Roxy Sings the Blues

by Ellie Mack

  “Nah, it’s actually simpler than U.S. Business law. Each state has specific laws. I plan to represent the big businesses that deal internationally.”

  “Cool, sounds like you have your plan mapped out.” I reach for the door just as he turned and nearly smacked into it.

  “Whoa! That was close.” He sidestepped and opened the door for me. “Ladies first.”

  I entered with him close on my heels. “I’ll um, I’ll meet you back at the multi trainers.” I pushed the door to the ladies locker room open, unaware that I was smiling for the first time since saying farewell to Devon. Inside I was kicking myself for caring what Devon was up to, what he thought, and the fact that I let it occupy my mind. He didn’t give a second’s thought about me, why should I think about him?

  CHAPTER 19

  “Come on, is that all you got?”

  I pushed him. Luke wanted to train with me, said he was going to pay me as his personal trainer. I couldn’t help but feel a little giddy. The trick was going to be getting my workout in while training him but I didn’t balk because I was wondering how I was going to make up the difference in income when I went to competition. I figured I’d give him this first night for free, then go visit a couple of gyms and ask about trainer’s fees. I’d compare their suggestions to be fair before quoting Luke a price.

  “Why you pushing me so hard? I don’t see you pushing like this.” He managed through gasps.

  “Oh really? What level are you on?”

  “Five,” He blurted out between breaths.

  “And resistance?”

  “Three,” Luke gasped.

  “OK, well when you can casually stroll through my workout then you can give me shit about me not pushing.” I showed him my settings of a seven and resistance on five.

  He just looked at me shaking his head. “Where do you put it?”

  “Where do I put what?” I asked. “We’re coming up on a wind-sprint in a few minutes are you gonna make it?”

  “I’ll manage.” He practically wheezed out.

  I chuckled as I got back into my training zone. It was only a few seconds before it was time for the sprint. “Ready?”

  He groaned.

  I laughed. “Now! Push it. Give me a hundred percent. Don’t hold back on me now.” I watched him as I breathed through the sprint, realizing I was going to have to increase my resistance next time. I watched the timer until there were only ten seconds left. “Come on, go hard! Push, push, push! You can do it just five, four, three, two, and done.”

  Luke was dripping in sweat, but he had stayed with me the entire time. It wasn’t easy for him but he did it. I had to give him credit for that. "Don’t stop, but you can drop your resistance down, slow your pace, and just bring it all down.”

  He was breathing hard. “You are insane. I can’t believe I am going to pay you to abuse me like this. I almost feel like I should be calling you Domina Roxy or something.” He had his hands on his hips wincing with each breathe.

  “Domina?” I asked not amused.

  “Hey, just kidding, OK? Don’t make me run laps till I puke. Was just trying to lighten the mood.”

  “Oh, a smart ass with a sense of humor? Great. I may have to charge you double.” He didn’t see my grin as I walked to the water cooler. “Get you a drink then let’s hit the bag.”

  I grabbed my bottle to refill as I heard the groan behind me.

  “Are you serious? Bag work now? You do cardio and training in the same day?”

  “Uh huh,” I slammed my water on the counter. I was beginning to sweat and it had nothing to do with the workout. I was going easy on him today. I stood there checking him out as he toweled off, then came to get his water. I watched closely as he wrapped his hands, slipped on his helmet, then kicked off his shoes.

  I tightened my gloves and slipped in my mouth guard. I held the bag and told him to go through his drills so I could evaluate.

  He started with his right jab, then progressed to a strong hook and side punch, his upper cut was a little weak but his right cross was powerful. He went through another round of punches as my mind wandered, admiring his form, his stance. Luke knew what he was doing, but I could see that he hadn’t had a good trainer.

  “Where’d you learn?” I asked as he finished a series of rapid jabs and hooks.

  “I just watched, not any Dojos in my small town.” He was sweating, and focused with an intensity I hadn’t seen in a long time. I found it a huge turn on he had learned all this from just watching. This guy had potential. He could really make it in the ring.

  “Ever thought of competing?”

  He paused in his punches “Yeah, it’s why I want to hire you, so I can get in the ring.”

  “What makes you think I can get you ready?” I asked quite curious.

  “Because,” he leaned in real close to me, sweat dripping from the strands of hair, his breath on my skin. “I saw you in the ring with Charline Downing. If she hadn’t thrown that cheap punch, you’d have had her.”

  He walked away to the locker room as I watched him go.

  *****

  Several days had passed and I woke to the realization that I couldn’t smell him anymore.

  I was frantic. I opened the drawer and took out another shirt, it smelled like laundry detergent not Luke. I searched until I found his jacket, slipping it on over the tee as I lay back down on the bed. I vaguely recalled Tara bringing me food or urging me to shower.

  *****

  I let my mind slip back to the beginning with Luke.

  I met with a couple of personal trainers from local gyms and asked about their qualifications, their rates, and about their typical schedules. I made it clear I was intending to use their lessons for more than point fighting in their dojos. They offered valuable insights and recommendations to improve my workouts and what they would recommend for a newbie just starting.

  Working through my several pages of notes, I came to a couple of conclusions that would better our current training regime. I went back equipped with a few ideas for my own training as well as Luke’s. According to two of the trainers, I was over-training, which would explain that wall I couldn’t seem to get past.

  I was charged, excited, and anxious to get started on this new venture. I tried to focus, waging a mental battle during class, Luke’s closeness was playing havoc with my mind as I kept returning to my memory of his backside as he walked to his locker from our first session.

  Shaking my head to clear the fog, I realized I was leaning into him, our sides touching from hip to shoulder as he shared statistical data that he’d found. I blushed, realizing what I had done as I glanced to the third member of our little group. She hadn’t seemed to notice as she was staring intently into Luke’s eyes. She stopped him in mid-sentence, placing her hand on top of his.

  “Um, could you back up and go over that again? I didn't’ catch that last part.”

  Right! I wanted to scratch her eyes out. Which made no sense; I had no claims to Luke. I tried to focus as I waged this mental battle with myself during the remainder of the class. Meanwhile, Luke maintained the contact as I sat, nodding in agreement as he went over the numbers slowly for Cheryl, the soon to be eyeless freak that sat across from me.

  Once class was finally over, I closed my notebook, deciding that in payment for todays training perhaps I could get him to go over the notes with me. I had not written but four words. I bent to grab my backpack and we bumped heads.

  “OW” we said simultaneously, then laughed together as he reached for both our bags.

  “Ready for your first real workout?” I asked him eagerly.

  “What? Really? What was that you put me through last Friday?” He opened the door for me as he slung his pack over his shoulder.

  “That was an evaluation.” I grinned. “Had to see what I’m working with.”

  “Ugh.” He gave me a mock sign of disgust. “I’ll have you know, I was sore all weekend thanks to you.”

  “Why? I didn’
t even push you that hard.” Our hands brushed as we walked. I wondered if he thought of holding my hand as I wished he would take mine.

  He chuckled. “So, Roxanne. Have you decided on a price to charge me for your torture?”

  “I have.” I was almost giddy. I couldn’t wait to share my plan. I just had to be careful that I didn’t gush on him. “I think you’re right, cardio every day might be a bit much for you to start with.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe I am going to pay you for this.” He reached the door and pulled it open. “After you Domina Roxanne.”

  “Oh, you’re going to pay for that!” I say as I pass him. “I got some great ideas to help us achieve maximum results to be ready for the first match in October. It’s on!” I strode ahead and entered the locker room. As I pushed the door, I caught him staring at my ass. I couldn’t help but blush and smile.

  He was checking me out. My energy level was instantly off the chart. I quickly changed and headed to the cardio area picking up a jump rope. I was five minutes in when he came out of the locker room. I motioned to him to pick up a rope.

  “OK. Let’s talk rates.” I talked as I jumped. “Two days a week would be seventy-five, three days a hundred. However, if you agree to be a training partner as well I can reduce the rates to seventy-five for three days. If you promise two things.”

  “Yeah, OK, I’m listening.” He started in at the same tempo I was going.

  “First, you give me one hundred percent effort. Second, can you go over the notes from today’s class with me? I was so excited to get started on our new plans I couldn’t concentrate.” I grinned sheepishly.

  He chuckled. “And here I thought maybe you might like me or something, hoping that touching your leg and hand might win me a kiss or two while you’re excited about how to torture me. Sure, Roxanne. I’ll gladly go over the notes with you if you are willing to come by my place after we get done here.”

  I nod, trying to act cool while I am bouncing inside. Did he just say? Hoping I like him? He wants to kiss me? “Sure, I suppose I can do that.”

  We followed the workout I had prepared. I know we did it, but it was a blur by the time I was in the shower scrubbing. Even though he had just been in close enough to me to feel my sweat, I wanted to be extra clean in case, well, just in case, hoping that he would still want to kiss me.

  When I came out of the building, he was leaning against a black Mustang. “Domina Roxanne, your chariot awaits.” He walked around to the passenger’s side and opened the door, then cursed as fast food debris and notebooks spilled out onto the pavement. “Erm, well, give me a second.”

  “I couldn’t help but giggle.

  Scooping up the trash, he jogged the short distance to the barrel. “Sorry about that. Now, your chariot is ready.”

  I slipped into the seat. “Sweet ride.”

  As I buckled in, he leaned over. “How about some dinner first? I’m starved after that workout?”

  “Sure. So am I!”

  He leaned the remaining four inches cupping my chin in his hand, his lips brushing over mine gently before kissing deeper as he turned the ignition on, revving the engine.

  CHAPTER 20

  Unconsciously, I touched my lips remembering that first kiss and every one after that. I would never feel his touch again. I turned facing the wall, curling into a ball as the waves of grief wracked my body. Time was irrelevant. Day or night became irrelevant. The gnawing pain in my gut couldn’t override the loneliness I felt.

  At one point, Devon came in, bringing me some water, a bowl of grapes, and a peanut butter sandwich. He offered to get anything I wanted, pizza, Chinese, burgers, just name it. He sat on the edge of the bed swiping the hair from my eyes. I stared straight ahead. The pain in my heart had my head in a vice grip of emotional bondage. First my Mom, then Luke. I didn’t know how I was going to function with Mom gone and now all our future plans were gone.

  I thought for a Moment about the arrangements for the wedding, reception, and honeymoon. I would have to call and cancel. Hopefully, I could get a refund. However, that would have to wait. I couldn’t deal with that right now. I wanted Devon to hug me. I wanted my old friend back. I wanted to feel safe in his arms. Nevertheless, I just lay there, staring off into nothing.

  After not responding to him, he repeated that he would get anything for me and if I wanted to talk he would be there, then he left.

  Inside my head I pleaded, begged him to come back and hold me. I begged for him to let me lay my head on his shoulders and cry. I wanted to feel his strong arms around me and have him tell me everything would be ok. I wanted my friend back.

  It clicked inside my head, that this was one of the things I had desired for years. I am sure my psychology professor would have a field day with that information if he knew the history with my father. Glancing towards the sandwich, I mentally patted myself on the back and told myself I had made progress today. To reward myself I ate three grapes.

  CHAPTER 21

  A flood of memories about Devon came in one jumbled dream. The first time we met in kindergarten as he shared his fruit chews, bus rides home, eating s’mores in the backyard over a fire pit, sneaking away to skip rocks at the pond, our first kiss in the backyard, then the break up.

  The next dream sequence was Devon at Basic Training, Devon in combat, Devon getting shot at and I was watching.

  I couldn’t do anything to help. There were several women that came to his aid, offering water bottles, helping him to move to a safer spot, hiding with him behind a partial wall then kissing him. After he kissed a particularly beautiful woman, he looked right at me with a sad forlorn expression. He was mouthing something to me that I could not make out.

  “I’m sorry. I never wanted to lose you. I’m sorry I hurt you.” There was a long sigh and I dreamed that he held me in his arms, rocking me gently. “Please come back to me. I will never hurt you again.”

  I woke with glints of sunshine streaming through the blinds. Either Tara or Devon had turned the blinds in hopes of rousing me from my pit of despair. I headed for the bathroom, not looking in the mirror. Why should I? I didn’t care anymore. I had nothing to live for. Why couldn’t I just fade away and not be any bother to anyone?

  When I got back to my room, I turned the blinds back so the room was dark. There was a granola bar on the nightstand. I opened the package and broke off a piece. It hurt my teeth to chew. It hurt my throat to swallow. My stomach screamed for more, but I didn’t want to have to swallow again. I folded the package back over and curled up under my covers.

  I didn’t go to class, didn’t go out, didn’t go to the gym. I couldn’t manage to leave my room. There was a part of me that knew that if I did, he would be gone forever and the rational part of me knew he already was.

  Grief is a strange bird, it makes you do illogical things.

  At one point Tara came in to gather soup bowls, dishes, and glasses, and then stopped. She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at me. “Roxy, get up off that bed and go shower. You stink. You look like hell and I am not waiting on you anymore. You said we were here for each other and we would get through together. I need you and you’re not here for me. ”

  I didn’t care. I did however, make my way to the bathroom and tried to pee. I looked down at myself, creases of wrinkly loose skin hung on my frame. I stared into the mirror and what stared back was not me. Was it? In those few days, I had aged thirty years, it seemed, leaving me with sagging skin, sunken eyes, and matted greasy hair. In those days, I had lost myself, my grief consumed me like a living thing, like a parasite eating my life away.

  Tara was right, I looked like hell. She was also right in that I had not been there for her. I had been so absorbed in my own grief that I had given up on myself. I no longer cared about myself but I had a reason to go on, to amend the wrongs against my sister. It wasn’t much, but it gave me a purpose.

  CHAPTER 22

  “Alex, what do you have for me?” Devon pl
opped himself in Alex’s chair.

  Alex turned, glaring at Devon over his glasses. “For which case?” He held his hands chest level so as not to touch anything.

  “All of the homeless guys.”

  “Ah! Let me close her up and we’ll go over the files.” Alex beamed as he stitched up the woman’s body that lay on the table. “This one is a case of poisoning. I’m sure Mitchell will be interested in the findings.” He rolled the body over to the adjacent room, upon returning, he took off his mask, paper gown, and plastic gloves.

  He kicked Devon’s foot off his desk and motioned for him to vacate his chair. Reaching for the file folder, he turned back to Devon with his face angled and brows lifted.

  Devon got the hint, he just liked to see how far he could push Alex. It was a bad flaw in his personality. He tended to push everyone. He stretched then stood to his feet and moved to the stool that was against the counter. “Oh, this is better anyway. I can spin.”

  “I found some interesting correlations in all of these homeless men. The stomach contents of all individuals showed trace amounts of sucrose, dextrose, citric acid, natural flavor, sodium chloride, sodium citrate, monopotassium phosphate, and a larger amount of a methamphetamine. I cannot find anywhere in the system for this particular chemical structure.”

  “We were right about the designer drug.”

  “Yes.” He pushed his glasses up his nose.

  “It is definitely a methamphetamine class of drug, but I can’t identify it with any cross reference. The molecular structure is slightly off from the leading prescription drug. I need a better sample to test.” Alex offered a look of hope that Devon would provide a new sample.

  “What is all that other stuff?” Devon turned slowly on the chair.

  “All of that other stuff would indicate that our victims were guzzling sports drinks. For the amount found in their system, roughly a gallon a day. Tissue samples indicate, however, that they were severely dehydrated. Very little food was found in the stomachs, traces in the intestines.”