Soap on a Rope

by Barbara Silkstone

  I braced myself, clenching my fists. All the time I gave Myron putting his anxiety attacks before all my needs—even canceling trips to see Nonna—didn’t count for diddly. He wanted to impress his lady friend. I waited to hear what he had in mind.

  “Ivy wants a cosmetic shop. I’m gonna set her up in business. There’s a fancier, bigger store for rent up the boulevard. I’ll sign the lease and she can sell her own goop for dames.”

  That was a catchy name. Goop for Dames.

  He gave me a wink. I took it as a token of friendship unbroken. “Sorry Olive. You just got yourself some competition,” he said.

  Ivy grabbed her purse from under the counter and they strutted out the door.

  Chapter 23

  “Well that went well!” Lizzy said, a dimple nipping at the corner of her mouth.

  “A little competition is good for business.” I felt the burden lift from my shoulders. The suspense was over. The deed was done. The only we at Nonna’s Cold Cream would be Lizzy and me.

  “I just lost a good babysitter,” Lizzy said. “And Heather lost her poker-playing coach.”

  “It’ll sort itself out. Ivy’s just feeling rejected right now. She’ll forgive us.” I scanned the shop. “Let’s put everything the way it was before Ivy created a mini-Macys.”

  I rubbed my brow, it cramped again. “I forgot to ask her for the key! Just as well. It’s easier to get the locks changed.”

  “Call locksmith.” I spoke into my cell and the phone fairy responded with the names of three local experts. One call and a locksmith was on his way.

  “We’re still out of lavender soap and getting no place fast.” Nervous energy coursed through my body.

  I caught sight of a brown car pulling into the lot. Whoever it was parked alongside the shop and out of my view.

  “Customer!” I alerted Lizzy.

  WonderDog stood at attention his tail wagging.

  We were both behind the counter when The Irma walked in. Her hair was perfectly coifed like Princess Leia in Star Wars and her teeth shined like car headlights. She wore her light blue cult caftan and gold chain with a couple of tiny trinkets hanging from it.

  “Lizzy, dear! I’ve come to see your little shop!” She floated from the door to the counter. I couldn’t see if her feet were actually touching the floor but the illusion confuzzled me.

  Lizzy tensed.

  “I read all about your opening in the Silverfish Gazette and would have come earlier but the Seven Planets had me spinning. I’m truly thrilled for you both.”

  There was something tender about the woman. She emanated serenity put with an underlying pathos. WonderDog trotted to her side looking at her adoringly.

  “Lizzy, your father would be so proud of you.”

  “I seriously doubt that. He barely acknowledged my existence.”

  “Dearest, I know he came across cold as ice, but he did love you and Pam. He just couldn’t show it.” She reached across the counter catching Lizzy’s hand. “There was a time when I was intensely jealous of you, but now all I feel is love.” She rubbed her thumb and index finger over the charms on her gold chain.

  If it was an act, it was well done. I discovered I’d been holding my breath, and let it out softly.

  “You were jealous of me?” Lizzy’s eyes widened.

  “He boasted about you constantly. When you started List with Lizzy he mocked me and said I’d never have the nerve to start my own business. He said you took after him.”

  Lizzy gripped the sides of her head as if to cover her ears. “That’s not true. He never said a kind word to me.” She looked at me as if I held the answer.

  I felt an ache in my throat. “Perhaps your father did care about you. Lots of people are incapable of showing their feelings. They keep everything bottled inside. I’m sorry you had to learn this way but it’s good for you to know.”

  “I had no idea.” Lizzy brushed a hand against her cheek.

  The bell jingled and two ladies walked into the shop laughing uproariously. One had skin as pale as mine and the other had a lovely cocoa-colored complexion. They wore their hair in almost identical curly bobs.

  “I’ll take care of them,” I said.

  Lizzy shook her head. “I’d rather. I don’t need to think about my father right now.” She slipped past me and greeted the women putting on her bubbly smile like a secret weapon. “Welcome to Nonna’s Cold Cream! How can I help you?”

  I turned to Irma, her face lit in a kindly smile. “It’s the truth. Nelson talked incessantly about Lizzy—sometimes Pam—but always Lizzy this and Lizzy that. He was a hard man, but he did love her.”

  She reached over and patted my hand. “You’re a good friend for Lizzy. I can see you give her the confidence Nelson took from her. She may still hold anger in her heart toward me and I don’t fault her for that. But beneath her anger I sense a new happiness. I know the universe will bless your business and it will succeed. I wanted you to know that before I left.”

  “I’m curious about the charms on your chain. Can you share their meanings?”

  Irma lifted the chain separating the gold pieces. “This circle represents Trappist-1.” She slid it aside and held the next ornament—seven small circles linked together—the blue one represents the planet Karma. And this little key unlocks my opportunity to journey there.”

  “They’re very pretty. I’m sure they keep you from feeling home sick.”

  “Cosmos and I are returning to our community tomorrow—before we leave we may try once more to send Nelson’s celestial being on its journey—I hate to fail my mission.”

  “You truly believe in your Seven Planets?” I felt a release of my tension as I stared into her eyes.

  “Of course. I wouldn’t have taken all of Nelson’s possessions if I didn’t. I planned on leaving him anyway but his earthly goods made my ascendancy possible. Materialistic, cruel, and mean, he deserved to lose everything in support of the Seven Planets.”

  She looked down at WonderDog. He hadn’t moved from her side. Irma ran her hand from the top of his head to under his chin. “Go to your bed.”

  The hound blinked once and returned to his bed. He lay down, placed his head over his paws and closed his eyes.

  My liking for Irma was happening too quickly. The woman was an admitted thief and surely a con artist with her celestial being transportation system. Had she hypnotized me? I didn’t believe that person could instantly control an unwilling subject, but I’d never met a person as ethereal as Irma. I pinched my left arm as hard as I could, but I still felt a fondness for her.

  “The only thing Nelson cared about were material possessions and that Remington painting. Do you know he cheated a little old Appalachian lady out of it? He traded her three velvet art paintings—those creations that were the rage in the 60s.”

  Dingler was a real slime ball.

  “I am not proud of what I did,” Irma said, “but everything he owned he got by cheating. He deserved to lose it all. It went to a good cause. I have mastered many talents since leaving his control—talents beyond what even a doctor of the mind such as yourself might imagine. I have my freedom. I have my power.”

  “Where is the Remington now?”

  “I finally found a buyer willing to pay its appraised value plus pay for a guaranteed position on the first moon of Trappist-1. He took delivery last week. The painting is gone and with it the last of Nelson Dingler—except for his celestial being.”

  She winked. “I wished I was a fly on the wall when he returned from his golf game and found the apartment empty except for a single cot!” Her eyes twinkled with mischief. “That cot held special significance for us.”

  “Excuse me for a minute. Lizzy needs my help.” I tore myself away and stepped to Lizzy’s side. One hundred and one uses for a single cot taunting me.

  The two customers continued their cheerful cacophony as we tallied their bills. The women seemed to have the kind of friendship Lizzy and I shared. No words were necessar
y to kick in giggle fits. Their laughter was contagious and soon the four of us were yucking it up over nothing.

  I packaged their cold creams, under-eye creams and lotions, wrapping them carefully in tissue and slipping them into two logoed bags.

  The more we tried to stop laughing the harder we laughed. The pointless giggling was a much-needed release for Lizzy. All her bottled-up emotions came pouring out in snorts and chuckles.

  “Please hurry back,” I said, handing the women their bags. “And bring your laughter with you. You made our day!”

  We returned to Irma. I was unable to wipe the smile from my face.

  “It’s good to see you both laughing. It’s a healing thing. If you’d like to learn more about my Seven Planets here’s my number.” She placed a light blue business card on the counter. A picture of what must be Trappist-1 with seven dots circling it was stamped above THE IRMA with a phone number below it.

  “If you need to talk to us or feel the need for counseling, here’s our card.” I handed her one of our Nonna’s Cold Cream cards.

  She took the card, slipped it in the pocket of her caftan, then raised her left hand in some sort of salute. “May the Seven Planets guide you!”

  The Irma glided out the door bumping into the locksmith.

  I recognized him by the word Locksmith stitched on his shirt pocket. In less than ten minutes the jolly fellow with the Spanish accent changed the locks on the front and back door. He gave me three keys and a bill—slid my credit card through his little gizmo and was out the door.

  Lizzy and I now had fresh keys with one to spare. It was a relief to know I didn’t have to ask Ivy to return the key. She should have offered and perhaps someday she would. Meantime our shop was secured.

  Chapter 24

  “Almost three,” I said. “Time to become glittery magician assistants. I’m excited about the new experience of sleuthing in disguise. We’ll need professional names—maybe Belle and Star?”

  Lizzy chuckled. “I’ve always been fond of the name Bree. How about Bree and Dee?”

  “Okay—Bree and Dee. Let’s shut down.”

  She clicked off the counter lights. “Thank goodness for those last customers. It would have been a lean day without them.”

  I tucked away the displays. “Replacement mirrors should be delivered tomorrow. I hope the thief enjoys the ones he stole.” I shut down the rest of the lights.

  My phone pinged. “It’s a text message from Kal. The soap on the rope matches our lavender soap. He wants to see us.”

  Lizzy and I traded shrugs.

  “Meeting with Kal isn’t going to change anything. It is what it is. Someone is trying to frame us.” I said.

  “We made a promise to Grams. I’d rather deal with an angry cop than my ticked-off grandmother,” Lizzy said. “Let’s go break into show business.”

  “If I don’t respond he’ll track us down—might even blunder into the arena and blow our cover.” I drafted a response text. “Can’t meet tonight—something personal came up. Unavoidable. Will connect in the morning. Not to worry.”

  Lizzy took my phone, read the message, and handed it back. “That will drive him bonkers but it should hold him until tomorrow.”

  WonderDog knew it was time to leave—he joined us at the front door. While Lizzy locked up, he galloped down the stairs and ran to the fire hydrant at the corner of the lot. He gave it a good watering and then trotted back to where we stood staring numbly at the empty parking area.

  “Nuts!” Lizzy said. “I forgot Grams brought us. Our cars are at my house.”

  Faster than I could say Uber Jaimie cruised into the parking lot in her yellow convertible. Good news—a ride. Bad news—a ride with whip lips. We’d have to shake her before we donned our glittery disguises. It was impossible for her to keep a secret.

  “Poshookly!” Jaimie said. “I’m headed out to Joe’s on the Beach. Thought I’d kidnap you gals. It’s been ages since we had a girls’ night out.”

  There are some people you remain friends with for reasons you can’t explain—Jaimie Toast was that kind of friend. At times so outrageously funny she’d have Lizzy and me in tears and other times so mean-mouthed I wished for duct tape. But without Lizzy and me, she’d crumble to dust and blow away. We didn’t have the heart to let that happen.

  “Great timing. We’re without wheels,” I said making a thumbing-a-ride motion.

  “Jump in! Joe’s on the Beach here we come!”

  Neither Lizzy nor I commented as we walked to Jaimie’s convertible. I slipped in the front seat, and put my tote bag between my feet. Lizzy and WonderDog clambered in the back.

  “My place, please?” Lizzy said. She rested her head against the seat, donned her Audrey Hepburn sunglasses, and basked in the sun.

  Jaimie said something about Joe’s but I pretended not to hear.

  We cruised up the boulevard looking like a Chamber of Commerce promo for Starfish Cove—a bright yellow convertible carrying two blondes, a honey brown, and a Brillo-haired hound. Okay—except for the Brillo-haired hound.

  Thankfully the wind made too much noise to converse. The seven-minute drive didn’t allow much time to think of a reason why Jaimie couldn’t come with us. She was bound to ask—insist.

  Jaimie brought her car to a screeching halt in Lizzy’s driveway. “You gals never answered. Is Joe’s okay or would you prefer the Tradewinds?”

  “Tonight’s not a good night.” I closed the car door. “We have unchangeable plans. How about next Thursday? I’ll be the designated driver.”

  “Why not today? What’s going on that we can’t do together?”

  “We’re going to a costume dinner.” Lizzy feigned disappointment. “I wish you could join us but it’s by invitation only.”

  Jaimie had parked in the driveway behind our cars, boxing us in. We were stuck with her at least for the time being—harmless enough if she didn’t catch on to our scheme.

  “Curfoop!” She said. “I was looking forward to raising a little lamboutle with my two besties!”

  The Loud Mouth of the South had her own language, nonsense words that often brought us to giggles. Her oddball language was the signature of a brilliant but directionless mind. It would be fascinating to delve into the dark corners of her noggin but I feared if I got in, I’d never get out.

  “Can I see your costumes?” Jaimie linked her arm in mine and marched up the stairs.

  WonderDog watered the daisy patch by the front steps while Lizzy unlocked the door.

  The finches fluttered, rearranged themselves, and chirped merrily as we all entered.

  Jaimie plopped down on the sofa, stuck out one finger, and invited a bird. One landed on her knuckle and another on her head. Lizzy stood behind her making throat-cutting motions directed at me. We needed to lose Jaimie but if she sensed an adventure in the works she’d stick to us like beach tar.

  “My little birds need their seed cups filled,” Lizzy said. “Olive, can you take care of WonderDog? His kibble is on the bottom shelf of the pantry.”

  “Watching you two feed the livestock is not my idea of fun. I’m thirsty.” Jaimie strode to the wet bar, pulled a bottle of vodka from the small refrigerator, along with a lime which she sliced with the speed and flair of a professional bartender. By the time I’d opened the kibble, she downed her drink and was going for a second.

  I filled WonderDog’s dish and then quickly took the bottle from Jaimie. With a firm grip on her upper arm I escorted her back to the sofa. “You’re driving. If you even sniff another glass I’m calling Kal.”

  She crossed her arms and sunk onto the sofa. “Fine!”

  “WonderDog!” Lizzy called. She pointed at Jaimie. “She sits! You watch!”

  The dog stood at Jaimie’s feet pinning her with his eyes.

  “We’ll be trying on outfits in the bedroom. It’ll take a few minutes.” Lizzy said, motioning me toward her room. “Talk about bad timing,” she mumbled, closing the door behind us. “I love her to d
eath—most of the time—but she really needs a new hobby.”

  Lizzy pushed open the mirrored door to her walk-in closet. A good fifteen feet deep it was Charlie’s Angels, Mary Quant, and a touch of Twiggy—a step back in time.

  “The dressier outfits are back here.” She ran her hand over the rack.

  “You have an impressive collection of retro duds.”

  “I get them at vintage clothing boutiques. The local consignment shops know to call me when anything from the sixties or seventies comes in.”

  She pulled out a silver jumpsuit with a wide metallic belt and big black enamel buckle. “How about this for you?”

  I burst into laughter. “What possessed you to buy that thing? It looks like a fireman’s suit or something from outer space.”

  “Truth is, I’ve never worn it. I might put it on eBay.”

  “How about this?” The denim jumpsuit she held out looked as if it had been used to train Bedazzlers.

  “Please tell me you never wore that.”

  Lizzy blushed. “I once wore it as a joke to a come as you are party.” She tucked it back on the rack.

  “I’ve got it! The perfect costumes.” She pulled two jumpsuits holding their hangers one in each hand. Identical in everyway except that one was black and the other white. They had standup collars, wide belts, hidden zippers, with silver studs on the bodice and down their right legs. “I couldn’t decide between black or white—so I bought both.”

  She handed me the black. “The contrast will be great with your blonde hair.”

  We stripped down to our undies and into the suits. I pulled the zipper on my suit up to a modest spot and buckled the hip-riding belt. I looked at myself in the mirrored closed door. “Why did jumpsuits go out of style? I love the way this looks. I may not give it back.”

  I turned, admiring my side and rearview. “This takes ten years off.”

  “Put the zipper down to about here,” Lizzy pointed to the spot where she’d left off zipping her white suit. It was a little exposed for my taste but what the heck? No one would know our real names.