He's My Associate

by Cay Harrington

  Ryan kissed him the rest of the way awake.

  Just Ryan. Not his boss. Not his pretend boyfriend, or fake fiance. Not even his boyfriend. Because it felt like more, the way Ryan was looking at him right then. Felt like a lot more than Cooper knew how to put words to, to describe in the details he felt he was grasping for. An explanation for the strangely entwined days they’d shared. The anger, the sadness, and the odd, bubbling hope that had been building during it all.

  Cooper’s smile was contagious. It spread to Ryan slow, pulling his cheeks and scrunching his eyes. He bit his lip and it was shy so Cooper leaned in to smooth it away. Chase out a little of the guts he knew Ryan had lurking. The bite. Ryan’s little shallow inhale would stick with him for a long time, Cooper knew.

  Ryan pulled back and settled once more against him, face tucked into Cooper’s neck. He felt a warm rush of breath as he sighed, arms loose around Cooper in a hug. A real hug.

  I love you, Cooper thought and hugged him back.

  Cooper couldn’t remember a time when he was so happy.

  8

  He fucking hated Ryan.

  “What?” Ryan asked him, all innocence wrapped up in a knowing smirk.

  It had been weeks since that morning in Ryan’s apartment. Cooper had graciously saved himself the trouble of letting Ryan know his admittedly not so sudden feelings. Instead had spent a lot of time fixing up Ryan’s apartment, which was coming together piece by piece however slow. The new tile, Ryan had informed him, was a revelation. Cooper remembered fondly the way Ryan walked around his kitchen, aimless and appreciative of Cooper’s handiwork. He remembered the way Ryan had thanked him by sliding clever lips around him that night too.

  But now, bundled in a puffy orange winter coat Ryan had bought not three hours before their flight, he looked not unlike a mildly displeased, if vaguely self-satisfied carrot. Cooper imagined he looked simply upset, dressed in wool layered atop wool. He reached over and tugged on one of Ryan’s gloves to annoy him, wrinkling his nose when it worked.

  “You traded my seat with your mother so I’ll be smack in the middle between you two,” Cooper reminded him on a harsh whisper as Ryan pulled his glove back on.

  He jerked his chin to where Gloria walked ahead of them in a simple black suit, earphones already firmly in place as they made their way to the shuttle. Ten minutes and they’d be in the air, hopefully.

  Ryan shrugged. “I called ahead and they said it wouldn’t be a problem, so don’t make it one. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

  That was an understatement. “I very much mind having to mediate between the two of you. You’re like snarling dogs over scraps of meat—”

  “That’s a bit harsh.”

  “—On the best of days,” Cooper finished pointedly. “You overestimate my mental capacity for dealing with members of your family.”

  Ryan aimed a funny smile at him. “You deal with me just fine.”

  Cooper pursed his lips some. “You’re different. And besides. Of the two of your family, I’d much rather be left alone with you than your mom.”

  “That makes two of us,” Ryan told him, cheery. “You’ll be fine. You have music for a few hours.”

  “Sure.”

  “So does she.”

  “Yep.”

  Cooper felt Ryan’s hand brush his. Then long fingers were worming their way between his own in a reassuring squeeze. It just made Cooper want to hold tight and drag Ryan right back to their firm, where they could work in peace and forget about this week long trip.

  “Do not make me regret the relative bliss we’ve shared these last few weeks, dearest,” Ryan said to him. “One more week and then we won’t have to deal with this…this dilemma of ours until next year.”

  Cooper glowered, knowing Ryan was right. But when facing down the prospect of sitting between Gloria and Ryan, surely flinging lowbrow insults at each other for an hours-long flight was—

  “Wait,” Cooper said, catching up, “Next year?”

  Ryan blinked, realizing what he said and let Cooper’s hand drop.

  Something happy worked its way up his spine. “You’ll be here next year? You’ll want to do this again?”

  Ryan blinked again, looking away. Then he slid a cautious glance back to Cooper.

  “Maybe,” he said, nonchalant. Cooper leaned in for a kiss but Ryan stopped him with a finger to his lips. “If you do not test me, that is. Starting right now, all through our little trip to winter wonderland, and on the flight back. Until we stand in exactly this spot seven days from now you are not allowed to do anything I consider annoying, frustrating, embarrassingly sentimental, or all of the above.”

  “But Ryan,” Cooper told him, barely holding back a grin, “I’m frequently all of the above to you. You tell me daily.”

  Ryan gave him something between a smile and sneer. “Therein lies the challenge. Have fun.”

  Cooper had his music and Gloria had hers. Every now and again Cooper would steal glances he couldn’t seem to quite control at her phone as she scrolled through her email. Thousands of notifications, Cooper saw, stunned. How could anyone function with so many unread messages was beyond him.

  Ryan excused himself to run to the bathroom. Cooper swallowed, anxious for the obvious opening Ryan had just unknowingly—God, how Cooper hoped it was unknowingly—provided for his mother to rip into Cooper.

  Gloria lifted her head, clicked off her phone.

  Three…

  She smiled wryly and removed one bud from her ear.

  Two…

  Gloria turned to him and opened her mouth and Cooper wilted.

  One.

  “So,” she said. Cooper was going to strangle Ryan for allowing this to happen. “I am well aware of the fact you are the only reason I am going along on this trip of yours. Ryan told me as much.”

  Cooper took out his own buds to reply when Gloria raised one manicured hand.

  “No, please. I understand that, having been with my son for so many months by this point,” here she paused, looking as if she could see right through him, “you may have some preconceived ideas about Ryan’s and my relationship. I know you’ve been no stranger to how he regards me.”

  “He doesn’t like I invited you,” Cooper told her, instantly biting his tongue. Gloria had a rigid sort of set to her jaw that always made meeting her visage tricky, her eyes almost impossible. Ryan definitely got his glower from his mother. A severity that effortlessly inspired honesty at the worst times.

  Cooper was honestly surprised he and Ryan had managed to keep their secret—which was, in truth, not so secret anymore—secret in the first place and for so long.

  Also, how long did someone take in the bathroom? Ryan was taking forever.

  Gloria inclined her head, only enough for her eyes to flick past him before snapping back to his.

  “I know. I appreciate your ability to handle my son and all his…vices.”

  “Vices?”

  “Ryan can be difficult, I know. Paul was never fond of the boy,” she said, and it cut Cooper to hear it put so plainly. “It made for a rough childhood for him, even I can admit that.”

  “What does this have to do with now? This trip?” he asked her, wanting to somehow switch his and Ryan’s seat with the elderly couple sitting across from them. “Having a hard time as a kid doesn’t qualify as a vice.”

  “You forget that vices are moral failings,” she said. “Ryan can be obstinate, stubborn, socially weak compared to his peers. His attitude is damaging, especially where it concerns his own self image and how others perceive him. He’s also got quite a terrible self destructive streak I’ve never been able to get him to shake. And he lies for fun, so I wouldn’t be surprised if certain things were to come to light on this little trip.”

  Cooper’s mouth was dry. A tingle worked up his arms, leaving a numbness behind.

  To imply Ryan was lying to him, or about him—which yeah, alright, they both were once upon a time, but now? Now, Cooper knew wh
at it was like to wake up beside Ryan, drooling on his pillow and hogging the comforter. Knew what it was like to have Ryan order him around all day at work but give him a head massage the second they went back to his shoddy flat.

  Though, Ryan still hadn’t been over to Cooper’s place. And they were taking things slow, which was just fine with Cooper.

  “With motivation like this, I can’t see why he never picked up on it,” Cooper said, not quite able to hide the bite from his voice.

  Gloria sneered at him and it was so similar to Ryan’s that Cooper felt unnerved by the expression. But he didn’t let her speak. She had a lot she needed to hear, and he knew not all of it should be from him. But she needed to know.

  “Your son is a hardass, yeah. Hard to get along with, and an asshole almost all of the time. But he’s not a bad person, and he’s not as worthless as he’s been made to feel. He might be good at lying, but he’s good at his job, and he’s wary around others. That’s something I’ve dealt with from him for a year now, so no need to warn me of anything I don’t already know and,” he said, lowering his voice, “frankly, love about him. I don’t know what your deal is with him but he’s your son. Your only child. Maybe you and Paul forgot that somewhere along the way, but once he has control of the company I think you’ll find he’s more than capable of proving you wrong. You say he’s self destructive, but I’ve not seen anything telling me you’ve ever tried to help him. Hell, even just to support him. You treat him like he’ll never be good enough.”

  “That’s not true,” Gloria told him, on a mutter. “I do love my son.”

  “You don’t need to prove that to me. You need to show it to him. And see that he’s not as hopeless as you think he is.”

  She sighed heavily through the nose, frustrated. Her sight switched to the floor, then back. “I only wish he and I—”

  “Talking about me while I’m gone isn’t exactly kind, Mother,” came Ryan’s only slightly scathing tone from behind Cooper. Gloria’s eyes trailed up to her son and then went back to her phone. She resumed browsing through emails, earbud back in place as if she hadn’t just tried to talk her son down from whatever pedestal she believed Cooper to have placed him on.

  Cooper was still watching her as Ryan settled back in his seat. Watched her even as Ryan’s hand found his forearm, a warm and very present weight. Ryan tugged on his sleeve and Cooper finally turned away, blinking away the angry tears that had begun to form.

  “She’s not worth it,” Ryan told him, matter of fact.

  Ryan kissed Cooper’s cheek, held his hand. Easy things, now. Easy things that Cooper had come to regret the last year for never having before. Before their lie. It wasn’t fair they’d wasted time. Wasn’t fair the contract of Paul’s will Ryan was beholden to, no matter that it led to the best thing—he could admit that now—in Cooper’s life. Wasn’t about to let anything or anyone pry it from him. Wouldn’t let anything hurt him or Ryan.

  And, he decided while seeing where Ryan’s fingers threaded through his, he wouldn’t let Gloria get close enough to Ryan to hurt him for the rest of the week.

  Or after, if he had a say in it. For the rest of Ryan’s life if he’d have him—

  And wasn’t that a terrifying thought?

  Cooper shook his head at himself, shaking the suddenly too serious thoughts from his head. Focused on Ryan’s breathing beside him instead.

  Here, Cooper told himself. Here, in this moment, it was better.

  They landed only thirty minutes past the time they were expected. Cat and Malcolm were there to greet them, holding a funny sign with glittery letters the second they were past the gate.

  Cooper hugged them both tightly, not realizing how much he’d missed them until that moment.

  “Where’s dad?” he asked his brother.

  Malcolm shrugged. “You know. Licking his wounds like a good boy.”

  Cooper glanced back to where Cat was embracing Ryan tight to her. Gloria was even smiling a little at the sight, amused. When Cat released Ryan she turned her open arms to Gloria next who compromised by grabbing one of Cat’s hands to shake it instead. A fumble in all.

  “So he told you about the little road trip he dragged me on?” Cooper asked, thinking of that day in Joseph’s Mustang.

  “I worked it out of him. He’s happy about the engagement, we all are. But I think you should talk to him again.”

  Cooper hummed unpleasantly. “Don’t even start, Malcolm—”

  Malcolm poked him hard in the chest. “You’re bringing someone new into the family. Forgive me if I don’t want you making the mistake I did—well, hell, you know what I mean. Talk to him this week, alright? Don’t let him,” Malcolm said, nodding towards where Ryan hovered, “come into this family before all the bad blood is settled.”

  Cooper set his jaw. They’d been over this before. But something about Malcolm’s eyes was tired. Everything about his brother was tired these days. Not spending the holiday with Anne and the kids must have been hard in itself without having to deal with their father’s bad attitude on top of it.

  “How did you get it out of him?”

  “What, the talk you guys had?” Malcolm sighed. “Wasn’t hard. He’s, uh, sad now. It’s pathetic, really. I mean the anger isn’t even there anymore. He’s just really…really fucking sad all the time now. I don’t know what to do around him half the time. But it’s easier to needle him about hard stuff.”

  Malcolm rubbed at his chin. His scruff was longer. Cooper didn’t know if he’d ever seen his brother look so haggard before. As haggard as he allowed himself to be, at least.

  “How’re the kids doing?” Cooper asked him, gentle.

  Malcolm’s lips twitched up. “They’re doing really good. Nan flew them out a while back and I got to show them the cabin for two weeks, just the three of us. Seth loves fishing.”

  “You mean he loves watching you fish?”

  It brought a broken little laugh to the surface. “Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I miss them, Cooper.”

  “I know.” Cooper squeezed his little brother’s shoulder, knowing the telltale sign of shining eyes. He hugged Malcolm close a second time before moving to squeeze his neck. “Come on, kid. Let’s go see what we can’t put Ryan through this week, yeah?”

  Malcolm sniffed, eyes lighting up in a little mischief. “Yeah, I can scrounge something good up. You know he took to mudding like a fish to water.”

  “I know,” Cooper said, reminded of the muddy clothes he’d finally gotten back. “I’m still shocked he did that. He’s usually so—”

  “Put together?”

  “You could say that.”

  Malcolm hummed. “You look happy.” How he said it was odd, too thoughtful.

  “I didn’t before?” And maybe it was the wrong thing to say because Malcolm let out a little scoff. “Come on, spit it out. You started doing this last time too.”

  Malcolm shrugged. “You know, I didn’t think it was real. The two of you,” he said, pointing at Ryan easily. “The whole dating your boss thing. It’s weird as hell.”

  “You couldn’t have found a point in the last month to tell me this?” His heart was racing. They couldn’t be found out, now, of all—

  “Calm down. I wanted to take Ryan mudding to pick his brain. See if he was serious about you. Wasn’t using you for some weird dark shit or something.”

  Cooper nodded, feeling his heart sink.

  Malcolm was looking at Ryan, appraising how he interacted with Cat. Their time was running thin, the others winding down from their hellos and hugs. Gloria looked to be doing everything in her power to cut Cat’s questions off but their mother persisted, unflinching.

  Ryan turned to them, smiled a little. His gaze settled on Malcolm and Cooper saw a hint of the all too familiar Big Boss creep back into his face on a small frown.

  Malcolm cleared his throat.

  “And I was wrong,” he said. “I think Ryan is gonna be around for a long time. And I think he’s good for you.” />
  Cooper was surprised. Still more than a little unsettled by the truth being so close to the surface that he just looked at Malcolm in silence. All he could manage in answer was a nod.

  Ryan took a step towards them and the others followed.

  “So, thought about kids yet?” Malcolm asked, and Cooper laughed, loud.

  “Kids?” Gloria piped up, eyes zeroed in on Cooper like a hawk spotting prey.

  “Kids!” Cat squeaked, grabbing at Ryan’s shoulder.

  Ryan sent him a death glare, one among many. Cooper had since grown used to them, and he could only offer his best I’m so sorry look in answer.

  Juneau was beautiful.

  The town was small and an obvious tourist trap. Everywhere there bustled people armed with cameras making Instagram-ready poses facing the water and the surprisingly mostly-green mountains beyond. Cooper had expected heavy snowfall, but there was only enough on the streets and trees and buildings themselves to lend to the image of the town being somewhat of a winter wonderland. The farther into the city proper they got, the more hometown it really felt.

  The wind picked up the farther they walked. Cooper was chilled but he enjoyed the bite at his nose and cheeks. When he looked over at Ryan to see how he was faring, he had his arms casually in his pockets, and was looking around totally unbothered by the weather.

  “You seem very in your element,” Cooper informed him. “Come to think of it, you wore that ridiculous suit in Florida, so who am I to say.”

  Ryan huffed. “Very wise of you, fiance,” he teased. The word was mostly for the benefit of Gloria who lingered far too closely for Cooper’s liking. But it still made his heart thump. “Though I won’t vouch for my skill in snow sports.”

  Cat was inside the nearest grocer with Malcolm to grab the things they couldn’t take on the plane.

  “He’s right, he’s terrible in all things athletic.”