Shards of My Heart (The Forgotten Ones Book 2)

by Nellie K Neves

  He became addicted to me.

  Kiara’s words flash through my mind, but I banish them because I won’t let her ruin this moment.

  “You aren’t losing me,” I tell him before I deepen my kiss and relinquish to his will.

  The door creaks as it swings open. Oliver’s feet pound across the entry way for the couch. I fling Zane from me and yank myself back to sitting as if we weren’t just wrapped up in each other. Zane stumbles but catches his feet under him as Mona steps into the room.

  “Oh well, I see you two have made up.”

  “Or were in the process of making up,” Zane says. “You could go for a quick drive around the block.”

  “Mama, why you face so wed?” Oliver asks me.

  “Yes,” Mona says with a grin, “why is your face so red?”

  I glare hard at her despite the way she’s laughing at me. Hoping for a distraction, I say, “Oli, want to read some fairy tales?”

  “Yes!” he shouts and scrambles for his favorite spot on the couch. I pull out the fairy tale book. The spine cracks like it always has. I glance once more at Zane, still hopeful for my happy ending.

  Chapter 17

  It’s the final day. The last shot of the day is called the martini, so I’m hoping this whole day is that martini. Smooth, simple, and strong enough to get me through it. I have a vase on the counter with eighteen red roses in water. A gift from Zane all the way from L.A. where he’s finishing out his probation. The vase is the real gift, a glass vase with fissures built into the design, every square inch cut, but the broken glass still holding shape. The card read, “Fractured can still be beautiful. I love you.” His scenes are in the can. It’s only a few scenes with Tabitha’s character that need to be reshot. Another testimony of her lack of talent, in my opinion.

  The air feels thick between us. She knows everything, I’m sure of it. Her haughty glare every time I meet her eyes builds a fury in me that can’t be squelched. If I never have to touch her face again, I’ll be ecstatic.

  “We’re going out on the ocean when I get back,” she says, “overnight. He’s got a yacht for us.”

  I draw in a breath but keep working. She’s trying to get under my skin. Zane doesn’t have a yacht. If they’re going out, it’s likely on Jay’s and all for publicity. I won’t let her break me.

  “It’s a race, ya know, which one of us gets him first, while the other one is stuck with leftovers.”

  Ever professional, I use my brush to highlight the pout of her lip, instead of cramming the brush handle up her nose like I want to.

  “I hate leftovers, don’t you? Never as good the second time. I’m always left thinking how much better it was the first time around.”

  “You’re done,” I tell her, and I mean more than her makeup.

  I mean her words.

  I mean this act she’s put on since day one.

  All of it.

  She’s done.

  Tabitha leans into the mirror and presses her lips into a deep pout. “Are you coming for the premiere? I love the way my eyes look. I’ll pay you well.”

  My job is done here. I’m packing my brushes away one by one. I could ignore her and leave it alone, but how much can she do to me at this point?

  “Tabitha, I wouldn’t touch you again for all the money in the world. Souls like yours are black with soot. I’d hate to get it all over me.”

  “Now that’s just hurtful,” she says. “I don’t know why you feel the need to lash out. I’ve been nothing but kind to you.”

  “Kind? Are you kidding me? You’ve been veiled insults and condescending attitude from day one. Not to mention everything you’re doing with Zane.”

  Her palm presses to her chest as if I’ve shocked the life out of her. “I’m sorry you’re jealous of our relationship.”

  “What relationship?” I yell at her. “It’s fake. I know it’s fake. You have to know it’s fake. This is all a publicity stunt.”

  For once, it’s not her manufactured laugh that cuts up the air. It’s a cackle, the true laughter of someone with a heart as dark as hers. The maniacal crow of villain in her final act.

  “Of course, I know it’s not real, but do you know the funny part?” She draws in a deep breath and flutters her fake lashes with innocence. “You don’t. You’re not real either, Finley. None of us are real. This whole game of love is a charade.”

  “What are you talking about?” My stomach turns over as if she’s shifted the floor to the ceiling. “It’s real for us. We’re in love.”

  “Oh,” her face falls in pity, “it’s cute that you think that. But here’s the thing, I’m with him when you’re not. And if he’ll talk about me to you, why would you assume he’s not talking about you to me?”

  “Because he wouldn’t,” I say, but I can hear the doubt in my voice. The first time I found out Todd was cheating, it wasn’t because I caught him. It was because his girlfriend introduced herself at the grocery store.

  “Hi, I’m sleeping with your husband,” is one heck of a greeting.

  “Let’s see, does this sound familiar?” Tabitha puts a finger to her chin as if she’s thinking it out. She takes on a deep voice as if she’s trying to imitate Zane. “Finn, I think I’ve fallen in love with you. I know the situation isn’t ideal, but I think we can make it work.”

  That’s what he said to me at the cast party.

  “Or,” her smile broadens like this is great fun, “how about when he told you, my life is finally coming together, and it all started with you, Finn.” She shoves her finger down her throat and makes gagging sounds. “I told him it was over the top, but who knows, it’ll probably sell just fine.”

  “What do you mean, sell?”

  “He’s workshopping you. He has a new roll in a movie in January. All about dumpster diving with white trash like you. He needed to live the roll a little. He told me what he was up to from the beginning. Why else would he have noticed you? You’re the perfect mark to study for his role. The chick in the script even has a little boy like you. He’s supposed to fall in love with the kid and become this great dad. I mean, I think he’s going to get an award for it. No one has the work ethic of Zane Alexander.”

  “No,” I say, clinging to the truth that Zane loves me. “No, he would have told me that he had a new role.”

  “Oh, he would have told me,” Tabitha mocks me with her voice. “He knew he’d get away with it. You’re not into movies. They’ve been airing promos for it on TV already. Where do you think he is right now?”

  “LA,” I answer.

  “Yeah, shooting the movie,” she says. “Wow you’re dumb.”

  “He said he had to go because of—”

  “Court? Nope, just a cover. Look, you played your part brilliantly, be proud of yourself.”

  “My part?”

  Tabitha grins her toothy, perfect smile as she starts for the door. “Yeah, I mean, what’s better than a love interest? A love triangle. This release is going to be huge. You were entertaining at least. A fun game and a charity case that left us both feeling better at the end of everything. Plus, I can tell you that Zane says you’re a real thrill. All the waiting, and will she, won’t she? He said when you finally gave in, it was better than any high he’s ever gotten. And that’s saying something coming from him.”

  “You’re lying,” I whisper, but it’s a teacup of water against a wildfire.

  “He’s an amazing actor, isn’t he? I learned so much watching him. He’s never off. Always a new character. I doubt anyone knows the real Zane. And you? You were a cheap fix. He admits he got fully addicted to you. Talked all the time about how bad he needed you. Even saw him get the shakes being away from you. You should feel good, you’re like heroine in mom jeans. I don’t get it, but every guy has his quirks.”

  My head is shaking, but I can’t stop the tears. Why won’t she shut up? Why won’t she stop talking?

  “Hey, don’t lose sleep over it. He’ll give you your fifteen minutes of fame, on
e way or another.” She winks and steps out of the trailer.

  I sink into my chair and focus on breathing. Needing answers, I pull out my phone to call Zane, but another thought pops into my head. I open the browser and search, “New Zane Alexander movies”.

  Happily Never After comes up first, plus quite a few early conjectures about the content and whether it’s worth the money. It takes a full ten minutes before I find it, buried at the bottom of page two in an interview with Zane Alexander about his new movie he’ll be shooting next year, Love Wrecked.

  I click on the link and Zane pops up, sitting in a chair, leg crossed, dark hair gelled with the thick beard he wore when I first met him. He smiles, and my heart takes flight.

  “So, Zane, tell us about this new movie you’ve landed.”

  He grins and looks away as if he’s embarrassed. “Landed is a stretch. I’m still deciding if I want the role or not. They approached me because of Shards of Glass and the work I did with that project. I can’t say much about this one. I won’t even start filming until next year, but it’s a cool script. I’d play the hero, so to speak. I meet this woman, she’s a single mom, rough past, and I pull her back into the light. Teach her to trust. There’s some twists in there, but I’m excited to see where the venture goes.”

  I click the x before he says anything else. I feel sick. Why would I believe that any of this was real? I mean it felt real, but Tabitha is right. I’ve watched him become Paxton over and over like flipping a switch. When he’s with me, he’s different. I thought it was because he felt safe, at home, at ease, but he was becoming another character.

  My phone buzzes, and Zane’s face lights up the screen. I click decline. I’m done. I’m through being his homework. I’m through believing his lies. I feel sick at the way I’ve let him use me to get his thrills. No more. Never again. I should know better than to believe someone like him could happen to someone like me.

  Chapter 18

  “Finn, please pick up. Your cell isn’t working anymore. I can’t leave L.A. and Mona won’t return my phone calls. Pick up the phone. I haven’t talked to you in over two weeks. Please at least let me know if you’re alive.”

  It’s the fourth message he’s left on my answering machine this week. The texts were worse. All caps, desperation apparent. I changed my number and blocked him to be sure. It tears me in half every time I hear his voice. Because it was real for me. I love him. Or at least I love who I thought he was.

  The phone rings and it starts again.

  “Tell me what I did. I don’t even know. I can’t leave, Finn. I’d be there if I could, but I can’t leave L.A. Please, pick up. Is Oliver okay? I’m worried something happened to one of you. I’ve searched the internet, called Cecelia and Wilbur. No one will talk to me. Please, pick up the phone. Let me hear your voice. I’m dying without you, Finley.”

  I swear I can hear Tabitha’s words in my head, “Just a junkie looking for a fix”. I pick up the phone and slam it back on the hook. Cell phones don’t give you that sort of satisfaction. A girl can only press decline so hard. But the crashing headset gives me the same feeling as slamming the door in his face.

  The phone rings again. The machine picks up.

  “I know you’re home now. You’re standing there, probably crying. If I’ve done something, then I deserve to know what it is. Pick up the phone and talk to me. I love y—”

  I pull the cord from the wall before he finishes.

  ✽ ✽ ✽

  I heft the bag of chicken feed to my shoulder and lean to offset the weight. They’re squabbling with each other already. I’ve been too depressed to care that they’ve been out of food for a couple days. I let them out to eat grass and bugs, but guilt got the better of me.

  Oliver is inside napping. When I get done here, I need to wake him up or he’ll never go to sleep tonight. This is my life again. Work on a movie set is a distant memory. The premier is coming up. I know because Jay won’t stop calling me about it. He got my new number from Ester.

  Traitor.

  I knew she had a soft spot for Little Jaimie McGuire.

  I drop the feed bag by the coop and slice the top open with a single swipe of my blade. Sure, I miss it, the glamor, building something out of nothing. Creating a character with my brushes. I miss it.

  No.

  I miss him.

  No.

  I miss the lie he sold me.

  That’s all.

  I scoop out a pitcher full of feed. The earthy smell swirls around me as I release dust into the air. Pellets tinkle and clunk as I fill their feeders and happy chickens flock to get their share.

  It’s not a bad life.

  It’s what I wanted.

  It’s what I fought for.

  It’s why I stay in a house still stained by my blood.

  Because I want this.

  I want this.

  The more I say it, the hollower it becomes.

  I stretch my arms above my head. Cold air nips at my skin where I’ve stretched beyond the reach of my sweater. Sighing, I pull the sweater back into place and turn to head for the house.

  There’s a man standing by my back door.

  I freeze, unable to take another step.

  He doesn’t freeze.

  “Glad to see you’re alive,” Zane yells across the yard. “I was worried.”

  I resist the urge to tell him he could have called.

  “Do you know how much trouble I’ll be in if they find out I left California?” he asks as he comes near. “We’re talking house arrest for the next year.”

  “That’ll screw up some plans,” I say, unwilling to give him an inch.

  “To say the least,” Zane says. “I can’t take you out if I’m not allowed to leave.”

  “That’s presumptuous.”

  “So, you are mad at me.”

  “What would give you that idea?”

  “Changing your number was a pretty big clue. But slamming the phone down, that cinched it for me.” Zane sighs. “Can we assume that as always, I have no idea what I’ve done? You can tell me. I’ll explain, and then we can go back to being in love.”

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I ask as I brush by him.

  He catches my arm and keeps it despite the way I jerk. “I would like that. That’s why I’m here, Finn. Risking angering the California court system, which is a relatively temperamental system.”

  “I saw your interview with Tabitha,” I finally pull my arm free, “you two make such a cute couple.”

  “That was dripping in sarcasm.” He sets his hands at the back of his head. “We’ve been over this. I don’t want her. It’s a publicity stunt to make Jay happy. After the premiere, it’s you and me.”

  I want to believe him. He looks sincere, but there are too many holes in his story.

  “How’s your new movie going?”

  His brows knit in. “How’d you hear about it?”

  “Tabitha was all too happy to share the news.”

  Zane stares at me like I’ve lost it. “Okay, but she’s not in it, if that’s what you’re mad about. I’m opposite someone else. She’s not near as crazy as Tabitha, so that’s a relief.”

  “Just stop, okay?” I throw my hands down. “This is all an act. I know you were only using me to workshop the role. None of this was real. You’ve got the part, so drop it.”

  “What?” Zane reaches for me, but I move out of his grasp. “What did Tabitha tell you?”

  “That you had a part to learn, and I was a real-life example of your future co-star. You used me. You used Oliver!”

  “I’ll admit I asked you questions, but it’s my job, Finn. You’re a single mom. I would have been crazy not to try to understand what makes you tick.”

  “So, you’re admitting it?”

  “Admitting what? That I wanted to get to know you?”

  “That you swept in here,” I fling my arm across the space in front of me, “like prince charming. Making me think I was something spec
ial. Making me feel like I could trust you.”

  Zane’s face twists and strains at my words. “I never claimed to be prince charming. Not once. I’ve been upfront about all my issues.” I start for the house, and he rushes to block my way. “Why would you want prince charming anyhow? He doesn’t notice Cinderella until she’s dressed up at the ball. You know he probably saw her around town, passing in his carriage. He never noticed her, not once. I saw you from day one, Finn.” He takes my hand and my will softens. “That’s not what you are to me, some damsel in distress. You’re so much bigger than those stories you judge your life by.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I jerk my hand free because all I can think about is how stupid I’ve been. “None of this is real. You’re an addict.”

  Even the farm animals have stopped making noise. The air is waiting on his response to the words I hurled at him.

  “Recovered addict. And it’s not like I hid that, but it’s never bothered you before. Where’s this coming from?”

  He’s wounded, the pain is there on the surface, but I can’t trust what I’m seeing. I’ve seen the same look in half of the movies I’ve watched. He can fabricate everything.

  “You treat me like an addiction. Can’t get high, but I’m a close second. You’ve kept me around because I’m good for a fix.”

  He freezes, mouth open and eyes tight as if I punched him in the gut.

  “Do you really think that?” he asks me.

  But I have no answer. The ground shifts beneath me, as if what I thought was real is suddenly the lie. My stomach clenches and grinds on itself. I have to stay strong. I can’t give in to his tricks.

  “I feel sick.” Zane covers his mouth with his hand and turns away from me. “Do you have any idea what drugs represent for me? You think I’d put you on the same level as my addictions?” He straightens and turns back to me, eyes red with emotion. “If that’s how you feel, if you can honestly think that about me, then we’re done, Finn. There’s nothing left of us.”

  The air thickens between us. My heart picks up because for the first time I’m worried I might be wrong.