  “Oh,” I felt my cheeks flame.

  I pushed my unruly hair away from my lips and looked at the blanket I left on the hammock before his eyes implored mine.

  “You were out here the whole time?”

  “No.” Yes.

  Some sort of understanding crossed his features as his eyes slowly raked over me, leaving nothing untouched. A breath passed between us and turned into two and then three until the static between us became too much to handle. I opened my mouth to speak but found myself weak with want. Ian beat me to the punch.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I took a step back as he caged me on my porch. “For what?”

  “For what I’m about to do to you.”

  In an instant his lips were covering mine, my small moan of surprise was cut short by his tongue. All too easily, I wrapped around him as he opened the door behind us carrying me in. I moaned as his lips found my neck and I clawed at his shoulders through his T-shirt.

  “Are you on birth control?” His voice was pure sex.

  “Yes,” I hissed as his fingers dug into my waist when he slammed me into the wall of my hallway and ground his thick cock into my center.

  “Damn,” I whispered as his lips and tongue covered every inch of available skin. He ripped at the strap of my cami as if it was a nuisance to get to my nipple and once it was free, he covered it with his lips and tongue. I was dripping wet and could already feel the accelerating pulse between my thighs.

  “I’ve been dream
ing of fucking you for a month,” he murmured into my neck. “If you don’t want this, say it now.”

  “Don’t you dare stop,” I rasped out before his lips again claimed mine. Our tongues dueled, ravenous and coaxing until he let my legs down and pinned me to the wall by my wrists, his breaths coming out heavy as he pressed his forehead to mine in an attempt at restraint. I wasn’t having it.

  “Ian?” I whispered as I fought against his hold pushing out my middle to rub against the straining cock in his pants. “Don’t stop. Use me. I don’t give a damn. I can handle it. I want this and I’m damn sure going to use you right back.”

  His eyes opened then, full of fire and heat and I sucked in a breath. It was as if something had awakened inside him and my fear of it matched my elation. He lifted me easily and pulled me into my bedroom ripping at my shorts until I was free of them. He sat on the edge of my bed and dragged me toward him. Palming my breasts, he watched my reaction to his every touch. My chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. Everything felt heavy and I succumbed under his potent gaze. What lay beneath was hellfire and I couldn’t wait to tango with his demons.

  Rattling with arousal, I gripped his hair in my fingers as he showered my navel with his lips and tongue. “I want you so much,” I confessed as he groaned when his fingers dipped into my panties finding me soaked.

  “This is for me, Koti, make no mistake.”

  “Then take it.”

  He explored until I was drunk on him, and then pulled his soaked fingers into his mouth, tasting me and by his reaction to my taste, I could only conclude the man was starving. I’d never been so turned on in my life.

  “Ian,” I implored in an urgent whisper. Typically, my fear of pain overshadowed my arousal but, in that moment, consequence be damned. “Ian, please, I don’t get turned on like this often, so—”

  Before I could get another word out, I was jerked off my feet and onto the mattress before he spread me wide. Ian’s mouth covered my entire sex. Darting his tongue between my lips, he worked me over my panties and then moved the cotton out of the way and wrecked me with his fingers and tongue. Arching my back, I gasped out my surprise and he flattened me back to the bed with his palm. He devoured, his thick digits moving in and out, stretching and coaxing while filthy words poured out of him between savage licks. The whole of my body coiled as he lifted my lower half so that my knees rested on his shoulders while he drove his tongue in deep. Inside I began to come apart as he lapped me up and groaned in reward when I detonated. I’d never had an orgasm that fast. Still shaking from my release, his cock was at my entrance before I had a second to recover and then I was full, so incredibly full. I screamed at the severity of the feel of him. He stretched me wide and I moaned with every stroke. Dark, cloud-filled eyes watched my every reaction as he fucked me like it was his last time. I shrieked as he drove in deep and he rewarded me by shoving his fingers into my mouth.

  “Suck,” he commanded. I did what I was told, while he drove in, again and again, his fingers muting me, his body going rigid under my touch. Picking up speed, he pumped into me at a maddening pace as I held on for dear life. Biting down on his fingers, I bucked, meeting his thrusts, before I started to unravel. “Look at me,” he demanded as I leaned up and kissed his chest.

  He wrapped my hair in his fist and twisted my head, demanding my eyes. Mouth parted, I spread my legs wider knowing the hell I’d pay for it the next morning. He sank in deeper, his body shaking, while he slammed into me one last time and exploded, his mouth capturing mine in a devastating kiss that lasted long after he’d spilled his last drop. Pulling away we stared at each other, wordless, eyes searching before he collapsed on me, his weight welcome as I wrapped around him without a second thought. We spent the next minutes quietly exploring with lazy fingertips before we drifted to sleep.

  When I woke up, he was gone.

  Chapter Twenty

  Koti

  Friday, I rushed through my workday and raced through the store picking up ingredients for a new recipe I thought Ian might like, only to find the driveway empty when I arrived home. Discouraged, I unloaded my groceries in the fridge. In my hammock surrounded by my candles and the whisper of music, I watched the cabbie struggle with Mrs. Tartar’s luggage. When she was set to leave, she spotted me, walked over and thanked me. She looked refreshed and had a slight tan brewing. Though I didn’t feel like smiling, I returned hers. My island had done wonders for her. She would be returning to wherever she came from with a clear head, if only for a little while. In bed that night, I heard the door open and fought the urge to greet Ian, even when he lightly knocked on my bedroom door. I ignored it because of the happiness I felt. I was traveling down a rocky road with him and I didn’t have a single leg to stand on. He didn’t come back for me. He came back for his reprieve. And I needed to face facts. If I hadn’t spent so much time watching him, thinking about him, I wouldn’t have found myself in that situation. Taking the amazing sex out of the equation was a given. He told me that night was just for him. Instead of hanging on to the hope it could lead to more between us, I decided to believe him. Because the truth was, at that point, I wanted more, which was ridiculous. Despite his progress, the man was still a minefield. One wrong step and I knew I would never find all my pieces. He didn’t need to feel guilty or sorry about what happened between us. I told him I could handle it and I would… just as soon as I could stop fantasizing about him.

  Perspective was everything. So I was a little fascinated with him, slightly infatuated and highly attracted, big deal. I felt that way about my first crush. Ian was in a no-fly zone. I wasn’t desperate, but the feelings that brewed beneath the small friendship we’d formed already spoke volumes. And I already had far too many thoughts of him. More than ever, I needed him to stay on his side of the fence, because that’s where he wanted to be. That’s where he needed to be. I was sure he regretted that night and I didn’t want to see it on his face. So, I would ignore the lingering soreness that I still felt from the stretch of him. I would ignore the beautiful feeling of being excited for the first time in years about a man. I would ignore the threatening feelings that were trying to make themselves known. I would ignore it all.

  I could not have Ian Kemp, it didn’t matter if I wanted to love him or not.

  * * *

  The next morning, I was up at the crack of dawn. I slipped out of the house only to be met by Ian on the beach. Soaked with sweat, he was doing sit-ups as Disco ran between his legs. He saw me right away and flashed me a panty-soaking smile, “Morning.”

  His spare tire was now a flat and his muscular arms glistened next to the sparkling water. He shined, God how he shined.

  “Hey. Did you have a good trip?” I was already taking small steps toward my Jeep.

  With furrowed brows, he watched me fail at a sneaky retreat. “Yeah, it was really good. Off to work so early?” He glanced at his sports watch. “It’s six thirty.”

  “Yeah, busy day. So, you had a good trip, that’s good then. You can have your house back, she left last night. I’ll, uh, come back and make sure you get a schedule of the days we need the house. You are free to take the room when it’s booked, of course.”

  “Okay.”

  “Have a good day.” Disco was at my feet and even when Ian whistled for her, she refused to come.

  “Go on, you little shit. I’m trying to make a clean getaway here.” The dunce refused to cooperate and instead growled at the tassels hanging off my sandals. Hesitantly, I picked her up as Ian met me halfway. “I’ll get her a leash,” I said without looking at him because my resolve had already slipped tenfold by the mere sight of him.

  “Probably a good idea.” He plucked the puppy out of my arms. “Unless you want to finally take ownership of your dog.”

  “No, no. She’s all yours.”

  I didn’t bother to look for his reaction as I all but ran to my Jeep. Turning the ignition, I screamed out a little when The Beastie Boys blasted through my speakers. I turned
it down and was out of breath as Ian approached, his forearms on my door. I buckled my seat belt. He looked me over before he spoke.

  “Well I was hoping things wouldn’t be awkward after the night we had, but apparently that’s going to be impossible.”

  I snorted. “Don’t get a big head, Ian. It was incredible, don’t get me wrong but I’m having an off morning.”

  You are a total basket case.

  “Okay, so if this isn’t about the other night, then what’s going on? Are you having a moment?”

  I looked at him, crossly. “A moment? No, Ian, I’m not having a moment,” I grit out.

  Well, not that kind of moment.

  “This is not an attack, then?” I hated how proper he sounded with his distant tongue and exceptional manners.

  “Yes, I’m in hysterics, can’t you tell?” I deadpanned.

  “Well, you’re acting strangely.”

  His face darkened slightly as he looked back at my house. “What’s with the blush? Did you entertain last night?”

  His jaw ticked as he glanced my way with prodding eyes. I had to suppress the slight satisfaction I got from his question.

  “No, why would you think that?”

  “I’m at a loss here,” he said, resigned. “Have a good day.”

  He was only feet away when I barked at his back. “Hey, you, you know what assuming makes you, right?”

  He belted out a laugh as he turned back to stand in front of me. “An asshole?”

  “Exactly. And for your information, I’ve only had a few attacks since I got here, and I don’t sleep around.”

  He winced. “I’m sorry. That was horrible of me.”