The Princess of Chaos

by Candice M. Wright

  “What’s going on, Megan?” He searches my eyes, knowing I’m seconds away from a meltdown.

  “You spent a lot of time with Diesel and Orion when you were at Carnage right?” He nods slowly, unsure of where I’m going with this.

  “And you know every inch of my face that you could picture it with your eyes closed, huh?” I question, feeling my voice crack as he nods again.

  “Look at Conner and tell me what you see when you look in his eyes.” He stares at me for a moment before turning to face Conner. It takes him a few moments before his body jolts and he turns to face me with a look of shock on his face.

  “He looks like—” he doesn't finish his sentence because I finish it for him.

  “He looks like his mother. Just like Orion, Diesel and I do,” I choke out.

  “Holy fuck!” He turns to talk to the others but I focus on Conner, who is playing with the strand of my hair like Zero does.

  “My name’s Megan. It’s really nice to meet you, Conner.”

  He holds his little hand out for me to shake, my lips tipping up into a smile, as I wrap my larger one around his.

  “Nice to meet you, Megan.”

  Grim shuffles us back a bit, making me stand up and turn around to see Wanda screaming and shouting in Viper’s arms as she tries to get to us.

  I drop my head and try to separate my emotions from the equation. I hate this woman with every fiber of my being but she is fighting tooth and nail to get to Conner. If he loves her and she loves him back, will I be causing more damage by ripping them apart?

  Conner steps closer to me and grips my hand tighter. I look down at his handsome little face, taking in his deep blue eyes that are so much like my own.

  “Mother doesn't like me very much.”

  And boom, there goes the final nail in Wanda’s coffin.

  “Does she hurt you?” I ask him, rubbing soothing circles over the back of his hand with my thumb.

  “She just yells a lot and calls me names then she sends me back to school. I don’t like school but it's better than getting yelled at all the time.”

  “That’s my favorite thing about being deaf, I don’t have to listen to anyone being mean,” I tell him with a wink.

  “Will you stand with Grim for a second for me?” I ask him. He looks up at Grim, who is watching both of us interact. Conner nods, letting go of my hand before moving towards Grim and slipping his hand in Grim’s huge one. Grim looks at him with awe for a moment before his protective instincts kick in. He nods to me to say “I got this,” then walks Conner over towards the bikes and out of earshot.

  I spin around and stalk toward Wanda, who is now being restrained by Kaz. Viper says something to her. I can't see what, as I can only see the back of him but he is clearly pissed as his whole body vibrates with fury.

  I step up beside him and Wanda’s ire transfers from Viper to me. I will never understand the depth of hatred I see swimming in the pools of her soulless black eyes. I never did anything to her but exist. Clearly, that was enough of an offense in her eyes.

  “I don’t know how you convinced my mother to conceal a pregnancy from everyone, but I imagine my life was used as a weapon once more. The difference between her and me is that I have nothing to lose. I used to think you were just a bitter woman who had been used up too many times by the men you let into your life. Now, I see what I should have seen all along. There is an evil inside you. You enjoy inflicting pain on others but your method is psychological bullshit instead of physical wounds. Both leave their scars but people ask questions when the scars are on the outside, don’t they?”

  She opens her mouth to speak but something else catches her attention. When she starts with the crocodile tears and yelling “my baby,” I know she has spotted the crowd of people gathering and is playing to them.

  I laugh at her. She can do and say what she wants but she doesn't scare me anymore. I turn to face the growing crowd and realize I’m not scared of them either.

  To a young girl, these guys seemed like a scary-ass bunch of people to have hating you but now, after everything I’ve been through, it's easy to see them for what they are. Human. And humans are nothing if not flawed.

  I don't speak, taking in the faces before me. I wait for their condemnation and judgment but mostly I see a sea of confused faces looking to Viper for an explanation.

  He steps up beside me, showing the club exactly whose side he is on and addresses them, standing at a slight angle so I can read his lips.

  “Go home,” he tells them, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “Erm… Viper,” Trip speaks up. “You can’t just take someone’s kid away from them. Don’t get me wrong, there is no love lost between Wanda and me but taking someone's kid doesn't sit right with me.”

  “And yet nobody seems bothered that Melinda had her kid taken away from her,” he tells them, waiting for the penny to drop. When it does, Trip’s eyes widen as people start talking animatedly among themselves.

  “Conner is Melinda’s?” he asks, looking for clarification.

  Viper doesn’t give him an inch. I said the kid is my brother and that is clearly good enough for him.

  “How the fuck?” But Trip isn't looking at Viper, he’s looking at Wanda.

  “You fucking bitch. You had everything you wanted but it was never enough, was it? You disgust me.” He turns to face me and a look of guilt and sadness covers his features.

  He steps towards me, which makes Viper pull me into his side with his large arm wrapped around my shoulder.

  “I’m sorry. It's not enough. I know that. You know that, but it’s all I’ve got. I hope one day I can earn your forgiveness. I’m sorry we ever treated you like less. You were always the best of us. Welcome home, princess,” he says sincerely, as a sob breaks free from inside me.

  I pull away from Viper and step closer, watching a man who never did anything to hurt me, but he never offered me aid either.

  There will always be an ember that burns inside me. A fire that fuels itself with my anger and regrets but I decided long ago not to let them consume me. If I did that, I would only end up like Wanda.

  Trip watches me, waiting for me to tear him to shreds but instead, I close the space between us and wrap my arms around him.

  I feel him take a shuddering breath as my forehead rests against his shoulder. He holds me tightly for a moment as I absorb his apology and my forgiveness absolves him.

  Pulling back, he looks down at me with a genuine smile before I’m turned to face other members who want to say their sorrys. It seems, now that Trip has broken the seal, everyone is rushing to apologize. I doubt all of them are genuine but it's more than I expected. I nod and smile at them until Zero steals me away, sensing I’m getting a little overwhelmed.

  People start drifting away as I face plant into Zero’s chest, breathing in deep the comforting scent of leather and motor oil.

  “What just happened?” I mutter to myself, confused about the whiplash of emotions I’ve gone through today.

  Zero tips my chin up to look at him.

  “Viper had already called everyone out on their bullshit. They all believed the lies they were fed. Most were horrified when confronted with the truth. The only reason people haven’t approached you before now is that most of them are ashamed of the part they played in what happened to you. Today was a long time coming.”

  I feel stupid when my eyes start to water at his words.

  “Don’t you dare make me cry, mister. I’m trying to channel Luna and be badass here,” I scold him.

  “Megan, you don’t need to channel anyone. You are our Raven, fearless, protective and brave. You are perfect exactly as you are.”

  And there go the tears.

  “Fuck!” I face plant into his chest again, his words proving to be my undoing. I allow myself a little girly cry before pulling up my big girl panties and stepping back to wipe my face.

  I glance up when an arm hooks me around the shoulder and offer a
small smile at Viper, who looks like he wants to hulk out and smash something at the sight of my tears.

  “We didn't know, Megan,” he swears, his jaw hard and eyes flashing with anger.

  “I know that, Viper. What’s gonna happen now?” I ask apprehensively. I might flirt the line with what is and isn't okay within the MC rules but ultimately the decision falls to him and in some cases will be put to vote.

  “She’ll get her say when she calms the fuck down and I’ll bring it before the officers. They’ll vote on whether she can stay or if she should go.”

  My shoulders slump, knowing I was right. I know he must feel stuck between a rock and a hard place too because, despite everything, Wanda was effectively his pseudo aunt for a large chunk of his life.

  “My vote will be to get her the fuck out of here,” he promises me, causing my eyes to widen in surprise.

  “Really?”

  “She hurt you by keeping that little boy from you. She blames you for shit that had nothing to do with you and she sure as hell didn't look out for you when you were a kid. I’m guessing there are a whole lot of interactions that have been less than stellar between you two over the years that you haven't told us about. I want you to be happy, Megan. If that means she needs to leave then so be it.”

  I wrap my arms around him and squeeze him tight before facing him again. “Part of me gets it. John would have taken Conner from my mom as a punishment like he did with me. That little boy would have become the next thing to keep her in line, but all that meant was that Wanda was yet again stuck raising a kid that wasn't hers but a woman’s who her old man just couldn't give up.”

  Viper’s head dips and rests on mine as he takes in my words. It's a fucked-up situation and I do feel for her, but she chose the life she led. Instead of rising above all the bullshit, she let it flow through her veins like poison.

  “And that right there is what makes you special,” Zero says pointedly.

  “What?” I ask, surprised.

  “Your ability to even be able to muster up a molecule of empathy for a woman who doesn’t deserve it.”

  I think about his words and let them warm me. I could have let the life I’ve lived harden me. I could have withdrawn from the world like Wyatt or set out to burn it all to the ground like Viddy, but then I wouldn’t be the daughter my mother so valiantly raised.

  In the six weeks since that day, my relationship with my guys and most of the Chaos Demons has changed. Our bonds have been strengthened. Whether they be from friendship or love, I have finally carved out enough space here for it to start to feel like home again.

  I hadn’t been surprised when the vote went in Wanda’s favor. After all, she had more ties to this place than I did but Viper let it slip that the vote was a lot closer than I might have thought.

  Wanda had been allowed to stay. She still lived in the house I was raised in at the back of the lot near the woods so I rarely saw her, which suited me fine.

  I spent most of my time getting the former Elusive, now aptly named Ravens, ready for its grand reopening next month. The girls turned out to be an amazing bunch of ladies who just needed someone to take a chance on them and Legs was proving her weight in gold.

  Jenna and Wyatt were running my shop in my absence, much to Wyatt’s disgust. Jenna had him wrapped around her little finger and he would do anything to make the girl who had become like a daughter to him smile.

  The most important change perhaps, had been my relationship with my little brother. It had been a hard decision but ultimately we decided to let him finish out this term at school, giving him a chance to say his goodbyes in the process because when he came home today, he was staying.

  What I hadn’t done was tell my brothers or Luna about him. I hated hiding it but Conner needed time to adjust to all the changes and there would be no holding my brothers back when they found out.

  There was also a part of me that worried it would be another mark against Chaos. That Carnage would decide the truce just wasn’t worth it anymore and demand my return. That would mean I would be stuck choosing between my blood and my heart and I wasn’t ready to make that impossible choice.

  A finger on my chin tips my head up.

  “Relax, its going to be fine,” Zero assures me, breaking into my thoughts.

  “Sorry.” I laugh. “I was a million miles away.”

  Viper wraps his arm around my shoulder and places a kiss on my temple.

  “You guys have Skyped every single day that he’s been gone. He loves you already. You have nothing to worry about.”

  I stare at his lips as he speaks and smile at him nervously. “I’m being a big baby huh?” He laughs and I take a moment to appreciate all that masculine yumminess that I get to call mine when the sight of an SUV approaching catches my attention.

  I feel Grim step up behind me and squeeze my shoulders in silent support. I take a deep breath and wait for the gates to open and the car to stop just in front of us. The back door opens and a black-haired bundle of adorableness jumps out and heads in my direction.

  I drop to my knees and open my arms just in time for him to throw himself at me. I wrap my arms tightly around him, thankful to Grim for bracing our combined weight and stopping us from toppling backward.

  I close my eyes and soak in the feelings of love for the little boy who I’ve come to adore and who is the last piece of my mother.

  “I’ve missed you,” I tell him, pulling back and smiling big when he does.

  “I missed you too,” he answers almost shyly.

  Viper crouches down next to us staring at Conner with a smile on his face making my heart melt.

  “Want to grab some lunch at the diner with us?” Viper asks him.

  Conner looks up at the president with what looks like a little bit of hero-worship in his eyes and nods rapidly, making me laugh.

  Zero reaches down to help me up as Viper ruffles Conner’s hair. I smile my thanks at Zero, watching his lips move as I catch the end of his sentence to Conner.

  “Come on then. I’ve had a craving for mac and cheese all day,” Zero shares with him, making me smile. He’s not even saying that to make Conner feel welcome, knowing it’s his favorite. He really has been going on about it all damn day.

  “That’s my favorite,” Conner informs him looking at me for approval before, walking beside Zero and Grim, as I hang back for Viper and we follow them in.

  People greet us with a smile and a wave at Conner, everyone pleased to see the little boy back where he belongs.

  We all climb into our usual booth and place our orders. Mac and cheese for Conner and Zero, while Viper, Grim, and I opt for BLTs.

  “So are you happy to be home?” Grim asks him after swallowing.

  Conner nods quietly but he has a look of trepidation on his face too.

  “What’s up? Is it because you’re going to miss your friends? I promise you can call them or Skype them whenever you want,” I reassure him but it doesn’t seem to help. I give him a moment, seeing that he is trying to figure out what to say, and sit and wait him out.

  “Do I have to stay with Mother?” I want to snap at him that Wanda isn’t his mother but that’s my issue, not Conner’s and I’ll never make him uncomfortable if I can help it.

  “Nope. You get to stay with us. Oh, and I haven’t told you this but you have two brothers to meet yet,” I inform him and sigh with relief when his smile stretches over his face.

  “Awesome,” he answers before we tuck back into our food.

  I excuse myself to use the bathroom and when I head back, it’s to find Grim, Viper, and Zero at the counter waiting to settle the bill.

  I look for Conner and see him laughing in our booth where Trip has sat in the seat next to him. He has shoved two straws up his nose and crossed his eyes, much to Conner’s amusement.

  Walking over to my guys, I lean against Viper, twisting my neck so I can watch my brother, loving how calm and relaxed he looks compared to the last time he was here.
<
br />   “We should buy a house with a yard big enough for a large dog,” I muse out loud. Viper goes solid beside me, making me look up to see what’s wrong.

  His look is fierce and filled with heat. I whip around to look at Zero and find a similar look in his eyes.

  “What?” I question, thinking about what I was saying. “Oh… you don’t want that? Do we have to live at the compound indefinitely?” Because that would suck donkey balls.

  Nobody answers me, which makes me deflate.

  “I didn’t realize I had to stay at the clubhouse indefinitely. It's not the kind of place I wanted to raise kids. I mean I knew they would be here all the time but I wanted them to have a safe haven that was just theirs away from drunk men and half-naked club girls. Are you guys sure you want daughters living on-site? I mean there are some things little girls can't unsee, trust me.”

  Still, nobody speaks and it’s making me nervous, especially as Grim looks down at me with an expression on his face I can’t read.

  “Why the hell are you guys looking at me like that?”

  “House?” Viper finally comes unstuck.

  “Dog?” Zero asks.

  “Daughters?” Grim stares at me in awe and I realize that what I was feeling from them was shock.

  “Well… yeah. I mean, we don’t have to have them yet. We can wait, or do you not want kids? Shit. See this is what happens when you kidnap someone. You don't have time to figure out if you’re compatible.”

  I’m about to give in and tell them it’s fine, we don’t have to have kids if they don’t want them. But no, fuck that.

  “I want kids,” I admit softly. “I want to fill a house with them. I want a family and a place to call home. I… I’d give up everything for you guys but please don’t ask me to give up on that,” I finish, holding my ground and bracing for their reaction.

  Grim’s lips are on mine in the blink of an eye, making me jolt with shock. Grim is a demanding kisser, taking what he wants whatever the cost but right now his kiss is all about giving. I can feel it beating at me and taste it on my tongue. He wants that too.