Shards of My Heart (The Forgotten Ones Book 2)

by Nellie K Neves

  “The director,” I tell her. “The guy is a bit of a creep. Sorry to burst your bubble about Little Jamie McGuire.”

  “Eh,” Ester slams another bag of manure on the counter, “even as a kid he wasn’t much to write home about. Arrogant little twit. I can see nothing’s changed.”

  “’Cept he’s been eyeing our Finley with some interest,” Cecelia says. “I’d wager that boy’s gone sweet on you.”

  “Nothing about Jay is sweet,” I tell her. “He’s all L.A.”

  “And Zane?” Ester asks without a bridge. “How much of him is sweet?”

  “Just the parts she’s sampled,” Cecelia says before they high five.

  My eyes go wide. “What are you talking about? Zane and I are friends.”

  “Friends don’t look at you like that, Sweetheart.”

  Water splatters on the floor as the hose gets away from me. They’ve got me flustered, that’s all. It’s not like they have any proof.

  “You can pull the wool over everyone else, sister, but anyone looks at you two close enough, and they’re gonna know that there’s some hanky-panky happening behind the scenes.”

  Chapter 13

  Zane wanted to pick me up, but logistically it doesn’t make sense. Besides it’s hard enough hiding what we’re up to when backs are turned. If he goes ten miles out of his way to pick me up, it’ll be impossible to explain.

  I wish that was my real reasoning. But I don’t like being trapped without a car. Todd used to drag me to events, force me to stay while he flirted with anything in a skirt, and then I was the one who took the beating in the name of his satisfaction. Yes, I trust Zane, to a point. But I still need an escape hatch.

  They’ve got us set up in a restaurant called, The Wild Briar, on the outskirts of town. It’s not like there are a lot of options in Ridgedale. Town hall has a five-hundred square foot meeting room, but the podium is attached to the foundation, and I’m not sure Tabitha will enjoy her complexion in fluorescent lighting. If that’s true, then it rules out The Chicken Shack, and Dingo’s Diner, not that they were ever in the running. But The Wild Briar is closer to a bar than a restaurant, with dim lighting and candles glowing from lanterns on every table. Mona took me once for my birthday. We were both underdressed, and I felt out of place. It’s not the type of venue that belongs in Ridgedale in my opinion. It’s lucky the place is still in business.

  The cold air licks up my bare legs as I hurry from my car to the front door, heels skittering in the shallow puddles leftover from the light rain this afternoon. Jay called it magical, and I had the unholy pleasure of watching thirty-seven takes of Tabitha and Zane in lip lock.

  I pause at the door and draw in a quick breath. If I’m being honest, this is a date. This is the first date I’ve been on in six years. I whisper a prayer like I’ve heard Cecelia do before she has to lift the potting soil. Miraculously, she always gets it to her shoulder. If heaven can give physical strength to a seventy-year-old woman, maybe a little emotional strength can be lent to someone like me.

  I heave open the solid oak door and step inside. They’ve spared no expense trying to make this place look like it’s straight out of the German countryside. Lanterns on the walls, exposed beams, I can almost smell the Bavarian cream.

  “Hey, it’s not Glenda!” Tabitha yells from the center table.

  The words bring out my self-conscious nature, stopping to tug at the hem of my dress. It’s not that short, the black satin hits my knees. But my shoulders feel the cool breeze where the lace sleeves come up short. At least I’m not underdressed.

  “Come on, Finley,” Kiara yells from where she’s sitting. “Let’s get you a drink.”

  I’m glad I’m not the only non-actor in the bunch. In fact, I can see quite a few of us non-essentials, the title I’ve given to those of us that support the actors. But the only person I can’t see is Zane.

  Hoping he’s hidden in the shadows, there are plenty to choose from, I cross the tavern to meet Tabitha and Kiara by the bar.

  “What are you going to do?” Kiara asks Tabitha as I pull out a bar stool and then think better of sitting on it. If I can’t find Zane, I’m not staying.

  “I don’t know. Jay won’t get off our case about it. I mean, I’m into Zane. I’m feeling it, but then he’s holding back. Everyone can see it.”

  I catch my lip in my teeth and trace my fingers over the resin top hoping to stay out of this conversation.

  “If Jay would lift the relationship ban, maybe Zane would loosen up a little. You two could hook up and then the sparks would fly,” Kiara says.

  “You know Jay only has it in place so he can score whatever hotties he wants to. I’ve worked with him before. It’s always the same story, AV geek never got who he wanted in high school, and he’s not wanting to compete with the cool kids again.”

  “What do you think, Finley?” Kiara turns to me and asks. “Jay jealous?”

  I shrug because I’m actually wondering why I’m here in the first place. “I think I need a drink.”

  “What’s your poison? Gin and tonic? Appletini? Or are you a beer girl?” Tabitha asks.

  “Coke tonight,” I say. “I’m driving.”

  “We can call you a car or something,” Tabitha offers. “That’s what most of us are doing.”

  “Except Zane,” Kiara points out.

  “Is he here?” I sound too eager, and they smile at each other like they’ve talked about it.

  “He’s good looking, isn’t he?” Tabitha asks like a fox with my hen in its mouth. “And you’ve got a front row seat, don’t you?”

  What am I supposed to say? He was listed as one of the top fifty most beautiful people. It’s nearly a scientific fact that he’s gorgeous.

  “It’s always the hot ones who break your heart,” Kiara says as she sips her whiskey. “He’s straight up trouble, Finn.”

  My drink slides over the bar. I know the bartender. We had organic chem together in high school. He was good with the beakers, it’s a little ironic that he’s still mixing liquids. This is high school all over again. As I scan the room, the entire cast is split into cliques. The pretty girls, the hot guys, the techies, and the others. Once more, I don’t fit in anywhere.

  “I’m gonna say hi to some other people,” I tell the other two as I snag my drink from the bar. Before I can even walk ten steps, I can hear their whispers, not enough to understand, just enough that I know I’m the topic. I head for the back of the bar, a dark corner to wait out the next hour until I can claim I was here but not have to endure the entire night.

  I give smiles to the people who recognize me. But considering how I show up to work, versus my curled hair, and full face of makeup, most don’t know it’s me, (‘not Glenda’), until I’ve passed. Then it’s whispers again, a steady hum like I’ve stumbled into a wasp’s nest. Jay wants me to live in this crowd, all the secrets, the hidden lives, the two-faced backstabbing…

  “Finn?”

  Zane stops me in my tracks as he steps out of the bathroom. His mouth hangs open as he takes me in, head to toe and then back down again. Once more my name falls out.

  “Finley?”

  “Hi, Zane,” I say because my voice hasn’t changed, just my appearance. “I was beginning to think you didn’t come.”

  He’s still staring, taking a step forward to squint and try to pull apart my face to the features he knows. “You’re gorgeous,” is all he manages. “I mean, I can’t even. I’m speechless.”

  I run my hands over the slick satin at my hips and can’t help but notice the way his eyes follow the movement. “I clean up nice, I guess.”

  “You’re more than— I want to—” Zane glances around the room as if he wishes he could pull the fire alarm and evacuate the entire building, so we’ll be alone. Too many ears, too many people waiting for him to fail again.

  “Can I get you a drink?” He notes the drink in my hand. “You have one. Shoot, that’s my only pick up line.”

  Watching the
great Zane Alexander stumble over himself brings a smile to my face. Zane glances over my shoulder before he takes my hand and leads me to a corner booth. I can see why he chose it. With one candle, and placement that conceals half the booth from the rest of the room, he can say all he wants to without worrying someone is listening.

  Taking my drink from me, he allows me to slip across the bench before he slides in next to me. Zane smells my drink and smiles. “Coke, nothing else?”

  “I’m driving,” I say.

  “We could call you a cab.” Zane’s arm slides over the back of the booth to curve around my shoulders. “But I appreciate it because it means I can still kiss you.”

  He doesn’t wait, he doesn’t ask, there’s not a moment’s hesitation before he’s pressed his lips to mine. His other hand takes my waist, bending me into him, rubbing over my back and pulling me close. My eyes roll back as he pulls away and leaves a trail of kisses across my jaw, under my earlobe and down my neck.

  “This is dangerous,” I whisper against his ear. The party is picking up beyond our alcove. The jukebox plays a familiar hit, Tabitha giggles that perfect laugh, and Zane Alexander spreads kisses over my jaw. This is nothing like high school now. At least not the high school I experienced.

  “I missed you,” Zane’s voice curls around me, begging for my closeness and affection. “Did you miss me?”

  My instincts tell me to lie because missing him shows my need for him, but I resist and tell the truth. “I always miss you.”

  Zane captures my face between his palms. “Finn, I need to tell you something. And I can’t wait any longer. It’s probably not great timing but—” he pauses long enough to take in the way I look again before his eyebrows mash together in defeat as if I’ve conquered him.

  “What?”

  My mind immediately runs through the most horrible options available.

  He’s going to jail.

  He’s dating Tabitha.

  He hates kids.

  “I’ve fallen in love with you,” Zane says. Seeing my face erupt into objections, he plows on with his argument. “I know you’re not looking for this, and I know the situation isn’t ideal at the moment, but I think we can make it work.”

  “How?” I ask. “You live in L.A. and I’m here, and how can we—” The end of my argument is cut off by his kiss. His hands wind into my hair, and I feel the depth of what he’s trying to tell me. It was never like this with Todd. Never once did I feel his need to please me, or to give me the reassurance I needed. He was selfish, taking what he wanted without a thought for my needs.

  Zane is nothing like Todd. He listens to my needs, waits for my desires, and urges me to become better than I was. He wants only the best for me.

  “We’ve got to slow down,” I whisper as his mouth finds my neck again. “We’re still in public.”

  His words tickle hot against me. “This is me slowing down, Finn.”

  “If someone sees us,” I start, but Zane pulls away, hurt.

  “You don’t want anyone to know we’re together?”

  “I don’t want to lose my job,” I say, hoping to clarify.

  “I don’t want to lose you.” Zane takes a moment to brush the hair out of my eyes before he says, “I love you, Finley.”

  I’ve been fed too many lines over the years. Simply telling me a sweet phrase won’t cut it anymore.

  “You don’t even know me.”

  “What I know, I love.”

  “You’re only saying it because I look like this.”

  “Finn,” his soft voice fades as the frustration takes over, “I’m not him. I’m not going to turn into him. Stop assuming that I want to hurt you.”

  My eyes fall shut at the tone of his voice, not because I’m afraid of him, but because that’s the program written into my brain. I can’t help it. Like meeting an alpha dog, I know not to make eye contact, I know to play submissive, and I won’t get hurt.

  “Don’t do this,” he begs against my neck, “don’t lock me out. Let me become a part of your life. I need you.”

  I can’t deny him.

  I can’t ignore the way he lights me up.

  I twist until I find his lips. Zane gives in with ease, fading into my kiss, lost to whatever it is that burns between us.

  Desire.

  Hope.

  Love?

  All I know is I need him too, and I don’t know how to make that feeling go away without pulling him closer. The lantern rattles as Zane removes the cover. A second later our booth plunges into darkness.

  “I care about you,” I say against his mouth.

  “I know.”

  “My life is a mess,” I try again to explain why I can’t keep my heart open for him. “An absolute disaster.”

  “You haven’t taken a nine iron to a golf cart yet, so I’m still winning.”

  “Or a horseshoe to my barber’s car.”

  “You have a barber?”

  “That’s what you took away from that?”

  “Well, if you’re seeing a barber that might change things from my side. I’m pretty exclusively into women.”

  I shove him hard for his ill-timed joke, but Zane catches my wrists and winds them behind his neck so he can kiss me again. The party rages on beyond us. I have no idea if they’ve noticed we’re missing, or if they’ve assumed we’re together. All I know is the way he makes me feel, giddy, lightheaded, and starved.

  “Where’d you get the horseshoe?”

  Zane stops and pulls back, a soft grin caught in the leftover glow from the lanterns above us. “The horseshoe?”

  “With your barber,” I say, arms still looped around his neck. “I never understood where you found a horseshoe in downtown Beverly Hills.”

  “No, idea,” Zane says. “Clearly I was framed.”

  “By who?”

  “A horse.”

  “A horse?”

  “Of course.”

  I roll my eyes at his attempt at humor, but Zane pulls back and watches me with careful interest. “I could watch you laugh all day,” he says. “Possibly for the rest of my life. You make me work for it. No pity laughs from you, Finley Sullivan.”

  “Seriously though, I’m a wreck, even if I never robbed a police horse of its shoes.”

  “You’re not as bad as you think you are.”

  “I’m a glass slipper,” I say. “I’m Cinderella’s glass slipper after she throws it against the wall, because in my version that’s what she does.”

  “Does it shatter?”

  “No, it fractures, because there’s a big difference between shattering and fracturing.”

  “Is there?”

  “Sure,” I say swirling the straw in my forgotten drink. “Fractured glass is still the same shape, but every section is broken. With the right pressure it could break apart, but for now it’s functioning, at least for the most part.”

  “And shattered glass?”

  “That’s a different story. Shattered glass is a heap on the ground. It doesn’t resemble what it used to be. It’s all broken shards.”

  “Irreparable,” he says.

  “Seems like it.”

  Zane’s digesting the information more than I expected him to. His arm slips from my shoulder before he cranes his body around our booth to check on the rest of them.

  “Maybe we should get back to the party,” he says. “I’d hate for you to lose your job.”

  I catch his arm before he pulls free, and he hesitates because I’ve asked.

  “Did I say something wrong?”

  Zane’s head falls forward into his chest as if admitting defeat. “No, but you gave me something to think about.”

  “Are you taking it back?”

  “Taking what back?”

  “What you told me?”

  Even without me saying the words, he knows what I’m talking about.

  “No, I’m not taking it back. I’ll never take that back.” Zane slides out and extends his hand down to help me free. “But I d
on’t think you’ll ever say it to me. Not if shattered glass won’t heal.”

  He drops my hand once I’m on my feet and moves ahead without me. It’s smart because we can’t look like a couple. But it cuts me deep to feel this alone again.

  Love.

  Love is a blade.

  Too sharp, too quick, and it can cut straight to the heart.

  I don’t know if I’ll survive it this time.

  Chapter 14

  The dark clouds hanging over the set today are nothing compared to the dark ones looming in my mind. Everything went wrong at the cast party, not on the surface, but down deep where my emotions live. On the surface, we talked with the crew, laughed, joked, and even danced for a little while, but underneath it all my thoughts ran rampant.

  He thinks I’m shattered.

  Unfixable.

  Destroyed.

  Broken beyond repair.

  It’s not like I expect him to give me a gold star or anything for the progress I’ve made, but a month ago I still twitched when a male stood too close. Now, I crave time in his arms. Would a gold star kill him?

  “Finley!” Jay yells my name for what has to be the second time. “Get Tabitha back in makeup, this rain is destroying her.”

  It’s been pouring for over an hour. Jay couldn’t be happier about the weather, even if most of us are soaked to the bone.

  Tabitha shakes the water from her sleeves. Despite the waterproof makeup I used, she’s a drowned cat, complete with the moaning.

  “Don’t take forever either,” Jay tacks on as she walks toward the trailer. “This rain won’t last.”

  Tabitha jogs ahead of me the best she can in the rain and mud. Every other step, she sinks into the mud and pauses to jerk free. She has to wear high heeled boots to keep the height right between her and Zane. Working on set has surely ruined me for the movies, not that I was a fan to begin with.

  None of it is real.

  Manufactured feelings, characters, I suppose the rain is real, but everything is a manipulation of the mind so the audience will see what Jay wants them to see.

  “Kiara!” Tabitha yells the second she’s inside the trailer. “Get me a change of clothes, would you? I’m soaked to the bone.”