Where We Are

by Annie McDonald

  “This is a very different tequila than what I’m used to.”

  Sid waited until Mia sat down and then joined the dogs at her feet, leaning against the chair between Mia’s legs and resting her head against a thigh. She held the glass so that the flames danced behind it as she swirled the yellow liquid. “Would you like me to tell you about it while it rests?”

  Mia raked her fingers through Sid’s soft hair, delighting as Sid almost purred at the touch. “Of course.” Mia was curious about a tequila that needed to rest.

  Sid seemed pleased to elaborate, telling Mia about its flavour notes, how a reposado is stopped in the aging process just short of becoming an añejo so that its woodiness and agave spirit prevailed. “It can be a great shooting tequila, but in small quantities and without window dressing,” Sid explained.

  Mia was engaged as she listened to the differences in process between it and Jose Cuervo.

  “Go ahead,” Sid said at last, tipping her head back to look at Mia’s face. “Try it.”

  Mia sipped, the liquor warming her mouth enticingly. She detected the barrel oak Sid had described, and although she’d been a tequila drinker since university, Mia felt as though this was her first. “I think Jose is planning to retire,” she declared, bending down and kissing Sid’s ear.

  Instantly she felt a sharp pain on the back of her head and a burst of vertigo. She gripped the arm of her chair and pulled herself upright. It passed as quickly as it struck, so quickly that Sid hadn’t seemed to notice. It’d been over a week since she’d banged her head. It was likely a flashback to her overindulgent night with Leah. Maybe keep the tequila to a minimum tonight.

  “So do you really think I’m a cowboy?”

  Well, that was out of the blue. Mia thought back to her angry words the night that Sid tore off. She’d felt relieved that Sid wasn’t more seriously injured, but what plagued her were fears of what might have happened if Sid had encountered the trespassers. She wasn’t without her own impulsiveness, but even the six-year age difference between them had provided Mia with a perspective that came with time and experience, much as she hated to admit it. And a little bit of self-reflection. Sid was justified in her anger, too, and although they’d both accepted apologies, it seemed Sid had held on to Mia’s words, taking her fear-fueled comment very much to heart.

  “First, let me say that I am very fond of cowboys, including those of our preferred gender. The hats, the boots, the works.” She felt Sid’s shoulders relax, leaned down, and kissed her forehead, continuing to stroke her hair. No dizziness. Good. “I have worked with herding dogs for years. It’s amazing to watch as they work cattle toward a path of least resistance. The dog and its team work as one, and I don’t think the cows ever feel denied; they rely on the team to keep them safe. It’s a trust relationship.” She paused and rubbed Sid’s shoulders, losing herself in their soft curves before continuing. “Some dogs can’t work in a team. They have too much lone wolf in their blood. I’ve run into a few over the years. They’re plenty sweet, but I’ve had to suggest that the owners make use of them for jobs other than herding because they not only put the herd in danger, they put themselves in danger.”

  “So, I’m not an impulsive cowboy; I’m a lone wolf?” Sid asked, her intonation a mix of disappointment and disbelief.

  Mia nudged Sid aside and stepped toward the fire, stirring the coals and rolling the potatoes closer, taking the time to measure her response. She took a seat on the ground, leaning against the chair beside Sid and placing her hand on Sid’s knee. The dogs shuffled and, with no space to curl up in between them, ended up flanking them.

  “I don’t think you’re any one of those things. I think you’re much more complex than that. More, well, human. Do you think I’ve been without impulsiveness? Even to the point of recklessness? Do you think anyone has?” Forgetting her pledge, she sipped her tequila and let the questions sit with Sid. “These aren’t solely negative qualities, nor are they necessarily positive qualities. Many of our great leaders, boundary-pushers, have held them. We’re not so black and white, we humans.” Mia jostled her knee until Sid looked at her. “And to be honest, I was afraid of what could have happened to you that night.”

  “You must’ve worried about Riley all the time, yes?”

  “But her training taught her to see not only the horizon but the path. She was wired to know exactly when to yield and exactly when to advance. It was her nature.”

  “Situational awareness,” Sid stated, rising and setting the cast-iron grill on the fire. “I don’t think I could have done anything differently where the sketch is concerned. How could I know what Jason intended? But you may be right about that night on the step. I could have exercised more patience and waited for Aaron or my dad.”

  Mia refilled their glasses and handed Sid the steaks to place on the grill. “My Granny K, my mom’s mom, used to tell me the creation tale of Andek the crow, when I was a child,” Mia said, putting her arm around Sid’s shoulders. “Since you like stories so much, I’d like to share it with you.”

  “Please.” Sid settled back into her place in front of Mia.

  “Andek didn’t feel like the other flyers that the Great Spirit created, the eagle, the hawk, and the loon.” She kept her voice soft and low. “As soon as he was old enough, he ventured into the forest and came upon a squirrel. The squirrel was sad and feeling drained about his life, so Andek took him to Mkwa the Bear for some medicine and Miskwaadesi the Turtle to rediscover his spirit and wisdom. It wasn’t long before the squirrel felt balanced and returned to his purpose revitalized and with a refreshed spirit.”

  Mia took a breath, staring at the coals. Sid sat so still that she could almost hear her heartbeat.

  “Andek then came across a rabbit who was living in such fear of the fox that she wanted to die. Andek explained to the rabbit that her purpose was in her long ears and strong legs; the first would allow her to hear the fox coming in enough time that her speed would carry her to safety with ease. The rabbit’s confidence was restored, and she no longer lived in fear. Through his travels,” Mia said, “the crow discovered that his purpose was in helping others either find or renew their purpose.”

  “Are you telling me this because I am the squirrel? Or the rabbit? Drained? Or fearful? Stuck?”

  “Do you feel that way?” Mia asked. She could sense Sid struggling and gave her time to think.

  Sid paused before stroking Milo’s head. “Do you think I need training?”

  Mia laughed. “Not at all. I just think you need to recognize that more often than you think, there is an easier path. Maybe your purpose is to simply choose it once in a while. If we all did this, we’d spend a lot less time feeling like a scared rabbit.”

  Sid handed Mia her glass and rose to flip the steaks. “‘Walk a good path, and you will be guaranteed to find your life’s purpose.’ You become your purpose by doing what feels good with good intention. So say the elders.”

  “I like the sound of that.” Sid leaned in for a kiss. “I like you, Mia.”

  “I’m glad you came back tonight, Sid Harris.”

  * * *

  The steaks were barely salvageable by the time they disentangled themselves, but the potatoes were fluffy and encased in almost nutty skins, charred perfectly by the coals and slathered in butter. Sid gathered the dishes and watched with interest as Mia served the poached pears.

  “I hope you like chai tea because the pears have been steeping in this syrup for two extra days,” Mia said as she dropped a dollop of mascarpone on each, then twirled streams of Sid’s honey on top.

  Sid was amazed by how well each component was elevated by the other and tied closer by the fragrant undercurrent of cardamom. She tore through it with the speed of Milo and spent the next several minutes watching Mia finish hers while contemplating the story of Andek.

  When the feast was done, she grabbed a blanket from her truck, spread it by the restoked fire, and invited Mia beside her. They lay on their backs,
watching the sparks fly and float like lightning bugs against the black sky.

  “I think you may be right about me being stuck.”

  “Your words, not mine, cowboy.”

  “True. I love my work at the gallery, but I love it here, too. I don’t want to give up either, but I can’t figure out how to do both and not feel resentful.” Sid took a breath. “And to be honest, I feel a bit panicked.”

  Mia propped herself up on an elbow. “You love to swim, right?”

  Sid wondered where Mia was going with this but answered in the affirmative.

  “And when you swim, do you focus on the shore you’re headed to or each stroke you take?”

  “I feel each stroke. I guess because I trust they’ll get me where I aim to go.”

  “As you think about the decisions you’re facing, maybe it would help to consider that same approach. When you swim, you’re aware that the water resists, but your will, your experience and strength, guides you without you being aware of it. When you’re in your element, you stay on the path. You feel it under your feet, even in water.”

  “You’re talking about being in, staying in, the moment. If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard—”

  Mia let out a gasp and dropped softly onto her side. “Did you say dimes?”

  Sid listened as Mia admitted noticing the box of dimes on her dresser, told her about finding the most recent dime in her pocket, and asked if she knew about the superstition.

  “I didn’t know for quite some time,” Sid said, “but after the first six or so I found following my mom’s death, I mentioned them to Isabel. She’s a tad superstitious.” Sid smiled, holding her index finger and thumb together, then separating the two until they were at their widest span. “She filled me in on the various interpretations. The number ten symbolizes the circle, so some say the dimes suggest a fulfillment of the cycle of life. Others take it as a warning to stay aware. Most folks, Isabel included, see it as proof that there is life beyond and that dimes are left by our loved ones as sign that they are still here. Watching over us.”

  As Sid spoke, a wave of shivers crossed her shoulders and traveled down her arms. She reached for the edge of the blanket and curled more closely into Mia, feeling unusually vulnerable.

  Mia reached around her and drew her into warm arms. “I used to think that. Leah and I both found dimes for several years after our parents died. Now I think Riley has taken over, but rather than leaving them to remind me that she is still here, I think she leaves them to remind me that I am still here. And that my path continues, even though hers has ended.”

  “It’s easy to lose sight of that. Of still being here. I hadn’t considered that interpretation, but I like it almost as much as I like the thought of those who go before us keeping an eye on us.” Sid lay back, thinking about her mom. She’d felt her mother’s loss so deeply that she lost her way and wasn’t sure she wanted to find her way back. It was as if a grey fog had crept over the mountains and deluged her, surrounding her with darkness. With each dime she’d found, the fog thinned, then lifted. She treasured each one.

  Milo licked her arm before nosing beneath it and curling up against her. Sid turned and watched Mia reach for the honey. Using the spatula, she scooped out a piece of the honey-laden wax and let it fall slowly into her mouth.

  The sensuality of the act mesmerized Sid and made her aware of a rhythmic pulse between her thighs. She stared wordlessly as Mia rose and straddled her. The pulse intensified. Mia pushed the piece of comb between her lips, her teeth clenching the wax, and the honey oozed out, falling in a syrupy trickle toward Sid’s mouth. She clenched her butt, and the pulse became a powerfully pleasurable throb. She lifted her head, sticking her tongue out to take in the honey before claiming Mia’s mouth. She bit into the comb, splitting it in two. It released another gush of honey and a sigh of pleasure from Mia, whose body shook before collapsing into her arms. A single breath later, she came with a deliciously slow easiness.

  The lightning bugs continued to dance above them like drunken comets. Sid moved onto her side so that she could run her fingers through Mia’s hair. She chewed the wax, thinking of nothing more than the woman beside her.

  “Two desserts in one evening?” Sid managed, tossing the spent wax into the coals.

  “Three if we’re lucky.”

  Chapter Twenty-four

  It had already been a crazy, messy, wonderful day. Breakfast at the Millers’, the lake rendezvous with Sid, then Flynn’s collapse and diagnosis. Now, here she was, having just made love with Sid but still feeling inexplicably energized. Not only was she fatigue-free, but she was on a high similar to those she’d experienced when she’d hit and then overcome the ominous runner’s wall. Triumphant. Tonight, any wariness about moving forward was washed away by the adrenaline coursing through her. Touching Sid, her body revved with sexual drive. She wanted nothing now the way she wanted to feel Sid’s hands on her body again. She needed to feel the same flesh she’d leaned into at the lake.

  “Sid,” she whispered, “I need to feel you.” She hoped she didn’t sound as desperate as she felt, but she was willing to risk it.

  Sid was bare beneath her T-shirt and jeans, so Mia grabbed the scruff of her collar and pulled it over her head so that her breasts were exposed to the starry sky. Sid complied wordlessly, her eyes ablaze with passion. Her nipples hardened and goose bumps formed down her arms and up her neck, and Mia could feel her own juices pooling between her legs.

  Mia wriggled, freeing herself from her shirt and bra with Sid’s help. As soon as it was off, she pressed into Sid, kissing her deeply and hungrily. As Sid’s hands moved around her back, Mia could feel her hesitate.

  The ribs. Of course. “Sid, I want you. All ways. Every way. On me. Over me. Under me. In me. You won’t hurt me. And I promise I won’t hurt you. Can I please have you tonight?”

  Mia punctuated her request by grabbing Sid’s hair and pulling it back, exposing her neck and nipping hungrily down to the clavicle. She ran her tongue along the ridge before tracing a route between Sid’s breasts. Her back tensed, and Mia could feel her anticipation. She stopped, amazed at her restraint, and waited for Sid’s answer.

  “Can I please have you tonight?” she repeated, her finger circling the soft flesh.

  “Yes. Mia. Please.”

  “Good. Because I’ve been wanting to touch you here.” Mia kissed lightly around Sid’s breast. She laid her tongue flat against Sid’s nipple and areola and held it motionless while her finger and thumb found the other breast, tracing circles before lightly flicking the nipple.

  “And here.”

  Sid’s body arched, and as it fell, Mia began to swirl the rosy nipple, delighting as it grew harder and fuller before capturing it between her teeth and flicking it with the tip of her tongue.

  Sid writhed. “Oh, yes!”

  Mia pulled her leg up and over Sid’s hips so she was straddling her as she played with her breasts. She could feel Sid’s heat and wetness through their jeans, and this further bolstered her confidence. She moved her hips lower down Sid’s thighs and unzipped her to reach around and squeeze between fabric and flesh. She kneaded Sid’s softly sculpted ass, pulling tighter against her before pushing the denim down over her hips to her knees.

  Mia placed one knee between Sid’s legs, then the other, spreading them so that Sid’s followed suit. Slowly, hungrily, she eased down the blanket until her head was poised above Sid’s pelvis. She took in the trimmed mound of fine hair before descending, smelling the musky vanilla as she leaned her shoulders against Sid’s inner thighs.

  “And of course, I’ve wanted to touch you right here.”

  She lifted Sid slightly while gently spreading her open. She slid her tongue into the folds, exploring the delicious valleys around Sid’s swollen clit. Sid moaned, and Mia pushed more deeply into her, engulfing warm wet flesh, her tongue rippling to create long, broad, upward and downward licks. As Sid tensed, she stopped to dip back into the valleys before
broadening again to continue the onslaught.

  Mia pulled a hand out from under Sid and slid her fingers into the wetness along with her tongue. When Sid’s pelvis tilted, Mia entered her, first with one finger, then another. Sid moved up and down in rhythm with her tongue, so Mia slowly circled and pressed higher. She hooked her fingers until Sid’s throaty gasp told her that they’d found her G-spot. As she continued to tease Sid’s clit, Mia pushed her knuckles farther with each slow thrust.

  Mia noticed the moment Sid was no longer in the room. Physically she was there. But her body had almost stilled, and the electricity flowing between them moved in only one direction. She placed her palm on Sid’s lower belly, pressing down lightly to feel waves rolling beneath it. Present, but not present. She didn’t know exactly what had caused Sid to check out, but she would wait patiently until she returned. She kept her tongue on Sid’s pussy and let her fingers relax in place.

  Within a matter of seconds, Sid stirred. “What? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing is wrong,” Mia replied. “I’m still here. Where are you?”

  Sid grabbed Mia’s hand and squeezed. The electricity was flowing again. “Please, Mia, please, fuck me. You feel so good. You make me feel good. Please don’t stop. Tell me what you want me to do.”

  “I want you to breathe. Stay right here, with me. I want you with me.”

  “Yes, yes. I…please, Mia, don’t stop.”

  “I won’t.” Mia kissed Sid’s mound and felt her impassioned response. “Instead of paying attention to what I’m doing, try to focus on what you’re feeling. All of what you’re feeling. Be with it. And stay with me.”

  Mia fell back into rhythm, using her thumb to slowly circle the swollen clitoris as she moved in and out. Sid’s breathing became slower, deeper, and she relaxed into the blanket.